Post by Eddie D. on Aug 1, 2013 16:33:13 GMT
Kyle said his name was Slade, the guy who could help me get my daughter back. Almost hard to believe it could be this easy…
I fumble around with the piece of paper with his number on it for a long time after Sacrifice, thinking about the pros and cons of doing something possibly illegal to get my kid back.
Pro, I get her back.
Con, jail…
Hmmmmm…. At some point Spike walks into the locker room and just slams his head against the locker, this Aly stuff is hitting him pretty hard not to mention the fact we tried to bail out our buddy and caught a beat down for it, so I can understand the frustration. Aly is the world to him. She was his everything and now she wants a divorce all because of one screw up…
The symmetry between us isn’t lost on me either so thanks.
Rob: Hey man.
Spike: Hey…
He looks over at me and sees the piece of paper and just shakes his head.
Rob: What?
Spike: You seriously going to call that guy?
Rob: I may.
Spike: You know it’s a bad idea right? You know absolutely no good will come from it?
I get up, a little steamed.
Rob: I don’t care what comes of it as long as I get my daughter back.
Spike: Yeah? And what happens when the law finds out you paid some asshole a ton of money to bribe a few judges and lawyers or whatever he’s going to do? Huh? What happens when Hope doesn’t have a daddy to grow up with?
Starting to see red.
Rob: I could ask you the same question, what happens when little Xander wonders why everyone Spike Kane loves winds up with a crocked fucking nose?
I musta hit a nerve because my back just slammed against the wall.
Spike: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I don’t flinch, I’m not scared of Spike, but I do feel like an ass and so does he. He lets me go and backs off. Eventually he just sits down on the bench in the locker room.
Spike: Sorry…
Rob: Yeah, me too…
Spike: I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Calling that Slade guy, it’s a mistake. Do the right thing, Rob, fight for your kid the right way…
I grab the spot next to him, both of our heads hang low for a minute.
Rob: What are you going to do?
Spike: I don’t know man… I really don’t…
I look at the piece of paper again, the number, I think about all the possibilities…
Spike: What about you, what are you going to do?
I sigh.
Rob: The right thing…
I crumble up the piece of paper into a tiny ball and throw it in the trash.
Rob: I’m here for you, Mike, whatever you need.
Spike: Same here, man.
We both sigh before getting up and grabbing our things, our belts and head out for the next town…
Somewhere in the distance lighting strikes, a baby cries and someone tortures a small kitten. Somewhere in the darkness another maniac is born. Somewhere out there there is someone watching you in the shower and they can see just how tiny your penis really is despite the size of the lifts on your truck…
Rob: Evening gentlemen.
However that somewhere isn’t here as you find me standing before a banner of our Imperial Champion, Joe Everyman, a big ole smile on my face.
Rob: Man, it must be nice not to need women.
Oh, I can hear the baited breathe.
Rob: Since ya’ll got two giant floppy pussies between your legs!
And score one burn for this guy.
Rob: No but seriously, it takes a couple of real bitches to double team a Joe Everyman, I mean a guy who has spent his entire career getting pissed on and it takes TWO of you to take him down? Joe must be doing something right since CLEARLY Lex Sense isn’t enough to shatter his dreams no more.
But man was it epic watching Lex FAIL YET AGAIN to break that glass ceiling above him, I smile.
Rob: I mean, the dude overcomes all the odds, WINS the Imperial Championship and becomes the first Face of our Franchise here and the two of you are so butt hurt, so overcome with grief because you both FAILED MISERABLY to live up to your promises that you just HAVE to double team him during his big celebration? I mean, really guys, are you that jealous or are both really that worthless that neither one of you is man enough to challenge him one on one? I mean, I understand Lex Sense had only JUST gotten his ass royally handed to him by Joe Everyman so I can understand his apprehension over wanting to fight him one on one and I can see why after Chris Benoiting a ref because he’s too worthless to win a match, Xander would be questioning his own self worth but I feel like it was just a bit of over kill.
Just a smidge.
Rob: I mean sure, Joe Everyman did overcome the odds and his heart is definitely three sizes bigger than anyone thought it was but are you two just scared or what?
Cue the typical retort of two giant sacks of crap.
Rob: I mean, I’m not trying to stand on my soap box here but there hasn’t been a single man or woman in my entire career I was too afraid to face alone. Not one. Not Homeless Harold 1.0. Not Homeless Harold 2.0. Not Maniac. Not KLB. Not Spike Kane. No one. I’ve stepped into the ring with every single opponent with a single mind set, WIN. And if I did, I did. If I didn’t, I didn’t. But I never went and grabbed me another moron my size and tried to make an example of how much of a bitch I could be. Not once. Generally, when I lose, be it from the sun in my eyes or a gift from god to my opponent, I just come back badder than ever the next time. Generally I don’t tuck my tail into my vagina and beg the next biggest piece of crap I can find to help me prison rape the guy I just lost to.
Generally.
Rob: Speaking of prison rape, Xander, heard everything you said last week to Doc and you want to know who still thinks Cross is a legitimate champion who could beat your retarded ass on any given day of the week?
Whose got two thumbs and is telling ya’ll to suck it?
Rob: Me, that’s who. See, I watched that match. Watch you flounder to put that son of a bitch down, watched you panic when nothing you did was enough and watched you take out that ref because your winning streak and hype were more important than losing that match. Congrats on proving to the world just how much you suck. I mean we all knew you were a void of personality but now this heel turn? Man o’man, it’s like you’re a black hole of personality now. AND NO ONE SAW IT COMING! Cept me. Must be nice to know you couldn’t get it done against Cross. Must be nice to know you’ve got to use Zelda as an excuse to LOSE that match, and you did lose FYI despite what you like to tell people. Must be nice to stand there and once again ignore all the facts and think the words spewing out of both sides of your ass are actually going to convince anyone outside of your own reflection that you say is the truth.
Hold the phone, we mentioned Zelda, GASP!
Rob: And yeah, I said it. You used Zelda as an excuse to lose that match. You don’t give a crap about her and you never have, the proof is in your first promo against Cross where you spent the whole thing talking about winning that match because he wasn’t a real heavy weight or some garbage and then at the last second your like “OH AND MY SISTER AND STUFF BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!” Yeah, ohhhhh kay, she really matters. That’s why instead of coming into IWF right off the bat and murdering the guy who broke her heart you waited until that guy was a champion, waited a whole nother month to challenge him to a match and then waited until you CLEARLY couldn’t win to try and exact some revenge. Now see, if it were me and some dick head broke my sisters heart, Alex Jones I hope your listening, I wouldn’t wait until that guy was on top of the world to tear him down, I’d kill that son of a bitch in the parking lot before he ever even had the chance to steal the fans hearts. But I guess that’s the difference between you and me, I actually care about the people in my life and all you care about is yourself.
Slow clap.
Rob: Well here, before you even get started I’ll go ahead and give you some material. Zelda is a whore. Your dad is a joke. And Simon Daye stole my gimmick. Go fuck yourself.
Cheers.
Rob: And then theres Lex Sense, the guy who claims it doesn’t matter that he lost to Joe Everyman when it mattered most because….
Think I heard a cricket…
Rob: Sorry, never did quite catch what your reasoning was mostly because all I could hear WAS BULLSHIT!
ZING!
Rob: I mean, there’s talking out of your ass like Xander and there’s TALKING OUT OF YOUR ASS! I mean seriously Lex, I sit here and site specific examples of how I’m not afraid of you because I’ve beaten you pretty much everytime we’ve ever faced and despite your best efforts I’m STILL here to talk about it and your best retort is…
NUH-UH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh… The facts… They hurt….
Rob: Wow, really compelling stuff. Hey you asked me how it feels to be champion of a softening division that we softened because we’re fucking awesome? Pretty good. Let me ask you something, how’s it feel to be champion of the LOSERS BECAUSE YOU LOST!? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No but really, how’s it feel to not be a champion at all because your not. I mean, sure, Spike and I are champions of a division that we pretty much killed this past month because we defeated ALL THE COMPETITION IN A SINGLE MATCH TO WIN THESE titles but Lex Sense… Well he isn’t a champion at all so he totally has a right to talk. I mean EverySense DID fail to beat InFamous last week, so you know, totally has a leg to stand on. You ever get tired of talking out of your ass, either of you?
Probably not.
Rob: Thing is Lex, you are pretty consistant. You didn’t win any major titles in NCW and you’re not going to win any major titles in IWF. You lost to all the real stars in NCW and your going to lose to all the real stars in IWF. That’s consistent. Sure, you’ll get it done against a Kingsley or a Daniels or a Machado but when you step in the ring with a Diamond or a Kane or a Everyman, well you’re going to come up short, like you did in that other place. And that’s consistent. That’s what you are. Consistently just good enough for hopefully no one to notice… But I noticed… Like a shark I can smell the blood in the water and a whole bunch of other creepy serial killer analogies, boogie woogie woooo!!!!!
Yawn.
Rob: It goes like this Lex, Spike and I take every match seriously. We don’t look people over like you or Xander. We don’t set ourselves up for failure. We don’t make excuses. We don’t pick fights we can’t win. What we do? IS WIN. Against everyone we’ve come up against to date and what we’re going to do this Monday night is win because the two of you are the world’s greatest choke artists. Sure, you mask behind a win/loss record padded by guys like Thunder Sid but Spike and I, we’ve got the actual credentials to prove everything we say and all you two got is a couple of ref bump losses because your too much of a pussy to actually fight for what you believe in an lose. Hey, better to live on your knees than die on your feet, right boys?
Can’t all be kings and gods, can we?
Rob: Fact is kiddies, you were the two most dominate singles wrestlers in IWF… Until you both lost two weeks in a row. We ARE STILL the most dominate TEAM in IWF and that ain’t about to change. Now ya’ll can suck it.
As the crotch chop takes us to black, bitches.
I fumble around with the piece of paper with his number on it for a long time after Sacrifice, thinking about the pros and cons of doing something possibly illegal to get my kid back.
Pro, I get her back.
Con, jail…
Hmmmmm…. At some point Spike walks into the locker room and just slams his head against the locker, this Aly stuff is hitting him pretty hard not to mention the fact we tried to bail out our buddy and caught a beat down for it, so I can understand the frustration. Aly is the world to him. She was his everything and now she wants a divorce all because of one screw up…
The symmetry between us isn’t lost on me either so thanks.
Rob: Hey man.
Spike: Hey…
He looks over at me and sees the piece of paper and just shakes his head.
Rob: What?
Spike: You seriously going to call that guy?
Rob: I may.
Spike: You know it’s a bad idea right? You know absolutely no good will come from it?
I get up, a little steamed.
Rob: I don’t care what comes of it as long as I get my daughter back.
Spike: Yeah? And what happens when the law finds out you paid some asshole a ton of money to bribe a few judges and lawyers or whatever he’s going to do? Huh? What happens when Hope doesn’t have a daddy to grow up with?
Starting to see red.
Rob: I could ask you the same question, what happens when little Xander wonders why everyone Spike Kane loves winds up with a crocked fucking nose?
I musta hit a nerve because my back just slammed against the wall.
Spike: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I don’t flinch, I’m not scared of Spike, but I do feel like an ass and so does he. He lets me go and backs off. Eventually he just sits down on the bench in the locker room.
Spike: Sorry…
Rob: Yeah, me too…
Spike: I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Calling that Slade guy, it’s a mistake. Do the right thing, Rob, fight for your kid the right way…
I grab the spot next to him, both of our heads hang low for a minute.
Rob: What are you going to do?
Spike: I don’t know man… I really don’t…
I look at the piece of paper again, the number, I think about all the possibilities…
Spike: What about you, what are you going to do?
I sigh.
Rob: The right thing…
I crumble up the piece of paper into a tiny ball and throw it in the trash.
Rob: I’m here for you, Mike, whatever you need.
Spike: Same here, man.
We both sigh before getting up and grabbing our things, our belts and head out for the next town…
Somewhere in the distance lighting strikes, a baby cries and someone tortures a small kitten. Somewhere in the darkness another maniac is born. Somewhere out there there is someone watching you in the shower and they can see just how tiny your penis really is despite the size of the lifts on your truck…
Rob: Evening gentlemen.
However that somewhere isn’t here as you find me standing before a banner of our Imperial Champion, Joe Everyman, a big ole smile on my face.
Rob: Man, it must be nice not to need women.
Oh, I can hear the baited breathe.
Rob: Since ya’ll got two giant floppy pussies between your legs!
And score one burn for this guy.
Rob: No but seriously, it takes a couple of real bitches to double team a Joe Everyman, I mean a guy who has spent his entire career getting pissed on and it takes TWO of you to take him down? Joe must be doing something right since CLEARLY Lex Sense isn’t enough to shatter his dreams no more.
But man was it epic watching Lex FAIL YET AGAIN to break that glass ceiling above him, I smile.
Rob: I mean, the dude overcomes all the odds, WINS the Imperial Championship and becomes the first Face of our Franchise here and the two of you are so butt hurt, so overcome with grief because you both FAILED MISERABLY to live up to your promises that you just HAVE to double team him during his big celebration? I mean, really guys, are you that jealous or are both really that worthless that neither one of you is man enough to challenge him one on one? I mean, I understand Lex Sense had only JUST gotten his ass royally handed to him by Joe Everyman so I can understand his apprehension over wanting to fight him one on one and I can see why after Chris Benoiting a ref because he’s too worthless to win a match, Xander would be questioning his own self worth but I feel like it was just a bit of over kill.
Just a smidge.
Rob: I mean sure, Joe Everyman did overcome the odds and his heart is definitely three sizes bigger than anyone thought it was but are you two just scared or what?
Cue the typical retort of two giant sacks of crap.
Rob: I mean, I’m not trying to stand on my soap box here but there hasn’t been a single man or woman in my entire career I was too afraid to face alone. Not one. Not Homeless Harold 1.0. Not Homeless Harold 2.0. Not Maniac. Not KLB. Not Spike Kane. No one. I’ve stepped into the ring with every single opponent with a single mind set, WIN. And if I did, I did. If I didn’t, I didn’t. But I never went and grabbed me another moron my size and tried to make an example of how much of a bitch I could be. Not once. Generally, when I lose, be it from the sun in my eyes or a gift from god to my opponent, I just come back badder than ever the next time. Generally I don’t tuck my tail into my vagina and beg the next biggest piece of crap I can find to help me prison rape the guy I just lost to.
Generally.
Rob: Speaking of prison rape, Xander, heard everything you said last week to Doc and you want to know who still thinks Cross is a legitimate champion who could beat your retarded ass on any given day of the week?
Whose got two thumbs and is telling ya’ll to suck it?
Rob: Me, that’s who. See, I watched that match. Watch you flounder to put that son of a bitch down, watched you panic when nothing you did was enough and watched you take out that ref because your winning streak and hype were more important than losing that match. Congrats on proving to the world just how much you suck. I mean we all knew you were a void of personality but now this heel turn? Man o’man, it’s like you’re a black hole of personality now. AND NO ONE SAW IT COMING! Cept me. Must be nice to know you couldn’t get it done against Cross. Must be nice to know you’ve got to use Zelda as an excuse to LOSE that match, and you did lose FYI despite what you like to tell people. Must be nice to stand there and once again ignore all the facts and think the words spewing out of both sides of your ass are actually going to convince anyone outside of your own reflection that you say is the truth.
Hold the phone, we mentioned Zelda, GASP!
Rob: And yeah, I said it. You used Zelda as an excuse to lose that match. You don’t give a crap about her and you never have, the proof is in your first promo against Cross where you spent the whole thing talking about winning that match because he wasn’t a real heavy weight or some garbage and then at the last second your like “OH AND MY SISTER AND STUFF BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!” Yeah, ohhhhh kay, she really matters. That’s why instead of coming into IWF right off the bat and murdering the guy who broke her heart you waited until that guy was a champion, waited a whole nother month to challenge him to a match and then waited until you CLEARLY couldn’t win to try and exact some revenge. Now see, if it were me and some dick head broke my sisters heart, Alex Jones I hope your listening, I wouldn’t wait until that guy was on top of the world to tear him down, I’d kill that son of a bitch in the parking lot before he ever even had the chance to steal the fans hearts. But I guess that’s the difference between you and me, I actually care about the people in my life and all you care about is yourself.
Slow clap.
Rob: Well here, before you even get started I’ll go ahead and give you some material. Zelda is a whore. Your dad is a joke. And Simon Daye stole my gimmick. Go fuck yourself.
Cheers.
Rob: And then theres Lex Sense, the guy who claims it doesn’t matter that he lost to Joe Everyman when it mattered most because….
Think I heard a cricket…
Rob: Sorry, never did quite catch what your reasoning was mostly because all I could hear WAS BULLSHIT!
ZING!
Rob: I mean, there’s talking out of your ass like Xander and there’s TALKING OUT OF YOUR ASS! I mean seriously Lex, I sit here and site specific examples of how I’m not afraid of you because I’ve beaten you pretty much everytime we’ve ever faced and despite your best efforts I’m STILL here to talk about it and your best retort is…
NUH-UH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh… The facts… They hurt….
Rob: Wow, really compelling stuff. Hey you asked me how it feels to be champion of a softening division that we softened because we’re fucking awesome? Pretty good. Let me ask you something, how’s it feel to be champion of the LOSERS BECAUSE YOU LOST!? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No but really, how’s it feel to not be a champion at all because your not. I mean, sure, Spike and I are champions of a division that we pretty much killed this past month because we defeated ALL THE COMPETITION IN A SINGLE MATCH TO WIN THESE titles but Lex Sense… Well he isn’t a champion at all so he totally has a right to talk. I mean EverySense DID fail to beat InFamous last week, so you know, totally has a leg to stand on. You ever get tired of talking out of your ass, either of you?
Probably not.
Rob: Thing is Lex, you are pretty consistant. You didn’t win any major titles in NCW and you’re not going to win any major titles in IWF. You lost to all the real stars in NCW and your going to lose to all the real stars in IWF. That’s consistent. Sure, you’ll get it done against a Kingsley or a Daniels or a Machado but when you step in the ring with a Diamond or a Kane or a Everyman, well you’re going to come up short, like you did in that other place. And that’s consistent. That’s what you are. Consistently just good enough for hopefully no one to notice… But I noticed… Like a shark I can smell the blood in the water and a whole bunch of other creepy serial killer analogies, boogie woogie woooo!!!!!
Yawn.
Rob: It goes like this Lex, Spike and I take every match seriously. We don’t look people over like you or Xander. We don’t set ourselves up for failure. We don’t make excuses. We don’t pick fights we can’t win. What we do? IS WIN. Against everyone we’ve come up against to date and what we’re going to do this Monday night is win because the two of you are the world’s greatest choke artists. Sure, you mask behind a win/loss record padded by guys like Thunder Sid but Spike and I, we’ve got the actual credentials to prove everything we say and all you two got is a couple of ref bump losses because your too much of a pussy to actually fight for what you believe in an lose. Hey, better to live on your knees than die on your feet, right boys?
Can’t all be kings and gods, can we?
Rob: Fact is kiddies, you were the two most dominate singles wrestlers in IWF… Until you both lost two weeks in a row. We ARE STILL the most dominate TEAM in IWF and that ain’t about to change. Now ya’ll can suck it.
As the crotch chop takes us to black, bitches.
Well howdy there pardner.