Post by Mike Machado on Oct 5, 2013 15:08:22 GMT
” ‘Tis an honor, my lord, to be chosen as your personal guard.”
“Indeed, Gerald. I’ll need you now, more than ever. There is much talk of rebellion in the kingdom, and I cannot stand for it.”
“No, my lord. You cannot, and you will not.”
“The gods chose me for this position, Gerald. Why else would they have blessed me with this wonderful mustache?”
“You were chosen to rule over the Kings Richards Faire, my lord.”
Mike Machado sits tall in a throne, looking down at a very large man kneeling below him. Machado is dressed to the hilt in chainmail with a scepter at his side, and is wearing a crown. The man is dressed in a similar, if less extravagant fashion.
“Leave me, Gerald. I must speak to my people through my magic video-recording box.”
“All hail the lord of mustache!”
The large ‘personal-guard’ salutes Machado before spinning on his heel and exiting the dimly lit room. Machado does not move off of his throne, but focuses his eyes on the camera in front of him.
“IWF. I have found a community of people who are still living in the medieval times. They walk around with swords and challenge people to duels. I have seen sword swallowers, and people tortured in chains! And they have chosen me to be their leader.”
“While this is certainly flattering, it’s true what they say: ‘Heavy is the head of the class.’ …or something like that. Look, what I’m trying to tell you is: I have personally had more than 10 people executed by beheading. I’m not quite sure why the police have not come and done anything, but I assume that we’re operating as a sovereign nation, and the US government is powerless to stop us. “
“You’re probably wondering to yourself: ‘Mike, what does this have to do with your return to the IWF?”
“To that I say: SILENCE!”
“I will return to this federation, and I will claim my birthright, the cruiserweight championship. That which is currently held by the USURPER Alex Jones.”
“Alex, usurper, you’ve cheated the people out of their rightful ruler. As evidenced by my mustache, I was chosen to stand above you, and look down at you, and call you UN-CLEAN, and UN-MUSTACHED.”
“You’re both of those things, and you’re also a fraud champion.”
“You’ve claimed that you came and did what I could not. You have LIED to the people. You sent your thugs to come and take me out, and then you cheated Trent Helms and Bushido out of that title.”
“You’re a nefarious and evil champion. And for those reasons, this Monday night I sentence you to DEATH. Although, I’m not 100% sure if I can do that outside of this compound. I’m still bringing Gerald, and we’re going to bring a sword, and then I’m going to cut your head off.”
Gerald enters the room again, reluctantly.
“My Lord, we cannot bring a sword outside of the faire…”
“Gerald, do not question me! I AM THE LORD OF MUSTACHE, DO YOU FORGET YOUR PLACE!?”
Gerald snaps and quickly rips off his chainmail helm.
“Dude. We’re actors. You’re at a renaissance faire.”
Machado is taken aback.
“YOU FORGET YOURSELF!“
Gerald remains calm, but also becomes firm.
“Dude, no. We can’t go to your wrestling company and pretend to cut off someone’s head. It’s way out of line. We’ll be arrested. Plus – you’ve been kind of out of hand with all the executions lately. It’s starting to bum everyone out. “
Machado stands up from his throne suddenly and levels his scepter at Gerald.
“GUARDS! GERALD HAS FORGOTTEN HIS PLACE, COME TAKE HIM AWAY!”
Gerald sighs and approaches Machado.
“They left hours ago, man. You know that you’re the only one that sleeps in this place, right?”
“But I…”
“Listen. You have a really cool mustache – and you seem really into this thing… A few months ago when we found you, you were in pretty bad shape and we agreed to let you stay here for a while… but the faire is ending soon. We all have families, and lives to lead outside of this. And so do you. It’s time for you to go back to what you were really chosen to do.”
Machado reluctantly steps down from his throne. He takes the crown off of his head, and hands it to Gerald before sulking out of the building. Gerald watches him go, a single tear falling from his eye.
”There goes the greatest mustache this faire has ever seen...”
“Indeed, Gerald. I’ll need you now, more than ever. There is much talk of rebellion in the kingdom, and I cannot stand for it.”
“No, my lord. You cannot, and you will not.”
“The gods chose me for this position, Gerald. Why else would they have blessed me with this wonderful mustache?”
“You were chosen to rule over the Kings Richards Faire, my lord.”
Mike Machado sits tall in a throne, looking down at a very large man kneeling below him. Machado is dressed to the hilt in chainmail with a scepter at his side, and is wearing a crown. The man is dressed in a similar, if less extravagant fashion.
“Leave me, Gerald. I must speak to my people through my magic video-recording box.”
“All hail the lord of mustache!”
The large ‘personal-guard’ salutes Machado before spinning on his heel and exiting the dimly lit room. Machado does not move off of his throne, but focuses his eyes on the camera in front of him.
“IWF. I have found a community of people who are still living in the medieval times. They walk around with swords and challenge people to duels. I have seen sword swallowers, and people tortured in chains! And they have chosen me to be their leader.”
“While this is certainly flattering, it’s true what they say: ‘Heavy is the head of the class.’ …or something like that. Look, what I’m trying to tell you is: I have personally had more than 10 people executed by beheading. I’m not quite sure why the police have not come and done anything, but I assume that we’re operating as a sovereign nation, and the US government is powerless to stop us. “
“You’re probably wondering to yourself: ‘Mike, what does this have to do with your return to the IWF?”
“To that I say: SILENCE!”
“I will return to this federation, and I will claim my birthright, the cruiserweight championship. That which is currently held by the USURPER Alex Jones.”
“Alex, usurper, you’ve cheated the people out of their rightful ruler. As evidenced by my mustache, I was chosen to stand above you, and look down at you, and call you UN-CLEAN, and UN-MUSTACHED.”
“You’re both of those things, and you’re also a fraud champion.”
“You’ve claimed that you came and did what I could not. You have LIED to the people. You sent your thugs to come and take me out, and then you cheated Trent Helms and Bushido out of that title.”
“You’re a nefarious and evil champion. And for those reasons, this Monday night I sentence you to DEATH. Although, I’m not 100% sure if I can do that outside of this compound. I’m still bringing Gerald, and we’re going to bring a sword, and then I’m going to cut your head off.”
Gerald enters the room again, reluctantly.
“My Lord, we cannot bring a sword outside of the faire…”
“Gerald, do not question me! I AM THE LORD OF MUSTACHE, DO YOU FORGET YOUR PLACE!?”
Gerald snaps and quickly rips off his chainmail helm.
“Dude. We’re actors. You’re at a renaissance faire.”
Machado is taken aback.
“YOU FORGET YOURSELF!“
Gerald remains calm, but also becomes firm.
“Dude, no. We can’t go to your wrestling company and pretend to cut off someone’s head. It’s way out of line. We’ll be arrested. Plus – you’ve been kind of out of hand with all the executions lately. It’s starting to bum everyone out. “
Machado stands up from his throne suddenly and levels his scepter at Gerald.
“GUARDS! GERALD HAS FORGOTTEN HIS PLACE, COME TAKE HIM AWAY!”
Gerald sighs and approaches Machado.
“They left hours ago, man. You know that you’re the only one that sleeps in this place, right?”
“But I…”
“Listen. You have a really cool mustache – and you seem really into this thing… A few months ago when we found you, you were in pretty bad shape and we agreed to let you stay here for a while… but the faire is ending soon. We all have families, and lives to lead outside of this. And so do you. It’s time for you to go back to what you were really chosen to do.”
Machado reluctantly steps down from his throne. He takes the crown off of his head, and hands it to Gerald before sulking out of the building. Gerald watches him go, a single tear falling from his eye.
”There goes the greatest mustache this faire has ever seen...”
Well howdy there pardner.