Post by Rob Diamond on Sept 21, 2021 23:48:05 GMT
Welcome to another edition of Being a Diamond. On this weeks episode Rob Diamond may or may not battle inner demons, people he’s close to may or may not suddenly be fatally, mortally or immortally wounded or they may be just fine, drama will or will not occur in the home and to top it all off, Rob Diamond will talk some trash!!!
But before we get there I need to set the scene for all of you, set the scene emotionally, that is, as setting the scene visually is not my job and I refuse to ever let it be again. So without further delay…
Many questions race through the head of the InFamous One, Rob Diamond as he turned one win into two and looks to make two into a streak this week in a six person tag team match.
First question, who the hell is naming people out of the performance center these days?
Second question, why has it taken this long for Team Diversity Hire and Rob Diamond to work together?
And lastly, will the long term storytelling of who #Vince is and why Roberto Verona won’t let him get attacked by a roster member ever pay off!?
Probably not.
But as good as all those questions are and despite needing immediate answers, we find Rob Diamond in a different state of mind this week. He is not hard at work trying to trim off the excess baby fat from his pregnancy only a couple of months ago, instead… Wait, this isn’t my job.
{ We find Rob Diamond not deep within the bowels of the Spike Kane Haunted Mansion Fun Time Estate of Diamond but instead at the All InFamous Training Academy. Rob is making his way through the academy when his eyes wander over to a ruggedly handsome man in his late forties with blond hair working with some local teenagers. }
Johnny: Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy!
Students: Yes sensei!
{ Rob continues to walk through the academy before coming upon another little training area. This one is filled with young children all wielding three foot long lazer swords with their eyes blindfolded. A shorter man with a green hued skin seems to be leading them. }
Yadel: The force you must feel, give in to it you must.
{ The little green person starts sliding their weird little claw down one of the children’s back when Rob Diamond comes in from out of nowhere, sorta, and delivers a Diamond Cutter! Then he picks up the little guy and chucks him through an open window. }
Rob Diamond: Go learn from Sensei Lawerance, kids!
Students: Yes master!
Whatever you need to tell yourself to get to sleep at night, bud.
{ Rob carries on to the back of the Academy without further incident until he reaches the office of one, James Gilmore. Rob goes to knock on the door but then just decides to step on in. }
Rob Diamond: Hello, Gilmore.
{ Jimmy looks up from his typewrite with a smile, ready to complete the reference. }
James Gilmore: Diamond.
{ The two old friends embrace in a manly hug. }
{ The hug clearly lasts a little too long for James as he’s the first to break it. }
James Gilmore: So what brings you to the academy, Robert?
Rob Diamond: We’re being formal today, Jimothy?
James Gilmore: Always.
Anyone else just want to kill them? Can’t be just me.
Rob Diamon: I’m gonna be real with you, Lil Bear and I don’t mean Nikki Minaj real.
{ James tilts his head slightly as Rob struggles to not smirk. }
Rob Diamond: I don’t like what I’m seeing with you and little Nicky Danger. Ya’ll are supposed to be boys?
{ James takes a seat back at his desk that is adorned with some Texas university paraphernalia. }
James Gilmore: I think he needs a more hands on approach.
Rob Diamond: Yeah but, this seems a little excessive. I’ve caught some of your promos over the last few weeks and this isn’t the loving Lil Bear that I’m used to.
James Gilmore: Sometimes they gotta learn the hard way. You taught me that.
{ Rob lets out a long sigh before taking the seat across from James. }
Rob Diamond: Fair, but I was trying to push you to be better and this feels more like you wanna slap a young boy around.
{ James seems to think on that for a moment before responding. }
James Gilmore: Let me do this my way.
Rob Diamond: Fine but if I feel like shit is getting out of hand then I’m putting a stop to the match.
{ James leans across the table with his right hand out stretched. }
James Gilmore: Deal.
Rob Diamond: Awesome.
{ Rob pops up from the chair. }
Rob Diamond: Now, let’s go get some coke and and argue about politics.
James Gilmore: Okay, but you mean the drink this time, right?
Rob Diamond:… Sure.
He did, in fact, mean the drink this time. Truth be told, Mama Kane runs a tight ship and with a husband like Rob Diamond, it’s easy to understand why. He nearly destroyed the universe just so he could live out his Spike Kane fantasy, granted, it was entertaining but Doc Brown would not have been pleased.
Or Doc Banner.
Doc Quinn probably would have been cool with it though.
But the time for friendly talk is over. Jimmy Boy has his demons to slay and Rob has his own this week. Because this week, Rob Diamond is taking on the biggest challenge of his career.
Well… His biggest challenge this week….
WELL, his biggest challenge on Friday Night at around the 8:30 timeslot.
Three random performance center goons paired together to heat up the number one contenders to the IWF Tag Team Titles who are NOT facing the champions next because #Vince; TEAM DIVERSITY HIRE AND ROB DIAMOND!!!
Can we just go ahead and call this the Wet Dream Team?
Of course you did. But enough of this puff piece bullshit, cut a promo!
You really want Mama Kane to bust “The Violator” again, don’t you?
Will TDH accept Rob’s offer to be a part of James Gilmore’s worst nightmare?
Will James Gilmore kill Nick Danger?
Will someone explain how James Gilmore hired Johnny Lawerance or what happened to Yadel from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace?
Will Rob Diamond continue to actively flirt with people knowing it gets Mama Kane hot?
Yes to some of those and no to others but you will have to wait until next week, on:
BEING A DIAMOND!
[/div]
But before we get there I need to set the scene for all of you, set the scene emotionally, that is, as setting the scene visually is not my job and I refuse to ever let it be again. So without further delay…
Many questions race through the head of the InFamous One, Rob Diamond as he turned one win into two and looks to make two into a streak this week in a six person tag team match.
First question, who the hell is naming people out of the performance center these days?
Rob Diamond - Named by his parents, like a normal person
”McLargehuge cannot be his given name, I’m gonna need to see a passport if he even tries to argue otherwise.”
”McLargehuge cannot be his given name, I’m gonna need to see a passport if he even tries to argue otherwise.”
Second question, why has it taken this long for Team Diversity Hire and Rob Diamond to work together?
Rob Diamond - Long time fan of TDH
”Seems like absolutely common sense booking, probably why that #Vince guy who someone said books the shows didn’t do it before ”
”Seems like absolutely common sense booking, probably why that #Vince guy who someone said books the shows didn’t do it before ”
And lastly, will the long term storytelling of who #Vince is and why Roberto Verona won’t let him get attacked by a roster member ever pay off!?
Probably not.
But as good as all those questions are and despite needing immediate answers, we find Rob Diamond in a different state of mind this week. He is not hard at work trying to trim off the excess baby fat from his pregnancy only a couple of months ago, instead… Wait, this isn’t my job.
{ We find Rob Diamond not deep within the bowels of the Spike Kane Haunted Mansion Fun Time Estate of Diamond but instead at the All InFamous Training Academy. Rob is making his way through the academy when his eyes wander over to a ruggedly handsome man in his late forties with blond hair working with some local teenagers. }
Johnny: Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy!
Students: Yes sensei!
Rob Diamond - Coming in late with the Cobra Kai reference
”When the fuck did we hire Johnny Lawerance!? And why the hell wasn’t I told!? Now there is no way we will lose the All-Valley Karate Championships this year!”
”When the fuck did we hire Johnny Lawerance!? And why the hell wasn’t I told!? Now there is no way we will lose the All-Valley Karate Championships this year!”
{ Rob continues to walk through the academy before coming upon another little training area. This one is filled with young children all wielding three foot long lazer swords with their eyes blindfolded. A shorter man with a green hued skin seems to be leading them. }
Yadel: The force you must feel, give in to it you must.
{ The little green person starts sliding their weird little claw down one of the children’s back when Rob Diamond comes in from out of nowhere, sorta, and delivers a Diamond Cutter! Then he picks up the little guy and chucks him through an open window. }
Rob Diamond: Go learn from Sensei Lawerance, kids!
Students: Yes master!
Rob Diamond - May have just committed a hate crime
”Just so we’re clear, I didn’t do that because he was green or little, he was clearly a pedophile and Lil Bear needs to do more intense background checks!”
”Just so we’re clear, I didn’t do that because he was green or little, he was clearly a pedophile and Lil Bear needs to do more intense background checks!”
Whatever you need to tell yourself to get to sleep at night, bud.
{ Rob carries on to the back of the Academy without further incident until he reaches the office of one, James Gilmore. Rob goes to knock on the door but then just decides to step on in. }
Rob Diamond: Hello, Gilmore.
{ Jimmy looks up from his typewrite with a smile, ready to complete the reference. }
James Gilmore: Diamond.
{ The two old friends embrace in a manly hug. }
Rob Diamond - All about manly or otherwise unmanly hugs
”Feels like forever since I’ve held that little fuzz ball in my arms.”
”Feels like forever since I’ve held that little fuzz ball in my arms.”
{ The hug clearly lasts a little too long for James as he’s the first to break it. }
James Gilmore: So what brings you to the academy, Robert?
Rob Diamond: We’re being formal today, Jimothy?
James Gilmore: Always.
Anyone else just want to kill them? Can’t be just me.
Rob Diamon: I’m gonna be real with you, Lil Bear and I don’t mean Nikki Minaj real.
{ James tilts his head slightly as Rob struggles to not smirk. }
Rob Diamond: I don’t like what I’m seeing with you and little Nicky Danger. Ya’ll are supposed to be boys?
{ James takes a seat back at his desk that is adorned with some Texas university paraphernalia. }
James Gilmore: I think he needs a more hands on approach.
Rob Diamond - Can’t resist
”Him and me both.”
”Him and me both.”
Rob Diamond: Yeah but, this seems a little excessive. I’ve caught some of your promos over the last few weeks and this isn’t the loving Lil Bear that I’m used to.
James Gilmore: Sometimes they gotta learn the hard way. You taught me that.
{ Rob lets out a long sigh before taking the seat across from James. }
Rob Diamond: Fair, but I was trying to push you to be better and this feels more like you wanna slap a young boy around.
{ James seems to think on that for a moment before responding. }
James Gilmore: Let me do this my way.
Rob Diamond: Fine but if I feel like shit is getting out of hand then I’m putting a stop to the match.
{ James leans across the table with his right hand out stretched. }
James Gilmore: Deal.
Rob Diamond: Awesome.
{ Rob pops up from the chair. }
Rob Diamond: Now, let’s go get some coke and and argue about politics.
James Gilmore: Okay, but you mean the drink this time, right?
Rob Diamond:… Sure.
He did, in fact, mean the drink this time. Truth be told, Mama Kane runs a tight ship and with a husband like Rob Diamond, it’s easy to understand why. He nearly destroyed the universe just so he could live out his Spike Kane fantasy, granted, it was entertaining but Doc Brown would not have been pleased.
Or Doc Banner.
Doc Quinn probably would have been cool with it though.
Rob Diamond - Loves a good reference
”Q-Ball would have approved for sure.”
”Q-Ball would have approved for sure.”
But the time for friendly talk is over. Jimmy Boy has his demons to slay and Rob has his own this week. Because this week, Rob Diamond is taking on the biggest challenge of his career.
Well… His biggest challenge this week….
WELL, his biggest challenge on Friday Night at around the 8:30 timeslot.
Three random performance center goons paired together to heat up the number one contenders to the IWF Tag Team Titles who are NOT facing the champions next because #Vince; TEAM DIVERSITY HIRE AND ROB DIAMOND!!!
Can we just go ahead and call this the Wet Dream Team?
Rob Diamond - Always looking for a way to stay relevant
”I’ve already printed up the shirts!”
”I’ve already printed up the shirts!”
Of course you did. But enough of this puff piece bullshit, cut a promo!
Rob Diamond - Cutting a promo
”So what in the fizzel sticks is your guys names again?”
“Thirsty’ Thurston ‘Track Marks-Trash Can’ Thrax the Third!?”
“Where’s the Beef-Beef Stick’ Sexton ‘The Sexless’ McLargebulge!?”
“And ‘B.A’ Braddock ‘#Vince Ran Out of Nicknames’ Bonez ‘With a Z because that means business!?”
“Jumping Angel Blake’s you guys got totally creamed when it came to the name game. DAMN! Like, I’ve been around long enough to remember when just having one name was the cool thing to do like Fixxer or Raptor or Falcon or…”
“WRAITH.”
“But those bad single names were usually a decision made by the talent. Your names seem like they got picked out of some madman’s grab bag of ‘cool’ sounding names and just got randomly paired together!”
“I mean, atleast Warren Suffering is like a funny joke name especially when you look at the dude, he's malnourished as shit! There is nothing funny about Sexton McLargehuge. It’s goddamn embarrassing.”
“I truly, honestly, with all my heart feel bad for you guys because those names are going to follow you around for the rest of your careers. No matter where you go, what you do, who you eventually become no one will ever forget what some fat bearded fuck behind an Ikea desk thought was a cool name.”
“Brutal.”
“But on the plus side, maybe you guys don’t suck as much as your name’s do? Maybe you are actually the stand out talent in the performance center. I won’t pretend to know because the last time Pooler gave a status report on upcoming talent was I believe when Mike Laszlo still had blond hair and no tattoos.”
“How does Pooler continue to get funding for the performance center anyways?”
“Nevermind! The alleged sex cult Bob Pooler may or may not be forcing everyone in the performance center to take part in on the false promise of eventually getting to the main roster is neither here nor there! What is here nor there is TDH and I finally getting to pair up in a little six person action!”
“I’ve been watching those two hot, young, vivacious, sultry, drop dead gorgeous mother truckers tear it up in IWF for the past couple of years. I’ll be honest, they haven’t gotten a fair shake but they definitely get me doing more than a fair shake everytime I see them in action.”
“Oh yeah!”
“And I am looking forward to not just teaming up with them, not just with getting the chance to work with them, not just having a great excuse to put my hands on them, I’m just really jazzed up for the tandem offense we are going to come up with!”
“And our sweaty bodies all being in incredibly close proximity to each other.”
”So what in the fizzel sticks is your guys names again?”
“Thirsty’ Thurston ‘Track Marks-Trash Can’ Thrax the Third!?”
“Where’s the Beef-Beef Stick’ Sexton ‘The Sexless’ McLargebulge!?”
“And ‘B.A’ Braddock ‘#Vince Ran Out of Nicknames’ Bonez ‘With a Z because that means business!?”
“Jumping Angel Blake’s you guys got totally creamed when it came to the name game. DAMN! Like, I’ve been around long enough to remember when just having one name was the cool thing to do like Fixxer or Raptor or Falcon or…”
“WRAITH.”
“But those bad single names were usually a decision made by the talent. Your names seem like they got picked out of some madman’s grab bag of ‘cool’ sounding names and just got randomly paired together!”
“I mean, atleast Warren Suffering is like a funny joke name especially when you look at the dude, he's malnourished as shit! There is nothing funny about Sexton McLargehuge. It’s goddamn embarrassing.”
“I truly, honestly, with all my heart feel bad for you guys because those names are going to follow you around for the rest of your careers. No matter where you go, what you do, who you eventually become no one will ever forget what some fat bearded fuck behind an Ikea desk thought was a cool name.”
“Brutal.”
“But on the plus side, maybe you guys don’t suck as much as your name’s do? Maybe you are actually the stand out talent in the performance center. I won’t pretend to know because the last time Pooler gave a status report on upcoming talent was I believe when Mike Laszlo still had blond hair and no tattoos.”
“How does Pooler continue to get funding for the performance center anyways?”
“Nevermind! The alleged sex cult Bob Pooler may or may not be forcing everyone in the performance center to take part in on the false promise of eventually getting to the main roster is neither here nor there! What is here nor there is TDH and I finally getting to pair up in a little six person action!”
“I’ve been watching those two hot, young, vivacious, sultry, drop dead gorgeous mother truckers tear it up in IWF for the past couple of years. I’ll be honest, they haven’t gotten a fair shake but they definitely get me doing more than a fair shake everytime I see them in action.”
“Oh yeah!”
“And I am looking forward to not just teaming up with them, not just with getting the chance to work with them, not just having a great excuse to put my hands on them, I’m just really jazzed up for the tandem offense we are going to come up with!”
“And our sweaty bodies all being in incredibly close proximity to each other.”
You really want Mama Kane to bust “The Violator” again, don’t you?
Rob Diamond - Loves “The Violator”
”I’m counting on it.”
“Look, we all know what this match is. It’s a little showcase for TDH before they get their tag team title shot against my brother and his incredibly sexy blow up doll, assuming they are still champions after OFN; and myself!”
“TDH are absolute stars of the tag team division and it’s about goddamn time the IWF gets behind someone who isn’t a white guy as far as champions go.”
“We all know your preference, Bertie.”
“And I will be the first goddamn person on the other side of the curtain to congratulate you both with lingering hugs once you grab those straps! I promise you that!”
“As far as this match goes? Let’s go out there and have some fun. We all know Team Grab Bag Names isn’t going to put up too much of a challenge so why not entertain the crowd a little and give them something they never knew they wanted?”
“The Wet Dream Team.”
“And if you ain’t down with that then I’ve only got two words for ya…”
“SUCK IT!!!!!”
”I’m counting on it.”
“Look, we all know what this match is. It’s a little showcase for TDH before they get their tag team title shot against my brother and his incredibly sexy blow up doll, assuming they are still champions after OFN; and myself!”
“TDH are absolute stars of the tag team division and it’s about goddamn time the IWF gets behind someone who isn’t a white guy as far as champions go.”
“We all know your preference, Bertie.”
“And I will be the first goddamn person on the other side of the curtain to congratulate you both with lingering hugs once you grab those straps! I promise you that!”
“As far as this match goes? Let’s go out there and have some fun. We all know Team Grab Bag Names isn’t going to put up too much of a challenge so why not entertain the crowd a little and give them something they never knew they wanted?”
“The Wet Dream Team.”
“And if you ain’t down with that then I’ve only got two words for ya…”
“SUCK IT!!!!!”
Will TDH accept Rob’s offer to be a part of James Gilmore’s worst nightmare?
Will James Gilmore kill Nick Danger?
Will someone explain how James Gilmore hired Johnny Lawerance or what happened to Yadel from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace?
Will Rob Diamond continue to actively flirt with people knowing it gets Mama Kane hot?
Yes to some of those and no to others but you will have to wait until next week, on:
BEING A DIAMOND!
[/div]