Post by Shelly Diamond on Aug 20, 2021 15:48:13 GMT
I always knew this day would come.
No matter how hard I ran, how much I tried to avoid it, how well I tucked Hayleigh and myself away. I always knew I would one day have to confront my past.
I knew the day would come when I would have to come face to face with God.
A part of me hoped for it. A small part, of course but that part of me wanted this day to come so I could finally face down all of my demons and put the past in the ground where it belongs.
Night of the Immortals had come and gone.
Angel had been immediately rushed to MedStar Health where he was treated for a crushed trachea and a fractured radius in his left arm. I was told his trachea should be fine in time but his arm was going to take longer to heal. They didn’t immediately let me in, which was both a blessing and a curse.
I still hadn’t formulated exactly what it was I wanted to say so the time spent waiting was time enough for complete and total anxiety to take hold.
We hadn’t spoken in years at this point, he probably still thought I was dead unless the doctors told him who was in the waiting room. And even if they did, he may think I’m another one of his hallucinations.
What was I even going to say?
“Hey, so, not dead!”
Maybe this was a mistake? Maybe I should turn around right now and go home? And say what to Hayleigh who was seated right next to me?
“Sorry, uh, changed my mind!”
She wouldn’t accept that. I shouldn't accept that. I’m done running. I’m done hiding. I have to face him and whatever comes next, Hayleigh and I will face it together.
”It’s going to be ok, mama.”
She said with a light touch to my shoulder. Her blue eyes were so full of hope. She’d been dreaming of this day for so long and it was finally here. She could probably see the anxiety in my face but her words calmed me right down.
I had to do this for her.
”He’s awake.”
The doctor's words were kind, warming, inviting even but his words sent a little chill down my spine. Hayleigh gripped my left hand tight as she led me down the hallway toward his room. It felt like a cool breeze came from the room as we pushed the door open, like the air was being pushed out.
We stepped through expecting to see Angel in a way we’d never seen him before but neither of us were fully prepared for this.
”Shelly?”
Dean sat attentively by the bedside of the being who had been known as God for so long, only now he resembled a beaten and broken man. His left arm was in a cast and sling, his throat had bandages over it. His once booming voice resembled that of a lifelong smoker.
”Hi.”
”Daddy!”
Hayleigh exclaimed as she freed my hand from her grip, going directly to him, wrapping her arms around him, he warmly embraced her back with his one good arm. Dean smiled from his perch as we both witnessed the long overdue reunion of father and daughter.
”Hi... Baby.”
His voice was raspy and you could see the wince in his eye from the weight of his daughter on his chest but he honestly never looked happier.
”I should explain.”
I said as I stepped toward the bed, Hayleigh looked up with the hint of fear in her eyes. She didn’t want me to ruin this.
”No… You do not…”
He smiled as warmly as a man made of granite could.
”Thank you for taking care of her…”
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting this. This truly isn’t the man I walked away from all those years ago. Dean smiled warmly at me with a knowing nod, like he could hear my thoughts.
”Mama?”
Hayleigh looked up again from her father, those piercing blue eyes. It was so easy to forget she was fifteen now but it always warmed my heart that she still called us Mama and Daddy.
”Yes?”
”You can’t let Tara get away with this.”
She said it so sternly, so confidently, she sounded just like her father. He couldn’t help but smile as he pulled his daughter in tighter, still embracing each other.
”I won’t. I won’t.”
No matter how hard I ran, how much I tried to avoid it, how well I tucked Hayleigh and myself away. I always knew I would one day have to confront my past.
I knew the day would come when I would have to come face to face with God.
A part of me hoped for it. A small part, of course but that part of me wanted this day to come so I could finally face down all of my demons and put the past in the ground where it belongs.
Night of the Immortals had come and gone.
Angel had been immediately rushed to MedStar Health where he was treated for a crushed trachea and a fractured radius in his left arm. I was told his trachea should be fine in time but his arm was going to take longer to heal. They didn’t immediately let me in, which was both a blessing and a curse.
I still hadn’t formulated exactly what it was I wanted to say so the time spent waiting was time enough for complete and total anxiety to take hold.
We hadn’t spoken in years at this point, he probably still thought I was dead unless the doctors told him who was in the waiting room. And even if they did, he may think I’m another one of his hallucinations.
What was I even going to say?
“Hey, so, not dead!”
Maybe this was a mistake? Maybe I should turn around right now and go home? And say what to Hayleigh who was seated right next to me?
“Sorry, uh, changed my mind!”
She wouldn’t accept that. I shouldn't accept that. I’m done running. I’m done hiding. I have to face him and whatever comes next, Hayleigh and I will face it together.
”It’s going to be ok, mama.”
She said with a light touch to my shoulder. Her blue eyes were so full of hope. She’d been dreaming of this day for so long and it was finally here. She could probably see the anxiety in my face but her words calmed me right down.
I had to do this for her.
”He’s awake.”
The doctor's words were kind, warming, inviting even but his words sent a little chill down my spine. Hayleigh gripped my left hand tight as she led me down the hallway toward his room. It felt like a cool breeze came from the room as we pushed the door open, like the air was being pushed out.
We stepped through expecting to see Angel in a way we’d never seen him before but neither of us were fully prepared for this.
”Shelly?”
Dean sat attentively by the bedside of the being who had been known as God for so long, only now he resembled a beaten and broken man. His left arm was in a cast and sling, his throat had bandages over it. His once booming voice resembled that of a lifelong smoker.
”Hi.”
”Daddy!”
Hayleigh exclaimed as she freed my hand from her grip, going directly to him, wrapping her arms around him, he warmly embraced her back with his one good arm. Dean smiled from his perch as we both witnessed the long overdue reunion of father and daughter.
”Hi... Baby.”
His voice was raspy and you could see the wince in his eye from the weight of his daughter on his chest but he honestly never looked happier.
”I should explain.”
I said as I stepped toward the bed, Hayleigh looked up with the hint of fear in her eyes. She didn’t want me to ruin this.
”No… You do not…”
He smiled as warmly as a man made of granite could.
”Thank you for taking care of her…”
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting this. This truly isn’t the man I walked away from all those years ago. Dean smiled warmly at me with a knowing nod, like he could hear my thoughts.
”Mama?”
Hayleigh looked up again from her father, those piercing blue eyes. It was so easy to forget she was fifteen now but it always warmed my heart that she still called us Mama and Daddy.
”Yes?”
”You can’t let Tara get away with this.”
She said it so sternly, so confidently, she sounded just like her father. He couldn’t help but smile as he pulled his daughter in tighter, still embracing each other.
”I won’t. I won’t.”
”Thank you, Eternity…”
“Something Abigail said last week really struck a chord with me. No one around here really gives Eternity the respect she deserves.”
“So thank you.”
“You were among one of the first big female wrestlers in this company alongside Jess Reed, Amber Richards and that whore, Ana Valentine. You carried this division through its darkest days while those aforementioned pieces of human garbage were running roughshod over the division. Then, when those vapid twats were finally kicked to the curb it was Eternity who stepped up and shouldered the burden of being the face of the division.”
“So thank you.”
“Sincerely. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. If it had not been for Eternity, who knows if IWF would still even have a women’s division.”
“I mean, it’s not like Rowan or Brooklyn or Vivienne or Fiona or Pandora were there to shoulder some of that massive weight on your shoulders.”
“And I don’t just mean your ego.”
“The funny thing to me is, who would have thought Eternity cared so much about what other people think of her? It’s almost like the records and reigns mean nothing if there isn’t constant praise being laid at her feet.”
“You’d think the mistress of death would have better things to do than lurk on Twitter searching for the attagirl daddy never gave her but what do I know? I’m just a single mother who returned from the metaphoric dead just trying to kick one bitches ass back to the indies.”
“And that?”
“Is what this is really all about for me. No disrespect, Eternity but you are just a means to an end for me. I made my goal very clear when I came back, I want to EARN a match with Tara Fenix and I can think of no better way than to hold the one thing she loves more than her family.”
“Your World Title.”
“Since returning I’ve fought mostly on the lower card until last week. Last week I stepped into the ring with the best of the best this company has to offer, including your patron saint of sisterhood, Abigail, and I won. I was the last woman standing. Now Tara Fenix has to take me as a credible threat.”
“And so do you.”
“I’m not just Angel’s ex wife anymore. I’m not just Rob’s older sister anymore. I’m not just the sounding board for AJ fucking Phoenix anymore. I’m a legitimate competitor with a legitimate win over two thirds of our current women’s roster.”
“I may not be death herself but that’s pretty goddamn good in my opinion.”
“People like you, people like Tara, they look at me and all they see is my past. They see all the mistakes and the mis-steps and they like to think that’s still who I am. I’m still the same slutty looking Shelly Taylor who waltzed into NCW as nothing more than a show piece for the emotastic Angel.”
“You see a weak willed mother and wife who didn’t do enough to save her family from an abusive alcoholic who would make Dennis Rader look like father of the year material.”
“You see someone who ran when you think you’d have had the strength to make a different choice.”
“But neither of you have stood where I stood. Tara can at least attest to being with Angel but what he did to her and what he did to me? That’s an entirely different level. She’s still crying because he simply didn’t love her. He did love me and I have a surgically repaired jaw and metal in my wrist to prove it!”
“So go right ahead and point out all my failures.”
“I wear them on my sleeve.”
“Because what I did, I did for my daughter. Something Eternity wouldn’t understand. Eternity doesn’t know what it is to be a true parent, to have to make the hard decisions because you’re the only adult in the room.”
“All Eternity knows about parenthood is they die.”
“And she never lets us forget about it.”
“You like to attack women like me, women you perceive as weak and inferior and point out all the ways we will crumble before your great presence. Well I’ve got news for you, Eternity. I’ve stood nose to nose with God and even he couldn’t put me down for good.”
“I got back up.”
“I always get back up. I don’t care if you are everything you’ve ever said you are or if you’re just some depressed little girl crying about her parents. You have no power over me once we step inside that ring. Just like he didn’t. You can try to break me, you can try to wear me down, you can try all your usual little games but by the end?”
“I’ll get back up.”
“I’ll keep coming.”
“And I will not stop until I hold the IWF Women’s World Championship.”
“That belt? I know how much it means to you, I know you like to think of it as your child. But let’s be real with each other, Eternity. You don’t know how to care for a child properly. Why would you? Look at your primary examples of what a parent is.”
“They always leave you.”
“Just like you’re going to leave that title in my much more experienced care. But don’t worry, I do know how to care for a child, a real, living, breathing child. And I will take good care of her as I march down to the ring and demand Tara Fenix finally step up and face the consequences of her actions.”
“That is what that title means to me.”
“That is why I have to win it.”
“For my family, for my daughter, for everything Tara Fenix has tried to destroy. I know you’ve got the upper hand on me when it comes to in ring experience and that is going to be one massive hill for me to climb but I have something you don’t.”
“I have something to fight for.”
“I have something to die for.”
“I have a family I would do absolutely anything to protect. And you can go ahead and mock me for returning to avenge my abusive ex husband all you want. The man I saw in the ring at Night of the Immortals is not the same man who shattered my jaw.”
“We both know it.”
“And I really don’t care if you understand my motivations or not, you don’t understand a single thing about love or family. It’s all a big mystery box to you which is why you can’t commit to Abigail. You can’t just spit out the three little words that would change your whole world.”
“You don’t know how to love.”
“You think love is a possession, something to be cradled and protected like the World Championship you covet so much but that isn’t love at all. That’s suffocation! And that is what you do to absolutely everyone you even so much as think of caring about. You suffocate them out of your life.”
“Time and time again we find you standing in exactly the same spot, never moving, never growing, playing with your dolls waiting for Mommy and Daddy to say what you can’t say to anyone else.”
“You don’t know what love is.”
“You don’t know how to fight for it.”
“You don’t know how to fight with it.”
“That is what I’m going to do Sunday at Legacy. That is my grand plan to topple the immovable object that is Eternity. I’m going to step into that ring, eyes on the prize and fight you with every single shred of love I have for my family in me.”
“And I will take the IWF Women’s World Championship.”
“I will take it for my daughter so she can see no matter how dark the night is, the dawn is always just over the horizon. That there is no evil, no pain, no hardship that she can’t overcome. That there is nothing in this world she can’t accomplish if she puts her whole heart into it.”
“Even if that thing is beating death herself.”
“So here we stand, Eternity. A woman you wouldn’t have thought twice about two weeks ago ready to challenge you for the one thing in this world you may actually have a real emotional attachment to.”
“That puts me in a dangerous spot. A spot I’ve found myself in before. Only this time?”
“I’m not running away.”
“I’m running head first into the danger with open arms ready to take everything you can give and get right back up again! And again! And again! Until you have nothing left in you to fight. Until death herself gives up and accepts that nothing like love can live in the emptiness you call home, that the sun will never rise for you and just like a parent can’t coddle their child forever.”
“You’re going to have to let go of that Championship.”
“This one’s for you, Hayleigh.”
“Something Abigail said last week really struck a chord with me. No one around here really gives Eternity the respect she deserves.”
“So thank you.”
“You were among one of the first big female wrestlers in this company alongside Jess Reed, Amber Richards and that whore, Ana Valentine. You carried this division through its darkest days while those aforementioned pieces of human garbage were running roughshod over the division. Then, when those vapid twats were finally kicked to the curb it was Eternity who stepped up and shouldered the burden of being the face of the division.”
“So thank you.”
“Sincerely. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. If it had not been for Eternity, who knows if IWF would still even have a women’s division.”
“I mean, it’s not like Rowan or Brooklyn or Vivienne or Fiona or Pandora were there to shoulder some of that massive weight on your shoulders.”
“And I don’t just mean your ego.”
“The funny thing to me is, who would have thought Eternity cared so much about what other people think of her? It’s almost like the records and reigns mean nothing if there isn’t constant praise being laid at her feet.”
“You’d think the mistress of death would have better things to do than lurk on Twitter searching for the attagirl daddy never gave her but what do I know? I’m just a single mother who returned from the metaphoric dead just trying to kick one bitches ass back to the indies.”
“And that?”
“Is what this is really all about for me. No disrespect, Eternity but you are just a means to an end for me. I made my goal very clear when I came back, I want to EARN a match with Tara Fenix and I can think of no better way than to hold the one thing she loves more than her family.”
“Your World Title.”
“Since returning I’ve fought mostly on the lower card until last week. Last week I stepped into the ring with the best of the best this company has to offer, including your patron saint of sisterhood, Abigail, and I won. I was the last woman standing. Now Tara Fenix has to take me as a credible threat.”
“And so do you.”
“I’m not just Angel’s ex wife anymore. I’m not just Rob’s older sister anymore. I’m not just the sounding board for AJ fucking Phoenix anymore. I’m a legitimate competitor with a legitimate win over two thirds of our current women’s roster.”
“I may not be death herself but that’s pretty goddamn good in my opinion.”
“People like you, people like Tara, they look at me and all they see is my past. They see all the mistakes and the mis-steps and they like to think that’s still who I am. I’m still the same slutty looking Shelly Taylor who waltzed into NCW as nothing more than a show piece for the emotastic Angel.”
“You see a weak willed mother and wife who didn’t do enough to save her family from an abusive alcoholic who would make Dennis Rader look like father of the year material.”
“You see someone who ran when you think you’d have had the strength to make a different choice.”
“But neither of you have stood where I stood. Tara can at least attest to being with Angel but what he did to her and what he did to me? That’s an entirely different level. She’s still crying because he simply didn’t love her. He did love me and I have a surgically repaired jaw and metal in my wrist to prove it!”
“So go right ahead and point out all my failures.”
“I wear them on my sleeve.”
“Because what I did, I did for my daughter. Something Eternity wouldn’t understand. Eternity doesn’t know what it is to be a true parent, to have to make the hard decisions because you’re the only adult in the room.”
“All Eternity knows about parenthood is they die.”
“And she never lets us forget about it.”
“You like to attack women like me, women you perceive as weak and inferior and point out all the ways we will crumble before your great presence. Well I’ve got news for you, Eternity. I’ve stood nose to nose with God and even he couldn’t put me down for good.”
“I got back up.”
“I always get back up. I don’t care if you are everything you’ve ever said you are or if you’re just some depressed little girl crying about her parents. You have no power over me once we step inside that ring. Just like he didn’t. You can try to break me, you can try to wear me down, you can try all your usual little games but by the end?”
“I’ll get back up.”
“I’ll keep coming.”
“And I will not stop until I hold the IWF Women’s World Championship.”
“That belt? I know how much it means to you, I know you like to think of it as your child. But let’s be real with each other, Eternity. You don’t know how to care for a child properly. Why would you? Look at your primary examples of what a parent is.”
“They always leave you.”
“Just like you’re going to leave that title in my much more experienced care. But don’t worry, I do know how to care for a child, a real, living, breathing child. And I will take good care of her as I march down to the ring and demand Tara Fenix finally step up and face the consequences of her actions.”
“That is what that title means to me.”
“That is why I have to win it.”
“For my family, for my daughter, for everything Tara Fenix has tried to destroy. I know you’ve got the upper hand on me when it comes to in ring experience and that is going to be one massive hill for me to climb but I have something you don’t.”
“I have something to fight for.”
“I have something to die for.”
“I have a family I would do absolutely anything to protect. And you can go ahead and mock me for returning to avenge my abusive ex husband all you want. The man I saw in the ring at Night of the Immortals is not the same man who shattered my jaw.”
“We both know it.”
“And I really don’t care if you understand my motivations or not, you don’t understand a single thing about love or family. It’s all a big mystery box to you which is why you can’t commit to Abigail. You can’t just spit out the three little words that would change your whole world.”
“You don’t know how to love.”
“You think love is a possession, something to be cradled and protected like the World Championship you covet so much but that isn’t love at all. That’s suffocation! And that is what you do to absolutely everyone you even so much as think of caring about. You suffocate them out of your life.”
“Time and time again we find you standing in exactly the same spot, never moving, never growing, playing with your dolls waiting for Mommy and Daddy to say what you can’t say to anyone else.”
“You don’t know what love is.”
“You don’t know how to fight for it.”
“You don’t know how to fight with it.”
“That is what I’m going to do Sunday at Legacy. That is my grand plan to topple the immovable object that is Eternity. I’m going to step into that ring, eyes on the prize and fight you with every single shred of love I have for my family in me.”
“And I will take the IWF Women’s World Championship.”
“I will take it for my daughter so she can see no matter how dark the night is, the dawn is always just over the horizon. That there is no evil, no pain, no hardship that she can’t overcome. That there is nothing in this world she can’t accomplish if she puts her whole heart into it.”
“Even if that thing is beating death herself.”
“So here we stand, Eternity. A woman you wouldn’t have thought twice about two weeks ago ready to challenge you for the one thing in this world you may actually have a real emotional attachment to.”
“That puts me in a dangerous spot. A spot I’ve found myself in before. Only this time?”
“I’m not running away.”
“I’m running head first into the danger with open arms ready to take everything you can give and get right back up again! And again! And again! Until you have nothing left in you to fight. Until death herself gives up and accepts that nothing like love can live in the emptiness you call home, that the sun will never rise for you and just like a parent can’t coddle their child forever.”
“You’re going to have to let go of that Championship.”
“This one’s for you, Hayleigh.”