Post by Crystal Zdunich on Sept 18, 2017 5:00:07 GMT
Another week goes by and it’s yet another week where I find myself on the losing side of things.
How far does one have to fall before they finally have the strength to pick themselves back up?! Truly I don’t even know how to answer that question anymore but it just seems like I am going through the motions. It just seems like it’s a case of the same old, same old, and I really am lost without a purpose now.
It’s one thing to lose and be told that things are going to get better. That you need to keep at it and keep pushing forward but I am sick and tired of hearing about the same old shit when nothing seems to change. Just like the little actress that I am I have adapted to whatever script was handed to me.
If the need for me to be emotional came up I gave you all of my emotions. If there was a need for me to be a bitch I made sure I was the biggest Bitch on the roster. Yet no matter what I had decided to give to the business no matter how many strides I personally thought I was making it honestly never seemed to be enough.
There has always been a person out there who has done things much better. I was supposed to be the premier Latina in this entire company and yet everything I had ever accomplished was overshadowed by the likes of the Garcia twins. When I tried to do things the right why being that never surrender fighter that Emma has been mentoring me to become you have someone like Fiona who could lose every single one of her matches and still find a way to keep fighting and smiling.
I am really at a crossroads right now because I am in a position where I don’t even know what it is that I am fighting for. I want to be the best wrestler on the planet but I have always fallen short from being able to do so.
I have been injured on two separate occasions in this company. Once by the hands of Eternity and the other by the hands of Maxine Valentine, and the very first moments that I got to step in the ring with either of them in a one on one situation and rewrite history. You know what ended up happening?!
I once again got my ass kicked and all of my words were simply just that… They were empty words, and a bunch of empty threats.
I would say let’s just tear the foundation down and start from scratch again but I don’t even know if that would work in this instance so where do I go from here?
The answer is up… Once you hit rock bottom you can’t get any lower than that. Going up is the only direction that I could possibly go in. I must find my way upwards and I must get to that place that I ultimately want to get that being at the very top.
You can criticize me, you can judge me but honestly I don’t give a shit anymore. I am not out here to please anyone but myself and that’s all that should matter in all of this.
This week I know I will have my hands full because I get to step in the ring with the likes of Rayne. That is a name that I definitely can acknowledge it’s a name that goes back to the days of NCW. I just want to tell you Rayne that it feels great to see a familiar face amongst the ranks.
Honestly you and I go a long ways. Ayla St James is one of my best friends in the business. I guess we were always drawn to be another by our acting background and she is held dearly and close to my heart.
When I see you I think of the missed opportunity of what could have been an amazing feud between the BWA and of course EMF. We could have sold shows, headlined Pay Per Views… Yet we never got that match and it really is a shame because it would have been a refresher to all of women’s wrestling.
Today however what we can get is two veterans in this business who want to outdo the other. Two women who are looking to rise through the ranks and prove that they still have it in them to be the single focal point in a growing Diamonds division.
I know you just got back and you want to continue doing what you been doing but I am sick and tired of being at the bottom. I am sick and tired of people only acknowledging me as a pretty face and nothing more beyond that.
I am Crystal Millar… I am a woman who is destined to really be the very best. I am supposed to be at the top of the industry. I won’t get drowned out by my past and how inconsistent people think I am. After all I am still in my twenties even if it’s only for two more months. The reality is that I am not washed up as people claim.
I am not just a pretty face or a movie star. I am a warrior…. I am a wrestler and I will step up. When the bell ring I will pour my entire heart and soul in order to prove myself and reestablish my identity.
Whatever it is that you are hoping to do consider this big return and big rise to the top put on hold. I am throwing a wrench into the mix.
This is all about my story. My rise back up and I won’t let you keep me away from that. You ready to go to war in that ring fighting for the same thing?
It will come down to who wants it more and right now I think that’s going to be me.
Lights, Camera, Action
It’s showtime… Let’s do what women from the old guard like us can do. Let’s carry that banner of greatness and showcase what we are made of. Bye bitch… I wish you the best of luck. You certainly are going to need it!
Everything comes into focus and as it does we can see Crystal Millar. She’s upset as she looks at Emma Danielson backstage. Crystal is extremely pissed as she takes her elbow pads off and throws them against the wall. Emma can only shake her head as she looks back at Crystal.
Emma: Crystal I know what you are thinking but it’s only one wrestling match… You really need to calm down.
Crystal: CALM DOWN?! We have been at this for a few months now and I haven’t made any progress… whatever you see in me the truth is I don’t see it! I never saw it… I am just a loser who isn’t close to anything she used to be.
Emma: And when you think like that you never will be.
Crystal: Well I don’t like what I have become. I just can’t always take each loss with a grain of salt and drink my problems away in some bar. I get too pissed off over all of this to do any of the sort.
Emma: So what is it that you want to do since things aren’t working in the way that you had hoped?!
Crystal stares daggers into her as she lets the sigh escape her lips.
Crystal: What I want is for all of this to be done.
Emma: Excuse me?!
Crystal: You heard me… We are done! You haven’t done anything for me so why should I put my trust into a woman who was never anything to begin with. How can you try to help me with my wrestling career when yours wasn’t the best!
Emma: Crystal take that back… You truly don’t mean that.
Crystal: I think I do… I know what I just said Emma… JUST GET OUT OF MY FACE… From now on I am doing things on my own! By myself!!! I rather lose knowing it was on my terms than to ever lose following the advice of someone else.
Emma: Fine but when things don’t change don’t come back apologizing because I won’t ever do what I did for you again.
With that Emma storms off as Crystal remains in the locker room. She had tears in her eyes as she couldn’t believe what she just did.
How far does one have to fall before they finally have the strength to pick themselves back up?! Truly I don’t even know how to answer that question anymore but it just seems like I am going through the motions. It just seems like it’s a case of the same old, same old, and I really am lost without a purpose now.
It’s one thing to lose and be told that things are going to get better. That you need to keep at it and keep pushing forward but I am sick and tired of hearing about the same old shit when nothing seems to change. Just like the little actress that I am I have adapted to whatever script was handed to me.
If the need for me to be emotional came up I gave you all of my emotions. If there was a need for me to be a bitch I made sure I was the biggest Bitch on the roster. Yet no matter what I had decided to give to the business no matter how many strides I personally thought I was making it honestly never seemed to be enough.
There has always been a person out there who has done things much better. I was supposed to be the premier Latina in this entire company and yet everything I had ever accomplished was overshadowed by the likes of the Garcia twins. When I tried to do things the right why being that never surrender fighter that Emma has been mentoring me to become you have someone like Fiona who could lose every single one of her matches and still find a way to keep fighting and smiling.
I am really at a crossroads right now because I am in a position where I don’t even know what it is that I am fighting for. I want to be the best wrestler on the planet but I have always fallen short from being able to do so.
I have been injured on two separate occasions in this company. Once by the hands of Eternity and the other by the hands of Maxine Valentine, and the very first moments that I got to step in the ring with either of them in a one on one situation and rewrite history. You know what ended up happening?!
I once again got my ass kicked and all of my words were simply just that… They were empty words, and a bunch of empty threats.
I would say let’s just tear the foundation down and start from scratch again but I don’t even know if that would work in this instance so where do I go from here?
The answer is up… Once you hit rock bottom you can’t get any lower than that. Going up is the only direction that I could possibly go in. I must find my way upwards and I must get to that place that I ultimately want to get that being at the very top.
You can criticize me, you can judge me but honestly I don’t give a shit anymore. I am not out here to please anyone but myself and that’s all that should matter in all of this.
This week I know I will have my hands full because I get to step in the ring with the likes of Rayne. That is a name that I definitely can acknowledge it’s a name that goes back to the days of NCW. I just want to tell you Rayne that it feels great to see a familiar face amongst the ranks.
Honestly you and I go a long ways. Ayla St James is one of my best friends in the business. I guess we were always drawn to be another by our acting background and she is held dearly and close to my heart.
When I see you I think of the missed opportunity of what could have been an amazing feud between the BWA and of course EMF. We could have sold shows, headlined Pay Per Views… Yet we never got that match and it really is a shame because it would have been a refresher to all of women’s wrestling.
Today however what we can get is two veterans in this business who want to outdo the other. Two women who are looking to rise through the ranks and prove that they still have it in them to be the single focal point in a growing Diamonds division.
I know you just got back and you want to continue doing what you been doing but I am sick and tired of being at the bottom. I am sick and tired of people only acknowledging me as a pretty face and nothing more beyond that.
I am Crystal Millar… I am a woman who is destined to really be the very best. I am supposed to be at the top of the industry. I won’t get drowned out by my past and how inconsistent people think I am. After all I am still in my twenties even if it’s only for two more months. The reality is that I am not washed up as people claim.
I am not just a pretty face or a movie star. I am a warrior…. I am a wrestler and I will step up. When the bell ring I will pour my entire heart and soul in order to prove myself and reestablish my identity.
Whatever it is that you are hoping to do consider this big return and big rise to the top put on hold. I am throwing a wrench into the mix.
This is all about my story. My rise back up and I won’t let you keep me away from that. You ready to go to war in that ring fighting for the same thing?
It will come down to who wants it more and right now I think that’s going to be me.
Lights, Camera, Action
It’s showtime… Let’s do what women from the old guard like us can do. Let’s carry that banner of greatness and showcase what we are made of. Bye bitch… I wish you the best of luck. You certainly are going to need it!
Everything comes into focus and as it does we can see Crystal Millar. She’s upset as she looks at Emma Danielson backstage. Crystal is extremely pissed as she takes her elbow pads off and throws them against the wall. Emma can only shake her head as she looks back at Crystal.
Emma: Crystal I know what you are thinking but it’s only one wrestling match… You really need to calm down.
Crystal: CALM DOWN?! We have been at this for a few months now and I haven’t made any progress… whatever you see in me the truth is I don’t see it! I never saw it… I am just a loser who isn’t close to anything she used to be.
Emma: And when you think like that you never will be.
Crystal: Well I don’t like what I have become. I just can’t always take each loss with a grain of salt and drink my problems away in some bar. I get too pissed off over all of this to do any of the sort.
Emma: So what is it that you want to do since things aren’t working in the way that you had hoped?!
Crystal stares daggers into her as she lets the sigh escape her lips.
Crystal: What I want is for all of this to be done.
Emma: Excuse me?!
Crystal: You heard me… We are done! You haven’t done anything for me so why should I put my trust into a woman who was never anything to begin with. How can you try to help me with my wrestling career when yours wasn’t the best!
Emma: Crystal take that back… You truly don’t mean that.
Crystal: I think I do… I know what I just said Emma… JUST GET OUT OF MY FACE… From now on I am doing things on my own! By myself!!! I rather lose knowing it was on my terms than to ever lose following the advice of someone else.
Emma: Fine but when things don’t change don’t come back apologizing because I won’t ever do what I did for you again.
With that Emma storms off as Crystal remains in the locker room. She had tears in her eyes as she couldn’t believe what she just did.
Well howdy there pardner.