Post by Trent Helms on Aug 27, 2018 2:36:51 GMT
Here I am, hanging around down town by myself, and I have so much time to sit here and think about myself.
You’re Welcome Primates, I just got that song struck in your head, Ask anyone who happened to ride in a car with me, in one of the few causes where I don’t fly out of Toronto at the last second.
So what has happened this week? Well a lot has happened. I’m Spike Kane now, because that is a thing? Why am I Spike Kane, well it’s my answer for any stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life…
Why Not?
We also will finally see two hard months of work, come to a close when Xavier Cross, The Redcap and The Big Boss himself, Roberto Verona take part. Also because I’m Spike Kane, I get to see my two daughters fighting in championship matches.
You have no idea how happy that makes me.
{The scene opens up as we see a casket completely closed, as several chairs are completely lined up, as black and red flowers are laid out as a giant framed picture of Spike Kane surrounded by Barbed Wire, heavy metal music begins to play, as the doors open and crows fly out thru the doors as they opened, before guest begin to enter the room, none of there faces are shown as they begin to take a seat as the music blares louder revealing it to be Dig by Mudvayne}
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I am rearranging
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I was slowly changing
{Another door opens behind the casket as a man with long black hair, pulled back tightly comes and stands in beside the casket, the camera zooms in on his face to reveal Gene Simmons, the legendary lead singer of the band KISS as the music begins to die down}
Gene Simmons: Ladies and Gentleman, We are gather here to celebrate the life of a man, no to celebrate the life of a god who has departed from this plain of existence. Spike Kane, or as he is known to some of you as Michael Kane was a being who demanded respect, and it was given to him by the way he carried himself. I personally met this man many years ago, and was impressed by his demeanor, his speech, the way he carried himself. Even as a god, he seemed down to Earth. This man is a being who defied the odds by life giving him a not so great hand.
{The camera pans around revealing several people, there faces not revealed, only shown are features that can describe them, A busty redhead with a black veil covering her face. Another being with long black hair, with what appears to be white face paint. We see another figure with a short crew cut, however he lift his head up to Adam Knite who simply get up from his chair, and walks to the back.}
Adam Knite: This won’t last; he’ll be back soon enough. I’m calling it.
{Adam quietly opens the door before leaving the room.}
Gene Simmons: Michael fought with cancer many times. Wait, okay, sorry he only fought with it once, and faked it another. Moving on we are not here to bother with such details as the fact that he nearly killed many members of his family. How he has many children born out of dreadlock, or the fact he still owes Trent Helms twelve dollars.
{Trent smiles, as he is sitting in the middle of the crowd}
Gene Simmons: Here in just a few moments, we are going to open the casket to allow every one a chance to say a few last words to there friend, or husband or father.
{Gene opens the casket, as the camera pans inside to reveal the body of Spike Kane, well technically speaking the body of Trent Helms, with his hair dyed black and pulled back, henna tattoos emerging out from a Killswitch Engage shirt, complete with Spike’s trademark Black and Red Main trunks and boots}
{The people begin to stand up as they walk one by one towards the front, each shaking Gene Simmons hand before walking up to the casket, the first is reveal to be Trent Helms dressed just like Spike Kane, even wearing a Spike Kane shirt, with the word Spike crossed out, and the word Brad written over it.}
Brad Kane: Huh, I see you died my brother, You’re so late to the party because I did it first. I’m so much edgier then you because I died before you did. You were such a horrible brother, You remember that time I put a railroad Spike thru your hand Spike? Yeah I’m so much Extreme then you, Now if you excuse me, I need to go write a review for a High School basketball game.
{Brad leaves as we see the busty redhead who appeared earlier, as her breasts are bursting out thru her black corset, as she flips over the veil to reveal once again Trent Helms, as she begins to sob.}
Alysson Gardner: Michael, I hate seeing you this way, But how come in all our time together, You were never this stiff with me?
{The camera pans around showing more guests, some who have remained in there seats, as the camera closes in, they are all reveal to be Trent Helms, dressed up as many people from Spike’s life including Warren Kane, dressed up in his demon look that looks like Darth Maul, if he was really really into Madonna with Purple and Pink paint sprayed all across his body as he broods and shakes in his chair. You hear a chair being thrown across the ring, as Dawn Halliwell picks up another chair and grunts and throws it, before having to be removed from the room as Cable Arcane dressed in a suit walks in front of the casket, as he kneels down, looking closer at the body of Spike Kane.}
Cable Arcane: Let’s see, Body is reacting well, His color seems alright.
{Cable lifts the arms up of the body, as they fall lifelessly to the side, he presses his fingers against the side of the neck, checking for a pulse, as he smiles and smirks.}
Cable Arcane: I can determine that Spike Kane is in good physical health and in my opinion he looks ready for action.
{Cable smiles and struts away, as he pulls out a cell phone}
Cable Arcane: Yeah, Spike is totally good to fight.
{Cable bumps into another figure, who lifts his head, sending his long black hair out from his face, as he takes a sip of what looks to be Peach Moscato from a goblet, as his face is covered in face paint, Cable simply walks by, as the figure who clearly must be Angle, takes another sip of his Peach Moscato, as he stares down as Spike, with a determined look in his eyes.}
Angel: Oh Brother, My Brother, How could this be my Brother, how can you do this to me brother. We must crush the Horde my brother. Please come back to me my brother.
{Suddenly Trent Helms, who is well actually playing Trent Helms stands up.}
Trent Helms: Can you like, technically bring him back to life, I mean you call yourself God don’t you.
Angel: Silence, There is no way to bring him back.
{With a puzzled look} Really? I mean like I could literally take these Dragonballs I’ve collected, and summon a dragon that could bring Spike right back to life in a matter of moment.
{Angered}Angel: Silence Fool, you’re not worthy of being in my presence, let alone being in the same plain of existence as me. You know nothing about being a god.
{Suddenly Hair becomes a Cyan Color, as it stick straight up, his eyes blue, as suddenly Angel falls to his knees.}
Trent Helms: Come Again?
Angel: What is this presence? What is this Godly Pressure that I feel coming from you? This is different from that Super Saiyan thing you done before.
Trent Helms: You’re not the only Gods around here. It’s a long story, and I have way too much Character Development already in this promo, so I don’t have time to explain it, but you feel it, this pressure, and this Godly essence? You feel it’s power….It’s Girth.
{Trent and Angel have a staredown, however it’s interrupted when Rob Diamond jumps onto the casket, trying to get into it.}
Rob Diamond: Take me with you, I wanna come with you Spike…
{Both Angel and Trent just shrug as we cut somewhere else}
{The scene opens as we get a glimpse of Trent just sitting on the ground, his legs crossed and his eyes closed as he is wearing a aqua and white jumpsuit with a logo attached about his heart, as his eyes begin to twitch as he begins to focus, his body floating as the plain room begins to change, shifting to look like a flaming building, He opens his eyes as a explosion overtakes the area, as flames shoot towards him, before he leaps down, pushing his arms against the floor as they grow purple, shooting out a beam of energy that sends him upwards, barely getting out of the way of the flames}
Hello son, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, why am I addressing you when I’m doing what I’m doing, You’re more then likely asking what I’m doing. I should also be asking myself, why didn’t I dodge that 10 ton beam that just slammed into my chest cavity…what beam?
{As mentioned a huge metal beam comes into view and Trent being distracted with his monagloging is nailed right in the chest with it, sending him crashing backwards, towards a wall, as he smashes into it, before ducking down, clutching his chest narrowly missing hitting him a second time.}
Now Warren, you’re asking yourself, why am I doing this, when I’m training. Also how the hell are you not dead?
Truth is son, I’m dead on the inside.
{Trent clutches his chest, as another explosion rings out. Causing the floor under him to crumple, as the floors begin to come undone. As he begins to fall.}
Now, it’s a good question you ask, Why am I doing this? I wanted to point out a fact to you, and since our family, Yes I say ours, because I am Spike Kane now, and all we know is destruction. It’s followed us wherever we have gone. I mean look at my history. I had my own brother literally give me a handjob with a rusty train spike. I had your lesser known uncle, try to kill me and take a world championship from me. Hold on.
{The piece of flooring that Trent was balancing himself on begins to tip over, as he kneels down and leaps off of it, jumping back towards the building landing on another floor}
I honestly hate the life you had to live Warren. I mean I figured it would be cool being a Kane and all, unless of course you were your uncle Christian or your distant cousin Jake then maybe no so much. I feel for you Kid. I really wanted to like you, I really did.
{The floor above Trent completely collapses, and Trent is in no position to dodge, even with his superior reflexes and agility, as he holds his hands up, and tries to balance the floor above his head, but is clearly struggling}
{Grunting} Then you had to go and do a stupid thing, like saying I’m insensitve to your kind. Honestly Warren, Go screw yourself, or go screw Dean, or anyone you damn well wish, as long as they are above the legal age of consent. You seriously want to try and label me as a horrible person Warren? You have no room to talk what so ever, because you know exactly what you did, that is ten million times worst then anything I’ve ever did….hold on, let me access that for you.
{The scene opens as Warren Kane is seen throwing a chair, from a previous match he was in, As the chair is shown being photoshopped to look like it is dropping from the Heavens, as it suddenly hits Earth, as you hear a scream as a clip from The Land Before Time begins to play, showing the Earth beginning to crack, as the dinosaurs scream and Little Foot is separated from his grandparents and mom.}
You’re a horrible human being Warren Kane. You think it’s bad I’ve stolen your father identity? You killed Little Foot mother you son of a bitch. I mean, let’s think about it, What is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life? I’ve once gave my best friend a concussion and hit his wife with my finishing move. You know the one who ran the company that I had World Titles in, and apparent I gave head to. despite the fact Kelly Knite hates my guts…Let’s see…I once went out of my way in using my abilities to make the talking Parrot known as The Ace, say asinine things in his promo because he literally tried to copy me when I called his a hobo humping herbivore and he said it back…
Heh..
Good times.
Oh. I guess there is also that one time, when no one was looking, I stole forty cakes, that is as many as four, tens and that’s terrible.
But at least I didn’t kill Little Foot’s mother.
{We cut back, as Trent is still holding the flooring, as he is struggling to balance it, while trying to figure out how to get out of this situlation.}
Regardless, Kiddo. I’m no saint. I never tried to be, nor will I ever claim to be. I’m not exactly the cool Anti-Hero that everyone strives to be when they come into Pro Wrestling. I’m just, well me. Sometimes I’m a asshole who is just bored, and likes to ruffle a few feathers here and there. Sometimes I’m a guy who makes a statement that makes a whole lot of sense, but no one actually listens too, because when your pokemon trainer was giving you special abilities, they erased logical thinking, with another punching ability. I’m sure whatever Slave master owns you, made sure to give you plenty of thoses.
{Trent finally manages to get enough space, to push the floor to the side, as he rolls and kneels in place, finally being safe for the moment.}
Well Warren, here is a new flash for you. I already became the very best, like no one was before. I love how everyone here seems to forget that. I’ve beaten the best this world has ever produced. World Champions, Hall of Famers and Herpes.
Yes I’ve beaten Herpes…Deal with it. But I’ve literally done everything in this business. So what did I do? I moved on to other businesses, each one has been slained before me. Social Media, Owned It…The Porn Industry? Smash It. Anime? Dominated it. Literally every venture I ever have gone into too, I’ve made it my own.
Warren. My Seed. The character development that is still here from the one time I decided not to do Anal. I’m going to be up front with you.
There is something you clearly do not realize about me. Sure you’ve heard stories how I’m this and I’m that. Like how I’m the grandmaster of giving fellatio for World Titles, and how I don’t have this super impressive legacy of like twenty two world titles, and all that. But when it comes to doing what it is, I do inside that ring. If I literally stayed in this business and didn’t often leave to do other things out of boredom. I would have a legacy that would surpass everyone.
I’m just that damn good.
Wanna know how good?
I eat Chick-Fil-A on a fucking Sunday.
{The floor collapses once again, as this time, the flooring slides off the side of the building, taking Trent with it.}
So, you’re still maybe asking, Why am I cutting a promo, while pushing myself training, and spitting hot fire at you.
That’s actually a simple one.
I wanted you to see, exactly what is going to become of this world. The world you were born into, The planet I will claim in my name. I know your life has been tough Warren. I mean from never knowing your father for pretty much your entire life, and then having him taking away from him. You may not have the fondest memories of this planet.
But I do.
I have made a family here. I have a five year daughter who I love and cherish. Who texts me everytime I’m backstage and tells me, Daddy you made me laugh. She also calls and asks what exactly Dean does with you.
Thanks a lot asshole, for making me explain that.
I have a beautiful wife, who despite of how hard I am to deal with, who basically is known to fourth wall break my fourth wall breaking. I have friends who I share memories with.
So I kind of would like to see this world continue.
I figured it would of ended. I mean serious, how long does a storyline like this last, a few months, maybe six at the most.
Yet here we are, with the whole Age Of Gods and Pack thing still happening. I mean honestly, It’s gotten lame at this point.
And it’s consuming this world.
Eventually, things like this are going to happen if Rowan and Angel get there ways. Honestly I really want no part of that. I was hoping it would just blow over, worst case scenario, I would get that Bancroft guy who take me to another Muitiverse or something so I wouldn’t have no part of it.
Yet here I am…On a Pay Per View facing a member of the pack.
I could of just beaten you, I could of just shown people, Hey, Trent Helms is actually still pretty awesome inside the ring. I could of moved on, Maybe gone on a month wide streak where I haven’t been pinned or something like that.
Which I’ve done by the way, if anyone is keeping track of such things.
All while not taking a damn thing seriously.
I could of just beaten you Warren, move on to other things, kept my head low, avoiding pissing off both sides and everyone else in between.
I could of done that.
Did I? Hell No I didn’t. I had to take your dad’s indentity. I had to call myself Spike Kane, and poke the bear.
Why? Because I’m a dumbass who does stupid things, just to see where it leads me.
And no it is seemingly leading me, down a path where eventually I’m going to have to enter the Main Storyline here. Would I join the Pack, who despite super uber Edge-Lords, I can actually dig quite a bit. Or do I just do the one thing, that I’ve still haven’t done yet in like two months, and Angel suddenly realizes he made a huge mistake, and plays Trent Helms, while I play the role of Kelly Knite?
Truth is, I want none of that. I don’t want this war. I’m just here to have fun, act like a idiot, and stay off everyone Radar.
Great how that worked out isn’t it?
Either Way Warren, You might actually have to be the first person I will have to actually try against. I mean I’m starting to register on people radars again. So I guess that means I might actually have to prove to you something.
Wanna know what it is.
I’m going to prove to you, I’m Trent Helms, and I’m out of this world.
How do I finish that saying again?
Oh Yeah, And I’m better then you..
Oh Yeah, and by the way, since I’m still doing you know what.
All
Bloody
Hail!
{Trent leaps off the falling piece of the building, leaping and grabbing on to a flag pole, as he slides down it.}
Yeah Still totally got it.
{Suddenly he hears a voice whispering to him in French.}
{Author Note, Pink takes place in French}
Hey Trent, Trent…
Who the hell is speaking.
{A figure begins to step out from a alley way looking both ways.}
Trent, you haven’t seen the Oracle Guy have you?
No I haven’t the Megratron.
Are you sure? I wanna make sure I’m safe here.
This is a different plain of existence, time and reality is bended to my will. Also I don’t understand that language, and how did you even get here?
Don’t all us Canadians have that ability? And also if you don’t understand, how come you’re replying perfectly to what I’m saying, how come you don’t speak French?
{Trent points at the bottom of the screen}
The subtitles. Still why are you even here?
This is literally one of the only places, I’m pretty sure the Oracle will never look for me. I mean honestly will anyone even view this promo, If no one views it, does it actually happen?
You take that back!
I mean, is it okay if I hide out here until I have to appear on the show?
Sure….why not…
{Trent goes to turn away from Pooler, when suddenly he hears laughter as he freezes in his tracks}
I’ve heard that laugh before, Wait he didn’t find me did he?
{The laughter gets closer as the color completely drains from Trent’s face, leaving him pale white, as the figure calls out Trent’s name}
Who is that?
{A large shadow takes over the area where Bob Pooler and Trent are, are you see is one long figure before two giant ears appear.}
Don’t tell me that’s..
Get out of here Pooler!
Is that…
RUN!!!!
{Bob Pooler disappears back into the alley way, as Trent begins to shake, as you hear the sound of liquid hitting the cement, as Trent tries to move, but simply falls to his knees, as he looks up…}
Lord Mickey, what are you doing here?
You’ve failed me once again.
(His Hand goes to strike Trent, suddenly Trent appears elsewhere sitting on a balcony with Bob Pooler)
Okay…No More Acid For Me.
{Pooler just shrugs}
So about this Oracle Guy.
You’re Welcome Primates, I just got that song struck in your head, Ask anyone who happened to ride in a car with me, in one of the few causes where I don’t fly out of Toronto at the last second.
So what has happened this week? Well a lot has happened. I’m Spike Kane now, because that is a thing? Why am I Spike Kane, well it’s my answer for any stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life…
Why Not?
We also will finally see two hard months of work, come to a close when Xavier Cross, The Redcap and The Big Boss himself, Roberto Verona take part. Also because I’m Spike Kane, I get to see my two daughters fighting in championship matches.
You have no idea how happy that makes me.
{The scene opens up as we see a casket completely closed, as several chairs are completely lined up, as black and red flowers are laid out as a giant framed picture of Spike Kane surrounded by Barbed Wire, heavy metal music begins to play, as the doors open and crows fly out thru the doors as they opened, before guest begin to enter the room, none of there faces are shown as they begin to take a seat as the music blares louder revealing it to be Dig by Mudvayne}
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I am rearranging
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I was slowly changing
{Another door opens behind the casket as a man with long black hair, pulled back tightly comes and stands in beside the casket, the camera zooms in on his face to reveal Gene Simmons, the legendary lead singer of the band KISS as the music begins to die down}
Gene Simmons: Ladies and Gentleman, We are gather here to celebrate the life of a man, no to celebrate the life of a god who has departed from this plain of existence. Spike Kane, or as he is known to some of you as Michael Kane was a being who demanded respect, and it was given to him by the way he carried himself. I personally met this man many years ago, and was impressed by his demeanor, his speech, the way he carried himself. Even as a god, he seemed down to Earth. This man is a being who defied the odds by life giving him a not so great hand.
{The camera pans around revealing several people, there faces not revealed, only shown are features that can describe them, A busty redhead with a black veil covering her face. Another being with long black hair, with what appears to be white face paint. We see another figure with a short crew cut, however he lift his head up to Adam Knite who simply get up from his chair, and walks to the back.}
Adam Knite: This won’t last; he’ll be back soon enough. I’m calling it.
{Adam quietly opens the door before leaving the room.}
Gene Simmons: Michael fought with cancer many times. Wait, okay, sorry he only fought with it once, and faked it another. Moving on we are not here to bother with such details as the fact that he nearly killed many members of his family. How he has many children born out of dreadlock, or the fact he still owes Trent Helms twelve dollars.
{Trent smiles, as he is sitting in the middle of the crowd}
Gene Simmons: Here in just a few moments, we are going to open the casket to allow every one a chance to say a few last words to there friend, or husband or father.
{Gene opens the casket, as the camera pans inside to reveal the body of Spike Kane, well technically speaking the body of Trent Helms, with his hair dyed black and pulled back, henna tattoos emerging out from a Killswitch Engage shirt, complete with Spike’s trademark Black and Red Main trunks and boots}
{The people begin to stand up as they walk one by one towards the front, each shaking Gene Simmons hand before walking up to the casket, the first is reveal to be Trent Helms dressed just like Spike Kane, even wearing a Spike Kane shirt, with the word Spike crossed out, and the word Brad written over it.}
Brad Kane: Huh, I see you died my brother, You’re so late to the party because I did it first. I’m so much edgier then you because I died before you did. You were such a horrible brother, You remember that time I put a railroad Spike thru your hand Spike? Yeah I’m so much Extreme then you, Now if you excuse me, I need to go write a review for a High School basketball game.
{Brad leaves as we see the busty redhead who appeared earlier, as her breasts are bursting out thru her black corset, as she flips over the veil to reveal once again Trent Helms, as she begins to sob.}
Alysson Gardner: Michael, I hate seeing you this way, But how come in all our time together, You were never this stiff with me?
{The camera pans around showing more guests, some who have remained in there seats, as the camera closes in, they are all reveal to be Trent Helms, dressed up as many people from Spike’s life including Warren Kane, dressed up in his demon look that looks like Darth Maul, if he was really really into Madonna with Purple and Pink paint sprayed all across his body as he broods and shakes in his chair. You hear a chair being thrown across the ring, as Dawn Halliwell picks up another chair and grunts and throws it, before having to be removed from the room as Cable Arcane dressed in a suit walks in front of the casket, as he kneels down, looking closer at the body of Spike Kane.}
Cable Arcane: Let’s see, Body is reacting well, His color seems alright.
{Cable lifts the arms up of the body, as they fall lifelessly to the side, he presses his fingers against the side of the neck, checking for a pulse, as he smiles and smirks.}
Cable Arcane: I can determine that Spike Kane is in good physical health and in my opinion he looks ready for action.
{Cable smiles and struts away, as he pulls out a cell phone}
Cable Arcane: Yeah, Spike is totally good to fight.
{Cable bumps into another figure, who lifts his head, sending his long black hair out from his face, as he takes a sip of what looks to be Peach Moscato from a goblet, as his face is covered in face paint, Cable simply walks by, as the figure who clearly must be Angle, takes another sip of his Peach Moscato, as he stares down as Spike, with a determined look in his eyes.}
Angel: Oh Brother, My Brother, How could this be my Brother, how can you do this to me brother. We must crush the Horde my brother. Please come back to me my brother.
{Suddenly Trent Helms, who is well actually playing Trent Helms stands up.}
Trent Helms: Can you like, technically bring him back to life, I mean you call yourself God don’t you.
Angel: Silence, There is no way to bring him back.
{With a puzzled look} Really? I mean like I could literally take these Dragonballs I’ve collected, and summon a dragon that could bring Spike right back to life in a matter of moment.
{Angered}Angel: Silence Fool, you’re not worthy of being in my presence, let alone being in the same plain of existence as me. You know nothing about being a god.
{Suddenly Hair becomes a Cyan Color, as it stick straight up, his eyes blue, as suddenly Angel falls to his knees.}
Trent Helms: Come Again?
Angel: What is this presence? What is this Godly Pressure that I feel coming from you? This is different from that Super Saiyan thing you done before.
Trent Helms: You’re not the only Gods around here. It’s a long story, and I have way too much Character Development already in this promo, so I don’t have time to explain it, but you feel it, this pressure, and this Godly essence? You feel it’s power….It’s Girth.
{Trent and Angel have a staredown, however it’s interrupted when Rob Diamond jumps onto the casket, trying to get into it.}
Rob Diamond: Take me with you, I wanna come with you Spike…
{Both Angel and Trent just shrug as we cut somewhere else}
{The scene opens as we get a glimpse of Trent just sitting on the ground, his legs crossed and his eyes closed as he is wearing a aqua and white jumpsuit with a logo attached about his heart, as his eyes begin to twitch as he begins to focus, his body floating as the plain room begins to change, shifting to look like a flaming building, He opens his eyes as a explosion overtakes the area, as flames shoot towards him, before he leaps down, pushing his arms against the floor as they grow purple, shooting out a beam of energy that sends him upwards, barely getting out of the way of the flames}
Hello son, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, why am I addressing you when I’m doing what I’m doing, You’re more then likely asking what I’m doing. I should also be asking myself, why didn’t I dodge that 10 ton beam that just slammed into my chest cavity…what beam?
{As mentioned a huge metal beam comes into view and Trent being distracted with his monagloging is nailed right in the chest with it, sending him crashing backwards, towards a wall, as he smashes into it, before ducking down, clutching his chest narrowly missing hitting him a second time.}
Now Warren, you’re asking yourself, why am I doing this, when I’m training. Also how the hell are you not dead?
Truth is son, I’m dead on the inside.
{Trent clutches his chest, as another explosion rings out. Causing the floor under him to crumple, as the floors begin to come undone. As he begins to fall.}
Now, it’s a good question you ask, Why am I doing this? I wanted to point out a fact to you, and since our family, Yes I say ours, because I am Spike Kane now, and all we know is destruction. It’s followed us wherever we have gone. I mean look at my history. I had my own brother literally give me a handjob with a rusty train spike. I had your lesser known uncle, try to kill me and take a world championship from me. Hold on.
{The piece of flooring that Trent was balancing himself on begins to tip over, as he kneels down and leaps off of it, jumping back towards the building landing on another floor}
I honestly hate the life you had to live Warren. I mean I figured it would be cool being a Kane and all, unless of course you were your uncle Christian or your distant cousin Jake then maybe no so much. I feel for you Kid. I really wanted to like you, I really did.
{The floor above Trent completely collapses, and Trent is in no position to dodge, even with his superior reflexes and agility, as he holds his hands up, and tries to balance the floor above his head, but is clearly struggling}
{Grunting} Then you had to go and do a stupid thing, like saying I’m insensitve to your kind. Honestly Warren, Go screw yourself, or go screw Dean, or anyone you damn well wish, as long as they are above the legal age of consent. You seriously want to try and label me as a horrible person Warren? You have no room to talk what so ever, because you know exactly what you did, that is ten million times worst then anything I’ve ever did….hold on, let me access that for you.
{The scene opens as Warren Kane is seen throwing a chair, from a previous match he was in, As the chair is shown being photoshopped to look like it is dropping from the Heavens, as it suddenly hits Earth, as you hear a scream as a clip from The Land Before Time begins to play, showing the Earth beginning to crack, as the dinosaurs scream and Little Foot is separated from his grandparents and mom.}
You’re a horrible human being Warren Kane. You think it’s bad I’ve stolen your father identity? You killed Little Foot mother you son of a bitch. I mean, let’s think about it, What is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life? I’ve once gave my best friend a concussion and hit his wife with my finishing move. You know the one who ran the company that I had World Titles in, and apparent I gave head to. despite the fact Kelly Knite hates my guts…Let’s see…I once went out of my way in using my abilities to make the talking Parrot known as The Ace, say asinine things in his promo because he literally tried to copy me when I called his a hobo humping herbivore and he said it back…
Heh..
Good times.
Oh. I guess there is also that one time, when no one was looking, I stole forty cakes, that is as many as four, tens and that’s terrible.
But at least I didn’t kill Little Foot’s mother.
{We cut back, as Trent is still holding the flooring, as he is struggling to balance it, while trying to figure out how to get out of this situlation.}
Regardless, Kiddo. I’m no saint. I never tried to be, nor will I ever claim to be. I’m not exactly the cool Anti-Hero that everyone strives to be when they come into Pro Wrestling. I’m just, well me. Sometimes I’m a asshole who is just bored, and likes to ruffle a few feathers here and there. Sometimes I’m a guy who makes a statement that makes a whole lot of sense, but no one actually listens too, because when your pokemon trainer was giving you special abilities, they erased logical thinking, with another punching ability. I’m sure whatever Slave master owns you, made sure to give you plenty of thoses.
{Trent finally manages to get enough space, to push the floor to the side, as he rolls and kneels in place, finally being safe for the moment.}
Well Warren, here is a new flash for you. I already became the very best, like no one was before. I love how everyone here seems to forget that. I’ve beaten the best this world has ever produced. World Champions, Hall of Famers and Herpes.
Yes I’ve beaten Herpes…Deal with it. But I’ve literally done everything in this business. So what did I do? I moved on to other businesses, each one has been slained before me. Social Media, Owned It…The Porn Industry? Smash It. Anime? Dominated it. Literally every venture I ever have gone into too, I’ve made it my own.
Warren. My Seed. The character development that is still here from the one time I decided not to do Anal. I’m going to be up front with you.
There is something you clearly do not realize about me. Sure you’ve heard stories how I’m this and I’m that. Like how I’m the grandmaster of giving fellatio for World Titles, and how I don’t have this super impressive legacy of like twenty two world titles, and all that. But when it comes to doing what it is, I do inside that ring. If I literally stayed in this business and didn’t often leave to do other things out of boredom. I would have a legacy that would surpass everyone.
I’m just that damn good.
Wanna know how good?
I eat Chick-Fil-A on a fucking Sunday.
{The floor collapses once again, as this time, the flooring slides off the side of the building, taking Trent with it.}
So, you’re still maybe asking, Why am I cutting a promo, while pushing myself training, and spitting hot fire at you.
That’s actually a simple one.
I wanted you to see, exactly what is going to become of this world. The world you were born into, The planet I will claim in my name. I know your life has been tough Warren. I mean from never knowing your father for pretty much your entire life, and then having him taking away from him. You may not have the fondest memories of this planet.
But I do.
I have made a family here. I have a five year daughter who I love and cherish. Who texts me everytime I’m backstage and tells me, Daddy you made me laugh. She also calls and asks what exactly Dean does with you.
Thanks a lot asshole, for making me explain that.
I have a beautiful wife, who despite of how hard I am to deal with, who basically is known to fourth wall break my fourth wall breaking. I have friends who I share memories with.
So I kind of would like to see this world continue.
I figured it would of ended. I mean serious, how long does a storyline like this last, a few months, maybe six at the most.
Yet here we are, with the whole Age Of Gods and Pack thing still happening. I mean honestly, It’s gotten lame at this point.
And it’s consuming this world.
Eventually, things like this are going to happen if Rowan and Angel get there ways. Honestly I really want no part of that. I was hoping it would just blow over, worst case scenario, I would get that Bancroft guy who take me to another Muitiverse or something so I wouldn’t have no part of it.
Yet here I am…On a Pay Per View facing a member of the pack.
I could of just beaten you, I could of just shown people, Hey, Trent Helms is actually still pretty awesome inside the ring. I could of moved on, Maybe gone on a month wide streak where I haven’t been pinned or something like that.
Which I’ve done by the way, if anyone is keeping track of such things.
All while not taking a damn thing seriously.
I could of just beaten you Warren, move on to other things, kept my head low, avoiding pissing off both sides and everyone else in between.
I could of done that.
Did I? Hell No I didn’t. I had to take your dad’s indentity. I had to call myself Spike Kane, and poke the bear.
Why? Because I’m a dumbass who does stupid things, just to see where it leads me.
And no it is seemingly leading me, down a path where eventually I’m going to have to enter the Main Storyline here. Would I join the Pack, who despite super uber Edge-Lords, I can actually dig quite a bit. Or do I just do the one thing, that I’ve still haven’t done yet in like two months, and Angel suddenly realizes he made a huge mistake, and plays Trent Helms, while I play the role of Kelly Knite?
Truth is, I want none of that. I don’t want this war. I’m just here to have fun, act like a idiot, and stay off everyone Radar.
Great how that worked out isn’t it?
Either Way Warren, You might actually have to be the first person I will have to actually try against. I mean I’m starting to register on people radars again. So I guess that means I might actually have to prove to you something.
Wanna know what it is.
I’m going to prove to you, I’m Trent Helms, and I’m out of this world.
How do I finish that saying again?
Oh Yeah, And I’m better then you..
Oh Yeah, and by the way, since I’m still doing you know what.
All
Bloody
Hail!
{Trent leaps off the falling piece of the building, leaping and grabbing on to a flag pole, as he slides down it.}
Yeah Still totally got it.
{Suddenly he hears a voice whispering to him in French.}
{Author Note, Pink takes place in French}
Hey Trent, Trent…
Who the hell is speaking.
{A figure begins to step out from a alley way looking both ways.}
Trent, you haven’t seen the Oracle Guy have you?
No I haven’t the Megratron.
Are you sure? I wanna make sure I’m safe here.
This is a different plain of existence, time and reality is bended to my will. Also I don’t understand that language, and how did you even get here?
Don’t all us Canadians have that ability? And also if you don’t understand, how come you’re replying perfectly to what I’m saying, how come you don’t speak French?
{Trent points at the bottom of the screen}
The subtitles. Still why are you even here?
This is literally one of the only places, I’m pretty sure the Oracle will never look for me. I mean honestly will anyone even view this promo, If no one views it, does it actually happen?
You take that back!
I mean, is it okay if I hide out here until I have to appear on the show?
Sure….why not…
{Trent goes to turn away from Pooler, when suddenly he hears laughter as he freezes in his tracks}
I’ve heard that laugh before, Wait he didn’t find me did he?
{The laughter gets closer as the color completely drains from Trent’s face, leaving him pale white, as the figure calls out Trent’s name}
Who is that?
{A large shadow takes over the area where Bob Pooler and Trent are, are you see is one long figure before two giant ears appear.}
Don’t tell me that’s..
Get out of here Pooler!
Is that…
RUN!!!!
{Bob Pooler disappears back into the alley way, as Trent begins to shake, as you hear the sound of liquid hitting the cement, as Trent tries to move, but simply falls to his knees, as he looks up…}
Lord Mickey, what are you doing here?
You’ve failed me once again.
(His Hand goes to strike Trent, suddenly Trent appears elsewhere sitting on a balcony with Bob Pooler)
Okay…No More Acid For Me.
{Pooler just shrugs}
So about this Oracle Guy.
Well howdy there pardner.