Post by Awesome Stick Labor on Jul 24, 2017 4:14:48 GMT
FROM THE OFFICE OF JAMES GILMORE
DATE: July 22, 2017
My fellow Imperial dudes and dudettes...
...I know what you're thinkin', right? "Oh James, you haven't spoken on a v-log camera in a long, long time! You haven't been usin' Twitter at all in God knows how long," and all that other jazz. To be perfectly honest with you people...it's a simple case of havin' to deal with a bunch of leakers wantin' to cause a l'il bit of riff-raff at my expense! That's right...in an age where technology is paramount to success in whatever the hell you're doin', snobbish Plinkoheads wanna ruin all the fun by leakin' out stuff that could damage my reputation as a tremendous man of courage and strength...
...a man of heart and character--and I can go on and on from there.
Then they'll report it to the press!
You've seen 'em, right? The media? the fake news bimbos like Rachel Maddow!?! They're nasty, nasty folks I tell ya...vicious! They're vicious, relentless; no remorse for their wrongs at all! Instead of admittin' they screwed up, they'll continue to dog you 'til they can spin somethin' out as the truth! For example...say, last week against Mason St. Croix, I never gave up. That's right...accordin' to the Johnny-Come-Latlies in the phony media world, I tapped out to that horrible Army vet who bragged out slaughterin' kids under the pretense of "I was followin' orders!"
Ain't that a bitch, huh? I thought so...
...nah, my arm's been dealin' with the occasional spasm or two. And in the heat of the moment, conveniently I might add, it decided to twitch at just the wrong moment for the zebra-dude to ring the bell. But you see, deep within my ow soul...I keep winnin'! In spite of all the negative attention, the fakers who claim to be journalists...I'm makin' waves in a company that strongly detests me on all fronts, which is why they slapped me into this fatal-four-way contest in the first place!
They don't want me winnin' Heir to the Throne!
They don't even want me in IWF...but I'll show them how much of a manly man I really am--to borrow from a certain Dr. Seuss book!
Did you hear about Warren Kane? I mean, shoot...he's made his "trimumphant return" at Motor City Madness, yet...he ain't the same guy that once touted himself as God's greatest gift to the Training Grounds! Heck, the problem with him is that he's too preoccupied with so much on his platter that it just...ugh, it'd make you wanna puke, right?! Gettin' kidnapped and tortured by a psychopath like Eternity, bein' the son of a unredeemable spawn of Satan who faked cancer...that's gotta take a toll on him, right?
And the sheep that follow the media? They call ME heartless for sayin' all those dastardly things about Warren but those are the facts! The problem is is that he's dealin' with so much, he ain't got the heart OR the tools to even make a sustained run at excellence! Instead...he'll go back to his home and pout, withdrawin' himself to the point when he'll most likely lose the itch to compete in a gig that gave him everything on a silver platter!
Boo-hoo-hoo...ain't that right?
Or what about Dean Harper, huh? Oh, you're gonna LOVE this fella's story, huh? Grew up in a backwoods trailer on the edge of some country town in South Dakota, read a Stephen King novel and decided to avoid scary things from that moment on. Wanted to be a journalist, made decent grades...yet never had many friends 'cuz he was takin' care of his Grandma. I'm pretty sure you guys would like to know a dude like Mr. Harper, right? You'd think he's just a straight-up, standout kind of guy...
...buuuuut, he joined the dark side.
Dean, for all intensive purposes, is a nasty, naaaaaasty hombre! He's bad news, folks! His girlfriend Rowan's stripped away that all-American good guy image he once had, replacin' it with some facade that would only make THE Dean of Horror Novels himself cringe with fear.SHe's made him reckless! She's made him blindingly loyal to her and ONLY her! She's made him believe that he'll jump off the cliff with her!
And those so-called "reporters" expect me to believe he's fearless?! Pffft, I don't think so!
Speakin' of fearless, did you see what Dante Saffron did to Mr. Happy last week?! Oh...I won't recap that gory bit for you, but it just...I couldn't help but laugh. After all, Mr. Saffron's actions are indicative of someone with a dark past, no "real" family ties whatsover.Grew up with a knowledge of religion only to despise God Himself--even MOCKIN' Him at times! I mean, shoot...you'd think you believe that everything he says is very philosophical in nature, but...
...in truth, he's a baaaaaad, baaaaaaad dude!
When you don't have social or emotional connections with the world, like Mr. Saffron, it...well, it takes a lot of you. He'll rather lash out at ANYONE just 'cuz he wants to "make a statement," just 'cuz he wants a piece of Angel Blake! And when he doesn't get what he wants, he'll lash out--includin' poor Mr. Happy! Now THAT ain't how a bright and intelligent dude oughta act, right?!
I thought so.
No matter...'cuz I ain't preoccupied by a multiple-personalitied chick or a cancer faker! I ain't tortured by dark thoughts or blind loyalty! Hell, I ain't even burdened by a lack of social and emotional connections! But those CNN, ESPN types won't believe a word I say, that I'm talkin' outta my butt like I've been known to do accordin' to them! I am the most tremendous man that has EVER graced an Imperial ring, a hard-chargin' dude who aims to please each and every single one of you!
And as proof...I'm gonna win Heir to the Throne! It's gonna be the biggest thing that has ever happened to this promotion since The Empire crumbled to the ground! When it's all said and done, you will SEE a real man step up to the plate, take a giant swing...
...and make the IWF great again!
DATE: July 22, 2017
My fellow Imperial dudes and dudettes...
...I know what you're thinkin', right? "Oh James, you haven't spoken on a v-log camera in a long, long time! You haven't been usin' Twitter at all in God knows how long," and all that other jazz. To be perfectly honest with you people...it's a simple case of havin' to deal with a bunch of leakers wantin' to cause a l'il bit of riff-raff at my expense! That's right...in an age where technology is paramount to success in whatever the hell you're doin', snobbish Plinkoheads wanna ruin all the fun by leakin' out stuff that could damage my reputation as a tremendous man of courage and strength...
...a man of heart and character--and I can go on and on from there.
Then they'll report it to the press!
You've seen 'em, right? The media? the fake news bimbos like Rachel Maddow!?! They're nasty, nasty folks I tell ya...vicious! They're vicious, relentless; no remorse for their wrongs at all! Instead of admittin' they screwed up, they'll continue to dog you 'til they can spin somethin' out as the truth! For example...say, last week against Mason St. Croix, I never gave up. That's right...accordin' to the Johnny-Come-Latlies in the phony media world, I tapped out to that horrible Army vet who bragged out slaughterin' kids under the pretense of "I was followin' orders!"
Ain't that a bitch, huh? I thought so...
...nah, my arm's been dealin' with the occasional spasm or two. And in the heat of the moment, conveniently I might add, it decided to twitch at just the wrong moment for the zebra-dude to ring the bell. But you see, deep within my ow soul...I keep winnin'! In spite of all the negative attention, the fakers who claim to be journalists...I'm makin' waves in a company that strongly detests me on all fronts, which is why they slapped me into this fatal-four-way contest in the first place!
They don't want me winnin' Heir to the Throne!
They don't even want me in IWF...but I'll show them how much of a manly man I really am--to borrow from a certain Dr. Seuss book!
Did you hear about Warren Kane? I mean, shoot...he's made his "trimumphant return" at Motor City Madness, yet...he ain't the same guy that once touted himself as God's greatest gift to the Training Grounds! Heck, the problem with him is that he's too preoccupied with so much on his platter that it just...ugh, it'd make you wanna puke, right?! Gettin' kidnapped and tortured by a psychopath like Eternity, bein' the son of a unredeemable spawn of Satan who faked cancer...that's gotta take a toll on him, right?
And the sheep that follow the media? They call ME heartless for sayin' all those dastardly things about Warren but those are the facts! The problem is is that he's dealin' with so much, he ain't got the heart OR the tools to even make a sustained run at excellence! Instead...he'll go back to his home and pout, withdrawin' himself to the point when he'll most likely lose the itch to compete in a gig that gave him everything on a silver platter!
Boo-hoo-hoo...ain't that right?
Or what about Dean Harper, huh? Oh, you're gonna LOVE this fella's story, huh? Grew up in a backwoods trailer on the edge of some country town in South Dakota, read a Stephen King novel and decided to avoid scary things from that moment on. Wanted to be a journalist, made decent grades...yet never had many friends 'cuz he was takin' care of his Grandma. I'm pretty sure you guys would like to know a dude like Mr. Harper, right? You'd think he's just a straight-up, standout kind of guy...
...buuuuut, he joined the dark side.
Dean, for all intensive purposes, is a nasty, naaaaaasty hombre! He's bad news, folks! His girlfriend Rowan's stripped away that all-American good guy image he once had, replacin' it with some facade that would only make THE Dean of Horror Novels himself cringe with fear.SHe's made him reckless! She's made him blindingly loyal to her and ONLY her! She's made him believe that he'll jump off the cliff with her!
And those so-called "reporters" expect me to believe he's fearless?! Pffft, I don't think so!
Speakin' of fearless, did you see what Dante Saffron did to Mr. Happy last week?! Oh...I won't recap that gory bit for you, but it just...I couldn't help but laugh. After all, Mr. Saffron's actions are indicative of someone with a dark past, no "real" family ties whatsover.Grew up with a knowledge of religion only to despise God Himself--even MOCKIN' Him at times! I mean, shoot...you'd think you believe that everything he says is very philosophical in nature, but...
...in truth, he's a baaaaaad, baaaaaaad dude!
When you don't have social or emotional connections with the world, like Mr. Saffron, it...well, it takes a lot of you. He'll rather lash out at ANYONE just 'cuz he wants to "make a statement," just 'cuz he wants a piece of Angel Blake! And when he doesn't get what he wants, he'll lash out--includin' poor Mr. Happy! Now THAT ain't how a bright and intelligent dude oughta act, right?!
I thought so.
No matter...'cuz I ain't preoccupied by a multiple-personalitied chick or a cancer faker! I ain't tortured by dark thoughts or blind loyalty! Hell, I ain't even burdened by a lack of social and emotional connections! But those CNN, ESPN types won't believe a word I say, that I'm talkin' outta my butt like I've been known to do accordin' to them! I am the most tremendous man that has EVER graced an Imperial ring, a hard-chargin' dude who aims to please each and every single one of you!
And as proof...I'm gonna win Heir to the Throne! It's gonna be the biggest thing that has ever happened to this promotion since The Empire crumbled to the ground! When it's all said and done, you will SEE a real man step up to the plate, take a giant swing...
...and make the IWF great again!
Chapter 4
"ELECTION NIGHT - PART I"
June 23, 2017 - 8:30 PM
Inside his villa...
...we find James Gilmore lounging about, munching on a slice of pepperoni pizza and drinking from a can of real-sugar Pepsi, all as he watches BUZZR, a channel dedicated to airing classic game shows, on his living room's TV set. He reclined back on his chair, sighing to himself as he took a sip from his favorite drink of choice.
It was election night in the Corpus Christi area, and Gilmore wanted his party to be low-key in nature. No media, no gimmicks, just him and his campaign manager Lindsey Grawn. The Islander alum smiled warmly as the opening intro to the classic NBC version of Card Sharks, hosted by the late Jim Perry, appeared on his screen.
"Aces are high,
deuces are low;
play your cards right,
and you'll win the dough...
...on CARD SHARKS!"
deuces are low;
play your cards right,
and you'll win the dough...
...on CARD SHARKS!"
"You're not watchin' the election," Lindsey said as she sauntered into the living room, holding onto a plate full of pizza and a bottle of green tea. "Nah," James told her, shaking his head as he took another sip from his soda can. With a slight chuckle and a wink from his right eye, he added, "I'm too nervous to even look, like goin' on a roller coaster for the first time."
Lindsey, wearing a moderately-conservative, not-TOO-revealing white dress with matching heels, laughed out loud. Deep in her heart, she couldn't begin to fully comprehend the significance of this day, whether she'd see herself as being a success or failure when the polls close in less than thirty minutes' time and early returns start pouring in. "I can't begin to imagine the feelin' you're goin' through," she confided as she sipped from her drink, savoring its flavor. She paused for a moment, observing the image of a contestant going "BUST" on the Money Cards round.
"I wanna be straight and level with you," she said, leading Gilmore to perk up his right brow.
"My uncle Ricky didn't send me over here to meet you," Grawn solemnly announced. "I...came here on my own volition," she added on, leading James to close his eyes and mute the TV.
"Why," he asked as the room fell silent.
"Well, I heard your story and all that mess, about how you wanted to do this campaign without havin' any formal trainin' in the field whatsoever, and people, for the most part, truly misunderstood you or what you wanted to accomplish," she confessed, leading Gilmore to politely nod his head. Lindsey, taking a bite off her paper plate, added, "the people here didn't make the proper effort to get to know you as a person, behind the political mask, and I'm sure that hurts you more than anything else, right?"
James nodded as he took a swig, emptying his can of Pepsi. "I wanted," she said, stopping to collect her thoughts. "I wanted to get to know you as a human bein', to see past the notion that people label you as eccentric and all that," she told the former historian. "I appreciate it," he said with a smile. "You've worked your butt off for me, threw yourself under the bus for me when nobody else would," he noted as he tossed his empty blue can into a pink recycling bin, which was filled to the brim with soda cans.
"I gotta admit," he intoned softly, recalling the first day Lindsey walked into his office and admired his choice of music. "I wasn't sure what I thought of ya at first, but now..."
He panned over slightly, looking at Grawn's flowing blonde hair and brown eyes, mustering the courage to say what he always wanted to say about her.
"...I think you're cute," he he uttered. James took a deep breath, wondering how Lindsey would react to that statement.
In his mind, it was all or nothing indeed.
TO BE CONTINUED...
==BEGIN RECORDING==
It's time for my final thoughts, for July 22nd, 2017, and...
...wow! That escalated quickly didn't it?! I mean, shit...how far are people willin' to go to send a message to someone that they don't like ya, huh? Poor Mr. Happy, all helpless and unable to fend for himself as a certain party kicked the crap outta him like Odor did to Jose Bautista! The funny thing is, after all this talk about lawsuits and wantin' that fake clown fired for sexual harassment, seein' him bloodied and rushed to the hospital made me cheer on the inside.
Truth be told, I never want to see him again--not in IWF, not anywhere!
With that in mind, it's time I get down to the business at hand.
There's no point in talkin' about the likes of Dante Saffron, Dean Harper, or Warren Kane in this hear fatal-foursome 'cuz, quite bluntly, y'all don't even DESERVE to be mentioned by either myself or my candidate as individuals! Instead...you get to be placed within the same group of sheep that only has a singular common goal in mind...to destroy and humiliate James Gilmore every step of the way! Here's the deal: your motives for doin' so are just as simple as a slice of pumpkin pie...he's annoyin', he's obnoxious, he's a real piece of work that don't have no business bein' in a wrasslin' ring!
And did I mention how my candidate, my Champion, is a hard-workin', law-abidin' conservative American--a REAL American hero for doin' what he loves in spite of bein' ridiculed and shit like that?!
If each and every one of you in this match--not to mention the entire IWF promotion--would make the proper effort to truly understand the man BEHIND the politics, you'd have the balls and viscera to actually learn to look past his faults and see him as a guy who DARES to be successful in this tough, tough industry as y'all! But y'all are so damn obtuse and stupid, treatin' him like a pariah for all these months just 'cuz Mr. Gilmore only wanted to live by the mantra "dare to dream" without so much as changin' his style or tone whatsoever!
You call him--no, you call US--eccentric. You call us racist. You call us a bunch of retards!
It doesn't matter...sticks and stones might break our bones, but guess what?! We...are WINNING!!!
There's a method to my madness in how I tweet those tweets, and even though the fake news media--and YOU IMPERIAL SNOTS--won't believe what I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say it anyway. Deep in my heart...I love James Gilmore, not just as a candidate, not just as a wrestler...but as a livin', breathin' soul who's worked his ass off for EVERYTHING in his life, never havin' been handed NOTHIN' on a silver platter, never haranguin' his bosses for special treatment, whatever!
James Gilmore is the most courageous, lovin' man I have ever known, a man with more heart and character than you'll EVER have in your miserable existence! He is a winner--through and through--and no matter what you might call him, he will continue to win!
No matter the cost to either me, himself...nobody!
Well on that note, those are my final thoughts. Follow me on Twitter @reallindseygrawn, but for now, from Corpus Christi God bless, take care...
...and see y'all Monday.
==END RECORDING==
Well howdy there pardner.