Post by Fiona McFly on Oct 28, 2017 3:30:39 GMT
FIONA'S V-LOG
28 October 2017
Dear Rowan...
Last week, in spite of the cast in me left hand AND a 100-Fahrenheit fever, I went out to that ring and gave Brooklyn Madrox EVERYTHING I could give her--no matter the outcome. Yet I won't allow myself to make any excuses for what happened or what DIDN'T happen...'cos at the end of the night, excuses would only make things worse, not just for me but for the competition as well.
I hesitated. I lost...that is all I can say. With that in mind...I move forward.
Wrestling is, and always will be, a brutal industry that has tested me patience from the very beginning. I've had nights when I wanted to just pack me bags and leave, much like some of the other Diamonds that have come and gone like the Richards sisters, Avery Barnes, and so many others. Yet it was on those horrid nights when I found myself closing me eyes and reflecting upon the VERY THING that has kept me going for so long, without so much as taking an extended break.
'Cos truth be told...I've been blessed to be a part of this grand business.
Through accidents, illnesses, injuries, or whatnot...I have put me blood, sweat, and tears into the Imperial world--without so much as being regarded by the majority of the lot of the roster put together. I've headlined programmes, competed against the very best...and all the while, I've never lost me beating warrior's heart, the desire to keep on scurrying along in the face of certain defeat.
The price I had to pay to be able to do what I love, to be able to stand for what I believed in...
...was swift and severe.
I've lost me Granpapa. I've lost me mentor, Regina Kimble. I've had to live with the fact that me mum allowed herself to be consumed by her own pettyness and became part of the IRA's cause. And to most Northern Ireland people, I've been labeled as a traitor for leaving the homeland and settling in Texas--even though the circumstances behind said departure were NEVER of me own choosing.
Yet I NEVER gave up. I've lost more than I've won yet I've always kept on scavenging through the muck and the dirt--through sickness and in perfect health--'cos at the end of the night, this wrestling business has been the ONE thing to have given me blessings throughout me entire life...
...more than anything else I have EVER done, including a certain side project.
Yet still, I've had me fair share of critics.
People have questioned me morals after a simple "wardrobe malfunction" that could have happened to any other woman in this company. People have questioned me work ethic 'cos I only wanted to give Lindsey Grawn the CHANCE to back up her words in a match with me when nobody else did. People have even gone so far as to question whether I had that "killer instinct," that all I've done since joining IWF was take me pay grade, go home, and come back again for more money.
I've taken more rubbish than ANYBODY else in IWF....yet I've always stayed true to the course at hand.
'Cos I believed that I CAN become Champion...me mission for the past two years...
...an odyssey that will never end 'til I can't compete any longer.
On the surface Rowan...I would approach competing for the Diamonds Championship like I would any other match. Except that these aren't normal circumstances...for there has always been something special about said championship, one that has eluded me grasp for so long. This is more to me than just an "ordinary" Championship match with everything on the line. It's about something MUCH bigger than you'll ever be able to comprehend...
...this is about shining a light upon the curtain of total, utter darkness.
Several weeks ago, I walked into your compound. I saw the barbarism at its goriest. I saw the sadistic nature of your pack at its most...pornographic, to put it bluntly. But I stood by me convictions, even as Lindsey made those terrible revelations and I had her dead to rights. When it was all said and done, you gave me a choice...
...either break her or else we BOTH would be broken.
And I did the RIGHT thing!
You labeled me as "soft" and "unfit" in spite of the fact that I spared a life when she was in defeat. Yet when you tried to maim a defenceless human being, even if said human being lets her mouth get her into trouble, I could no longer stand by and watch.
I rejected you in your own den. I spat on the very things you cherish the most.
I overcame your living nightmare and paid for it with a broken hand...yet you could NEVER take away me soul, the very core of who I am. When I look back and see EVERYTHING you tried to do to me, only one singular thought crossed me mind:
"That could not possibly be you. That could never have been you."
I've heard the voice in me head numerous times...for it was the ghoulish part of the nightmares I had when I was a child and STILL do do this day. And that can NEVER be -your-voice! That was the guise of Lucifer himself that has taken over who you USED to be! 'Cos I SEE something in you that nobody else can...that in spite of a conflicted mind, a sullen heart...I will FIRMLY believe that there is, indeed, good within you.
I want to know YOU....the woman behind the demonic veil.
I want to know...the REAL Rowan MacDonnough, the whimsical lady that was a happy-go-lucky partygoer with a stable family. I want to SEE the young lass who was popular in school, making high marks in class, and being the subject of adoration from both men AND women alike! I want to FEEL the happiness you once had, the joy of being able to have parents and a sister that loved you and CARED for you!
That's what I WANT more than anything else!
'Cos I know, from the bottom of me heart, that the REAL Rowan MacDonnough, hidden behind your ungodly visage, would NEVER have allowed the pain and anguish from the loss of your entire family to consume your soul. The once-proud, happy woman you used to be would NEVER utilise terror and nightmarish tactics to get under other people's skin! The glimmer of light that burns within you would NEVER, EVER compel you to try and inflict terminal pain on somebody else just 'cos you have this sadomsochistic obsession with bringing suffering upon others!
You're BETTER than that, lovely. I KNOW you are...'cos I FEEL it too!
The anger, the hatred, the conflict...let it go.
Just let it go...
Now...I want you to understand WHY I'm saying all this....and why the hellish spectre that is fused into your consciousness will NEVER triumph.
'Cos I am a woman of faith and strength, scavenging and toiling TIRELESSLY in bringing joy to a world that truly needs it and NEVER saying the words "I quit." I am a woman of integrity and honour, for I am the Light that shines upon the Darkness whilst never yielding to anger or hatred. I am a woman of mercy and compassion, who will NEVER allow myself to be consumed by the desire to inflict pain and suffering upon other human beings...'cos to save a life--even in defeat--is to earn honour and integrity FROM WITHIN.
I won't fear the demon inside you. I won't fear your Pack, the one thing that makes that part of you strong.
Not 'til I give me last breath in that ring.
Even though I will ONCE AGAIN walk through the fires of your Abyss, I will fear NO evil. For God and me family will ALWAYS be with me...no matter what.
And you WILL NEVER, EVER take that away from me.
Cheerio!
~~~~~
CHAPTER 7
"In Which Fiona Dances with the Wolves - Part II"
"...For even though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they will comfort me..." -Psalm 23:4
Fiona McFly had been in some pretty scary places before.
Yet walking into a darkened back alley, in one of the rougher parts of Arlington, Texas, felt strangely familiar to her.
It might have been a crystal clear night, but a strong northwest wind made the 48-degree temperature seem even chillier than it actually was. Wearing a heavy green jacket and carrying her trusty whip, she tiptoed down the pavement, gazing around the dilapidated structures that once was a vibrant neighbourhood shopping centre. As a strong gust of wind hit the area, Fiona realised that, in her soul, these streets reminded her of the living hell she had experienced whilst in that ghost town.
In Rowan's own compound.
Fiona heard the screams...they were all too unpleasant memories she had tried to blot out of her mind. Slowly, methodically...she pressed on, creeping along the barbaric roads until she heard the sounds of laughter coming from a corner. She took a peek, then gasped in horror as she hid behind a trash can, spooked beyond belief at the sight she was witnessing. The three girls in wolf costumes...they were utilising an aggressive, outright dangerous form of high-school level "folkstyle" wrestling against the young Sarah Dawkins, still clad in her Lady Gaga outfit yet on the ground in deep pain.
They were the "bullies" that Sarah had described to Fiona in her diary.
The wolf-clad girls were all sixteen years of age and athletically gifted in the sport of wrestling. On the other hand, Sarah was easily outmatched at every turn. Fiona, from a safe distance, peeked around the bend and observed the trio's leader, a surly, foul-mouthed New Yorker named Mandy, gave a command.
MANDY:
Hold her bitch-ass up, Ashley!
Ashley, an African-American from Louisiana, was the group's strongest, a quiet person that simply played "follow the leader." McFly sighed, shaking her head as she watched Ashley viciously pull Sarah up by the hair before placing her in a full-nelson, an illegal move in all levels of competitive grappling. She seethed, watching as Jenny--a native of Corpus Christi and the more "reasonable" of the pack--pleaded with Mandy to let their victim go.
JENNY:
Let her go chica! She's taken enough beatin' for one day!
MANDY:
(snorting)
I'll make that god-DAMN decision, puta! Besides, remember what Coach Wheeler's been teachin' us?!
All three began to recite their coach's motto in unison.
"Sufferin' builds character! VICTORY IS LIFE!!!"
Fiona's eyes widened as she watched Mandy get into her stance, ready to perhaps deliver a final blow to the young Dawkins girl. She felt Sarah's pain, yet deep in her soul, she felt a sense of empathy for the wolf costumed trio. After all, they were merely following the tenets of a misguided wrestling coach that knew nothing about the "right way" to play the game.
She couldn't take it anymore. She had to send a direct message without resorting to her own wrestling.
Bursting out from the shadows, Fiona raised her whip and cracked it along the ground. All of a sudden, Mandy turned around as Ashley dropped Sarah to the pavement and Jenny stood with her teammates, albeit mesmerised by McFly's presence.
MANDY:
Who the fuck are you, Catwoman on steroids?!
Fiona's eyes never strayed from the New Yorker that swore like a sailor as she gave an icy, yet articulate, order.
FIONA:
Run along home...now.
MANDY:
(spits on the ground)
Fuck off...
Fiona quickly tossed her whip off to the side and took a defencive stance, unaware that Mandy had rolled off one last word from her lips--a certain racist term that rhymed with "stick" and got James Gilmore into trouble. The pack's leader cackled with glee, watching as McFly shook her head and closed her eyes.
"These are young ladies. They've got a future ahead of them. There's GOOD in them..."
She heard the voice of her departed mentor in one half of her living consciousness, keying her in on the right thing to do. Fiona began to sense it too--that, in spite of Mandy's vile and filthy mouth, she was being taught to do bad things by a bad coach. On the other hand....
"Do it, Sarah's your friend. Give in to your anger. Make them suffer..."
...the voice of her IRA-sympathiser mother Katherine, begging and pleading with her to brutally assail the teenagers. It might as well have been the voice of Rowan MacDonnough getting into Fiona's head, mainly because the sinister nature of what transpired in her compound began to settle back in. Yet from all the barbaric behaviour she has had to endure, McFly began to fully realise that the biggest lesson of all doesn't come from the body...
...but rather from a wise heart and a clear mind.
Fiona picked her whip off the ground and backed off from her amateur stance. Yet as she did so, Mandy charged forward at her, leaving the Northern Irishwoman no choice but to defend for herself. She quickly got down to one knee and lowered her stance-level, lunging forward and driving her shoulder into her opponent's chest and taking her down with a basic single-leg takedown. The group looked on in shock as Fiona had their leader's shoulders pinned to the street; she gave Mandy one final, terse warning.
FIONA:
I'm not gonna tell the lot of youse again...run. Along. Home.
Fiona quickly stood up, watching as Mandy scurried to her teammates who looked on in awe.
FIONA:
NOW!!!
Without saying another word, the gals in wolf costumes started running back into the side street, leaving Fiona to wipe the sweat off her brow. She had to utilise her wrestling skills in the outside world to save her friend's life, and she fully understood that had she NOT been there for her down-the-road neighbour and friend, the cost would have been much greater than anything she could ever imagine.
Her morals, her sense of compassion and mercy...they could all have been destroyed.
Fiona slowly knelt beside Sarah, who was extremely traumatised by the whole ordeal and shaken to her core. She comforted her like a caring mother would care for a child, calmly placing her left arm over her to keep her warm before checking up on her to make sure there were no major injuries.
FIONA:
You're gonna be a'right, love. Everything will be okay...
Sarah's trembling subsided upon realising that she had been a witness to Fiona's bravery. She looked into her mentor's eyes, completely understanding what she REALLY did for a living.
Indeed, the cat was out of the proverbial bag.
SARAH DAWKINS:
You're...you're a wrassler...
~TO BE CONTINUED~
28 October 2017
Dear Rowan...
Last week, in spite of the cast in me left hand AND a 100-Fahrenheit fever, I went out to that ring and gave Brooklyn Madrox EVERYTHING I could give her--no matter the outcome. Yet I won't allow myself to make any excuses for what happened or what DIDN'T happen...'cos at the end of the night, excuses would only make things worse, not just for me but for the competition as well.
I hesitated. I lost...that is all I can say. With that in mind...I move forward.
Wrestling is, and always will be, a brutal industry that has tested me patience from the very beginning. I've had nights when I wanted to just pack me bags and leave, much like some of the other Diamonds that have come and gone like the Richards sisters, Avery Barnes, and so many others. Yet it was on those horrid nights when I found myself closing me eyes and reflecting upon the VERY THING that has kept me going for so long, without so much as taking an extended break.
'Cos truth be told...I've been blessed to be a part of this grand business.
Through accidents, illnesses, injuries, or whatnot...I have put me blood, sweat, and tears into the Imperial world--without so much as being regarded by the majority of the lot of the roster put together. I've headlined programmes, competed against the very best...and all the while, I've never lost me beating warrior's heart, the desire to keep on scurrying along in the face of certain defeat.
The price I had to pay to be able to do what I love, to be able to stand for what I believed in...
...was swift and severe.
I've lost me Granpapa. I've lost me mentor, Regina Kimble. I've had to live with the fact that me mum allowed herself to be consumed by her own pettyness and became part of the IRA's cause. And to most Northern Ireland people, I've been labeled as a traitor for leaving the homeland and settling in Texas--even though the circumstances behind said departure were NEVER of me own choosing.
Yet I NEVER gave up. I've lost more than I've won yet I've always kept on scavenging through the muck and the dirt--through sickness and in perfect health--'cos at the end of the night, this wrestling business has been the ONE thing to have given me blessings throughout me entire life...
...more than anything else I have EVER done, including a certain side project.
Yet still, I've had me fair share of critics.
People have questioned me morals after a simple "wardrobe malfunction" that could have happened to any other woman in this company. People have questioned me work ethic 'cos I only wanted to give Lindsey Grawn the CHANCE to back up her words in a match with me when nobody else did. People have even gone so far as to question whether I had that "killer instinct," that all I've done since joining IWF was take me pay grade, go home, and come back again for more money.
I've taken more rubbish than ANYBODY else in IWF....yet I've always stayed true to the course at hand.
'Cos I believed that I CAN become Champion...me mission for the past two years...
...an odyssey that will never end 'til I can't compete any longer.
On the surface Rowan...I would approach competing for the Diamonds Championship like I would any other match. Except that these aren't normal circumstances...for there has always been something special about said championship, one that has eluded me grasp for so long. This is more to me than just an "ordinary" Championship match with everything on the line. It's about something MUCH bigger than you'll ever be able to comprehend...
...this is about shining a light upon the curtain of total, utter darkness.
Several weeks ago, I walked into your compound. I saw the barbarism at its goriest. I saw the sadistic nature of your pack at its most...pornographic, to put it bluntly. But I stood by me convictions, even as Lindsey made those terrible revelations and I had her dead to rights. When it was all said and done, you gave me a choice...
...either break her or else we BOTH would be broken.
And I did the RIGHT thing!
You labeled me as "soft" and "unfit" in spite of the fact that I spared a life when she was in defeat. Yet when you tried to maim a defenceless human being, even if said human being lets her mouth get her into trouble, I could no longer stand by and watch.
I rejected you in your own den. I spat on the very things you cherish the most.
I overcame your living nightmare and paid for it with a broken hand...yet you could NEVER take away me soul, the very core of who I am. When I look back and see EVERYTHING you tried to do to me, only one singular thought crossed me mind:
"That could not possibly be you. That could never have been you."
I've heard the voice in me head numerous times...for it was the ghoulish part of the nightmares I had when I was a child and STILL do do this day. And that can NEVER be -your-voice! That was the guise of Lucifer himself that has taken over who you USED to be! 'Cos I SEE something in you that nobody else can...that in spite of a conflicted mind, a sullen heart...I will FIRMLY believe that there is, indeed, good within you.
I want to know YOU....the woman behind the demonic veil.
I want to know...the REAL Rowan MacDonnough, the whimsical lady that was a happy-go-lucky partygoer with a stable family. I want to SEE the young lass who was popular in school, making high marks in class, and being the subject of adoration from both men AND women alike! I want to FEEL the happiness you once had, the joy of being able to have parents and a sister that loved you and CARED for you!
That's what I WANT more than anything else!
'Cos I know, from the bottom of me heart, that the REAL Rowan MacDonnough, hidden behind your ungodly visage, would NEVER have allowed the pain and anguish from the loss of your entire family to consume your soul. The once-proud, happy woman you used to be would NEVER utilise terror and nightmarish tactics to get under other people's skin! The glimmer of light that burns within you would NEVER, EVER compel you to try and inflict terminal pain on somebody else just 'cos you have this sadomsochistic obsession with bringing suffering upon others!
You're BETTER than that, lovely. I KNOW you are...'cos I FEEL it too!
The anger, the hatred, the conflict...let it go.
Just let it go...
Now...I want you to understand WHY I'm saying all this....and why the hellish spectre that is fused into your consciousness will NEVER triumph.
'Cos I am a woman of faith and strength, scavenging and toiling TIRELESSLY in bringing joy to a world that truly needs it and NEVER saying the words "I quit." I am a woman of integrity and honour, for I am the Light that shines upon the Darkness whilst never yielding to anger or hatred. I am a woman of mercy and compassion, who will NEVER allow myself to be consumed by the desire to inflict pain and suffering upon other human beings...'cos to save a life--even in defeat--is to earn honour and integrity FROM WITHIN.
I won't fear the demon inside you. I won't fear your Pack, the one thing that makes that part of you strong.
Not 'til I give me last breath in that ring.
Even though I will ONCE AGAIN walk through the fires of your Abyss, I will fear NO evil. For God and me family will ALWAYS be with me...no matter what.
And you WILL NEVER, EVER take that away from me.
Cheerio!
~~~~~
CHAPTER 7
"In Which Fiona Dances with the Wolves - Part II"
"...For even though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they will comfort me..." -Psalm 23:4
Fiona McFly had been in some pretty scary places before.
Yet walking into a darkened back alley, in one of the rougher parts of Arlington, Texas, felt strangely familiar to her.
It might have been a crystal clear night, but a strong northwest wind made the 48-degree temperature seem even chillier than it actually was. Wearing a heavy green jacket and carrying her trusty whip, she tiptoed down the pavement, gazing around the dilapidated structures that once was a vibrant neighbourhood shopping centre. As a strong gust of wind hit the area, Fiona realised that, in her soul, these streets reminded her of the living hell she had experienced whilst in that ghost town.
In Rowan's own compound.
Fiona heard the screams...they were all too unpleasant memories she had tried to blot out of her mind. Slowly, methodically...she pressed on, creeping along the barbaric roads until she heard the sounds of laughter coming from a corner. She took a peek, then gasped in horror as she hid behind a trash can, spooked beyond belief at the sight she was witnessing. The three girls in wolf costumes...they were utilising an aggressive, outright dangerous form of high-school level "folkstyle" wrestling against the young Sarah Dawkins, still clad in her Lady Gaga outfit yet on the ground in deep pain.
They were the "bullies" that Sarah had described to Fiona in her diary.
The wolf-clad girls were all sixteen years of age and athletically gifted in the sport of wrestling. On the other hand, Sarah was easily outmatched at every turn. Fiona, from a safe distance, peeked around the bend and observed the trio's leader, a surly, foul-mouthed New Yorker named Mandy, gave a command.
MANDY:
Hold her bitch-ass up, Ashley!
Ashley, an African-American from Louisiana, was the group's strongest, a quiet person that simply played "follow the leader." McFly sighed, shaking her head as she watched Ashley viciously pull Sarah up by the hair before placing her in a full-nelson, an illegal move in all levels of competitive grappling. She seethed, watching as Jenny--a native of Corpus Christi and the more "reasonable" of the pack--pleaded with Mandy to let their victim go.
JENNY:
Let her go chica! She's taken enough beatin' for one day!
MANDY:
(snorting)
I'll make that god-DAMN decision, puta! Besides, remember what Coach Wheeler's been teachin' us?!
All three began to recite their coach's motto in unison.
"Sufferin' builds character! VICTORY IS LIFE!!!"
Fiona's eyes widened as she watched Mandy get into her stance, ready to perhaps deliver a final blow to the young Dawkins girl. She felt Sarah's pain, yet deep in her soul, she felt a sense of empathy for the wolf costumed trio. After all, they were merely following the tenets of a misguided wrestling coach that knew nothing about the "right way" to play the game.
She couldn't take it anymore. She had to send a direct message without resorting to her own wrestling.
Bursting out from the shadows, Fiona raised her whip and cracked it along the ground. All of a sudden, Mandy turned around as Ashley dropped Sarah to the pavement and Jenny stood with her teammates, albeit mesmerised by McFly's presence.
MANDY:
Who the fuck are you, Catwoman on steroids?!
Fiona's eyes never strayed from the New Yorker that swore like a sailor as she gave an icy, yet articulate, order.
FIONA:
Run along home...now.
MANDY:
(spits on the ground)
Fuck off...
Fiona quickly tossed her whip off to the side and took a defencive stance, unaware that Mandy had rolled off one last word from her lips--a certain racist term that rhymed with "stick" and got James Gilmore into trouble. The pack's leader cackled with glee, watching as McFly shook her head and closed her eyes.
"These are young ladies. They've got a future ahead of them. There's GOOD in them..."
She heard the voice of her departed mentor in one half of her living consciousness, keying her in on the right thing to do. Fiona began to sense it too--that, in spite of Mandy's vile and filthy mouth, she was being taught to do bad things by a bad coach. On the other hand....
"Do it, Sarah's your friend. Give in to your anger. Make them suffer..."
...the voice of her IRA-sympathiser mother Katherine, begging and pleading with her to brutally assail the teenagers. It might as well have been the voice of Rowan MacDonnough getting into Fiona's head, mainly because the sinister nature of what transpired in her compound began to settle back in. Yet from all the barbaric behaviour she has had to endure, McFly began to fully realise that the biggest lesson of all doesn't come from the body...
...but rather from a wise heart and a clear mind.
Fiona picked her whip off the ground and backed off from her amateur stance. Yet as she did so, Mandy charged forward at her, leaving the Northern Irishwoman no choice but to defend for herself. She quickly got down to one knee and lowered her stance-level, lunging forward and driving her shoulder into her opponent's chest and taking her down with a basic single-leg takedown. The group looked on in shock as Fiona had their leader's shoulders pinned to the street; she gave Mandy one final, terse warning.
FIONA:
I'm not gonna tell the lot of youse again...run. Along. Home.
Fiona quickly stood up, watching as Mandy scurried to her teammates who looked on in awe.
FIONA:
NOW!!!
Without saying another word, the gals in wolf costumes started running back into the side street, leaving Fiona to wipe the sweat off her brow. She had to utilise her wrestling skills in the outside world to save her friend's life, and she fully understood that had she NOT been there for her down-the-road neighbour and friend, the cost would have been much greater than anything she could ever imagine.
Her morals, her sense of compassion and mercy...they could all have been destroyed.
Fiona slowly knelt beside Sarah, who was extremely traumatised by the whole ordeal and shaken to her core. She comforted her like a caring mother would care for a child, calmly placing her left arm over her to keep her warm before checking up on her to make sure there were no major injuries.
FIONA:
You're gonna be a'right, love. Everything will be okay...
Sarah's trembling subsided upon realising that she had been a witness to Fiona's bravery. She looked into her mentor's eyes, completely understanding what she REALLY did for a living.
Indeed, the cat was out of the proverbial bag.
SARAH DAWKINS:
You're...you're a wrassler...
~TO BE CONTINUED~
Well howdy there pardner.