Post by Dean Harper on Oct 31, 2018 18:00:56 GMT
‘He needs medical care’ they’d said. ‘It’s mild concussion but it needs to be treated’.
‘He will be treated’. Rowan had promised.
Dean was in her room, staring at the ceiling as he felt the light tingle in his skin.
“Don’t waste it.” He didn’t want to be treated. He felt like he was drowning and he just wanted to let it take him under the waves and crush him against the rocks.
“No.” Rowan kept her hands on the side of his head.
“Please?” Dean asked.
“You have more to do.”
“Just let me die.” Dean closed his eyes. “I’m no use to anyone right now. I couldn’t even…”
“You are being Melodramatic, Dean Harper.” Rowan softly caressed the top of his head.
“I’m not worth the effort keeps putting in. I couldn’t do it. I had to kill the motherfucker to even get it and I couldn’t keep it.” Dean glared at the ceiling. “What was the point? What was the point of any of it?”
“To make them fear you.”
“And then get the only thing worth fearing ripped out of me wholesale.”
“Leviathan?" she scoffed. " Leviathan's intimidation was parlor tricks and shock tactics. All that was to be truly feared from you... was you.” Rowan chided softly. “I know the impulses you have. I know what you want. You want to make the world pay for the hand you have been dealt. You have always wanted that.”
Dean glanced up at her. “Did he tell you that?”
“I have cared for you since you were a child, Dean Harper. I know what lies in your heart. What your soul really wants. The things you don’t dare to anyone else. I know you.”
“…Yeah?”
“You wanted to be the kind of man they could love. You are so much like your father, trying so hard to hide all the flaws and hoping they will love the lie.” Rowan’s eyes smiled down at him. “But you are a terrible liar.”
“Everyone says that.”
“We love you here. We have always loved you. At your lowest. At your darkest. They will never love that part of you, you know that.”
“…You’re not mad?”
“You are like a son to me, Dean Harper. I could never not be proud of you. I could never not love you. I want only what makes you happy.”
“…You mean it?” He felt like a child, maybe having a mother play with his mother after a nightmare instead of a fucking disaster needing to be put back together by a demon he worshipped.
“I understand wanting to be loved. Once I wanted that from my father but I learned he could never truly love me for all that I am. They see the flaws within us. The darkness within us. And they are afraid. They will always reject us for it.” Rowan puts a hand on his forehead. “Here there is no hiding ourselves. Here no one fears your darkness. Stop fighting it Dean Harper. Abandon the useless desire to be good and be who you were always meant to be.”
Dean closed his eyes. “Brooklyn hates me.”
“She does recognize who you are with this mask on. Whatever they filled your head with was a lie, Dean Harper. It is holding you back. Embrace it and you will have everything your heart desired.”
“…Everything?”
“Everything.”
‘He will be treated’. Rowan had promised.
Dean was in her room, staring at the ceiling as he felt the light tingle in his skin.
“Don’t waste it.” He didn’t want to be treated. He felt like he was drowning and he just wanted to let it take him under the waves and crush him against the rocks.
“No.” Rowan kept her hands on the side of his head.
“Please?” Dean asked.
“You have more to do.”
“Just let me die.” Dean closed his eyes. “I’m no use to anyone right now. I couldn’t even…”
“You are being Melodramatic, Dean Harper.” Rowan softly caressed the top of his head.
“I’m not worth the effort keeps putting in. I couldn’t do it. I had to kill the motherfucker to even get it and I couldn’t keep it.” Dean glared at the ceiling. “What was the point? What was the point of any of it?”
“To make them fear you.”
“And then get the only thing worth fearing ripped out of me wholesale.”
“Leviathan?" she scoffed. " Leviathan's intimidation was parlor tricks and shock tactics. All that was to be truly feared from you... was you.” Rowan chided softly. “I know the impulses you have. I know what you want. You want to make the world pay for the hand you have been dealt. You have always wanted that.”
Dean glanced up at her. “Did he tell you that?”
“I have cared for you since you were a child, Dean Harper. I know what lies in your heart. What your soul really wants. The things you don’t dare to anyone else. I know you.”
“…Yeah?”
“You wanted to be the kind of man they could love. You are so much like your father, trying so hard to hide all the flaws and hoping they will love the lie.” Rowan’s eyes smiled down at him. “But you are a terrible liar.”
“Everyone says that.”
“We love you here. We have always loved you. At your lowest. At your darkest. They will never love that part of you, you know that.”
“…You’re not mad?”
“You are like a son to me, Dean Harper. I could never not be proud of you. I could never not love you. I want only what makes you happy.”
“…You mean it?” He felt like a child, maybe having a mother play with his mother after a nightmare instead of a fucking disaster needing to be put back together by a demon he worshipped.
“I understand wanting to be loved. Once I wanted that from my father but I learned he could never truly love me for all that I am. They see the flaws within us. The darkness within us. And they are afraid. They will always reject us for it.” Rowan puts a hand on his forehead. “Here there is no hiding ourselves. Here no one fears your darkness. Stop fighting it Dean Harper. Abandon the useless desire to be good and be who you were always meant to be.”
Dean closed his eyes. “Brooklyn hates me.”
“She does recognize who you are with this mask on. Whatever they filled your head with was a lie, Dean Harper. It is holding you back. Embrace it and you will have everything your heart desired.”
“…Everything?”
“Everything.”