Post by Eternity on Feb 21, 2014 19:38:52 GMT
What is everything to someone but nothing to everyone else?
?
If your mind is the what you are giving me right now, then congratulations you are smarter than you appear.
The smarter among you will have looked upon the question mark, noted the bright green colour and realised that I'm not waiting for an answer at all, I'm giving you one. I'm giving you mine, the neon green question mark itself is my answer and it has been staring you in the face this whole time.
This is how my mind works my love and if you can connect the dots and see the patterns it makes, then we truly do belong together. If my answer lead to yours and that in turn lead to the recollection of something memorable from 1995, I appreciate the intricate patchwork of your beautiful mind even more, because now I know you truly do understand me...
However, if you are still sat here staring almost as blankly at your television screen as it stares back at you, and think that the bold green question mark you now see before you means that I'm still waiting for your answer, then close your eyes, cover your ears and clear your head, ponder on the question for as long as you need to, and when you have the answer feel free to let the rest of us know what you decide the answer should be.
For the rest of you, it is probably better if we all move on.
The smarter among you will have looked upon the question mark, noted the bright green colour and realised that I'm not waiting for an answer at all, I'm giving you one. I'm giving you mine, the neon green question mark itself is my answer and it has been staring you in the face this whole time.
This is how my mind works my love and if you can connect the dots and see the patterns it makes, then we truly do belong together. If my answer lead to yours and that in turn lead to the recollection of something memorable from 1995, I appreciate the intricate patchwork of your beautiful mind even more, because now I know you truly do understand me...
~~~
You see my reflection in glass.
However the image is distorted. I have been squashed. Made to feel small.
Something is wrong here.
Something is very wrong here.
With the make up on my face and my essence tightly compacted into something which you knew could never be a true reflection of myself, you were reminded even more of the poor hapless clown who had been stuffed into a mini with other poor hapless clowns that you had seen a thousand times in a thousand circuses across the world.
The people would laugh. Oh how they would laugh as each poor hapless clown tried to escape the confines of his surroundings.
But you never did laugh did you? No, never. Not a chuckle, a gaffaw or a giggle ever escaped your lips.
Nor mine.
And why?
Because we both know there's nothing funny about claustrophobia, don't we my love?
Of course we do!
Of course we do!
There is nothing quite like a loss that makes you take a step back and take a good hard long look at yourself in the mirror, is there Alexis? There is nothing that makes you feel quite as small, quite as constrained, or quite as odd as a loss, is there Alexis? The losses in my life have made me a very reflective person, Alexis...
You see me turn away from my own reflection in the mirror. You take note of the fact that I am clutching my teddybear, Brian, tightly as I walk along.
It is then that it strikes you that the wall you can see behind me is made up entirely of mirrors, and my reflection swims through each one of them, slightly distorting and shimmering in each surface as I pass it.
Suddenly you see me stop and turn my back to the mirrored wall and face you.
It is then that you fully take in the plain black hoodie, skirt and whale-net tights and black leather boots that I am wearing. The black hood pulled up over my face.
And when I'm in a reflective mood, this is where I come, Alexis. Trust me, there is no better place on Earth than right here. Of course some people just don't get it, some people just don't understand, some people just don't see why I come here at all, they dismiss it as simple, childish, but they just don't understand the way we see the world, do they Alexis? They just don't see the bigger picture...nor do they ever truly know what it is like for little girls like us who feel so lost and alone sometimes.
Lost and alone in this big wide world.
You see the camera pan out to actually reveal that I am stood in a giant mirrored maze. Only then does it strike you how small and insignificant I now seem to you. Though I am no longer in very sharp focus, my voice remains loud and crystal clear throughout. In fact you are rather struck by its booming omnipresence as it seems to disturbingly echo off the mirrored surfaces.
Lost (lost) and alone (alone). Never (never) sure (sure) of which way to go...(way to go). Trapped (trapped) and never sure (never sure) if you'll ever find your way out again (way out again).
The camera zooms in again, and there I am focused again. Larger than life again.
The teddybears have gone.
Probably to the woods.
You know what that's like don't you, Alexis? Of course you do. Of course you do! Because your mind is open, and there is nothing more beautiful and more precious in this world than a mind which has been burst open and allowed to flourish, allowed to blossom and bloom and grow. I've watched you blossom and bloom and grow for some time now Alexis, I've watched you from afar and I have admired you. I know just how far you've come from where you started and I am impressed...
You see me then turn around a full one hundred and eighty degrees and come face to face with a reflection of Alexis Caffrey stood on the sidewalk clutching her childhood teddybear to her chest, her head tipped to the side in time with mine and she pouted in time with me.
She stuck her tongue out with me, we were partners. Sisters in synchronicity. Of one mind.
I had never looked quite so perfect or quite so beautiful before. It really was rather hard to believe.
Do you remember this girl, Alexis? Of course you do! In fact I'm willing to bet my house of mirrors that you not only know her but know her quite well, don't you, Alexis? Of course you do! We all remember little Lexi, so young, so innocent, so naive, so unscathed by tragedy.
You hear me sigh.
Yes, yes I suppose you're right, she was quite boring.
She was quite boring, wasn't she Alexis? Yes, yes, quite very boring indeed.
You see me fail miserably to stifle a yawn.
Oh dear me, I'm so sorry. Thank goodness, she's gone. She was so unlike us Alexis, as all those with closed minds are. You see not everybody can be as lucky as we are. We're special, it's true, it's true because our Mommies told us so, didn't they Alexis? And our mommies have never lied to us, have they Alexis? No, no, never! Your mommy saved her lies for the mean old man when she couldn't pay the rent, didn't she? From what I hear, your mommy was quite the wrestler herself, wasn't she?
My mommy wouldn't let me watch wrestling on TV, but she always did seem quite good at it with daddy. In fact I remember one anninversary, I made some tasty toast with yummy Flora Buttery and carried it upstairs and mommy had daddy in a body scissors. Your mommy would have been very proud to see it. Say, isn't that the move that got you got the motel manager to let you stay there for free?
Wow, it must have quite the finishing move I guess.
Fortunately for you, your mommy was a much better wrestler than she was a boxer, wasn't she? Boxing was more your daddy's sport, wasn't it? Yes! Such a respectable pedigree and track record in the physical sports, and quite clearly you have inherited your mother's gift of taking a black eye from the men you get involved with and selling it like a real champ!
DING DING DING!
Suddenly with the sounding of the bell, a bruise appears around the one of Alexis' eyes in the mirror.
Now this, now this brings back some painful memories, doesn't it, Lexi?
Or could it be that you can't quite remember the details? Don't worry, we all get a little fuzzy sometimes, I can't tell you how many times it has happened to me. To this day I still can't remember whether it was the red pill or the blue pill that made me fall down the rabbit hole and meet my friend Alice Pleasant and her friend Neo...apparently he's "The One", but personally I think he's just a little bit full of himself, but credit where credit is due, man can that dude dodge bullets!
Isn't it funny how that works? Isn't it funny how your mind works? I look at the bruising and I can't help but be reminded of how much you look like your mommy, daddy used to say the same thing about me too. Your mommy wore the make up around her eyes to hide the pain and to hide the truth from you because she knew the truth would hurt you and she couldn't hurt you because she loved you.
And that is why you hate me, isn't it Alexis? You hate me because when you look at me you see your mommy, you see her weakness, you see just how much of herself was taken from her and just how much she sacrificed to raise you. She gave her body to the world and to the men she loved, just as much as her daughter does now. Only whilst mommy gave her body to men as a means of survival, you give up yours to Mikey for so much less. You sacrifice yourself for him because that's what you saw your mother do, that's the only life you know. How many times did your mommy tell you that in the end it would all be worth it? How many times have you put your body on the like for Mike and told yourself the very same thing?
And how many times have you let that lie comfort you?
Far too many times, I know. I know. I know because I understand the lies we tell ourselves as little girls sometimes to feel better, to stop the hurt, to numb the pain, but in the end Lexi, there is no escaping the truth, and the truth we're forced to face is the fact that no matter which way we turn, both our childhoods sucked...
Suddenly you see the reflections of a bruised Alexis in every mirror which surrounds me as I turn, turn, turn, trying to escape the pout and the tears of the girl looking back at me.
Spin, spin, spin.
Faster, ever faster.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You hear my laughter echo all around us in this maze.
You see me stumble a few steps back into one of the mirrors behind me, my elbow cracking an already bruised Alexis in the nose as I finally come to a stop. I pull back my hood and allow my pink hair to scatter naturally across my shoulders, no longer hiding my true beauty from the mirrors.
Woah, I don't know about you, but I feel ever so dizzy now.
WHOOPSIE DAISY!
You see me turn around to face the cracked Alexis.
It makes your head spin, doesn't it Alexis? It makes you feel sick. It makes you feel dead inside. I know that feeling. I know it well. Some might say a little too well in fact, but that really is the difference between us and the rest of the world, sister. But don't worry, I will try...to fix yooouuu. I want you to embrace that feeling, I want you to get down with the sickness...
You see me start to headbang, scattering my hair even further with each oscillation.
WOAH-AH-AH-AH!
Abruptly, you see me stop and face the cracked Alexis again.
See there is nothing wrong with feeling a little disturbed every now and then, never let them tell you otherwise! I can help you Alexis, I can help you heal. I can help you listen and I mean really listen to the music I know you hear in the circles of your mind, in the grooves of the spinning record. I can be the needle to help you scratch beneath the surface.
You see me step forward and stroke Alexis' cracked and bruised reflection with my hand, caressing the side of her face.
Never be afraid to let your true beauty shine through. It was something my mother taught me...
You see me withdraw my hand and suddenly the bruise on Alexis' face has been concealed under my make up. Our faces now share the mirror, brought together with all the beautiful asymmetry of a butterfly wing. Two cracked halves restored as a whole.
In Alexis' eye you see the misty reflection of part of a beautifully decorated Christmas tree.
In my eye, you see the clear reflection of an Angel burning atop that tree.
Two little girls who both remember vividly how one Christmas from their childhood changed them forever.
MOMMY NO!!!!!!!!!
You see me drop to my knees infront of the mirror, my head bowed.
They tried to fix me, they tried to make me forget about you, they told me I was crazy for missing you as much as I do. The tests, so many tests. The ink blots! The ink blots! So many ink blots! Almost as many inkblots as pills!
What do you see?
A bat.
And now.
A bat.
I see, how about this one?
Fire! No! Blood! No! Vampire fangs!
DADDY!!! NO!!!
It was raining that Halloween, I rushed home and saw my daddy lying in a pool of blood and water, the blood was thicker and it ran dry, and so when I heard that the police were looking for a vampire that killed my daddy, it all made sense! It's what they do, vampires! They make you lose a lot of blood! I promised you Alexis that I would help you find your smile and luckily for you, now that I've seen how much you hate vampires for ruining your life, I will help you. It's the least I can do! We are kindred spirits you and I, two of a kind, peas in a pod, a little cracked and a little worn by the trials and tribulations of life perhaps, but here we are, we made it! We survived!
You see me stand up and face the mirrror and all the reflections have disappeared around me, even my own.
What do you see Lexi? Do you see what I see? Do you see bats? You must see them! Everybody sees them!
Suddenly reflections of screeching bats appear in the maze as they fly towards me, flapping their wings.
But as my psychiatrist always said, everybody sees bats, but few people admit to hearing them as well. Can you hear them, Alexis? Can you hear them?
Suddenly their screeching gets louder and echoes throughout the maze, forcing me to raise my voice just so you can hear me as they continue to flap their wings furiously around me.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
I HEAR THEM ALL THE TIME!
EEEK! EEEK! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
You see my start to flap my arms and 'fly' around in the maze.
Then just as suddenly and abruptly stop as my own reflection returns in half of the mirrors around me, the other half was still filled with reflections of my other half, Alexis.
You see me stop flapping and regard my own reflection with almost a sense of unfamiliarity.
See Alexis, you and are the same because when people look at us they see two of the same. We are free spirits driven through life by our obsessions. Mine is death, yours is victory, and together we are bound by the fact that in the end death always wins. The look at us and they tell us that we've been driven to madness by our obsessions, but they just don't understand, do they darling? No! How could they? How could they ever understand how much it changed us? How can they ever reconcile their jealousy over just how free we've become since our first time?
They cannot for their minds are narrow. My first taste of death liberated me just as your first taste of victory liberated you. I don't know about you Alexis but I look back at how bland and boring you were when you first arrived here in my kingdom and I cringe, but that first victory really did turn things around for you, didn't it my flower?
Something snapped inside that pretty little head of yours and you became much more interesting. Much more unrestrained. It was a pleasure watching you finally emerge from your shell, and it was amusing to watch you try to throw people off from the scent of who you really are under the skin with all your protestations of how you were nothing like me. You denied your destiny for so long, and you continue to hide it from those you love when you are around them because you just want to be accepted as normal. But we're not normal Lexi, we're special.
The only difference between you and I is that the face I paint brings out who I really am whilst the face you paint hides who you really are...and that is what I don't understand. Why hide who you really are from Mike Laszlo, why try and pretend you're something I know you're not? Why settle for being only one half of something with somebody else and not just a greater whole on your own?
Let's show Mike who you really are, and then we will see if he still really loves you, or if he only really loves himself. Show him the girl I see, the girl that came out to party after New Year's, after that one cold coffee from that one restaurant on that one day. That's all it took, didn't it Alexis?
One good day.
That's what changed everything forever. You had one good day at the end of last year and you let yourself go. You let it get to your head. The seed was planted and then you went on and you beat Mercedes and so the obsession started to take root and grow, spreading out to the farthest corners of your mind. Anything other than victory after that seemed impossible, unacceptable...wrong.
As wrong as the day my parents died. Don't you see, Alexis, this is why you complete me. This is why you are the sister I never had and this is why we should play together. You are driven by your good days just as much as I am driven by my bad, think of the benefits we could reap as just two friends playing in the sand. I could teach you what it is to truly let yourself go..and you could teach me what its like to beat Mercedes Vargas. So we'd both get something out of it.
It really is win (win) win (win)!
The echo throughout the maze didn't escape you and you didn't escape it.
WIN! (WIN!)
That's the thought that rattles around your brain isn't it, Alexis? See we are not so different you and I, our pockets are lined with nothing but our dreams and dirt...
You see me reach into the pockets of my hoodie and use my hands to shovel out the dirt and present it to you as a small mound in the middle of my flat palm.
Poor girl, look at her, that's what we've heard all our lives, isn't it Alexis? We didn't have much growing up, but still a lot of growing up to do. And ultimately, that's what I want for you, my buttercup. I want you to grow up, I want you to outgrow your dependence on Mike Laszlo as he has outgrown his dependence on you. He is the Man Of Steel, and you are only his kryptonite. So green with envy and able to bring him to his knees yet he is the one they all herald. Even now he has begun to promote himself as a solo act. Don't believe me, go read his tweets.
Girl, I think there's some serious unfollowing to be done.
Follow me instead. Open the petals of your mind my buttercup. Spread the love. Spread the freedom. Spread your mind, not just your legs. The seeds are there, spread them!
You see me blow the dirt out of my hand.
Get caught up in the wind and fly! Fly! Let's begin pollination of this garden and help madness find its roots. The closed mind never feels the itch, the open mind never ignores it. Don't ignore it Lexi, I know you feel it, I know it irritates you, I know you've tried to keep it at bay, but it begs you doesn't it? It begs to be scratched! That is the itch of a scarred mind, buttercup. That is the itch of a scar that will never heal.
Pick it! (Pick it!) Scratch it! (Scratch it!)
Go on, you know you want to. You'll feel much better for it, I promise you. Run your words together in an excitable mess, it's adorable when you do that. Hop, skip and jump! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP AROUND! WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF PAIN! Let's see the train derail, let's see the mangled wreck we're all so fascinated by.
I've seen Alexis Caffrey, she isn't much fun.
Now I want to see Alexis Care Free!
She's a hoot. She's my best friend. She's just like me!
You see me skip my way through the rest of the maze of the mind. The mirrors in which I see Alexis crack as I skip passed them on my leisurely stroll through her mind, planting the seeds of madness as I go.
I leave you for now.
Why?
Because I'm free to do so, my darling.
Don't miss me too much while I'm gone.
I'm just going over to Alexis' for tea.
I hear Alice and the Hatter is going to be there.
And I don't want to be late.
However the image is distorted. I have been squashed. Made to feel small.
Something is wrong here.
Something is very wrong here.
With the make up on my face and my essence tightly compacted into something which you knew could never be a true reflection of myself, you were reminded even more of the poor hapless clown who had been stuffed into a mini with other poor hapless clowns that you had seen a thousand times in a thousand circuses across the world.
The people would laugh. Oh how they would laugh as each poor hapless clown tried to escape the confines of his surroundings.
But you never did laugh did you? No, never. Not a chuckle, a gaffaw or a giggle ever escaped your lips.
Nor mine.
And why?
Because we both know there's nothing funny about claustrophobia, don't we my love?
Of course we do!
Of course we do!
There is nothing quite like a loss that makes you take a step back and take a good hard long look at yourself in the mirror, is there Alexis? There is nothing that makes you feel quite as small, quite as constrained, or quite as odd as a loss, is there Alexis? The losses in my life have made me a very reflective person, Alexis...
You see me turn away from my own reflection in the mirror. You take note of the fact that I am clutching my teddybear, Brian, tightly as I walk along.
It is then that it strikes you that the wall you can see behind me is made up entirely of mirrors, and my reflection swims through each one of them, slightly distorting and shimmering in each surface as I pass it.
Suddenly you see me stop and turn my back to the mirrored wall and face you.
It is then that you fully take in the plain black hoodie, skirt and whale-net tights and black leather boots that I am wearing. The black hood pulled up over my face.
And when I'm in a reflective mood, this is where I come, Alexis. Trust me, there is no better place on Earth than right here. Of course some people just don't get it, some people just don't understand, some people just don't see why I come here at all, they dismiss it as simple, childish, but they just don't understand the way we see the world, do they Alexis? They just don't see the bigger picture...nor do they ever truly know what it is like for little girls like us who feel so lost and alone sometimes.
Lost and alone in this big wide world.
You see the camera pan out to actually reveal that I am stood in a giant mirrored maze. Only then does it strike you how small and insignificant I now seem to you. Though I am no longer in very sharp focus, my voice remains loud and crystal clear throughout. In fact you are rather struck by its booming omnipresence as it seems to disturbingly echo off the mirrored surfaces.
Lost (lost) and alone (alone). Never (never) sure (sure) of which way to go...(way to go). Trapped (trapped) and never sure (never sure) if you'll ever find your way out again (way out again).
The camera zooms in again, and there I am focused again. Larger than life again.
The teddybears have gone.
Probably to the woods.
You know what that's like don't you, Alexis? Of course you do. Of course you do! Because your mind is open, and there is nothing more beautiful and more precious in this world than a mind which has been burst open and allowed to flourish, allowed to blossom and bloom and grow. I've watched you blossom and bloom and grow for some time now Alexis, I've watched you from afar and I have admired you. I know just how far you've come from where you started and I am impressed...
You see me then turn around a full one hundred and eighty degrees and come face to face with a reflection of Alexis Caffrey stood on the sidewalk clutching her childhood teddybear to her chest, her head tipped to the side in time with mine and she pouted in time with me.
She stuck her tongue out with me, we were partners. Sisters in synchronicity. Of one mind.
I had never looked quite so perfect or quite so beautiful before. It really was rather hard to believe.
Do you remember this girl, Alexis? Of course you do! In fact I'm willing to bet my house of mirrors that you not only know her but know her quite well, don't you, Alexis? Of course you do! We all remember little Lexi, so young, so innocent, so naive, so unscathed by tragedy.
You hear me sigh.
Yes, yes I suppose you're right, she was quite boring.
She was quite boring, wasn't she Alexis? Yes, yes, quite very boring indeed.
You see me fail miserably to stifle a yawn.
Oh dear me, I'm so sorry. Thank goodness, she's gone. She was so unlike us Alexis, as all those with closed minds are. You see not everybody can be as lucky as we are. We're special, it's true, it's true because our Mommies told us so, didn't they Alexis? And our mommies have never lied to us, have they Alexis? No, no, never! Your mommy saved her lies for the mean old man when she couldn't pay the rent, didn't she? From what I hear, your mommy was quite the wrestler herself, wasn't she?
My mommy wouldn't let me watch wrestling on TV, but she always did seem quite good at it with daddy. In fact I remember one anninversary, I made some tasty toast with yummy Flora Buttery and carried it upstairs and mommy had daddy in a body scissors. Your mommy would have been very proud to see it. Say, isn't that the move that got you got the motel manager to let you stay there for free?
Wow, it must have quite the finishing move I guess.
Fortunately for you, your mommy was a much better wrestler than she was a boxer, wasn't she? Boxing was more your daddy's sport, wasn't it? Yes! Such a respectable pedigree and track record in the physical sports, and quite clearly you have inherited your mother's gift of taking a black eye from the men you get involved with and selling it like a real champ!
DING DING DING!
Suddenly with the sounding of the bell, a bruise appears around the one of Alexis' eyes in the mirror.
Now this, now this brings back some painful memories, doesn't it, Lexi?
Or could it be that you can't quite remember the details? Don't worry, we all get a little fuzzy sometimes, I can't tell you how many times it has happened to me. To this day I still can't remember whether it was the red pill or the blue pill that made me fall down the rabbit hole and meet my friend Alice Pleasant and her friend Neo...apparently he's "The One", but personally I think he's just a little bit full of himself, but credit where credit is due, man can that dude dodge bullets!
Isn't it funny how that works? Isn't it funny how your mind works? I look at the bruising and I can't help but be reminded of how much you look like your mommy, daddy used to say the same thing about me too. Your mommy wore the make up around her eyes to hide the pain and to hide the truth from you because she knew the truth would hurt you and she couldn't hurt you because she loved you.
And that is why you hate me, isn't it Alexis? You hate me because when you look at me you see your mommy, you see her weakness, you see just how much of herself was taken from her and just how much she sacrificed to raise you. She gave her body to the world and to the men she loved, just as much as her daughter does now. Only whilst mommy gave her body to men as a means of survival, you give up yours to Mikey for so much less. You sacrifice yourself for him because that's what you saw your mother do, that's the only life you know. How many times did your mommy tell you that in the end it would all be worth it? How many times have you put your body on the like for Mike and told yourself the very same thing?
And how many times have you let that lie comfort you?
Far too many times, I know. I know. I know because I understand the lies we tell ourselves as little girls sometimes to feel better, to stop the hurt, to numb the pain, but in the end Lexi, there is no escaping the truth, and the truth we're forced to face is the fact that no matter which way we turn, both our childhoods sucked...
Suddenly you see the reflections of a bruised Alexis in every mirror which surrounds me as I turn, turn, turn, trying to escape the pout and the tears of the girl looking back at me.
Spin, spin, spin.
Faster, ever faster.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You hear my laughter echo all around us in this maze.
You see me stumble a few steps back into one of the mirrors behind me, my elbow cracking an already bruised Alexis in the nose as I finally come to a stop. I pull back my hood and allow my pink hair to scatter naturally across my shoulders, no longer hiding my true beauty from the mirrors.
Woah, I don't know about you, but I feel ever so dizzy now.
WHOOPSIE DAISY!
You see me turn around to face the cracked Alexis.
It makes your head spin, doesn't it Alexis? It makes you feel sick. It makes you feel dead inside. I know that feeling. I know it well. Some might say a little too well in fact, but that really is the difference between us and the rest of the world, sister. But don't worry, I will try...to fix yooouuu. I want you to embrace that feeling, I want you to get down with the sickness...
You see me start to headbang, scattering my hair even further with each oscillation.
WOAH-AH-AH-AH!
Abruptly, you see me stop and face the cracked Alexis again.
See there is nothing wrong with feeling a little disturbed every now and then, never let them tell you otherwise! I can help you Alexis, I can help you heal. I can help you listen and I mean really listen to the music I know you hear in the circles of your mind, in the grooves of the spinning record. I can be the needle to help you scratch beneath the surface.
You see me step forward and stroke Alexis' cracked and bruised reflection with my hand, caressing the side of her face.
Never be afraid to let your true beauty shine through. It was something my mother taught me...
You see me withdraw my hand and suddenly the bruise on Alexis' face has been concealed under my make up. Our faces now share the mirror, brought together with all the beautiful asymmetry of a butterfly wing. Two cracked halves restored as a whole.
In Alexis' eye you see the misty reflection of part of a beautifully decorated Christmas tree.
In my eye, you see the clear reflection of an Angel burning atop that tree.
Two little girls who both remember vividly how one Christmas from their childhood changed them forever.
MOMMY NO!!!!!!!!!
You see me drop to my knees infront of the mirror, my head bowed.
They tried to fix me, they tried to make me forget about you, they told me I was crazy for missing you as much as I do. The tests, so many tests. The ink blots! The ink blots! So many ink blots! Almost as many inkblots as pills!
What do you see?
A bat.
And now.
A bat.
I see, how about this one?
Fire! No! Blood! No! Vampire fangs!
DADDY!!! NO!!!
It was raining that Halloween, I rushed home and saw my daddy lying in a pool of blood and water, the blood was thicker and it ran dry, and so when I heard that the police were looking for a vampire that killed my daddy, it all made sense! It's what they do, vampires! They make you lose a lot of blood! I promised you Alexis that I would help you find your smile and luckily for you, now that I've seen how much you hate vampires for ruining your life, I will help you. It's the least I can do! We are kindred spirits you and I, two of a kind, peas in a pod, a little cracked and a little worn by the trials and tribulations of life perhaps, but here we are, we made it! We survived!
You see me stand up and face the mirrror and all the reflections have disappeared around me, even my own.
What do you see Lexi? Do you see what I see? Do you see bats? You must see them! Everybody sees them!
Suddenly reflections of screeching bats appear in the maze as they fly towards me, flapping their wings.
But as my psychiatrist always said, everybody sees bats, but few people admit to hearing them as well. Can you hear them, Alexis? Can you hear them?
Suddenly their screeching gets louder and echoes throughout the maze, forcing me to raise my voice just so you can hear me as they continue to flap their wings furiously around me.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
I HEAR THEM ALL THE TIME!
EEEK! EEEK! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
You see my start to flap my arms and 'fly' around in the maze.
Then just as suddenly and abruptly stop as my own reflection returns in half of the mirrors around me, the other half was still filled with reflections of my other half, Alexis.
You see me stop flapping and regard my own reflection with almost a sense of unfamiliarity.
See Alexis, you and are the same because when people look at us they see two of the same. We are free spirits driven through life by our obsessions. Mine is death, yours is victory, and together we are bound by the fact that in the end death always wins. The look at us and they tell us that we've been driven to madness by our obsessions, but they just don't understand, do they darling? No! How could they? How could they ever understand how much it changed us? How can they ever reconcile their jealousy over just how free we've become since our first time?
They cannot for their minds are narrow. My first taste of death liberated me just as your first taste of victory liberated you. I don't know about you Alexis but I look back at how bland and boring you were when you first arrived here in my kingdom and I cringe, but that first victory really did turn things around for you, didn't it my flower?
Something snapped inside that pretty little head of yours and you became much more interesting. Much more unrestrained. It was a pleasure watching you finally emerge from your shell, and it was amusing to watch you try to throw people off from the scent of who you really are under the skin with all your protestations of how you were nothing like me. You denied your destiny for so long, and you continue to hide it from those you love when you are around them because you just want to be accepted as normal. But we're not normal Lexi, we're special.
The only difference between you and I is that the face I paint brings out who I really am whilst the face you paint hides who you really are...and that is what I don't understand. Why hide who you really are from Mike Laszlo, why try and pretend you're something I know you're not? Why settle for being only one half of something with somebody else and not just a greater whole on your own?
Let's show Mike who you really are, and then we will see if he still really loves you, or if he only really loves himself. Show him the girl I see, the girl that came out to party after New Year's, after that one cold coffee from that one restaurant on that one day. That's all it took, didn't it Alexis?
One good day.
That's what changed everything forever. You had one good day at the end of last year and you let yourself go. You let it get to your head. The seed was planted and then you went on and you beat Mercedes and so the obsession started to take root and grow, spreading out to the farthest corners of your mind. Anything other than victory after that seemed impossible, unacceptable...wrong.
As wrong as the day my parents died. Don't you see, Alexis, this is why you complete me. This is why you are the sister I never had and this is why we should play together. You are driven by your good days just as much as I am driven by my bad, think of the benefits we could reap as just two friends playing in the sand. I could teach you what it is to truly let yourself go..and you could teach me what its like to beat Mercedes Vargas. So we'd both get something out of it.
It really is win (win) win (win)!
The echo throughout the maze didn't escape you and you didn't escape it.
WIN! (WIN!)
That's the thought that rattles around your brain isn't it, Alexis? See we are not so different you and I, our pockets are lined with nothing but our dreams and dirt...
You see me reach into the pockets of my hoodie and use my hands to shovel out the dirt and present it to you as a small mound in the middle of my flat palm.
Poor girl, look at her, that's what we've heard all our lives, isn't it Alexis? We didn't have much growing up, but still a lot of growing up to do. And ultimately, that's what I want for you, my buttercup. I want you to grow up, I want you to outgrow your dependence on Mike Laszlo as he has outgrown his dependence on you. He is the Man Of Steel, and you are only his kryptonite. So green with envy and able to bring him to his knees yet he is the one they all herald. Even now he has begun to promote himself as a solo act. Don't believe me, go read his tweets.
Girl, I think there's some serious unfollowing to be done.
Follow me instead. Open the petals of your mind my buttercup. Spread the love. Spread the freedom. Spread your mind, not just your legs. The seeds are there, spread them!
You see me blow the dirt out of my hand.
Get caught up in the wind and fly! Fly! Let's begin pollination of this garden and help madness find its roots. The closed mind never feels the itch, the open mind never ignores it. Don't ignore it Lexi, I know you feel it, I know it irritates you, I know you've tried to keep it at bay, but it begs you doesn't it? It begs to be scratched! That is the itch of a scarred mind, buttercup. That is the itch of a scar that will never heal.
Pick it! (Pick it!) Scratch it! (Scratch it!)
Go on, you know you want to. You'll feel much better for it, I promise you. Run your words together in an excitable mess, it's adorable when you do that. Hop, skip and jump! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP AROUND! WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF PAIN! Let's see the train derail, let's see the mangled wreck we're all so fascinated by.
I've seen Alexis Caffrey, she isn't much fun.
Now I want to see Alexis Care Free!
She's a hoot. She's my best friend. She's just like me!
You see me skip my way through the rest of the maze of the mind. The mirrors in which I see Alexis crack as I skip passed them on my leisurely stroll through her mind, planting the seeds of madness as I go.
I leave you for now.
Why?
Because I'm free to do so, my darling.
Don't miss me too much while I'm gone.
I'm just going over to Alexis' for tea.
I hear Alice and the Hatter is going to be there.
And I don't want to be late.
Well howdy there pardner.