Post by Gabriela Luna on Dec 18, 2017 4:57:36 GMT
Fuckin' hell. Back again?
It feels like y'all call me up every few months when you need to fill some numbers. Is that all I am, IWF? Am I just here to meet your diversity quota? 'cause if so, you know you don't employ any Asians, right? I'm just saying. You do an entire tour of Asia, and the closest thing you have is a jobber. My mother was right, Americans really don't see color. No, I mean they don't see color, they don't see people of color. They just see white people.
Am I angry? Maybe just a little. Maybe I'm angry that I get locked in this self-fulfilling prophecy of "you don't have a track record to justify an opportunity, let's not book you for months, you don't have a track record." What, so Eternity leaves and all of a sudden I get thrown on the backburner? "Here's your match against Pandora, oops, you lost, look, it's a bunch of crazy-ass cultists!" Hijolé, this place. What do I have to do, start walking around wearing skull paint and acting like I'm possessed? Is that what it takes now?
Nah. I've always been no bullshit, straight-forward, give me a fuckin' fight. And oh shit, did I get a fight. Got my opportunity, too. I just gotta outlast twelve other people. In a battle royal. Where it's usually an advantage to be larger and harder to throw around. My ass. Mi cula pequeña. Greeeeat.
Y'all, I'ma be real. I'm not exactly thrilled about this shit. I gotta be realistic, and the fact of the matter is I don't get a lot of space to operate in a match like this. Y'all go take each other out, I'll take a little nap in the corner, and when it's down to a reasonable number of people I'ma get my shit started.
Like, really? Who the fuck are Bliss Riley and Sasha Grey? I mean, my cousin thought he knew who Sasha Grey was, but he saw a picture and got all confused...that boy needs to get off the Internet. All I know is you're in my way, you haven't done shit, you ain't shit, and if y'all come near me, you're gettin' kicked in the teeth. Next?
Oh, great. Charity Helms. Look, I don't know what the fuck's going on with you. I wrestled someone who thought they were a crocodile. A literal person-shaped crocodile. I tangled with Eternity, and I'm pretty sure that bitch had me seein' some shit...and you are STILL one of the craziest bitches I've ever met. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did they just drop y'all on your heads as children and stick you in front of the TV? Is that why you think anime is real? Because if so, ¡en el nombre de la Luna, te castigaré!
What? I'm not allowed to have layers?
Sara Garcia...look, I ain't gonna take the shots at you I might've. Your sister and her mouth got in the way of my shit, but you ain't her. You're your own shit, and I'm honestly concerned about you. You're a threat. That what you want to hear? You're a threat, and I gotta take you out before you take me out. Like, maybe if you get the good bird pretty bird act a little, people will pull their heads out their asses and realize you're a fucking danger for once. I ain't makin' that mistake. You wanna take me out, you better come hard. You get one shot to take me down, and then I'ma be off like a motherfucking flash.
Vivienne! ¡Chica! How you doin'?! It's been ages, girl. Good to see you! You're doin' good, lookin' good...lookin' good...good to see ya. How you been? It's good to know you're kickin' ass and takin' names. And you know I ain't showin' no mercy, though. I know you can give as good as you get, and you're a hell of a lot more dangerous than anyone gives you credit for. Bring it on, girl. Let's do this. If I'ma get punked, I'ma go down swingin', and I want it to be with someone like you.
Astrid...Jeeeesus. You don't, uh, you don't get any shorter in person, do you? And you don't get any quieter. You know what, though? You're big, and that means I can deal with you. I can deal with giants. You wanna swing at me, big girl? Be ready to strike the fuckin' air. You can't catch me, and that means you can't fuckin' take me. You go deal with the fuckin' Pack. That title is mine. You hear me, giant woman? MINE!
Speaking of titles and possessiveness...oh. Ohohoh. Alexis fuckin' Caffrey. What's good, Miley? What's real good? You wanna come back now, act like you ain't been gone?! You wanna step back up and take your fuckin' shot?! Act like you run this town?! This ain't your town anymore, asshole. New residents moved in, made it their own, and now your ass can't even make rent. It's a new game, and you ain't even read the rules. Fuck with me again, Lexy. Fuck. With me. Again. See what fuckin' happens! SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
Pan? Brooklyn? Y'all go do your fuckin' thing. Honestly, as much as I'd like to kick the Pack in the teeth, y'all got their attention now, and as long as you have it, that means y'all ain't lookin' at the titles. Sure, I gotta go through the Pack to get there, but I don't wanna run the gauntlet. We don't get paid by the hour or the bruise.
So y'all do your thing, I'ma do mine.
Charity Crowne. Spoiled-ass white girl-ass English-ass bitch. Look, fuck you. Fuck the plane you flew in on. Fuck them shoes. Fuck your tea. Fuck your obnoxious nails-on-chalkboard accent. Fuck your plastic-ass tits. Fuck your fake-cover teeth. Fuck your weave. Fuck Doctor Who. Fuck Simon Cowell. Fuck Prince William. Fuck the Queen. And, once again, fuck you. That is all.
Kate...I whooped yo' ass, I'ma whoop you again. Crystal, you ain't flyin' higher than me. I wish I had more to say to y'all, but...you ain't that interestin', you ain't that important, and I got an ass-whoopin' for anyone who wants one. Step right up, bitches! Step right the FUCK up!
Look, I ain't got time for y'all. I ain't got time or patience for y'all. This is an opportunity, and that shit don't come around for me every fuckin' month. I don't care how much weight I gotta throw around, I don't care how weird it'll be to throw weight around, I'm fuckin' doin' it. You want to get in my way? Get knocked the fuck down, get knocked the fuck out. Bring it on.
Miramé.
It feels like y'all call me up every few months when you need to fill some numbers. Is that all I am, IWF? Am I just here to meet your diversity quota? 'cause if so, you know you don't employ any Asians, right? I'm just saying. You do an entire tour of Asia, and the closest thing you have is a jobber. My mother was right, Americans really don't see color. No, I mean they don't see color, they don't see people of color. They just see white people.
Am I angry? Maybe just a little. Maybe I'm angry that I get locked in this self-fulfilling prophecy of "you don't have a track record to justify an opportunity, let's not book you for months, you don't have a track record." What, so Eternity leaves and all of a sudden I get thrown on the backburner? "Here's your match against Pandora, oops, you lost, look, it's a bunch of crazy-ass cultists!" Hijolé, this place. What do I have to do, start walking around wearing skull paint and acting like I'm possessed? Is that what it takes now?
Nah. I've always been no bullshit, straight-forward, give me a fuckin' fight. And oh shit, did I get a fight. Got my opportunity, too. I just gotta outlast twelve other people. In a battle royal. Where it's usually an advantage to be larger and harder to throw around. My ass. Mi cula pequeña. Greeeeat.
Y'all, I'ma be real. I'm not exactly thrilled about this shit. I gotta be realistic, and the fact of the matter is I don't get a lot of space to operate in a match like this. Y'all go take each other out, I'll take a little nap in the corner, and when it's down to a reasonable number of people I'ma get my shit started.
Like, really? Who the fuck are Bliss Riley and Sasha Grey? I mean, my cousin thought he knew who Sasha Grey was, but he saw a picture and got all confused...that boy needs to get off the Internet. All I know is you're in my way, you haven't done shit, you ain't shit, and if y'all come near me, you're gettin' kicked in the teeth. Next?
Oh, great. Charity Helms. Look, I don't know what the fuck's going on with you. I wrestled someone who thought they were a crocodile. A literal person-shaped crocodile. I tangled with Eternity, and I'm pretty sure that bitch had me seein' some shit...and you are STILL one of the craziest bitches I've ever met. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did they just drop y'all on your heads as children and stick you in front of the TV? Is that why you think anime is real? Because if so, ¡en el nombre de la Luna, te castigaré!
What? I'm not allowed to have layers?
Sara Garcia...look, I ain't gonna take the shots at you I might've. Your sister and her mouth got in the way of my shit, but you ain't her. You're your own shit, and I'm honestly concerned about you. You're a threat. That what you want to hear? You're a threat, and I gotta take you out before you take me out. Like, maybe if you get the good bird pretty bird act a little, people will pull their heads out their asses and realize you're a fucking danger for once. I ain't makin' that mistake. You wanna take me out, you better come hard. You get one shot to take me down, and then I'ma be off like a motherfucking flash.
Vivienne! ¡Chica! How you doin'?! It's been ages, girl. Good to see you! You're doin' good, lookin' good...lookin' good...good to see ya. How you been? It's good to know you're kickin' ass and takin' names. And you know I ain't showin' no mercy, though. I know you can give as good as you get, and you're a hell of a lot more dangerous than anyone gives you credit for. Bring it on, girl. Let's do this. If I'ma get punked, I'ma go down swingin', and I want it to be with someone like you.
Astrid...Jeeeesus. You don't, uh, you don't get any shorter in person, do you? And you don't get any quieter. You know what, though? You're big, and that means I can deal with you. I can deal with giants. You wanna swing at me, big girl? Be ready to strike the fuckin' air. You can't catch me, and that means you can't fuckin' take me. You go deal with the fuckin' Pack. That title is mine. You hear me, giant woman? MINE!
Speaking of titles and possessiveness...oh. Ohohoh. Alexis fuckin' Caffrey. What's good, Miley? What's real good? You wanna come back now, act like you ain't been gone?! You wanna step back up and take your fuckin' shot?! Act like you run this town?! This ain't your town anymore, asshole. New residents moved in, made it their own, and now your ass can't even make rent. It's a new game, and you ain't even read the rules. Fuck with me again, Lexy. Fuck. With me. Again. See what fuckin' happens! SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
Pan? Brooklyn? Y'all go do your fuckin' thing. Honestly, as much as I'd like to kick the Pack in the teeth, y'all got their attention now, and as long as you have it, that means y'all ain't lookin' at the titles. Sure, I gotta go through the Pack to get there, but I don't wanna run the gauntlet. We don't get paid by the hour or the bruise.
So y'all do your thing, I'ma do mine.
Charity Crowne. Spoiled-ass white girl-ass English-ass bitch. Look, fuck you. Fuck the plane you flew in on. Fuck them shoes. Fuck your tea. Fuck your obnoxious nails-on-chalkboard accent. Fuck your plastic-ass tits. Fuck your fake-cover teeth. Fuck your weave. Fuck Doctor Who. Fuck Simon Cowell. Fuck Prince William. Fuck the Queen. And, once again, fuck you. That is all.
Kate...I whooped yo' ass, I'ma whoop you again. Crystal, you ain't flyin' higher than me. I wish I had more to say to y'all, but...you ain't that interestin', you ain't that important, and I got an ass-whoopin' for anyone who wants one. Step right up, bitches! Step right the FUCK up!
Look, I ain't got time for y'all. I ain't got time or patience for y'all. This is an opportunity, and that shit don't come around for me every fuckin' month. I don't care how much weight I gotta throw around, I don't care how weird it'll be to throw weight around, I'm fuckin' doin' it. You want to get in my way? Get knocked the fuck down, get knocked the fuck out. Bring it on.
Miramé.
Well howdy there pardner.