Post by Ayla St. James on Jan 25, 2014 1:07:50 GMT
People see me walk into a place, like a gym or a locker room and it's always the same question. "What're you doing here?" ...Well, no, I take that back. It's usually, "What's she doing here?" Your average person, wrestler or no, would much rather whisper behind my back then speak a word at me. And yea, it's out of fear. That may seem arrogant to say, but it's not intimidation, like I'll hear them and start a fight and win.
It's the fear that they don't know what I'll do.
Grainy, home footage from ages past. Desiree, much younger in her late teens, sitting on a picnic table. There's no sound from the video, just an excited teenager looking on the cusp of having the rest of her life ahead of her. It's unclear who's taking the video but she is clearly excited to see him or her.
People assume I'm crazy, mentally unstable, because I'm not their idea of what normal is. Like one false move and I'm on someone like a wolverine, tearing their face off with my teeth. It's entirely untrue, I've never had the least bit of an inkling to just jump on somebody and take a bite. Though those idiots with the bath salts aren't helping any. So by some weird association anybody who thinks differently is a potentional lunatic just waiting for a chance.
It's a stupid way of thinking, but that's never stopped anyone.
The person holding the camera holds up a finger, to say hold on a second. Words are exchanged and then Desi puts her hands over her eyes, to wait for an apparent surprise. Then, the hand comes back, holding a cute little labrador puppy. And predictably, Desiree sees it, and squeals like a girl and cuddles with it.
We've been here, less than a month, and already I've been told I don't belong, or I should just drop my "act". The question I have for you is.. what the fuck do you know? You're seeing a video now, from about fifteen years ago. I was sixteen.. Yes, I'm over 30, something else utterly meaningless you can now mock me for. But you look at that and what do you see? If you didn't know that was me, would you call her a psycho?
Reality is unfortunately perception. And you all have your heads up your asses.
Desiree hops off the table and rolls around on the grass, playing with the puppy. The perfect picture of happiness.
Look at this. Bet you're both sitting there with your smug faces, asking yourselves what this has to do with the show this week. The point is that it doesn't have anything at all to do with it. You're simply glossing over it because it shatters your pre-conceived notion of who I am. What if I told you that two years before this little spot of happiness, I was laying on a bench somewhere between Chicago and Phoenix, covering my tattered self with a newspaper? Because the nice foster couple who took me in had a few bad habits?
Nothing like dark secrets to bring a family together.
Desiree scooped the puppy up, and moved to the camera, holding the small dog until his nose was against the lens. The puppy cutely licked the camera, almost as if on cue. The footage fades out on the puppys face.
I wasn't always the way I am. Of course, I've never been the way any of you perceive me, but that's nothing new. You can judge me all you like, but the way I am isn't an act. I have a story, with it's ups and downs. I've been beaten, abused, homeless, a stripper, a prostitute.. name any dirty sordid thing you can think of, and I've probably had to do it.
Because you know, I needed to eat too.
But what does that mean for you? Nothing at all. You have two choices, ignore everything and live in your plastic bubble like the morons you are, or you can change the way of thinking, take your head out of your rear, and understand that you aren't the only one who's perfect. Either way, it'll be absolutely hilarious to watch you flail around, trying to decide whether to mock me further, call me a liar, or try to sympathize with me.
I don't want your sympathy, your empathy, or your pity. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself. Though I do wonder about some of you. So, back to the original opening line, you wonder why I'm here..?
I'm here to make you think. Something most of you aren't capable of. Be on your toes kids, because the dark horse is usually the one who laughs last.
==========================================
Desiree St. James: Our father, who art in heaven..
Ayla St. James: Thought I'd find you here.
Desiree looked up from her hands to see her partner taking a seat on the pew. The church wasn't very big, but for a random weekday still had four or five people in it (aside from the pair), most of whom were whispering to each other about the two lovely ladies who were probably dressed in less than they would have liked.
Desiree St. James: Some habits are hard to break. Some, well, don't need to be broken.
Ayla St. James: Hey, won't hear any arguments from me. The peanut gallery behind me might have a few choice words.
Desiree St. James: Everyone has words, most of them are utterly meaningless to anyone but themselves. Far too focused on nonsense to matter.
Ayla St. James: You mean like when everybody flipped their lid when Ben Affleck was going to be Batman?
Desiree St. James: And ignored Syria.. and Egypt.. and a few other disasters that happened around the world. So many people with these lives that are apparently so perfect the only thing they can worry about is which celebrity got arrested today.
Ayla St. James: Like Bieber.. never have I seen a more ridiculous mug shot.
Desiree St. James: Like anyone could have expected any less. Kids barely out of puberty and he has more money than the Pope. It's no wonder he hasn't grown up at all. Reminds me of a few people I know.
Ayla St. James: Oh, do tell.
Desiree St. James: Just look around that locker room. Champions, the people we're supposed to look up to as the standards to live up to, and they act like grown babies or spoiled teenagers most of the time. Absolute products of the Me generation.
Ayla St. James: Hiding behind twitter and their ADHD.
Desiree St. James: Everything they want, when they want it and they won't accept no for an answer. If something isn't different or upgraded in fifteen minutes, then it's not acceptable, and when it is changed, they bitch about it endlessly.
Ayla St. James: Facebook.. the Google plus thing on youtube.. just to name a couple. Seriously, the next Iphone can give you an electric shock with every text, and they'd still buy it and complain it's not upgraded soon enough.
Desiree St. James: People question why I stepped into the ring. They told me I'd never get anywhere because I had no training or skill. I told them it didn't matter, because I don't want to be on some list of people who have accomplishments, because that doesn't get anything changed. I'm here to be your anti-thesis. The one that you hate, because my very presence makes you realize just how stupid and shallow you are.
Ayla St. James: Like a ten dollar blow up kiddie pool.
Desiree St. James: I'm glad your grass died.
Ayla St. James: No-one is going to get that.
See, when you leave a pool out too long, it kills the grass underneath it. Mainly because people are too stubborn or lazy to put them away properly, because it means they'd have to blow them up again later. Education! You're welcome.
Desiree St. James: I don't really care. See, you have the arrogant twat, Ana Valentine who's only concern is her own name. Oh she's so awesome, the drooling masses say as she stumbles her way into the middle. Yet, she doesn't even deserve that, because twats like that are a dime a dozen, over all forms.. wrestling, sports, entertainment.. they are literally everywhere.
Ayla St. James: You're the Nicki Minaj of wrestling Ana, mildly successful, hated by everyone, and yet absolutely forgetable when the next version comes out. Fun, isn't it?
Desiree St. James: She hasn't grown up at all, a self entitled vapid waste of DNA. The same kind of people who are responsible for crap like Occupy Wall Street. People who only care about problems when it's convienent for them. She hasn't learned a damn thing at all. This isn't about me winning anything, this is about her growing the fuck up and not pretending the world revolves around her. Of all the things to call me, the best she has is ashamed? Ashamed of what? I'm probably the most real person on the roster. I don't have secrets. I don't hide who or what I am or what I've done. I'm a fucking grown up. My presence pisses you off?
Ayla St. James: Good. Maybe you'll be focused on something real for a change.
Desiree St. James: I'm the unknown. I represent the thing you can't predict, the thing without stereotype. You're a product, you sell yourself as this unbeatable juggernaut, but on the inside, you shake with fear, because all it takes is three seconds and your entire world crashes down around you. I'm not here to take your title because I want it, I'm not that shallow. But I am going to love seeing you without it. Because that would hurt you far more than anything I could ever say. Thing is, I didn't build up anything about me. Despite what your retarded brain tells you that you hear, I have made no claims of being great, not one about being anything other than myself.
Ayla St. James: But I'm sure you won't notice anything like that, being up on that mid level Ivory tower.
Desiree St. James: Of course not. Just like you can listen to everything I say and not understand a fucking word. Seriously, how much clearer can I make it that I don't care who thinks what about whom? I'm here to make you reconsider your thoughts, not stop you from having them. Because as much as you think I dance and parrot, you haven't uttered an original thought since you walked in through those doors. What have you said that I haven't heard from a thousand other self absorbed worthless twats?
Ayla St. James: ....Take all the time you need. You won't think of anything.
Desiree St. James: But enough about the star of Miss Congeniality 3: The movie nobody wants. Onto Miss Caffrey.
Ayla St. James: Miss Forever fifteen.
Desiree St. James: Who's only goal in life is to be a Taylor Swift song personified. You really want to know how it felt..? Do you really have to ask?
Masochism, noun: A person with a mental condition in which sexual or other gratification is dependant on suffering and or humiliation. Seriously, think about that for a few seconds, then ask if you want to ask it again.
Desiree St. James: Fucking.. fabulous.. Of course, after about a minute it bored me and I really didn't want to tear something for someone so droll, so yes, I tapped out. You win, la dee frickin da, go to the store and buy yourself a medal.
Ayla St. James: One that says number one disappointment in bed, if you please.
Desiree St. James: I'd love to sit here and say that I'm happy for you, that you learned something in all the time we've quote unquote spent together.
Ayla St. James: But that would make her a liar.
Desiree St. James: Honestly, I was hoping for better. I was hoping you'd be all like. Oh, I see what you meant now, maybe I shouldn't put so much emphasis on things that fade away and instead take pride in who I am as a person. But no, now the belt is a child and something you already are dreaming about what you'll do once you have it before you've even won and I'm just sitting here wondering when we left wrestling and went back to frickin high school.
Ayla St. James: Is Laszlos idea of a date a chocolate malt and dry humping at the drive in too?
Do they still even have those?
Desiree St. James: How do you have all this adversity growing up and yet still be this naive? Why for the love of pete do you let people tell you what worth you have? So life wasn't perfect and people mocked you, yea, it sucks, trust me I know, but did you actually learn anything from it? People are petty, they put stock in material things, superficial crap..
Ayla St. James: Like pretending championship belts are children instead of just a hunk of metal.
Desiree St. James: So, what.. you're whole big deal is I'll show you, you'll see? That's just as petty. You're letting someone's doubt dictate who you should be, what you should want. I really wish you'd get this because unlike that other windbag, you at least aren't past the point of useless. You turned struggle into spite like a teenager, but still.. you have the ability to do better than that.
Ayla St. James: I suggest you use it.
Desiree St. James: But it's whatever. You'll both ignore everything I've said, and go on being parodies and generic ice queen and twilight princess. You can say whatever you want about me, try to squeeze me into a mold, but there isn't one. I'm just a girl who's been through hell, crawled out, got a masters in psychology, and wants to show you that being spoiled, vapid or shallow only leads to an unfulfilled life.
Ayla St. James: Or, ignore it and be lame. Your choice.
Desiree St. James: That's the beauty of life. You're free to live it as you choose, and no matter what cornball insult you throw at me, that's one thing you can't take away from me. But all it takes is one mistake, and the dreams of championship glory you both cling to can be gone. Stolen by the dark horse you counted out. I'm not claiming it will, it's simply the truth. Pretending that it isn't, just makes it all the more shocking.
Ayla St. James: Just one more mistake you may end up living with.
Desiree St. James: Then it'll be my turn to say I told you so. And it will hurt a whole hell of a lot more.
Better get the band-aids.
It's the fear that they don't know what I'll do.
Grainy, home footage from ages past. Desiree, much younger in her late teens, sitting on a picnic table. There's no sound from the video, just an excited teenager looking on the cusp of having the rest of her life ahead of her. It's unclear who's taking the video but she is clearly excited to see him or her.
People assume I'm crazy, mentally unstable, because I'm not their idea of what normal is. Like one false move and I'm on someone like a wolverine, tearing their face off with my teeth. It's entirely untrue, I've never had the least bit of an inkling to just jump on somebody and take a bite. Though those idiots with the bath salts aren't helping any. So by some weird association anybody who thinks differently is a potentional lunatic just waiting for a chance.
It's a stupid way of thinking, but that's never stopped anyone.
The person holding the camera holds up a finger, to say hold on a second. Words are exchanged and then Desi puts her hands over her eyes, to wait for an apparent surprise. Then, the hand comes back, holding a cute little labrador puppy. And predictably, Desiree sees it, and squeals like a girl and cuddles with it.
We've been here, less than a month, and already I've been told I don't belong, or I should just drop my "act". The question I have for you is.. what the fuck do you know? You're seeing a video now, from about fifteen years ago. I was sixteen.. Yes, I'm over 30, something else utterly meaningless you can now mock me for. But you look at that and what do you see? If you didn't know that was me, would you call her a psycho?
Reality is unfortunately perception. And you all have your heads up your asses.
Desiree hops off the table and rolls around on the grass, playing with the puppy. The perfect picture of happiness.
Look at this. Bet you're both sitting there with your smug faces, asking yourselves what this has to do with the show this week. The point is that it doesn't have anything at all to do with it. You're simply glossing over it because it shatters your pre-conceived notion of who I am. What if I told you that two years before this little spot of happiness, I was laying on a bench somewhere between Chicago and Phoenix, covering my tattered self with a newspaper? Because the nice foster couple who took me in had a few bad habits?
Nothing like dark secrets to bring a family together.
Desiree scooped the puppy up, and moved to the camera, holding the small dog until his nose was against the lens. The puppy cutely licked the camera, almost as if on cue. The footage fades out on the puppys face.
I wasn't always the way I am. Of course, I've never been the way any of you perceive me, but that's nothing new. You can judge me all you like, but the way I am isn't an act. I have a story, with it's ups and downs. I've been beaten, abused, homeless, a stripper, a prostitute.. name any dirty sordid thing you can think of, and I've probably had to do it.
Because you know, I needed to eat too.
But what does that mean for you? Nothing at all. You have two choices, ignore everything and live in your plastic bubble like the morons you are, or you can change the way of thinking, take your head out of your rear, and understand that you aren't the only one who's perfect. Either way, it'll be absolutely hilarious to watch you flail around, trying to decide whether to mock me further, call me a liar, or try to sympathize with me.
I don't want your sympathy, your empathy, or your pity. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself. Though I do wonder about some of you. So, back to the original opening line, you wonder why I'm here..?
I'm here to make you think. Something most of you aren't capable of. Be on your toes kids, because the dark horse is usually the one who laughs last.
==========================================
Desiree St. James: Our father, who art in heaven..
Ayla St. James: Thought I'd find you here.
Desiree looked up from her hands to see her partner taking a seat on the pew. The church wasn't very big, but for a random weekday still had four or five people in it (aside from the pair), most of whom were whispering to each other about the two lovely ladies who were probably dressed in less than they would have liked.
Desiree St. James: Some habits are hard to break. Some, well, don't need to be broken.
Ayla St. James: Hey, won't hear any arguments from me. The peanut gallery behind me might have a few choice words.
Desiree St. James: Everyone has words, most of them are utterly meaningless to anyone but themselves. Far too focused on nonsense to matter.
Ayla St. James: You mean like when everybody flipped their lid when Ben Affleck was going to be Batman?
Desiree St. James: And ignored Syria.. and Egypt.. and a few other disasters that happened around the world. So many people with these lives that are apparently so perfect the only thing they can worry about is which celebrity got arrested today.
Ayla St. James: Like Bieber.. never have I seen a more ridiculous mug shot.
Desiree St. James: Like anyone could have expected any less. Kids barely out of puberty and he has more money than the Pope. It's no wonder he hasn't grown up at all. Reminds me of a few people I know.
Ayla St. James: Oh, do tell.
Desiree St. James: Just look around that locker room. Champions, the people we're supposed to look up to as the standards to live up to, and they act like grown babies or spoiled teenagers most of the time. Absolute products of the Me generation.
Ayla St. James: Hiding behind twitter and their ADHD.
Desiree St. James: Everything they want, when they want it and they won't accept no for an answer. If something isn't different or upgraded in fifteen minutes, then it's not acceptable, and when it is changed, they bitch about it endlessly.
Ayla St. James: Facebook.. the Google plus thing on youtube.. just to name a couple. Seriously, the next Iphone can give you an electric shock with every text, and they'd still buy it and complain it's not upgraded soon enough.
Desiree St. James: People question why I stepped into the ring. They told me I'd never get anywhere because I had no training or skill. I told them it didn't matter, because I don't want to be on some list of people who have accomplishments, because that doesn't get anything changed. I'm here to be your anti-thesis. The one that you hate, because my very presence makes you realize just how stupid and shallow you are.
Ayla St. James: Like a ten dollar blow up kiddie pool.
Desiree St. James: I'm glad your grass died.
Ayla St. James: No-one is going to get that.
See, when you leave a pool out too long, it kills the grass underneath it. Mainly because people are too stubborn or lazy to put them away properly, because it means they'd have to blow them up again later. Education! You're welcome.
Desiree St. James: I don't really care. See, you have the arrogant twat, Ana Valentine who's only concern is her own name. Oh she's so awesome, the drooling masses say as she stumbles her way into the middle. Yet, she doesn't even deserve that, because twats like that are a dime a dozen, over all forms.. wrestling, sports, entertainment.. they are literally everywhere.
Ayla St. James: You're the Nicki Minaj of wrestling Ana, mildly successful, hated by everyone, and yet absolutely forgetable when the next version comes out. Fun, isn't it?
Desiree St. James: She hasn't grown up at all, a self entitled vapid waste of DNA. The same kind of people who are responsible for crap like Occupy Wall Street. People who only care about problems when it's convienent for them. She hasn't learned a damn thing at all. This isn't about me winning anything, this is about her growing the fuck up and not pretending the world revolves around her. Of all the things to call me, the best she has is ashamed? Ashamed of what? I'm probably the most real person on the roster. I don't have secrets. I don't hide who or what I am or what I've done. I'm a fucking grown up. My presence pisses you off?
Ayla St. James: Good. Maybe you'll be focused on something real for a change.
Desiree St. James: I'm the unknown. I represent the thing you can't predict, the thing without stereotype. You're a product, you sell yourself as this unbeatable juggernaut, but on the inside, you shake with fear, because all it takes is three seconds and your entire world crashes down around you. I'm not here to take your title because I want it, I'm not that shallow. But I am going to love seeing you without it. Because that would hurt you far more than anything I could ever say. Thing is, I didn't build up anything about me. Despite what your retarded brain tells you that you hear, I have made no claims of being great, not one about being anything other than myself.
Ayla St. James: But I'm sure you won't notice anything like that, being up on that mid level Ivory tower.
Desiree St. James: Of course not. Just like you can listen to everything I say and not understand a fucking word. Seriously, how much clearer can I make it that I don't care who thinks what about whom? I'm here to make you reconsider your thoughts, not stop you from having them. Because as much as you think I dance and parrot, you haven't uttered an original thought since you walked in through those doors. What have you said that I haven't heard from a thousand other self absorbed worthless twats?
Ayla St. James: ....Take all the time you need. You won't think of anything.
Desiree St. James: But enough about the star of Miss Congeniality 3: The movie nobody wants. Onto Miss Caffrey.
Ayla St. James: Miss Forever fifteen.
Desiree St. James: Who's only goal in life is to be a Taylor Swift song personified. You really want to know how it felt..? Do you really have to ask?
Masochism, noun: A person with a mental condition in which sexual or other gratification is dependant on suffering and or humiliation. Seriously, think about that for a few seconds, then ask if you want to ask it again.
Desiree St. James: Fucking.. fabulous.. Of course, after about a minute it bored me and I really didn't want to tear something for someone so droll, so yes, I tapped out. You win, la dee frickin da, go to the store and buy yourself a medal.
Ayla St. James: One that says number one disappointment in bed, if you please.
Desiree St. James: I'd love to sit here and say that I'm happy for you, that you learned something in all the time we've quote unquote spent together.
Ayla St. James: But that would make her a liar.
Desiree St. James: Honestly, I was hoping for better. I was hoping you'd be all like. Oh, I see what you meant now, maybe I shouldn't put so much emphasis on things that fade away and instead take pride in who I am as a person. But no, now the belt is a child and something you already are dreaming about what you'll do once you have it before you've even won and I'm just sitting here wondering when we left wrestling and went back to frickin high school.
Ayla St. James: Is Laszlos idea of a date a chocolate malt and dry humping at the drive in too?
Do they still even have those?
Desiree St. James: How do you have all this adversity growing up and yet still be this naive? Why for the love of pete do you let people tell you what worth you have? So life wasn't perfect and people mocked you, yea, it sucks, trust me I know, but did you actually learn anything from it? People are petty, they put stock in material things, superficial crap..
Ayla St. James: Like pretending championship belts are children instead of just a hunk of metal.
Desiree St. James: So, what.. you're whole big deal is I'll show you, you'll see? That's just as petty. You're letting someone's doubt dictate who you should be, what you should want. I really wish you'd get this because unlike that other windbag, you at least aren't past the point of useless. You turned struggle into spite like a teenager, but still.. you have the ability to do better than that.
Ayla St. James: I suggest you use it.
Desiree St. James: But it's whatever. You'll both ignore everything I've said, and go on being parodies and generic ice queen and twilight princess. You can say whatever you want about me, try to squeeze me into a mold, but there isn't one. I'm just a girl who's been through hell, crawled out, got a masters in psychology, and wants to show you that being spoiled, vapid or shallow only leads to an unfulfilled life.
Ayla St. James: Or, ignore it and be lame. Your choice.
Desiree St. James: That's the beauty of life. You're free to live it as you choose, and no matter what cornball insult you throw at me, that's one thing you can't take away from me. But all it takes is one mistake, and the dreams of championship glory you both cling to can be gone. Stolen by the dark horse you counted out. I'm not claiming it will, it's simply the truth. Pretending that it isn't, just makes it all the more shocking.
Ayla St. James: Just one more mistake you may end up living with.
Desiree St. James: Then it'll be my turn to say I told you so. And it will hurt a whole hell of a lot more.
Better get the band-aids.
Well howdy there pardner.