Post by James Gilmore on Feb 17, 2019 13:57:20 GMT
”SONGS ABOUT LIFE - PART I”
JAMES’ PERSONAL LOG
Stardate: 96732.3 (February 17, 2019 - 10:00 PM)
I’m gonna preface this by sayin’ that this is gonna be a very special entry, one that I’m gonna be addressin’ directly to you, Fiona McFly, the only friend I’ve ever had in a world that wants to eat me alive and laugh as I’m barfed out.
I’ve had a lot of thinkin’ to do since meetin’ with Doc Hostetler a few weeks ago. I’ve had to close my eyes and accept a world that had been altered around me, in ways I can’t even begin to describe without people pointin’ fingers and laughin’ at me.
Oh, I’ve had to accept a lot of strange and fantastical things throughout my life under the guise of ‘change,’ but...nothin’ coulda ever prepared me for what I’ve experienced in the last month or so. Watchin’ a bunch of supernatural stuff happen in front of my eyes is one thing.
Watchin’ an entire timeline be altered around me?!
Yeahhhhh...now we’re gettin’ somewhere!
Never in the wildest of dreams I’ve had, or in the scariest nightmares, did I imagine that you, the most lovin’ wrestlin’ colleague I can ever know aside from Rob Diamond, would alter the very fabric of what I perceive as ‘time’ itself. It was bad enough, watchin’ as certain characters in movies be recast in your own image, but what’s even worse...is that now I have to live in a world in which you’re an even bigger celebrity than I am, even though ya ain’t supposed to be a celeb to begin with.
Am I...mad that you swiped the role of Princess Kitana from Talisa Soto, or that “My Heart Will Go On” will be known for bein’ sung by you instead of Celine Dion?! I don’t know yet...and I probably won’t know ‘til much later. Yet there are two lessons I can take from this:
One, while the world is still a complex land of confusion, ya taught me that some changes are for the greater good.
And two...well, we’ll stick with the first one for now.
How we handle things like change or evolution can make a huge difference on how we behave as human bein’s. There’s no point in denyin’ the obvious...but people can be very frightened of change and, thus, be driven to do certain things they’ll regret later in their lives. That’s what’s scary about it, but ya know...change is just a part of the reality we face all around us.
I remember learnin’ this lesson for the very first time in my life, durin’ one November night in 1992--durin’ my fifth grade year.
An autumn cold front was passin’ through Irving that night at around one in the mornin’, bringin’ with it a solid line of showers and thunderstorms with heavy rains and gusty winds. To this day, thunderstorms scare the bejeezus outta me, keepin’ me awake at the most inopportune time when I should be dreamin’. I remember slinkin’ out to the livin’ room of the apartment at Thousand Oaks, bein’ very careful so to not get myself busted, and observin’ my dad talkin’ to my stepmom--they had been married for a l’il over a year now--over the sounds of David Bowie.
They were talkin’ about somethin’, and as I would soon find out, it was...perhaps, gonna be themed to the tune that was playin’ on the radio.
It was gonna be about change...and they weren’t just talkin’ about the weather.
”I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
And every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test”
As my body jumped to the distinctively bright lightnin’ flashes and loud booms of thunder goin’ on outside, my mind was entrenched in the classic late-60s pop tune from the music icon. At first, I really wasn’t payin’ attention to what The Old Man and Joni were sayin’ to each other, but I could tell...there was a mixed range of emotions from joy to apprehension, from exuberance to sadness. I felt those emotions in my ten-year-old heart…
...yet I never realized that I was about to enter into a new period of my life.
That the Wonder Years I’d experienced since 1987...were comin’ to an end.
”Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time”
While my collective consciousness was still entranced in the David Bowie classic, I tried to let my body fight the storms around me and observe their conversation.
“Hun, with you gettin’ this new T.E. Baxter Elementary gig in Midlothian, I got a feelin’ that this is gonna be a shock to JJ’s system…”
“I know...I’ve had the honour of watching over his educational life at Farine since he was in kindergarten. He’s grown so much, made so many friends…”
“Yeah...he has grown up a lot. I just...I dunno if he’s gonna be able to accept this change…”
It was then when I began askin’ myself what it all meant. New gig, new school new city?! I couldn’t help but pay attention to some more of the details as they slowly started to trickle out...
”I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through”
...and then, what my dad asked my stepmom next hit me--right down to my core.
“What’s his friend’s name, Mary Sue? Are you gonna tell her too…?!”
“Oh yes, I’ll tell her...but I can already tell that she’s going to be saddened by this as well. Her and James have been in classes together since the very beginning in 1987, when they were in Mrs. Wahib’s kindergarten…”
“I’ll never forget seein’ just how close they really were at that PTA program. Ya know, the one when they were holdin' up the giant crayons…”
At that time, I wasn’t sure about how I’d handle things like change. Yet as the weather outside grew calmer with the frontal passage, although there was still some thunder behind the line of rain, I began to be confronted with the most painful of truths any human bein’ could ever experience:
That I might never hear Mary Sue get a laugh over my Dallas Cowboys jokes.
That I might never get to see my best friend again.
“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace
I'm going through”
Then, Joni turned around and spotted me.
“JJ! Why are you awake at this time of night?!”
“I...couldn’t sleep ‘cause of the loud thunder.”
“That's understandable, the thunder is very loud indeed. The weather is going to get colder soon…”
I tried to sneak back into my bedroom, embarrassed that I was caught bein’ up late on a school night, but instead of my dad gettin’ grumpy at me...
“Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you're gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time…”
...he figured it’d be better if I was told what was going to happen.
“Maybe we oughta tell him now that he’s awake…”
The Old Man motioned me to come on into the livin’ room.
“JJ...why don’t ya come sit here with us, bud.”
The storms were exitin’ the area rather quickly as I sat down in-between him and Joni, the latter of whom would speak to me in her lovin’, mentorin’ voice...a far cry from the authoritarian facade she had worn throughout her tenure.
“I am very proud of you. You have grown so much ever since I first greeted you at Farine whilst you were in the kindergarten class...and I have been blessed to have met an incredibly wonderful person like your father. That being said...I will be leaving Farine at the end of the term, and going to a brand-new elementary school in Midlothian.”
“In simple terms son...that means we’re gonna be movin’.”
My l’il frame fell limp, my lips quiverin’ in absolute trepidation as Joni did all she could to comfort me.
“Now, now...don’t be sad. You will be going to J.R. Irvin in January, where you will be able to make lots and lots brand-new friends!”
My thoughts, however, weren’t on comfort. They were on Mary Sue...
“Am I...am I never gonna see her again…”
...and perhaps, justifiably so. Mary Sue and I were like, as Forrest Gump would say, peas and carrots. We’d been through hell together, through the best of times and the worst of times. It was, at that point, when my biggest flaw began to rear its ugly head.
“Oh, you’ll be able to see your friend anytime! We’ll make sure we have plenty of time for visits and all that goodness. Who knows...maybe she’ll wind up movin’ down to Midlothian too…”
“I know...I know you’re frightened of the sudden change, but even though we’re changing places, the one thing that you should never, EVER change is who you are...in your heart…”
All I remember was cryin’ myself to sleep, knowin’ how everything around me was gonna be changin’. I felt legitimately scared and didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t know it then and perhaps...I don’t know if it’s true today, but I’d like to think that it was the start of somethin’ much bigger than I will ever begin to describe.
Right now, as I’m sittin’ at a desk in some hotel room, away from Yulia and anything resemblin' home, I’m thinkin’ about the people I’ve met in my travels, about those who’ve mentored me in some way, about those whom I’ve had the pleasure of callin’ ‘a friend.’
People like you Fi…'cuz honestly?!
I'm alone...and I'm scared.
And I don't know what to do about it.
-Page 1 of 2-
JAMES’ PERSONAL LOG
Stardate: 96732.3 (February 17, 2019 - 10:00 PM)
I’m gonna preface this by sayin’ that this is gonna be a very special entry, one that I’m gonna be addressin’ directly to you, Fiona McFly, the only friend I’ve ever had in a world that wants to eat me alive and laugh as I’m barfed out.
I’ve had a lot of thinkin’ to do since meetin’ with Doc Hostetler a few weeks ago. I’ve had to close my eyes and accept a world that had been altered around me, in ways I can’t even begin to describe without people pointin’ fingers and laughin’ at me.
Oh, I’ve had to accept a lot of strange and fantastical things throughout my life under the guise of ‘change,’ but...nothin’ coulda ever prepared me for what I’ve experienced in the last month or so. Watchin’ a bunch of supernatural stuff happen in front of my eyes is one thing.
Watchin’ an entire timeline be altered around me?!
Yeahhhhh...now we’re gettin’ somewhere!
Never in the wildest of dreams I’ve had, or in the scariest nightmares, did I imagine that you, the most lovin’ wrestlin’ colleague I can ever know aside from Rob Diamond, would alter the very fabric of what I perceive as ‘time’ itself. It was bad enough, watchin’ as certain characters in movies be recast in your own image, but what’s even worse...is that now I have to live in a world in which you’re an even bigger celebrity than I am, even though ya ain’t supposed to be a celeb to begin with.
Am I...mad that you swiped the role of Princess Kitana from Talisa Soto, or that “My Heart Will Go On” will be known for bein’ sung by you instead of Celine Dion?! I don’t know yet...and I probably won’t know ‘til much later. Yet there are two lessons I can take from this:
One, while the world is still a complex land of confusion, ya taught me that some changes are for the greater good.
And two...well, we’ll stick with the first one for now.
How we handle things like change or evolution can make a huge difference on how we behave as human bein’s. There’s no point in denyin’ the obvious...but people can be very frightened of change and, thus, be driven to do certain things they’ll regret later in their lives. That’s what’s scary about it, but ya know...change is just a part of the reality we face all around us.
I remember learnin’ this lesson for the very first time in my life, durin’ one November night in 1992--durin’ my fifth grade year.
An autumn cold front was passin’ through Irving that night at around one in the mornin’, bringin’ with it a solid line of showers and thunderstorms with heavy rains and gusty winds. To this day, thunderstorms scare the bejeezus outta me, keepin’ me awake at the most inopportune time when I should be dreamin’. I remember slinkin’ out to the livin’ room of the apartment at Thousand Oaks, bein’ very careful so to not get myself busted, and observin’ my dad talkin’ to my stepmom--they had been married for a l’il over a year now--over the sounds of David Bowie.
They were talkin’ about somethin’, and as I would soon find out, it was...perhaps, gonna be themed to the tune that was playin’ on the radio.
It was gonna be about change...and they weren’t just talkin’ about the weather.
”I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
And every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test”
As my body jumped to the distinctively bright lightnin’ flashes and loud booms of thunder goin’ on outside, my mind was entrenched in the classic late-60s pop tune from the music icon. At first, I really wasn’t payin’ attention to what The Old Man and Joni were sayin’ to each other, but I could tell...there was a mixed range of emotions from joy to apprehension, from exuberance to sadness. I felt those emotions in my ten-year-old heart…
...yet I never realized that I was about to enter into a new period of my life.
That the Wonder Years I’d experienced since 1987...were comin’ to an end.
”Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time”
While my collective consciousness was still entranced in the David Bowie classic, I tried to let my body fight the storms around me and observe their conversation.
“Hun, with you gettin’ this new T.E. Baxter Elementary gig in Midlothian, I got a feelin’ that this is gonna be a shock to JJ’s system…”
“I know...I’ve had the honour of watching over his educational life at Farine since he was in kindergarten. He’s grown so much, made so many friends…”
“Yeah...he has grown up a lot. I just...I dunno if he’s gonna be able to accept this change…”
It was then when I began askin’ myself what it all meant. New gig, new school new city?! I couldn’t help but pay attention to some more of the details as they slowly started to trickle out...
”I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through”
...and then, what my dad asked my stepmom next hit me--right down to my core.
“What’s his friend’s name, Mary Sue? Are you gonna tell her too…?!”
“Oh yes, I’ll tell her...but I can already tell that she’s going to be saddened by this as well. Her and James have been in classes together since the very beginning in 1987, when they were in Mrs. Wahib’s kindergarten…”
“I’ll never forget seein’ just how close they really were at that PTA program. Ya know, the one when they were holdin' up the giant crayons…”
At that time, I wasn’t sure about how I’d handle things like change. Yet as the weather outside grew calmer with the frontal passage, although there was still some thunder behind the line of rain, I began to be confronted with the most painful of truths any human bein’ could ever experience:
That I might never hear Mary Sue get a laugh over my Dallas Cowboys jokes.
That I might never get to see my best friend again.
“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace
I'm going through”
Then, Joni turned around and spotted me.
“JJ! Why are you awake at this time of night?!”
“I...couldn’t sleep ‘cause of the loud thunder.”
“That's understandable, the thunder is very loud indeed. The weather is going to get colder soon…”
I tried to sneak back into my bedroom, embarrassed that I was caught bein’ up late on a school night, but instead of my dad gettin’ grumpy at me...
“Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(Turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you're gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time…”
...he figured it’d be better if I was told what was going to happen.
“Maybe we oughta tell him now that he’s awake…”
The Old Man motioned me to come on into the livin’ room.
“JJ...why don’t ya come sit here with us, bud.”
The storms were exitin’ the area rather quickly as I sat down in-between him and Joni, the latter of whom would speak to me in her lovin’, mentorin’ voice...a far cry from the authoritarian facade she had worn throughout her tenure.
“I am very proud of you. You have grown so much ever since I first greeted you at Farine whilst you were in the kindergarten class...and I have been blessed to have met an incredibly wonderful person like your father. That being said...I will be leaving Farine at the end of the term, and going to a brand-new elementary school in Midlothian.”
“In simple terms son...that means we’re gonna be movin’.”
My l’il frame fell limp, my lips quiverin’ in absolute trepidation as Joni did all she could to comfort me.
“Now, now...don’t be sad. You will be going to J.R. Irvin in January, where you will be able to make lots and lots brand-new friends!”
My thoughts, however, weren’t on comfort. They were on Mary Sue...
“Am I...am I never gonna see her again…”
...and perhaps, justifiably so. Mary Sue and I were like, as Forrest Gump would say, peas and carrots. We’d been through hell together, through the best of times and the worst of times. It was, at that point, when my biggest flaw began to rear its ugly head.
“Oh, you’ll be able to see your friend anytime! We’ll make sure we have plenty of time for visits and all that goodness. Who knows...maybe she’ll wind up movin’ down to Midlothian too…”
“I know...I know you’re frightened of the sudden change, but even though we’re changing places, the one thing that you should never, EVER change is who you are...in your heart…”
All I remember was cryin’ myself to sleep, knowin’ how everything around me was gonna be changin’. I felt legitimately scared and didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t know it then and perhaps...I don’t know if it’s true today, but I’d like to think that it was the start of somethin’ much bigger than I will ever begin to describe.
Right now, as I’m sittin’ at a desk in some hotel room, away from Yulia and anything resemblin' home, I’m thinkin’ about the people I’ve met in my travels, about those who’ve mentored me in some way, about those whom I’ve had the pleasure of callin’ ‘a friend.’
People like you Fi…'cuz honestly?!
I'm alone...and I'm scared.
And I don't know what to do about it.
-Page 1 of 2-
Well howdy there pardner.