Ghost Power!

[Rob Diamond]

{ We open on a close up of Randy *REDACTED* taking in a deep yawn before pushing a nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels away from his face and off of his bed. Randy sits up, very naked, his manhood hanging long and free as he stretches. Randy reaches up with both hands to wipe the sleep from his eyes when something catches his attention. }

Randy: The hell??

{ Randy quickly pushes himself up off the bed to follow the phantom that caught his attention. With the ease of a man who has ignored many hangovers, Randy slips on a pair of deep red boxer briefs with a special pocket for his twig and berries. }

Randy: Happy?

{ Randy stops in the door way of his bed room as Mr. Happy walks from his blow up mattress bed in the corner of the room to the couch where his duffle bag sits packing his things wear a white sheet over what we can only assume is a parking cone on top of his head. }

Randy: What the hell are you wearing!?

{ Happy turns and now the picture comes into full focus. }

Happy: PACKING!!!!

Randy: For a Klan rally!?

Happy: Obviously!!!

{ Happy shrugs innocently as he goes back to packing his few belongings for his trip. }

Randy: Jesus Christ, Happy! Do you have any idea what you look like!?

{ Happy turns, you can see through the hand cut eye holes that he is raising an eyebrow. }

Happy: DUH! Of course I do! I’m a ghost!

Randy:W-WHAT!?

Happy: I’m a ghost like all those people on tv!

{ Happy points and Randy turns to the tv which is fixated on Fox News reporting about the trouble in Charolettesville. Randy does a double take before walking over to Happy and ripping the hood off his head revealing an actual parking cone seated on his painted face. }

Randy: What the hell do you think is happening there!?

Happy: People are protesting the destruction of ghost statues?

Randy: What!?

Happy: Ghost statues. Statues erected in the honor of people who are now ghosts.

Randy: That’s why you think they’re wearing bed sheets?

Happy: Why else would they be?

{ Randy can’t help the epic face palm that over comes him, both hands drag down his face as he looks up into the innocent eyes of Mr Happy who just keeps smiling. }

Randy: You understand the guys in bed sheets don’t like people of color, right?

Happy: People of color?

Randy: Black people, tan people, yellow people, people of slightly more color than pasty white?

{ Happy tilts his head in confusion. }

Randy: How do you not understand this!?

Happy: I was born medically colored blind…Everyone is a shade of grey to me?

Randy: Jesus…

{ Randy throws himself backward and falls on the couch. }

Randy: Happy… I don’t know how to tell you this…They aren’t protesting ghost statues being torn down.

Happy: What are they protesting?

Randy: Equal rights of any color, man or women.

Happy: Come again?

Randy: Take the bed sheet off.

{ Randy stands back up and rips the sheet off of Mr Happy revealing his fat sweaty body, Randy quickly realizes his mistake and pushes the sheet back at him. }

Randy: PUT THE SHEET BACK ON!!!!

{ Gladly, Happy throws the sheet back on and scopes his hood up, placing it happily over his head.}

Randy: I don’t get paid enough for this shit…

Happy: I have a match this week!

Randy: Please, talk about that…

{ Happy turns about face to camera three and straightens his bed sheet out. }

Happy: Khris Kard!!!

{ Happy points from beneath his hood. }

Happy: I have absolutely no idea who you are but I know I already love you!

{ Randy once again throws himself backward into the couch. }

Happy: Just your name alone lends itself to so many amazing acronym possibilities! The Khris Kard Klub! The Khirs Kard Koncert! The Khris Kard Karaoke Krash!

Randy: Are you saying Chris Card with K’s instead of C’s?

Happy: How should I know?

Randy: Just asking…

Happy: Irrekardless! Khris Kard! We are destined to meet in the middle of the squared Kirckle! The match is made! The higher ups have seen fit to pit us against one another! And despite my undying love for your physique and well toned abs I have been tasked with pinning you with my whole body KLEAN in the middle of the ring… And I don’t want to. I just want to pick you up and squeeze you until there isn’t another breath left in your lungs. I want you to feel my love penetrating deep into your heart, pulsing and vibrating as two bodies become one.Khris Kard! Despite the Kontext of this match I will walk away knowing I have a new life mate.

{ Randy is just watching with a perplexed look as the hooded Happy carries on. Randy reaches into the couch and fins a bottle of Jack Daniels, half full, and he quickly takes a sip. }

Happy: Because I never ignore an opportunity to make a new best friend! And Khris Kard, we are Koncecrated soul mates! Two tortured souls wrought with krazy konundrums! And I know together we can truly make a difference in the hearts and minds of many! Take for instance the fight against the lost souls of the civil war happening right now! Ghost deserve equal rights too!

Randy: That’s it!

{ Randy shoots up from his seated position and jumps in front of the camera. }

Happy: The masses will not be silenced!

Randy: Yes they will!

{ Randy palms the camera and points it toward the grouns. }

Happy: GHOST POWER! GHOST POWER!

{ But the feed comes to an end… }