Post by Trent Helms on Aug 17, 2013 0:57:16 GMT
I really wanted to like you Michael; I really did, back in 2012, when you were a rising star, who was more focus on wooing the fans, then the development of your character. I remember sitting at home in Toronto, watching Mind Games on Pay Per View, there was just something about you that clicked for me, I actually marked out a few times, because I figured we were on the verge of seeing a new NCW Champion that night, and saving of (and maybe NCW) from the hype we all had to hear for 12 months from Adam, Xander and Verona themselves, how he was destined to be the man, as someone who was the backbone of NCW at the time, Do you know how discouraging it is, to hear.....This man is the future, over and over again....
Do you know what it's like hearing when you're killing it in the ring, and stealing the show, working thirty-five minute matches each week, and to hear your work isn't good enough, because some mister money bags, comes in and woos everyone...
I was pulling for you Laszlo, and you disappointed me and the rest of the primates when you couldn't get the job done.
Three tries you had and nothing.
You were supposed to become the champion to the rest of the boys in the back, your failure to beat Verona, not only disappointed us, You pretty much killed NCW with your failures.
I still supported you, but you suddenly decided to change the way people looked at you, You grew out your hair, you dyed it, you did everything you could to get the images out of people had, that Mike Laszlo was a failure.
Sadly, you still sit here in IWF, labeled as a failure, who blames his losses on the most stupid of things from The Sun being thirty-five degree off its axis and the change in gravity screwed up your time, to the dime a dozen, You were dealing with a Herpes outbreak.
You keep losing.....Toughen Up Lass.....Instead of trying to improve, all you do is, come up with more stupid reasons why you lose constantly.
A Great Fighter knows his weaknesses....A Warrior knows them, and finds way to come come them.
Sadly, I didn't adhere to such advise at A Night To Remember, and I paid dearly for it, I'm sure you will make every reference to how I tapped out, I'm sure you still got that oversized poster you had made at Kinkos, of that fateful moment, when my hand slapped the mat faster than my hand used to go when watching Jenna Haze taking on three guys at one time.
I tapped....so what?
You like to make prideful boasts all the time Laszlo, how special you are, how you're so unique with your bottled hair, and your fancy neon green trunks, Want to know a secret Laszlo?
You don't, but I'm clearly going to tell you anyways, that's what I do, like not using proper grammar and butchering the English language on a daily basis, clearly people think I'm supposed to use correct grammar when I'm a French speaking Canadian, who is more than likely, more fluent in Japanese, then I am in English, but yes, the secret.
I was only using 33 percent of my fighting power against you, it wasn't by choice or design, it just what it was, clearly considering I totally suffered a stroke not too long before that, my range of motions was very limited.
How I pulled off half the crazy crap I did in that match, still surprise me, considering nearly 3 minutes in, I was blown up, couldn't use my arms right, and there was a huge itch in my asscrack that I simply couldn't get past.
But I still lost, I'm going to man up, well as much as a being of my superior willpower and genetic DNA can to a primate such as yourself. You beat me Michael, I'm not going to make excuses like everyone else around here does, with that Jake Keeton guy, and his super-duper Bradley Cooper elbow pad.
People totally seem to be bitching about that more than when I got a World title shot against Ricky Johnson last year, I don't see what the big deal is, with Keeton, not my failed world title shot, As fighters, we should be prepared to defend against anything, is the entire roster, telling me, They can't defend against a simple elbow strike?
You primates are so laughable, the moral of this story is Michael, I should of been better prepared, I didn't train, I didn't watch any tape, I didn't even wrestle a tune up match from my stroke before stepping back in the ring, instead I totally pulled a Trent Helms, which nobody should ever attempt to be that guy, with his great hair, hot girlfriend and his perfectly bleached asshole.
I just jolted right in, and well....
The rest was history.
So I'm not making excuses Mike, You beat me, you did what Spike Kane, Brad Kane, Christian Kane, and every other Kane, have never done, beat Trent Helms in a one on one match.
But that was simply round one.
Now it's the return bout, where I've lost the first one....which mean.
TRENT HELMS SUPER REVENGE MODE IS NOW ACTIVATED!!!!
What that means is, Trent Helms doesn't lose return bouts, history has pretty much shown us that, well that, and right now, I don't even think you could beat Spike Kane right now...
No....not my super cool friend with the Tag Team Championship, I know you couldn't beat him right now; I'm talking about the other Spike Kane.
The one that was black, was like a hundred pounds overweight, and struck a gerbal up his ass.
This Sunday, it's not the weakened Trent who couldn't even find the strength to masterbate, you're not facing the Trent Helms who took his ball and went home after calling his best friend and the owner of NCW a self-deluded egomaniac, and you're not facing the Trent Helms who won the World Title in NCW in 2008.
You're not getting that last one, because I have to maintain the illusion, you have a chance to beat me, That Trent Helms totally beat everyone, and it wouldn't be fair to you.
So prepare your anus Laszlo, get the finest lube, one can buy on your pay wage, take a couple slips of wine, because I'm coming for you Ni....Primate....Iām going to come at you like a Spider-Monkey, I'm going to come at you bro, like your name was Frieza and you just killed my bald headed comic relief best friend, and Sunday Night, just right over the border of the great land of Canada, in the hometown of my second best friend, which you can pretty much say, is right in my backyard, If I had one that existed in this country that is, Prepare are going to see a repeat of history.
Not of me slapping the mat in defeat, not of me, pretending to be Randy Quad and ramming my Fighter Jet, directly into your Mother ship, but a repeat of history, when you couldn't get the job done on pay per view, much like your affairs against a man who while you never defeated, I'm currently 3-0 against, and Sunday Night, when I'm wasting time wrestling your ass, wishing I was actually at home watching the Season Finale of True Blood, there will only be one excuse left for you to give the world, when I defeat you Mikey.
you know what your excuse is going to be?
You lost to Trent Helms because....
I'm Trent Helms and I'm out of This World.
I'm Trent Helms and just plain better then you.
=============================================================================
Here we are, can you guess where that is, of course, it's my super nice luxary condo in Toronto, that most of you are never actually going to see the inside of, because you're an asshole, and I don't let asshole into my house.
I know....Steve Awesome has been here too.
But at least I love that asshole.
The scene opens as, as we see the usual scene of Trent Helms apartment, he could be like other people and totally fly to Detroit like the rest of the people, you know what else he could do too? Stop being about himself in the third person like every single promo, it's getting really stale, seriously, Trent, you're totally writing this yourself, and yet you speak of yourself as a Director and then as a actor? What gives?
Because clearly I'm Trent Helms and I mean business.
You didn't scream it loud enough.
So what? You think I have to totally say everything right, like I'm some English professor, this is my promo, I can botch the English Language if I want too, when it was invented, they totally didn't consult me in the matter, so because they denied my imput on how to say things right, I'm not going to adhere to it, you know what else? I'm totally not using you anymore stupid condescending asshole third person voice.
We finally collapse the rare and elusive Trent Helms on camera, in his native habitat, his high rise condo, wearing a infamous T-Shirt and orange and black pajama pants, every wonder why Trent Helms doesn't do PR events for IWF despite his entertaining nature?
He wears his PJ's to them.
Ashlie quickly comes into view, she looks a bit more leaner then when we last saw here about a week ago, as most of the baby fat has disappeared from the Heiress to Planet Helms body.
Trent can you stop speaking about yourself in third person voice, we have a bit of a problem.
I got 99 problems and a...
Trent this is serious, it's about your son.
What about him?
Your son just tried to Bioshock our 1 month old daughter!
What, are you serious!!!!
Trent quickly rushes off from his chair, as you see the hand of the camera man motion to the other camera man.
This is our chance Ashford, if we capture the child on camera, Simon said he would give us a hefty bonus.
The two camera men quickly follow Trent and Ashlie into the other room, they are a little behind as you see Ashlie standing in front of Xian (Christian, whatever name you prefer), see seems to be screaming at the child, before Trent comes in to calm her down.
Ashlie, he's just a kid, He doesn't know any better.
Well, if you would actually would be a man, and confront your kid, when he does something wrong, and if he wasn't raise by that horrible women, maybe this wouldn't happen.
Ashlie just calm down will you, I'll talk to him.
You should have already had this conversation with him, how we are trained professionals at what we do, not only that, he could of hurt Ryan....
I know, but she is okay, I'll talk to him...
During this entire time, you see Xian picking up the the baby, as he quietly sneaks off as if his name was Solid Snake, the cameramen, who are still trying to see the child's face, hurry after them, as the kid goes and scurries into Trent's panic room, locking himself and the child inside, Ashlie and Trent finally stop yelling at each other, as the two embrace, however Ashlie notices that the two children are gone, as she quickly becomes upset again.
Where did they go...
The couple here the panic room doors close tightly, as they quickly scamper to the room as the promo comes to a end.
(To Be Continued)
=========================================================================
Do you know what it's like hearing when you're killing it in the ring, and stealing the show, working thirty-five minute matches each week, and to hear your work isn't good enough, because some mister money bags, comes in and woos everyone...
I was pulling for you Laszlo, and you disappointed me and the rest of the primates when you couldn't get the job done.
Three tries you had and nothing.
You were supposed to become the champion to the rest of the boys in the back, your failure to beat Verona, not only disappointed us, You pretty much killed NCW with your failures.
I still supported you, but you suddenly decided to change the way people looked at you, You grew out your hair, you dyed it, you did everything you could to get the images out of people had, that Mike Laszlo was a failure.
Sadly, you still sit here in IWF, labeled as a failure, who blames his losses on the most stupid of things from The Sun being thirty-five degree off its axis and the change in gravity screwed up your time, to the dime a dozen, You were dealing with a Herpes outbreak.
You keep losing.....Toughen Up Lass.....Instead of trying to improve, all you do is, come up with more stupid reasons why you lose constantly.
A Great Fighter knows his weaknesses....A Warrior knows them, and finds way to come come them.
Sadly, I didn't adhere to such advise at A Night To Remember, and I paid dearly for it, I'm sure you will make every reference to how I tapped out, I'm sure you still got that oversized poster you had made at Kinkos, of that fateful moment, when my hand slapped the mat faster than my hand used to go when watching Jenna Haze taking on three guys at one time.
I tapped....so what?
You like to make prideful boasts all the time Laszlo, how special you are, how you're so unique with your bottled hair, and your fancy neon green trunks, Want to know a secret Laszlo?
You don't, but I'm clearly going to tell you anyways, that's what I do, like not using proper grammar and butchering the English language on a daily basis, clearly people think I'm supposed to use correct grammar when I'm a French speaking Canadian, who is more than likely, more fluent in Japanese, then I am in English, but yes, the secret.
I was only using 33 percent of my fighting power against you, it wasn't by choice or design, it just what it was, clearly considering I totally suffered a stroke not too long before that, my range of motions was very limited.
How I pulled off half the crazy crap I did in that match, still surprise me, considering nearly 3 minutes in, I was blown up, couldn't use my arms right, and there was a huge itch in my asscrack that I simply couldn't get past.
But I still lost, I'm going to man up, well as much as a being of my superior willpower and genetic DNA can to a primate such as yourself. You beat me Michael, I'm not going to make excuses like everyone else around here does, with that Jake Keeton guy, and his super-duper Bradley Cooper elbow pad.
People totally seem to be bitching about that more than when I got a World title shot against Ricky Johnson last year, I don't see what the big deal is, with Keeton, not my failed world title shot, As fighters, we should be prepared to defend against anything, is the entire roster, telling me, They can't defend against a simple elbow strike?
You primates are so laughable, the moral of this story is Michael, I should of been better prepared, I didn't train, I didn't watch any tape, I didn't even wrestle a tune up match from my stroke before stepping back in the ring, instead I totally pulled a Trent Helms, which nobody should ever attempt to be that guy, with his great hair, hot girlfriend and his perfectly bleached asshole.
I just jolted right in, and well....
The rest was history.
So I'm not making excuses Mike, You beat me, you did what Spike Kane, Brad Kane, Christian Kane, and every other Kane, have never done, beat Trent Helms in a one on one match.
But that was simply round one.
Now it's the return bout, where I've lost the first one....which mean.
TRENT HELMS SUPER REVENGE MODE IS NOW ACTIVATED!!!!
What that means is, Trent Helms doesn't lose return bouts, history has pretty much shown us that, well that, and right now, I don't even think you could beat Spike Kane right now...
No....not my super cool friend with the Tag Team Championship, I know you couldn't beat him right now; I'm talking about the other Spike Kane.
The one that was black, was like a hundred pounds overweight, and struck a gerbal up his ass.
This Sunday, it's not the weakened Trent who couldn't even find the strength to masterbate, you're not facing the Trent Helms who took his ball and went home after calling his best friend and the owner of NCW a self-deluded egomaniac, and you're not facing the Trent Helms who won the World Title in NCW in 2008.
You're not getting that last one, because I have to maintain the illusion, you have a chance to beat me, That Trent Helms totally beat everyone, and it wouldn't be fair to you.
So prepare your anus Laszlo, get the finest lube, one can buy on your pay wage, take a couple slips of wine, because I'm coming for you Ni....Primate....Iām going to come at you like a Spider-Monkey, I'm going to come at you bro, like your name was Frieza and you just killed my bald headed comic relief best friend, and Sunday Night, just right over the border of the great land of Canada, in the hometown of my second best friend, which you can pretty much say, is right in my backyard, If I had one that existed in this country that is, Prepare are going to see a repeat of history.
Not of me slapping the mat in defeat, not of me, pretending to be Randy Quad and ramming my Fighter Jet, directly into your Mother ship, but a repeat of history, when you couldn't get the job done on pay per view, much like your affairs against a man who while you never defeated, I'm currently 3-0 against, and Sunday Night, when I'm wasting time wrestling your ass, wishing I was actually at home watching the Season Finale of True Blood, there will only be one excuse left for you to give the world, when I defeat you Mikey.
you know what your excuse is going to be?
You lost to Trent Helms because....
I'm Trent Helms and I'm out of This World.
I'm Trent Helms and just plain better then you.
=============================================================================
Here we are, can you guess where that is, of course, it's my super nice luxary condo in Toronto, that most of you are never actually going to see the inside of, because you're an asshole, and I don't let asshole into my house.
I know....Steve Awesome has been here too.
But at least I love that asshole.
The scene opens as, as we see the usual scene of Trent Helms apartment, he could be like other people and totally fly to Detroit like the rest of the people, you know what else he could do too? Stop being about himself in the third person like every single promo, it's getting really stale, seriously, Trent, you're totally writing this yourself, and yet you speak of yourself as a Director and then as a actor? What gives?
Because clearly I'm Trent Helms and I mean business.
You didn't scream it loud enough.
So what? You think I have to totally say everything right, like I'm some English professor, this is my promo, I can botch the English Language if I want too, when it was invented, they totally didn't consult me in the matter, so because they denied my imput on how to say things right, I'm not going to adhere to it, you know what else? I'm totally not using you anymore stupid condescending asshole third person voice.
We finally collapse the rare and elusive Trent Helms on camera, in his native habitat, his high rise condo, wearing a infamous T-Shirt and orange and black pajama pants, every wonder why Trent Helms doesn't do PR events for IWF despite his entertaining nature?
He wears his PJ's to them.
Ashlie quickly comes into view, she looks a bit more leaner then when we last saw here about a week ago, as most of the baby fat has disappeared from the Heiress to Planet Helms body.
Trent can you stop speaking about yourself in third person voice, we have a bit of a problem.
I got 99 problems and a...
Trent this is serious, it's about your son.
What about him?
Your son just tried to Bioshock our 1 month old daughter!
What, are you serious!!!!
Trent quickly rushes off from his chair, as you see the hand of the camera man motion to the other camera man.
This is our chance Ashford, if we capture the child on camera, Simon said he would give us a hefty bonus.
The two camera men quickly follow Trent and Ashlie into the other room, they are a little behind as you see Ashlie standing in front of Xian (Christian, whatever name you prefer), see seems to be screaming at the child, before Trent comes in to calm her down.
Ashlie, he's just a kid, He doesn't know any better.
Well, if you would actually would be a man, and confront your kid, when he does something wrong, and if he wasn't raise by that horrible women, maybe this wouldn't happen.
Ashlie just calm down will you, I'll talk to him.
You should have already had this conversation with him, how we are trained professionals at what we do, not only that, he could of hurt Ryan....
I know, but she is okay, I'll talk to him...
During this entire time, you see Xian picking up the the baby, as he quietly sneaks off as if his name was Solid Snake, the cameramen, who are still trying to see the child's face, hurry after them, as the kid goes and scurries into Trent's panic room, locking himself and the child inside, Ashlie and Trent finally stop yelling at each other, as the two embrace, however Ashlie notices that the two children are gone, as she quickly becomes upset again.
Where did they go...
The couple here the panic room doors close tightly, as they quickly scamper to the room as the promo comes to a end.
(To Be Continued)
=========================================================================
Well howdy there pardner.