Post by "The Main Man" Chris Diamond on Sept 14, 2021 22:23:43 GMT
”Well it’s about mother fucking time.”
Yes, yes! That’s right! After a much deserved but unwanted break, the Main Man Minute has returned with the Main Man himself!
CHRIS DIAMOND!
The much older, much handsomer, some would argue the much more successful and overall better Diamond brother has returned from his hiatus reay to put boots in buttholes once again!
But don’t think that grumpy old fuck has forgotten about what happened in the Heir to the Throne or all you people who counted him out. He isn’t dead yet!
Now I welcome you to our scene for the day. That chisel jaw, that aggressive but somehow striking beard, those menacing brown eyes of a man who would kill you right where you stand if it meant he moved a little bit higher up the card. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on one half of the best tag team in the history of professional wrestling!
CHRIS DIAMOND!!!!!!!!
”August GOD-DAMN 20th was the last mother FUCKING time you all got to see my ugly mug on television. What the fuck happened?”
Corporate got caught clutching their little pearls because the Main Man got too close to the main event, probably.
”I mean WHAT-IN-THE-ACTUAL-FUCK!? I go from being one of the top guys in the Heir to the Throne along with Big King to playing phone tag with the head bookers assistant to get a spot on the card!? That is pretty GOD-DAMN fucked up if you ask me.”
Completely agree. It’s really not how a corporate entity like the IWF should be treating one of their top draws.
”Then when they do pull the trigger on getting me back in the ring they throw Big King and I couple of local fuck ups as what? Some kind of make good? Do Big King and I look like the kind of people who need a few squash matches to feel good about our fucking selves? I mean, sure, we do love just beating the ever living FUCK out of people but we prefer opponents with a snowballs chance in hell.”
Now come on, I hear Dan and Dan are a top tag team in their tri city area.
”Was Happily Suffering too fucking busy? I mean, what the fuck!? I was insulted before but now I’m just plain offended. For fuck’s sake. Now I have to come out here and cut a promo about a couple of local fuck ups I have never fucking heard of and sell some asses some seats. What the fuck am I supposed to say!? Come watch Big King and I lose a couple sets of boots in some jobber’s asses!?”
Sold me a ticket.
”I’m sure some subset of our fans are into BDSM but that isn’t really Big King and I’s thing. Well, I don’t speak for Big King, him and Portia make some noise in the hotel room next to me most nights and I just keep to myself about it. But re fucking gardless! No one is tuning into a professional wrestling show for that shit!”
Probably.
”But that shit is apparently what the big wigs want to produce on their world wide televised weekly program. And what is some old fuck like me supposed to do? Of course I’m going to go the fuck out there and do my fucking job, I’m a professional like that. I’m just not all that mother fucking happy about. We’ve got a big defense coming up, Team Diversity Hire, our old rivals, earned themselves a shot. And D&D Local isn’t my ideal way of getting warmed up for them.”
Barely even have to stretch for them.
”Fuck, you could have given us Happily Suffering or Team Gilmore’s Adopted Son. Fuck, why not Vendetta!? Now those are two mother fuckers I am looking forward to slapping dicks with. But Team Local Losers! This isn’t even going to be a squash for us! It’s a one and fucking done, we won’t even need to tag!”
King or the Main Man could definitely handle these idiots on their own.
”But hey, if murder is what you want then murder is exactly what the fuck we are going to give you. Actually, murder is the wrong mother fucking word for it. This is going to be an absolute fucking slaughter! There won’t be enough of Dan or Dan left to fucking bury!”
Angel could do a reading over their blood stain?
”But I’m going to take one god-damn minute to address our future fucking challengers. TDH. Now I don’t make the fucking cards so I don’t know when they plan on giving you your shot but I know sure as fuck it’s coming. Just like I know sure as fuck you’re going to be watching this match. Studying it, like good little fucking students. Looking for any chinks in the armor even against two fucking nobodies like Dan or Dan. That’s what true fucking students of this game do.”
And nerds.
”And you’re going to fucking see in this match, like every other fucking tag team match Violent Tendencies has ever had. There are no mother fucking chinks in this armor. You can point to the Heir to the Throne and say hey, those two mother fuckers didn’t even make it to the finals and that’s a fair point. We didn’t. But that’s singles competition. As a tag team, as a unit, Violent Tendencies are still undefeated in this company. There is no chink, no weakness, no god-damn thing you can hope to exploit once you get in the ring with us!”
Best Big-men in the Bizz.
”And you two skinny-fat fucks are going to learn that shit all over again. Lucky for you, Big King and I don’t mind dolling out reminders one fucking fist at a time until you stop getting up!”
I’m not going to roll the dice and call my shot here but I’m totally going to roll the dice and call my shot here…
AND STILL IWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!!!
Violent. TENDENCIES!!!!!!!
”Fade to fucking black.”
Yes, yes! That’s right! After a much deserved but unwanted break, the Main Man Minute has returned with the Main Man himself!
CHRIS DIAMOND!
The much older, much handsomer, some would argue the much more successful and overall better Diamond brother has returned from his hiatus reay to put boots in buttholes once again!
But don’t think that grumpy old fuck has forgotten about what happened in the Heir to the Throne or all you people who counted him out. He isn’t dead yet!
Now I welcome you to our scene for the day. That chisel jaw, that aggressive but somehow striking beard, those menacing brown eyes of a man who would kill you right where you stand if it meant he moved a little bit higher up the card. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on one half of the best tag team in the history of professional wrestling!
CHRIS DIAMOND!!!!!!!!
”August GOD-DAMN 20th was the last mother FUCKING time you all got to see my ugly mug on television. What the fuck happened?”
Corporate got caught clutching their little pearls because the Main Man got too close to the main event, probably.
”I mean WHAT-IN-THE-ACTUAL-FUCK!? I go from being one of the top guys in the Heir to the Throne along with Big King to playing phone tag with the head bookers assistant to get a spot on the card!? That is pretty GOD-DAMN fucked up if you ask me.”
Completely agree. It’s really not how a corporate entity like the IWF should be treating one of their top draws.
”Then when they do pull the trigger on getting me back in the ring they throw Big King and I couple of local fuck ups as what? Some kind of make good? Do Big King and I look like the kind of people who need a few squash matches to feel good about our fucking selves? I mean, sure, we do love just beating the ever living FUCK out of people but we prefer opponents with a snowballs chance in hell.”
Now come on, I hear Dan and Dan are a top tag team in their tri city area.
”Was Happily Suffering too fucking busy? I mean, what the fuck!? I was insulted before but now I’m just plain offended. For fuck’s sake. Now I have to come out here and cut a promo about a couple of local fuck ups I have never fucking heard of and sell some asses some seats. What the fuck am I supposed to say!? Come watch Big King and I lose a couple sets of boots in some jobber’s asses!?”
Sold me a ticket.
”I’m sure some subset of our fans are into BDSM but that isn’t really Big King and I’s thing. Well, I don’t speak for Big King, him and Portia make some noise in the hotel room next to me most nights and I just keep to myself about it. But re fucking gardless! No one is tuning into a professional wrestling show for that shit!”
Probably.
”But that shit is apparently what the big wigs want to produce on their world wide televised weekly program. And what is some old fuck like me supposed to do? Of course I’m going to go the fuck out there and do my fucking job, I’m a professional like that. I’m just not all that mother fucking happy about. We’ve got a big defense coming up, Team Diversity Hire, our old rivals, earned themselves a shot. And D&D Local isn’t my ideal way of getting warmed up for them.”
Barely even have to stretch for them.
”Fuck, you could have given us Happily Suffering or Team Gilmore’s Adopted Son. Fuck, why not Vendetta!? Now those are two mother fuckers I am looking forward to slapping dicks with. But Team Local Losers! This isn’t even going to be a squash for us! It’s a one and fucking done, we won’t even need to tag!”
King or the Main Man could definitely handle these idiots on their own.
”But hey, if murder is what you want then murder is exactly what the fuck we are going to give you. Actually, murder is the wrong mother fucking word for it. This is going to be an absolute fucking slaughter! There won’t be enough of Dan or Dan left to fucking bury!”
Angel could do a reading over their blood stain?
”But I’m going to take one god-damn minute to address our future fucking challengers. TDH. Now I don’t make the fucking cards so I don’t know when they plan on giving you your shot but I know sure as fuck it’s coming. Just like I know sure as fuck you’re going to be watching this match. Studying it, like good little fucking students. Looking for any chinks in the armor even against two fucking nobodies like Dan or Dan. That’s what true fucking students of this game do.”
And nerds.
”And you’re going to fucking see in this match, like every other fucking tag team match Violent Tendencies has ever had. There are no mother fucking chinks in this armor. You can point to the Heir to the Throne and say hey, those two mother fuckers didn’t even make it to the finals and that’s a fair point. We didn’t. But that’s singles competition. As a tag team, as a unit, Violent Tendencies are still undefeated in this company. There is no chink, no weakness, no god-damn thing you can hope to exploit once you get in the ring with us!”
Best Big-men in the Bizz.
”And you two skinny-fat fucks are going to learn that shit all over again. Lucky for you, Big King and I don’t mind dolling out reminders one fucking fist at a time until you stop getting up!”
I’m not going to roll the dice and call my shot here but I’m totally going to roll the dice and call my shot here…
AND STILL IWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!!!
Violent. TENDENCIES!!!!!!!
”Fade to fucking black.”