My First Time

[Tifa Heafy]

“Phew. What a crazy few days this has been for me. First I had to go paint my apartment because the walls were awful. I did get permission from the super by the way so its not like I was like lets paint the walls for no reason and get kicked out. Then I had to go to Scotland to help my mentor out with something special she had planned for one of her numerous rivals in the wrestling world. It was pretty funny actually last night. Now I’m back home in Miami for like today before flying up to Michigan for something I still don’t know how I got.

Recently what have I done to even earn a title shot besides Jessica being my best friend and all? I can’t seem to win a match anymore. Its like the magic that I had is completely gone now and I’m stuck in a constant state of loserdom at the moment and it’s gotten me a bit down. So sorry if I’m not my normal bubbly self today. Its just that I want to be completely awesome like Freyfrey and if she can’t beat Jessica than what chance do I have in a couple of nights.

What chance do I have of knocking off someone people are worshiping like she’s some sort of Egyptian Blonde Boob Goddess? Right now when people look at me, Tifa Heafy, they don’t see the same girl they saw who won the first ever main event in IWF history. Rather they see a girl who can’t believe in herself right now. Maybe Amber Richards was right about a lot of things. I’m not really ready for something like this. I’m not a hero, not yet, I’m more of a sidekick and my Batman, or Batwoman, is off doing her own thing.

Then Kevin reminded me of something that perked me right back up and made me get back into an awesome mood. This isn’t a regular match that Jessica and I are having in a couple of days. Nope! The two of us are going toe to toe not in the ring but in a comic book convention. See there won’t be any normal moves like a body slam or a suplex in our match. Nope. Instead you’ll get to see us do nerdy things. This match that the two of us will have is going to cheese off a lot of people because its not traditional.

Bitch do we look like traditional female wrestlers to you?

I have ADHD. Jessica is, well, whatever she is and we don’t follow your normal rules society. We do things our way and so far the fans love it and they love us. Just cuz we’re not some uber serious bitch who refuses to get down to her undies in order to get into a tournament doesn’t mean we don’t love wrestling all the same. I just have a different love for it than other people do. I’m not the type that will put you in a headlock and work the hold for five minutes. I’m not the type that will powerbomb you out of the ring and through a table.

I don’t know fancy submissions.

I don’t know how to kick someone in the head until their brains turn to mush.

What I do know?

Is how to be fun and entertaining and awesome. I’m not a serious person. I’ve tried it before and it is not my style. I love being bubbly and fun and this convention match is the perfect way for me to get a title shot against my best friend. If this were a normal match I wouldn’t feel good about my chances at all. I’d feel like I’d have no shot against Jessica on account of how good she’s been in the ring. This isn’t a match that’s in the ring! This is a match that is taking place in our world, Jessica.

We can feel free to be nerds the entire match. Imagine all the fun we’ll run into during the match. There will be comic books, fellow nerdlings in cosplay. Hell! We should cosplay for this match! I could go as like Wonder Woman and you could go as Slave Leia from Return of the Jedi. I mean you do have the boobs to pull that off quite well. Imagine the buy rates if you told people that you’re going to wrestle in that skimpy little outfit. You get the horny teenagers, the horny virgin nerds and the lesbians who just love the female body.

I don’t discriminate against anyone’s sexual preference. I mean I could be a lesbian and only using Kevin as a cover story for my muff diving ways!

So back to the match. This convention match is a whole world of possibilities of fun. I remember when Freyfrey was married to Joe Ragnal who was the Innovator of FUN. FUN meaning fully unrehearsed nuttiness and that always stuck with me. Freya was a doofus for leaving him in the first place for Dexter. Joe Ragnal was a favorite of mine because of his goofy ways. I liked that style of wrestling because as I said I’m not a serious biznitch when it comes this sport.

I think Jessica goes back and forth between serious and stuffs. I hope she’s over her boo-boo though cuz an ankle injury is never fun to deal with. I sprained my ankle walking in heels once and got carried around by some random guy I didn’t even know! He tried being like you should make fuck with me as thank you. I told him no way bro and got outta there!

This title match is awesome to me though. My first ever title shot in wrestling already and its for the Diamond’s Title. A title that will go down as one of the best titles in the world pretty easily I think as long as we make sure no serious business women ruin it. Sure we might be looked as a simple carbon copy of a more ‘successful’ female wrestler out there but who isn’t a nerd at heart? Some of us just hide if more than others.

Jessica is a nerd. I’m a nerd. Freya’s a nerd. Christopher is a nerd. Hell, even your legendary hero Brad Kane is a friggin’ nerd! You should see his anime collection sometime! The point is that we’re all nerds and this match will be for the nerds in wrestling who are too scared to stand up and shout that they love being a nerd. This match is for those people who take wrestling too seriously so they have something else to bitch and moan about. This match is for all the little girls watching at home who want to become wrestlers.

Heck this match is even for my big sister who currently hates me. I might not win, I might not lose but I know one thing, this is going to be so much fun people’s heads might explode.

And their pee pee’s too if Jessica cosplays as someone sexy. So on Sunday night I will walk into the convention hall, I will proudly wear my cosplay outfit to wrestle in and I will have the most fun you’ve ever seen in a professional wrestling match where two people are completely naked in a dildo on a pole match.

...Yes that actually happened too...

Sunday night, I will go against Jessica Reed and shout two simple words that will help me in my quest to become Diamond’s Champion and win my first ever title in professional wrestling. Those two simple words...?

LEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYY JEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSS!

-----

What is this madness? Tifa isn’t in her apartment in my Miami playing with Relm today? No, of course not, she’s at the home of Brad Kane which is more like an entire apartment complex with all the rooms and bathrooms and two kitchens. The home is massive much like his... ego. Tifa stops her car in the driveway where she sees two of his children playing out in the yard. Tifa waves to the kids before exiting her car in her work out clothes. Yes, Tifa works out sometimes. Kinda surprising isn’t it?

Tifa: Heya kids. Is your daddy home?

The two little girls nod their head. Tifa can’t ever remember their names. Too many of them to remember actually. Tifa chuckles thinking to herself that with a few more tries Brad could field his own football team. Having free reign to open the main doors of the house Tifa does. That first step into the home is always breathtaking with how large it is. There are no butlers though, instead, Nina waves hello seeing Tifa.

Nina: Hey, Tifa, glad you could make it today.

Tifa: I’d be crazy to not turn down the chance to hear an old man Brad lecture and then work out. Well, not old man, just he acts like it sometimes.

Nina: Oh I know that, trust me. The other day he went on about how smart phones are going to ruin public school education because of Facebook and all that. He’s gone off his rocker since last month...

Tifa: So I’ve seen. What’s the count he’s made people cry at now on Twitter?

Nina: About four. Poor guy doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore.
Tifa nods her head before sitting down with Nina in an entry way couch. Pretty handy to have to visit with people when they first walk into the home, Tifa thinks to herself. Plus its super comfy.

Nina: So it’s been sometimes unbearable to be around him but he’s finally accepting the fact that he can’t wrestle anymore. He’s putting a lot of time into working on this book of his now and trying to get the clearance to open up a bar and grill.

Tifa: At least he’s trying to keep himself busy. Better than him following you around all day like you see in a sitcom.

Nina: Oh I’d smack him if he tried that.

A few moments of silence pass by.

Nina: So what’s your lecture about today?

Tifa: The benefits of wearing proper ring attire as opposed to dressing up like a whore. I think he’s still miffed about how that girl reacted on Twitter.

A couple of weeks ago Brad berated a rookie for her choice in ring attire stating that she looked like a common whore and had no business being in wrestling. Tons of hate tweets were sent in his direction for his verbal assault on the young lady. Tifa just shook her head remembering about that.

Nina: I wanted to pull his heart out of his chest and shove it up his rear end for doing that to her...

Tifa: Yeah he was pretty ruthless. I think he’s going to yell at me for still wearing gym shorts to the ring. My new attire should be in pretty soon and its fugging awesome too!

Nina: I know, I think you showed me. This will help you in the long run. Not everyone can look like a homeless person and get ahead in wrestling.

Tifa: Yeah. Though on Sunday I’m cosplaying for my match.

Nina: Oh yeah? As who?

Tifa can only offer a shrug of her shoulders as a response. She doesn't quite know yet but there are some ideas.

Tifa: If I had bigger boobs I’d clearly go as Tifa from Final Fantasy 7. Since I don’t I’m not exactly sure yet. Maybe another Final Fantasy character. That or these pictures I found of Freya when she got super drunk and flashed a cop.

Nina: Oh dear... I remember Brad telling me about that one. It was her, your big sister and their friend. They got too drunk and Brad had to drive them around. All of them thought it’d be funny to flash a cop. Lucky they didn’t end up in jail.

Tifa giggles at the story even though it reminds her of her big sister who just refuses to even speak with her right now. The giggle goes away before the sigh comes out with a sad look.

Nina: She’s still not speaking to you?

Tifa: Nope. I don’t know if she ever will again either. Mommy won’t speak to me either for some reason. So its like the only family I have right now is you guys and stuff. I just learn to deal with it. Kevin doesn't have any family besides surrogate either anymore. We’re just a couple of people who know the feeling...

Nina: I know sweetie. You know that the door is always here for you, Kev and Relm.

Tifa nods her head knowing that Nina means it. Nina’s probably the nicest woman in the world unless you get on her bad side. Nina hugs Tifa while a couple of tears fall down Tifa’s face thinkin’ of her big sister and how she doesn’t get to talk to her anymore.

Nina: So you better not keep grumpy old Brad waiting. After his lecture he’s going to grill out so call Kev and tell him to come over for some good food.

Tifa: Alrighty, I’ll do that. Can he bring Relm too?

Nina: Of course.

Tifa pulls out her phone and begins to text her future husband of the news. Still her mind drifts back to her sister and why she won’t speak to her. Something about Tifa being negative towards her when all Tifa did was defend Freya! Its not Tifa’s fault her big sister tried to break up a relationship. Tifa stands up ready to get yelled at by #GrumpyOldBrad about her choice of ring attire which will get fixed pretty soon. Time for the biggest weekend of her life... and it’ll be without her mentor.