Post by Rob Diamond on Jul 12, 2017 3:20:40 GMT
{ Mr. Happy comes stumbling through the curtain backstage after his triple threat barbed wire bat on a poll match. Happy looks around for a moment at the various staff members, locking eyes with Roberto Verona who is hovering over the monitors and screaming lines into the ears of Vasco Dias and Terri Morasco to Riley Gordon and Tyler Jacobs who both appear to be each fondling a single ball of Verona’s through his pants. Mr. Happy smiles before a single drip of blood drops onto his smiling face. Happy reaches up to touch the drop and slightly smears it before speaking. }
Happy: It’s all a joke…
{ Without notice Happy fall forward off the stage steps and lands face first on the concrete floor, absolutely no one looks up from their position as Happy starts to bleed out from wounds opened a week ago by Jason Sandman, not even Kathleen Conway looks up from the crotch of Roberto Verona as the body of Happy starts to twitch… }
Several ish days later.
{ One eye after the other opens as Mr. Happy starts to focus on his surroundings. He looks to his right and sees a group of clowns in full on nurse gear washing a duel saw. Mr. Happy shudders and turns the other way where he sees the doctor preparing to operate sharpening a butcher knife. }
Happy: What the hey!!??
Dr. Death: Are you ready to be healed!?
{ The doctor sharpening the butcher knife removed his mask to reveal the face of Jake Conway. Jake smiled sadistically as he finally gets to live out his fantasy of mattering half as much as Spike Kane, at least in the mind of Mr. Happy. }
Dr. Death: Time to surgery your piddly ass!!!
{ The doctor smirks as he fires up a comedically over sized drill. Dr Death brings the drill closer and closer the headof Mr. Happy as he looks helplessly toward Kathleen Conway who is literally sucking on a life sized version of Roberto Verona’s penis cast in pop cycle form. }
Happy: HELP ME!!!!
Kathy: *Mumbling with frozen penis in her mouth* Mmbdbdbalakajsjs!
Happy: I don’t speak cock sucker!!!!
{ The drill comes closer to the scalp of Mr. Happy. The tip starts to dig into the flesh of the painted one when he suddenly sits up in bed screaming, his arms flailing knocking over various already open bottles of Root Beer Faygo as Randy *redacted* jumps back in his seat completely surprised. }
Randy: What the fuck!?
{ Randy jumps out of his chair and tries to catch each of the various bottles of soda as they go crashing toward the floor, he only catches one and the other three begin to spill out as Happy sits up in his hospital bed in a cold sweat. }
Happy: Where am I?!
Randy: Jesus Christ, Happy!!
Happy: Randy!!! How long have I been gone!?
{ Randy raises and eyebrow as he looks at the soda spilling out on the floor. }
Randy: An hour?
Happy: I SAW THE FUTURE!!!! It was terrible Randy!!!! Everyone was performing oral sex on Roberto Verona and no one had the testicular fortitude to tell Jake Conway he wasn’t all that and a box of chocolates!!!
Randy: Sounds like real life.
Happy: It was horrible!!!! And the worst part was they didn’t even love themselves! They just played these characters who were hollow versions of their real personalities! And when I approached them about their lack of true love they put me in a match against a delusional mad man!
{ Randy rolled his eyes as he just sat back in the chair next to Happy’s bed.}
Randy: Well, as it happens they did book you against Dante Saffron and while I wouldn’t consider him the corporate kiss ass of your dreams I’d definitely be pissing myself to face him.
Happy: He sounds absolutely lovely!
Randy: He’s a former World Champion you idiot! He could eat you alive and still be hungry for dinner!!
Happy: But at least I would feed him!
Randy: What the hell is wrong with you!? Dante Saffron defeated Angel Blake in that promotion we are not allowed to mention! And Angel Blake is like THE God of IWF! Rumor has it if you say his name five times in front of a mirror then Tony Todd will appear and hook you through the heart for Blake!
Happy: That sounds like the plot of a cool early 90’s movie.
Randy: It’s reality!
{ Randy slaps Happy across the face. }
Randy: Dante Saffron will skin you alive and wear your flesh like a goddamn Happy suit!
{ Happy is taken back by Randy. }
Happy: I refuse to be buried alive!
Randy: What??
Happy: He may take my soul but he will never take my virginity!
Randy: I don’t think he was threatening that.
Happy: I did not have sexual relations with Fiona McFly.
Randy: No one said you did.
Happy: I am not a crook!
Randy: Ok?
Happy: Dante Saffron may be strong but my power levels are over nine thousand!
Randy: Nurse?
{ Happy starts to vibrate in the bed until he literally lights up like an old fashioned bulb, his hair turning bright blond. }
Happy: AHHHHHHH!
Randy: Ah?
Happy: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Randy: Ah?
Happy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{ Happy begins to levitate over his hospital be. }
Happy: DAN!!!! TE!!!! SAFF!!!!! RON!!!!! HAPPY!!!! LOVES!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!
{ Happy pulls back like he is about to fire off his final attack when Randy steps up onto the bed and slaps him across the face. Happy drops down onto the bed with Randy looking over him. }
Randy: What the hell was that?
Happy: I was powering up my love?
Randy: Don’t.
{ Randy spins toward the camera and salutes with a wink as we are whisked into a promo for next time on Mr. Happy Z! Will Happy love Gilmore? Is man on man butt sex really that frowned upon? Next time on Mr. Happy Z!!!! }
Happy: It’s all a joke…
{ Without notice Happy fall forward off the stage steps and lands face first on the concrete floor, absolutely no one looks up from their position as Happy starts to bleed out from wounds opened a week ago by Jason Sandman, not even Kathleen Conway looks up from the crotch of Roberto Verona as the body of Happy starts to twitch… }
Several ish days later.
{ One eye after the other opens as Mr. Happy starts to focus on his surroundings. He looks to his right and sees a group of clowns in full on nurse gear washing a duel saw. Mr. Happy shudders and turns the other way where he sees the doctor preparing to operate sharpening a butcher knife. }
Happy: What the hey!!??
Dr. Death: Are you ready to be healed!?
{ The doctor sharpening the butcher knife removed his mask to reveal the face of Jake Conway. Jake smiled sadistically as he finally gets to live out his fantasy of mattering half as much as Spike Kane, at least in the mind of Mr. Happy. }
Dr. Death: Time to surgery your piddly ass!!!
{ The doctor smirks as he fires up a comedically over sized drill. Dr Death brings the drill closer and closer the headof Mr. Happy as he looks helplessly toward Kathleen Conway who is literally sucking on a life sized version of Roberto Verona’s penis cast in pop cycle form. }
Happy: HELP ME!!!!
Kathy: *Mumbling with frozen penis in her mouth* Mmbdbdbalakajsjs!
Happy: I don’t speak cock sucker!!!!
{ The drill comes closer to the scalp of Mr. Happy. The tip starts to dig into the flesh of the painted one when he suddenly sits up in bed screaming, his arms flailing knocking over various already open bottles of Root Beer Faygo as Randy *redacted* jumps back in his seat completely surprised. }
Randy: What the fuck!?
{ Randy jumps out of his chair and tries to catch each of the various bottles of soda as they go crashing toward the floor, he only catches one and the other three begin to spill out as Happy sits up in his hospital bed in a cold sweat. }
Happy: Where am I?!
Randy: Jesus Christ, Happy!!
Happy: Randy!!! How long have I been gone!?
{ Randy raises and eyebrow as he looks at the soda spilling out on the floor. }
Randy: An hour?
Happy: I SAW THE FUTURE!!!! It was terrible Randy!!!! Everyone was performing oral sex on Roberto Verona and no one had the testicular fortitude to tell Jake Conway he wasn’t all that and a box of chocolates!!!
Randy: Sounds like real life.
Happy: It was horrible!!!! And the worst part was they didn’t even love themselves! They just played these characters who were hollow versions of their real personalities! And when I approached them about their lack of true love they put me in a match against a delusional mad man!
{ Randy rolled his eyes as he just sat back in the chair next to Happy’s bed.}
Randy: Well, as it happens they did book you against Dante Saffron and while I wouldn’t consider him the corporate kiss ass of your dreams I’d definitely be pissing myself to face him.
Happy: He sounds absolutely lovely!
Randy: He’s a former World Champion you idiot! He could eat you alive and still be hungry for dinner!!
Happy: But at least I would feed him!
Randy: What the hell is wrong with you!? Dante Saffron defeated Angel Blake in that promotion we are not allowed to mention! And Angel Blake is like THE God of IWF! Rumor has it if you say his name five times in front of a mirror then Tony Todd will appear and hook you through the heart for Blake!
Happy: That sounds like the plot of a cool early 90’s movie.
Randy: It’s reality!
{ Randy slaps Happy across the face. }
Randy: Dante Saffron will skin you alive and wear your flesh like a goddamn Happy suit!
{ Happy is taken back by Randy. }
Happy: I refuse to be buried alive!
Randy: What??
Happy: He may take my soul but he will never take my virginity!
Randy: I don’t think he was threatening that.
Happy: I did not have sexual relations with Fiona McFly.
Randy: No one said you did.
Happy: I am not a crook!
Randy: Ok?
Happy: Dante Saffron may be strong but my power levels are over nine thousand!
Randy: Nurse?
{ Happy starts to vibrate in the bed until he literally lights up like an old fashioned bulb, his hair turning bright blond. }
Happy: AHHHHHHH!
Randy: Ah?
Happy: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Randy: Ah?
Happy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{ Happy begins to levitate over his hospital be. }
Happy: DAN!!!! TE!!!! SAFF!!!!! RON!!!!! HAPPY!!!! LOVES!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!
{ Happy pulls back like he is about to fire off his final attack when Randy steps up onto the bed and slaps him across the face. Happy drops down onto the bed with Randy looking over him. }
Randy: What the hell was that?
Happy: I was powering up my love?
Randy: Don’t.
{ Randy spins toward the camera and salutes with a wink as we are whisked into a promo for next time on Mr. Happy Z! Will Happy love Gilmore? Is man on man butt sex really that frowned upon? Next time on Mr. Happy Z!!!! }
Well howdy there pardner.