Post by Notorious B.O.B. on Sept 25, 2016 23:56:18 GMT
”Well,” he says with a sly grin, ”I think things are about to get real interesting around here.”
The Twitch feed is live, obviously, and for the dozens of fans streaming live – and hopefully for the hundreds who will catch this between now and the pay-per-view – the man at the mic is looking calm and relaxed. It’s the usual streaming setup for him tonight; high backed gaming chair, green screen and lights, and the duel monitors so he can see the live chat while still playing his game uninterrupted. He’d tweeted out earlier that tonight’s stream would probably be a little Hearthstone followed by some Rocket League and, if he was up for it, some Dead by Daylight before calling it a night.
”So, since we’re getting close to the end of the month,” he sighs, tugging at the zipper to his ratty #WWIDN, tardis blue hoodie, ”and I’m nowhere close to hitting legend, why don’t we just have a little fun on the ladder tonight, eh?” He smiles mischievously as the full screen shot of himself shrinks and becomes superimposed onto the menu screen for Hearthstone. ”End of the month,” he says to himself, a hint of surprise in his voice, ”been a pretty crazy one too,” he chuckles. ”Sorry for not streaming as much as I said I would; you guys know I was out of town with IWF a bit more than I’d thought. Turns out,” he grins, ”well, for those of you who don’t know already,” he adds, ”I got myself thrown into this Fatal Fourway match coming up this weekend … well tomorrow,” he corrects, clicking on his Deathrattle Hunter deck and queuing up for a game.
He eyes glance at the unseen monitor to his right, ”Hey, Rexor, yeah man – Fatal Fourway, and the cool thing is that it’s even for the Man-of-Steel title!” He smiles, but that fades as he looks at his opening hand, discarding two high cost cards. ”No point sitting on the Savanna Highmane, even with the coin.” The discarded cards disappear and a pair of Fiery Bats take their place in his hand. ”See,” he nods at the screen, ”how do you like that for luck? Hopefully,” he continues, his opponent passing on turn one, ”that luck continues tomorrow. Good thing the show’s only in Brooklyn or I’d probably have had to skip the stream tonight to rest up before having to fly.” He drops one of his bats and ends his turn. ”Mika in the chat wants to know who’s in the match with me. Well,” he laughs, ”seems like I don’t know who I’m facing any more than you do. I know for sure that the current champ’ll be there, that’s Jimmy Karn for all ya’ll who don’t know,” he winks, ”plus,” he continues with a sarcastic roll of the eyes, ”my ol’ pal Spike will be there.”
His opponent, a Shaman, uses his hero power to drop a totem on turn two. ”You guys remember Spike Kane, right?” He asks rhetorically, having probably bored his audience on multiple occasions with griping about Kane. ”Well, in case you don’t,” he says, sending his bat into the totem and destroying it before using his own hero power to send an arrow into the face of his opponent for two damage, ”let’s play a little Q and A, eh?”
He lets out a snort of laughter as the chat suddenly lights up, dozens upon dozens of angry orc icons flood the screen intermingled with the occasional #EatSpikeEat.
”Yeah, well I’m not going there,” he says as he pats himself on the belly, ”twenty years in the business and I’m not exactly the same specimen I was when I first debuted.”
He drops a Forlorn Stalker hoping that the Shaman either ignores him, only to take four damage to the face next turn, or even better kill it and buff all the deathrattle minions sitting in his hand.
”BroadClaude wants to know what Spike’s deal is – I take it you’re not a long time IWF fan, bud” he laughs. ”Spike’s ‘deal’, I guess, is that I was a bit of a douche a few months ago and he hasn’t gotten over it. Let’s be clear though, folks, I was a douche in every sense of the word. Like, seriously,” he adds, his right eyebrow arching upwards, ”I’m still embarrassed with what I did and said back then.”
The Shaman drops a seven-seven minion on the board and begins to spam the ‘Hello’ emote.
”Speaking of douche moves,” he jokes, ”alright, why don’t we send Mr. Stalker into this,” he says, launching his minion into the larger one and killing it. ”And to finish it off,” he says, dragging a card from his hand to the battlefield and directly at the minion, ”eat a Quick Shot!” He drops a, newly buffed, Infested Wolf and ends his turn.
”So, yeah, I was a dick and Spike just hasn’t forgiven me for it.” He scans the chat, rolling his eyes at one comment in particular. ”Yes, of course I’ve apologized – you really think that wouldn’t have been the first thing I did? Spike wont hear any of it though; wound is still too fresh I guess.
Listen,” he says flatly, watching the Shaman kill his wolf, ”I’ve given the guy a thousand chances to accept my apology, but he’s too interested in making me pay his way.” Pooler shrugs, ”Guess he wont be happy until I’m laying face-down in the ring, in a pool of my own … lava shock? Well, shit,” he shakes his head, watching the minion he’d laid down last turn go up in a puff of smoke. ”Ok, you think that’s the end? Watch this,” he smirks, laying out three low cost minions and maintaining board control. ”Same goes for Kane, he thinks that he’s got this one in the bag just because he’s angrier than I am, just because he’s got some score to settle, just because that’s the way he’s always figured things. Well, Spike is going to soon see, that he had his chances to accept my apologies. He wants to make this a pissing contest?” Pooler shrugs, lifting a large bottle of water to his lips and taking a large swig. ”Well, I’m going to be well hydrated,” he snickers. ”You know that saying about two wrongs not making a right?” he asks the chat. ”Well, two dicks don’t make a … a …” he isn’t sure how to finish that thought. ”I guess you guys get the idea; being a dick to me isn’t going to make him feel any better, but Spike’s so frickin’ thick headed he can’t see that. So it looks like I’m going to have to beat my apology into that skull of his. All of this,” he says, shaking his head, ”all of it could have been avoided if he’d just been a man about it; but no, he wants to play the fucking baby. Awesome; go for it bud. At the end of the day I hope that burning hatred you feel keeps you warm, but then again you probably don’t have to worry about staying warm, eh?” He laughs, but the smile fades quickly. ”I know, fat jokes are a low blow. But seriously, though, what do you expect from me? I gave the guy way more chances to even hear me out than most people would have. I guess I should have just moved on; I guess I just expected more out of you Spike.
Then again, maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did. You’re nothing like the man you used to be. You used to hold court in that locker room on reputation alone; but now look at you. You’re a hypocrite masquerading around like some badass. You play third fiddle to guys like Cable and Rob; hell, even Zasshu has more sway backstage at this point. You’re officially the weakest link in your little clique – a roll you’re probably not used to. Take it from someone who knows, it sucks. But what’s worse is that you don’t even realize this. I mean, in your eyes you still think it’s the early two-thousands and people are sitting on the edges of their chairs wondering what extreme thing you’ll do next.
They’re not on the edge of their seat anymore, Spike. They’ve gotten tired of watching you break a sweat cutting a promo. They’ve gotten tired of having to pay upwards of forty bucks for your autograph. They’ve just gotten tired of listening to you talk about yourself like you’re still the god of anything besides buffets.
So, yeah, I fucked things up between us and I’m sure that you love lording this over me – welp, guess you’re going to have to find a new pass time then, chum, ‘cause just like the fans and the elastic in your pants, I’m ready to give up on you.
Sing me another song about your feelings, about the house that Laura built, maybe even about how awesome you are … I feel like I could sing along, having heard that melody so much at this point.
Yeah,” he continues, reading the chat, ”I know I can’t focus on just Spike – but can you guys blame me? I mean, every time I turn around him and the rest of those House of Howelett nut-jobs are jumping people from behind, torturing guys like Nighthawk, hell …” he says with a terse shake of his head, ”look at the shit they’re doing to Steve Awesome. I’d be crazy not to have my head on a swivel, like, all the damn time. But, you’re right, Spike isn’t the only cat in this dance. I thought that Ryan Shane,” he laughs, ”you guys remember him? He’s the previous holder of that Man-of-Steel title, well he was original forth man in the match, but now all of a sudden he’s been replaced by Dre Cutler.” Pooler smiles, ”Yeah, I know, who?
Seriously though, that’s what I was thinking until I actually did some looking around and discovered that this guy, even though the new kid on the block, has done some big time stuff so far in his IWF career. I guess I was a little too busy with Spike to notice that whole Heir to the Throne thing that was going on for the last two months, but Cutler tore it up and made it all the way to the finals. Dude lost to the guy who went on to become the Imperial Champion, in Cable Arcane, but certainly shouldn’t feel bad about that. Thankfully,” he continues, dropping an Eagle Horn Bow and flame trap on the board before driving his minions into his opponents face and ending his turn, ”IWF dot com has all of the highlights from the tournament so I’ve been able to catch up on his matches. Let me tell you,” he laughs, though not out of humor, ”the guy can go – but that doesn’t mean that he stands a fraction of a chance in this match.”
Pooler smiles, but everyone watching the stream isn’t sure if it’s because of his comment about Cutler, or the fact that he’s hovering over his Princess Huhruran while eyeing his Savanna Highmane.
”I mean,” he continues, dropping the princess and targeting his own Highmane, which spawns a pair of two-two hyenas, ”the dude turned more than a few heads getting as far as he did in the Heir tourney, but who’s he kidding at this point? Against one of us, sure, I’d say he’d have a shot; but the three of us have experience dating back to nCw – probably about the same time he was in diapers. Mark in the chat wants to know if I have a game plan for Dre.”
He laughs
”The kid can go, I’ll give him that. He’s strong, agile and has one hell of a mean streak – but at the end of the day he’s outmanned, outclassed and out of luck if he thinks he’ll be doing any more than running interference for me. When the sun sets on this match he’ll be nothing more than a footnote” he says with a shrug. ”Not to be harsh, but Cutler hasn’t paid his dues yet to be considered a viable option – he’s just filling a Ryan Shane shaped void.
Shit” he says, attention back on the game as his opponent drops Wisps of the Old Gods and looks to be setting up for a next turn victory. Only thing he can do is hope for a little RNG love from the Hearthstone gods. ”But, speaking of paying dues –” he continues, waiting patiently for his opponent to end his turn.
”I guess the cat is out of the bag, eh?” He looks sheepishly at the camera, the corner of his mouth curling up in a smirk. ”Looks like ol’ Jimmy spilled the beans on our meeting last week and the nature of the visit.
Yeah, sure,” he says, shaking his head while looking at the chat, ”I guess I could take it as threatening; I mean, dude basically told me I could join the Kiwis or something if I just made sure he won the match.” Pooler continues to shake his head, a deep sigh escaping as he does. ”Here we go again, guys. I feel like this is the type of shit that you always read about; the recovering gambler getting hit up at work to go in on the March Madness brackets; the recovering alcoholic being asked to mind the bar at the company get-together; the recovering sex-addict …” he snickers, ”well, I guess they can’t all be bad, eh?
But here we go again, it’s like the fuckin’ Age of X or Empire all over again. I’m on track to actually, maybe,” he adds quietly, ”do something with myself and I’m given this ‘too good to be true’ chance. Thing is,” he says, his eyes narrowing as he wags a finger at the camera, ”these chances always involve me joining this group, or that group, and each time costs me a little bit of my soul. I feel like that things been split into so many pieces some teenage wizard is going to be knocking on my door thinking I’m the next Dark Lord – which, come to think of it, sounds an awful lot like a nickname Mr. Karn might have given to himself.
No,” he drops a card, issuing three damage to both an enemy minion as well as his opponents face, ”I’ve bitten on that bait one too many times. Kiwi doesn’t want me to join any more than Angel did, any more than Spike did, heck, any more than Verona did back in the day. I’m expendable, a meat shield that has a pretty good knack for taking the heat, and the hits, meant for the ones in charge.
Thing is,” he continues, ”I kinda feel like I’m done being the drone – it hasn’t exactly worked out for me in the past, eh? Jimmy wants me to stand between him and anyone who wants that title; he didn’t come out and say it, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d just asked me to lie down at take the quick pin.
The sick part is the old me might just have done it.
You guys have been with me through the good nights and the bad ones; you’ve seen me at my lowest and been there to cheer me on to some awesome games. So, let me put it to a vote – think I should throw away whatever slim chance I have at redemption here and just join Kiwi Jim and the Redneck boys?” His eyes scroll through the immediate responses from the chat; one in particular making him laugh out loud, ”I think you spelled moronic wrong, bud; but yeah, I’m going to go ahead and agree with the chat. I’d be a moron to fall back into that same old trap again.
So Jimmy, James, Mr. Karn if you please, I appreciate the opportunity and that you think so little of me to even offer me this chance – but I’m going to have to pass. My redemption, well, if I have to buy it instead of earn it … what good is it in the end?
So, tell you what, I hope my no gets you all hot under the collar. I hope you’re all sorts of pissed off come tomorrow, because the James Franklin Karn that I see in that ring had better do more than bring promises, because those aren’t going to amount to a hill o’ shit once that bell rings. You’ve got three guys that would have had no trouble tearing into you even without that belt on the line. Dre wants to prove he’s the next big thing; Spike wants to prove he still has what it takes; and me? Well, we both know why I’m here.
I’m the guy with, literally, nothing to lose. I can walk away from this match happy to have given it my all, and at the very least to have kept Kane from winning the belt, or I can actually walk away the new IWF Man-of-Steel champion.”
The opponent throws down a Bloodlust, giving his remaining wisps a huge plus three buff to their attack, aiming the first one at Pooler’s face … only to trip the secret he’d thrown down at the end of his last turn. The Explosive Trap devastates the board, dealing damage to all of the opponents and dropping the Shaman, who proceeds to emote a simple ‘WOW’, before ending his turn.
”Tomorrow, you guys are going to find out that a lot has changed – I’m not the same guy I was a year ago. I’m the kind of guy who’s ready to prove to the fans, to the guys and gals in the back, to the suits who still think I’m worth a paycheck, but especially to opponents – that no matter how hard you push me, how close to victory you think you are … I never miss lethal.” He smiles as he clicks on his hero power, a single arrow shooting forth and dealing the final two damage necessary to secure the victory. As his opponents character portrait explodes, he smiles into the camera one more time. ”I’m Bob Pooler – what will I do next?”
The Twitch feed is live, obviously, and for the dozens of fans streaming live – and hopefully for the hundreds who will catch this between now and the pay-per-view – the man at the mic is looking calm and relaxed. It’s the usual streaming setup for him tonight; high backed gaming chair, green screen and lights, and the duel monitors so he can see the live chat while still playing his game uninterrupted. He’d tweeted out earlier that tonight’s stream would probably be a little Hearthstone followed by some Rocket League and, if he was up for it, some Dead by Daylight before calling it a night.
”So, since we’re getting close to the end of the month,” he sighs, tugging at the zipper to his ratty #WWIDN, tardis blue hoodie, ”and I’m nowhere close to hitting legend, why don’t we just have a little fun on the ladder tonight, eh?” He smiles mischievously as the full screen shot of himself shrinks and becomes superimposed onto the menu screen for Hearthstone. ”End of the month,” he says to himself, a hint of surprise in his voice, ”been a pretty crazy one too,” he chuckles. ”Sorry for not streaming as much as I said I would; you guys know I was out of town with IWF a bit more than I’d thought. Turns out,” he grins, ”well, for those of you who don’t know already,” he adds, ”I got myself thrown into this Fatal Fourway match coming up this weekend … well tomorrow,” he corrects, clicking on his Deathrattle Hunter deck and queuing up for a game.
He eyes glance at the unseen monitor to his right, ”Hey, Rexor, yeah man – Fatal Fourway, and the cool thing is that it’s even for the Man-of-Steel title!” He smiles, but that fades as he looks at his opening hand, discarding two high cost cards. ”No point sitting on the Savanna Highmane, even with the coin.” The discarded cards disappear and a pair of Fiery Bats take their place in his hand. ”See,” he nods at the screen, ”how do you like that for luck? Hopefully,” he continues, his opponent passing on turn one, ”that luck continues tomorrow. Good thing the show’s only in Brooklyn or I’d probably have had to skip the stream tonight to rest up before having to fly.” He drops one of his bats and ends his turn. ”Mika in the chat wants to know who’s in the match with me. Well,” he laughs, ”seems like I don’t know who I’m facing any more than you do. I know for sure that the current champ’ll be there, that’s Jimmy Karn for all ya’ll who don’t know,” he winks, ”plus,” he continues with a sarcastic roll of the eyes, ”my ol’ pal Spike will be there.”
His opponent, a Shaman, uses his hero power to drop a totem on turn two. ”You guys remember Spike Kane, right?” He asks rhetorically, having probably bored his audience on multiple occasions with griping about Kane. ”Well, in case you don’t,” he says, sending his bat into the totem and destroying it before using his own hero power to send an arrow into the face of his opponent for two damage, ”let’s play a little Q and A, eh?”
He lets out a snort of laughter as the chat suddenly lights up, dozens upon dozens of angry orc icons flood the screen intermingled with the occasional #EatSpikeEat.
”Yeah, well I’m not going there,” he says as he pats himself on the belly, ”twenty years in the business and I’m not exactly the same specimen I was when I first debuted.”
He drops a Forlorn Stalker hoping that the Shaman either ignores him, only to take four damage to the face next turn, or even better kill it and buff all the deathrattle minions sitting in his hand.
”BroadClaude wants to know what Spike’s deal is – I take it you’re not a long time IWF fan, bud” he laughs. ”Spike’s ‘deal’, I guess, is that I was a bit of a douche a few months ago and he hasn’t gotten over it. Let’s be clear though, folks, I was a douche in every sense of the word. Like, seriously,” he adds, his right eyebrow arching upwards, ”I’m still embarrassed with what I did and said back then.”
The Shaman drops a seven-seven minion on the board and begins to spam the ‘Hello’ emote.
”Speaking of douche moves,” he jokes, ”alright, why don’t we send Mr. Stalker into this,” he says, launching his minion into the larger one and killing it. ”And to finish it off,” he says, dragging a card from his hand to the battlefield and directly at the minion, ”eat a Quick Shot!” He drops a, newly buffed, Infested Wolf and ends his turn.
”So, yeah, I was a dick and Spike just hasn’t forgiven me for it.” He scans the chat, rolling his eyes at one comment in particular. ”Yes, of course I’ve apologized – you really think that wouldn’t have been the first thing I did? Spike wont hear any of it though; wound is still too fresh I guess.
Listen,” he says flatly, watching the Shaman kill his wolf, ”I’ve given the guy a thousand chances to accept my apology, but he’s too interested in making me pay his way.” Pooler shrugs, ”Guess he wont be happy until I’m laying face-down in the ring, in a pool of my own … lava shock? Well, shit,” he shakes his head, watching the minion he’d laid down last turn go up in a puff of smoke. ”Ok, you think that’s the end? Watch this,” he smirks, laying out three low cost minions and maintaining board control. ”Same goes for Kane, he thinks that he’s got this one in the bag just because he’s angrier than I am, just because he’s got some score to settle, just because that’s the way he’s always figured things. Well, Spike is going to soon see, that he had his chances to accept my apologies. He wants to make this a pissing contest?” Pooler shrugs, lifting a large bottle of water to his lips and taking a large swig. ”Well, I’m going to be well hydrated,” he snickers. ”You know that saying about two wrongs not making a right?” he asks the chat. ”Well, two dicks don’t make a … a …” he isn’t sure how to finish that thought. ”I guess you guys get the idea; being a dick to me isn’t going to make him feel any better, but Spike’s so frickin’ thick headed he can’t see that. So it looks like I’m going to have to beat my apology into that skull of his. All of this,” he says, shaking his head, ”all of it could have been avoided if he’d just been a man about it; but no, he wants to play the fucking baby. Awesome; go for it bud. At the end of the day I hope that burning hatred you feel keeps you warm, but then again you probably don’t have to worry about staying warm, eh?” He laughs, but the smile fades quickly. ”I know, fat jokes are a low blow. But seriously, though, what do you expect from me? I gave the guy way more chances to even hear me out than most people would have. I guess I should have just moved on; I guess I just expected more out of you Spike.
Then again, maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did. You’re nothing like the man you used to be. You used to hold court in that locker room on reputation alone; but now look at you. You’re a hypocrite masquerading around like some badass. You play third fiddle to guys like Cable and Rob; hell, even Zasshu has more sway backstage at this point. You’re officially the weakest link in your little clique – a roll you’re probably not used to. Take it from someone who knows, it sucks. But what’s worse is that you don’t even realize this. I mean, in your eyes you still think it’s the early two-thousands and people are sitting on the edges of their chairs wondering what extreme thing you’ll do next.
They’re not on the edge of their seat anymore, Spike. They’ve gotten tired of watching you break a sweat cutting a promo. They’ve gotten tired of having to pay upwards of forty bucks for your autograph. They’ve just gotten tired of listening to you talk about yourself like you’re still the god of anything besides buffets.
So, yeah, I fucked things up between us and I’m sure that you love lording this over me – welp, guess you’re going to have to find a new pass time then, chum, ‘cause just like the fans and the elastic in your pants, I’m ready to give up on you.
Sing me another song about your feelings, about the house that Laura built, maybe even about how awesome you are … I feel like I could sing along, having heard that melody so much at this point.
Yeah,” he continues, reading the chat, ”I know I can’t focus on just Spike – but can you guys blame me? I mean, every time I turn around him and the rest of those House of Howelett nut-jobs are jumping people from behind, torturing guys like Nighthawk, hell …” he says with a terse shake of his head, ”look at the shit they’re doing to Steve Awesome. I’d be crazy not to have my head on a swivel, like, all the damn time. But, you’re right, Spike isn’t the only cat in this dance. I thought that Ryan Shane,” he laughs, ”you guys remember him? He’s the previous holder of that Man-of-Steel title, well he was original forth man in the match, but now all of a sudden he’s been replaced by Dre Cutler.” Pooler smiles, ”Yeah, I know, who?
Seriously though, that’s what I was thinking until I actually did some looking around and discovered that this guy, even though the new kid on the block, has done some big time stuff so far in his IWF career. I guess I was a little too busy with Spike to notice that whole Heir to the Throne thing that was going on for the last two months, but Cutler tore it up and made it all the way to the finals. Dude lost to the guy who went on to become the Imperial Champion, in Cable Arcane, but certainly shouldn’t feel bad about that. Thankfully,” he continues, dropping an Eagle Horn Bow and flame trap on the board before driving his minions into his opponents face and ending his turn, ”IWF dot com has all of the highlights from the tournament so I’ve been able to catch up on his matches. Let me tell you,” he laughs, though not out of humor, ”the guy can go – but that doesn’t mean that he stands a fraction of a chance in this match.”
Pooler smiles, but everyone watching the stream isn’t sure if it’s because of his comment about Cutler, or the fact that he’s hovering over his Princess Huhruran while eyeing his Savanna Highmane.
”I mean,” he continues, dropping the princess and targeting his own Highmane, which spawns a pair of two-two hyenas, ”the dude turned more than a few heads getting as far as he did in the Heir tourney, but who’s he kidding at this point? Against one of us, sure, I’d say he’d have a shot; but the three of us have experience dating back to nCw – probably about the same time he was in diapers. Mark in the chat wants to know if I have a game plan for Dre.”
He laughs
”The kid can go, I’ll give him that. He’s strong, agile and has one hell of a mean streak – but at the end of the day he’s outmanned, outclassed and out of luck if he thinks he’ll be doing any more than running interference for me. When the sun sets on this match he’ll be nothing more than a footnote” he says with a shrug. ”Not to be harsh, but Cutler hasn’t paid his dues yet to be considered a viable option – he’s just filling a Ryan Shane shaped void.
Shit” he says, attention back on the game as his opponent drops Wisps of the Old Gods and looks to be setting up for a next turn victory. Only thing he can do is hope for a little RNG love from the Hearthstone gods. ”But, speaking of paying dues –” he continues, waiting patiently for his opponent to end his turn.
”I guess the cat is out of the bag, eh?” He looks sheepishly at the camera, the corner of his mouth curling up in a smirk. ”Looks like ol’ Jimmy spilled the beans on our meeting last week and the nature of the visit.
Yeah, sure,” he says, shaking his head while looking at the chat, ”I guess I could take it as threatening; I mean, dude basically told me I could join the Kiwis or something if I just made sure he won the match.” Pooler continues to shake his head, a deep sigh escaping as he does. ”Here we go again, guys. I feel like this is the type of shit that you always read about; the recovering gambler getting hit up at work to go in on the March Madness brackets; the recovering alcoholic being asked to mind the bar at the company get-together; the recovering sex-addict …” he snickers, ”well, I guess they can’t all be bad, eh?
But here we go again, it’s like the fuckin’ Age of X or Empire all over again. I’m on track to actually, maybe,” he adds quietly, ”do something with myself and I’m given this ‘too good to be true’ chance. Thing is,” he says, his eyes narrowing as he wags a finger at the camera, ”these chances always involve me joining this group, or that group, and each time costs me a little bit of my soul. I feel like that things been split into so many pieces some teenage wizard is going to be knocking on my door thinking I’m the next Dark Lord – which, come to think of it, sounds an awful lot like a nickname Mr. Karn might have given to himself.
No,” he drops a card, issuing three damage to both an enemy minion as well as his opponents face, ”I’ve bitten on that bait one too many times. Kiwi doesn’t want me to join any more than Angel did, any more than Spike did, heck, any more than Verona did back in the day. I’m expendable, a meat shield that has a pretty good knack for taking the heat, and the hits, meant for the ones in charge.
Thing is,” he continues, ”I kinda feel like I’m done being the drone – it hasn’t exactly worked out for me in the past, eh? Jimmy wants me to stand between him and anyone who wants that title; he didn’t come out and say it, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d just asked me to lie down at take the quick pin.
The sick part is the old me might just have done it.
You guys have been with me through the good nights and the bad ones; you’ve seen me at my lowest and been there to cheer me on to some awesome games. So, let me put it to a vote – think I should throw away whatever slim chance I have at redemption here and just join Kiwi Jim and the Redneck boys?” His eyes scroll through the immediate responses from the chat; one in particular making him laugh out loud, ”I think you spelled moronic wrong, bud; but yeah, I’m going to go ahead and agree with the chat. I’d be a moron to fall back into that same old trap again.
So Jimmy, James, Mr. Karn if you please, I appreciate the opportunity and that you think so little of me to even offer me this chance – but I’m going to have to pass. My redemption, well, if I have to buy it instead of earn it … what good is it in the end?
So, tell you what, I hope my no gets you all hot under the collar. I hope you’re all sorts of pissed off come tomorrow, because the James Franklin Karn that I see in that ring had better do more than bring promises, because those aren’t going to amount to a hill o’ shit once that bell rings. You’ve got three guys that would have had no trouble tearing into you even without that belt on the line. Dre wants to prove he’s the next big thing; Spike wants to prove he still has what it takes; and me? Well, we both know why I’m here.
I’m the guy with, literally, nothing to lose. I can walk away from this match happy to have given it my all, and at the very least to have kept Kane from winning the belt, or I can actually walk away the new IWF Man-of-Steel champion.”
The opponent throws down a Bloodlust, giving his remaining wisps a huge plus three buff to their attack, aiming the first one at Pooler’s face … only to trip the secret he’d thrown down at the end of his last turn. The Explosive Trap devastates the board, dealing damage to all of the opponents and dropping the Shaman, who proceeds to emote a simple ‘WOW’, before ending his turn.
”Tomorrow, you guys are going to find out that a lot has changed – I’m not the same guy I was a year ago. I’m the kind of guy who’s ready to prove to the fans, to the guys and gals in the back, to the suits who still think I’m worth a paycheck, but especially to opponents – that no matter how hard you push me, how close to victory you think you are … I never miss lethal.” He smiles as he clicks on his hero power, a single arrow shooting forth and dealing the final two damage necessary to secure the victory. As his opponents character portrait explodes, he smiles into the camera one more time. ”I’m Bob Pooler – what will I do next?”
Well howdy there pardner.