Post by Notorious B.O.B. on Feb 27, 2017 1:53:20 GMT
“Who’s ready for some alternative facts”
It would be during this awkward transition that some theme music would be nice; but, even with a lack of theme, no introduction was necessary as everyone came specifically to watch and listen to what this man had to say.
“And we are, officially, live right here on Twitch – unless you’re watching the recorded version that should be out on YouTube by Saturday … or maybe you’re watching a particularly funny quip on Reddit,” he winks at the webcam, “but probably not” he adds.
Pooler settles into his high backed gaming chair, unzipping his faded IWF: Big Bad Wolf hoodie a bit more and sliding on his headphones.
“There we go,” he says, letting out a sigh of content, “I think this should work, eh?” He taps at a few keys and brings up a new overlay. While ninety percent of the overlays that are used on his stream are game related, tonight’s was one of those ten percent that fit into the ‘other’ category. Much like the one he used the night of the Super Bowl, this one too was sports themed.
“Like the Danger Zone theme we got tonight?” He sat back a bit, his head turned to read the chat on his secondary monitor. “Only a few days from tonight, the men and women of IWF are invading New Orleans – and most of us are aiming to get more than beads that night!” he says with a chuckle.
“Yeah, yeah,” he says with a laugh and an eye roll as he reads the chat, “I know Mardi Gras isn’t until Tuesday, but this guy,” he jabs a thumb towards himself, “is definitely going to be gorging on the pancakes this year.”
The chat lights up with a few people echoing this declaration of excitement for the upcoming day of pancakes, but there are more than a few inquisitive question marks and ‘wtf’ remarks.
“Shrove Tuesday,” Pooler says, as though this might clear up the confusion. All he gets in return are the expected responses of
‘the hell is a shrove?’
‘that a mushroom?’
‘Pooler doing shrooms on Tuesday?’
At which point the chat dissolved into walls of four-twenty’s, high looking aliens, and quotes from Friday. “Guys,” he began, half exasperated – half amused, “Shrove Tuesday … Pancake Day … Mardi Gras … they’re all the same thing. Guess it’s a commonwealth thing to talk about Shrove Tuesday, but it’s just a day to binge on the kind of shit you’re probably giving up for lent.
Which reminds me,” he says with a sly grin, “I know not all of you are godless heathens,” he says with an eyebrow cocked, “so who here’s giving up stuff for Lent?”
He pauses for a moment watching as the screen lights up with responses. Most make him smile, a few groan, and one causes him to stop every everything and go back.
“Hang on, hang on, hand ….” he pauses, dragging it out, “on. I gotta go through some of these. So,” he continues, “I see some of you guys giving up normal stuff like chocolate, I saw one of you gave up all candy; J1nx,” he nods his head admiringly, “says he’s giving up cigarettes. Good on you, man. If you can make it through those forty days without a butt, then you’ll be fine! But I gotta say,” he smiles once more, “if you ever get the cravings, my buddies over at Bumblefrog have some great vape kits that might help you even more!”
He fishes around in the small drawer in front of him and digs out a business card that he holds up in front of the webcam. It takes a moment for the camera to zoom in properly on the information on the card, including the URL for the company. After a moment or two, he pulls the card away and allows the camera to refocus on him before continuing.
“But I gotta say, even though some of you guys went old-school with your, ‘I’m giving up NOT drinking’, and, ‘I’m giving up Lent for Lent’ – both knee slappers,” he says sarcastically, “there was one gem in here.” He scrolls for a second, his eyes searching for the winning comment.
“Told the wife jokingly that I was giving up sex for Lent, she said she gave that up years ago”
Pooler pushes back from the desk, hands in the air as he laughs and reaches off camera for something. Appearing back on screen he’s holding a Funko POP! Steve Awesome boxed figure.
“Alright, so hit me up on twitter with your contact information, buddy, because your lack of sex life should be rewarded with a guy who has MORE some to spare!”
He turns the box over in his hand before placing it to the side and clapping his hands together, fingers interlaced, and extending them towards the camera – cracking the knuckles loudly. “Enough fun, I say we get down to the business at hand and talk some smack!”
His jaw clenches as he smiles and shakes his head. “Yeah, I know there’s definitely a faction of ya’ll that’d like to see me just blindly tear into JFK heading into this match of ours, but truth-be-told,” he says with a shrug, “I don’t feel like I’ve got anything to really hold against him.
Yeah,” he says with a chuckle, “I know its way more interesting to sit and listen to me talk about what a failure he is, or call him some colorful names, or even play that fun game of pretending to not acknowledge any of his past achievements; but what’s the point?
When you think about a match like this, at least from my perspective,” he adds in quickly, “there’s no animosity that’s been building for weeks – no backstabbing or cheap shots being taken, hell,” he continues, “not to take anything away from what’s at stake here, but this match might be the most anti-climactic one on the card.”
He pauses as something catches his eye on his chat monitor.
“Oh, right,” he says, slapping an open palm against his forehead, “I guess me and JFK make more sense than that coffin match.
But,” he shrugs, “I guess that even though I don’t have a hard-on for wanting to see Karn crushed beneath my boot, doesn’t mean that the two of us are bosom buddies. In fact,” he says with a half smile, “there’s a few things that I wanted to address that Jimmy had to say last week.
So,” he continues, pulling one ear cup away and tucking it behind his ear in order to itch his earlobe, “ya’ll know that I was a little under the weather …” he says, scratching at his cheek with a smirk, “whiskey will do that to you, I guess,” he chuckles, “but I didn’t get a chance to stream last week like I’d planned on so, I guess,” he says with a shrug, “I didn’t get much of a chance to address the idea of teaming with the guy that’s gonna be defending his title against me this week. But,” he smirks, “I suppose I’d have just said the same thing I'm gonna say this week.
See,” leaning back, he tucks his hands behind his head with fingers interlaced, “I managed to catch what Jimmy had to say last week –
- and I just don’t get it.
Now, maybe if I hadn’t gotten lost in the bottom of a bottle last week I’d have had a chance to ask Jimmy just what he’d been drinkin’, ‘cause, dude” he laughs, unfolding his arms and shaking his head, “I just don’t get it.
Let’s hit the rewind on this little relationship ‘tween us, partner. Backtrack a few months and there’s me and Spike going at each other tooth and nail. I mean,” he says, almost snorting, “I was doing anything and everything I could to get through to him; hell, I let him beat on me until he nearly exhausted himself. All of it, every single punch and kick, was worth it if it meant getting through to him – that was my goal
Spike was my purpose.
Remember back when you offered me that spot in KIWA, offered me a chance to see what you could do for me? I do, and I stand behind what I said then, whether you still don’t accept it.
That fight, that was something I had to do on my own; and that was something that I thought you understood.
Your goal, by comparison, was breaking the monopoly that the House had, and still has,” he he concedes, “over this company. Together,” he shrugs, “sure, I bet we could have achieved your goal – could have broken the house that Laura built. But there in lies the rub; that was your goal, bud. Spike was, and continues to be, my concern.
Getting through to Spike because unlike the rest of you, I refuse to turn by back on him … not again.
Yet,” he sneers, “you seemed awfully quick to point fingers at me for failing you, for failing to bring down the House like you and Steve have … Jimmy,” he says with a grin, “just how long do you think Diamond is going to stay fired? You’d think that Steve-o had banished him to the underworld with all your talk. I give it two,” he throws a couple fingers in the air, “three months tops before we see him crotch chopping over the prone body of Steve Awesome.
And you,” he shakes his head, almost laughing, “you certainly brought down the House of Howlett with your Invictus victory over Noah, huh?
Remind me, though,” he grins, “who’s carrying around the Imperial title?
Uh huh
How about that Man-of-Steel title?
Yeah”
Pooler chuckles, dragging the back of his hand under his nose as he looks back into the webcam. “Two-thirds, Jimmy, two-thirds of the men’s titles in this company are still being held by the House. After this weekend, if Noah manages to pull the Imperial title out of Cable’s cold, dead hands d’you know how many titles they’ll hold?”
He pauses for a heartbeat
“Still two, Jimmy – still … two.
Because at the end of the day, you and Steve didn’t topple the House any more than I got through to Spike. We failed, Jimmy, we all failed.
Spike,” he says, a half-snort escaping as his eyes drop to the table in front of him, “y’know, that reminds me of something. I guess until now I never really put two and two together, but seeing as how I’m lookin’ at you in this whole new light, I guess it all makes sense, eh?
Me and Spike, the invitation to join KIWA, hell even the Extinction Event … it wasn’t about the House, it was never about the House. It was always about YOU!”
Eyes narrowed, jaw clenched, Pooler leans forward slightly – drilling his index finger into the table. “The generosity that I thought you were bestowing upon me; I thought you genuinely wanted to help. But it wasn’t about Spike, it was about that title that he’s been holding around his waist. It was always about the Man-of-Steel title wasn’t it, James?
Time and time again you targeted Spike, tried to take that title from him and, when it became painfully obvious that you weren’t up to par – you decided that the next best thing would be to try and go at the guy preoccupied with the Imperial title.
It wasn’t much of a long con, but hey,” he laughs, “it worked out in your favor in the end, eh.
But ever since that title was placed into your hands you’ve changed, James, and not for the better. I honestly thought for a while there that you and I were on the same page. We each had our battles that we were waging, but in the end our victories would mean the betterment of IWF as a whole.
But you,” he shakes his head, “you’ve gone and branded yourself ‘The One’, and then have the audacity to preach to me about selfishness and egos? Come on, Jim, you’re better than that – what happened to the guy who only a few weeks back fronted the money to get Jayson Matthews trained up by The Nighthawk?
That,” he slaps his palm against the table, “was a hell of a thing to do, but then in almost the same breath you …” he trails off, trying to maintain his composure as he shakes his head back and forth rapidly, “you call me selfish, call me egotistical, suggest that I’m too proud to ever successfully work together with you …
James, all I’ve done since my return to IWF was to improve not only myself, but the company that’s given me more chances than I’ve probably deserved.
All my shit’s taped, man, the videos are up on YouTube and you can rewatch ‘em all you want. What I’m saying is, I’ve never sat here in this chair and denounced the hard work and dedication of anyone on this roster.
Never.
But you,” he scoffs, “I feel like I don’t even recognize the man that you’ve turned into. James Franklin Karn may not be the most warm and fuzzy guy in the world, but he sure as hell isn’t this,” he jerks his chin towards the camera, the disgust etched on his face.
“I haven’t had a Pay-Per-View match in a while, James. Care to wager a guess why? Well, while most of the guys, yourself included, have been falling all over themselves vying for title shots and opportunity after opportunity, I’ve been keeping my nose clean and just working.
I didn’t ask for this shot at your title, Jimmy, but I also can’t just ignore it when an opportunity is thrust in front of me. Just because I wasn’t seeking you out, doesn’t mean that you weren’t on my radar.
I’d hoped that your Invictus reign was going to be a good one. That you’d have the opportunity to clean off a lot of the shit that Noah heaped onto the title.
Doesn’t look like you’ll have the time, though.”
Pooler smiles and sighs. The frustration washes from his face, leaving only a look of pity. “I promise, though,” he continues, “that I’ll use my time as the Invictus champion to do more – to be more. It’s a gift, James, a gift that you, unfortunately, look at as an entitlement.
I didn’t want it to come to this;
but you’ve left me no choice –
I just hope you don’t take to heart the new nickname that I’ve seen popping up online;
The One and Done, Jay Eff Kay!”
Pooler smirks, but there’s no sarcasm in the grin. He looks uncomfortable, almost sorry. He throws up two fingers to the webcam and clicks a button on his keyboard killing the feed without another word.
The chatroom continues on, as per usual, and he glances at it momentarily before pushing back from the desk and crossing the room to the door. A final look back, followed by a deep breath and he flicks out the lights.
Well howdy there pardner.