Post by James Gilmore on Mar 9, 2019 5:40:53 GMT
”TURN THE PAGE”
JAMES’ PERSONAL LOG
Stardate: 47634.44 (March 7, 2019 - AFTERNOON ENTRY)
This is gonna be a rather unusual entry.
Normally I’d get on camera and say a few words about the Roulette while recordin’ the day’s events in this journal, but on this warm afternoon, as I’m talkin’ to people at a local coffee shop--NOT Starbucks, mind you--in Fredericksburg, I figured...what the heck, I’ll promote the Roulette talk about my feelin’s for this business on paper and not behind some silly prop desk. Right now, I’m sippin’ on some iced-mocha drink while listenin’ to a song by the legendary Bob Seger, a l’il ditty that perfectly sums up the highs and the lows of a colorful career that began in 2010.
A career that started...with a one-in-a-million chance of a lifetime.
I got my start in wrestlin’ as a freelance writer, someone who’d do wrestlin’-related commentaries just for fun--nothin’ more, nothin’ less. Back then, I was gettin’ my history degree but havin’ a helluva time tryin’ to find work in that field. I caught the attention of a wrestler who’s had his own problems, problems with drinkin’ and all that mess, but he cleaned himself up to become a success story in one of the biggest indy promotions in the world, the old Premiere Wrestling Alliance. When nobody else wanted to give me a chance to learn about the wrestlin’ business from them, Jack Gaither GAVE me that opportunity to get a rare, insider’s glimpse of what it truly feels like to be on the road year-round.
I didn’t look back...I shadowed him durin’ a tour of the Far East
‘Cuz at the time...I was goin’ nowhere with my own life.
”On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha
You can listen to the engine moanin' out its one-note song
You can think about the woman, or the girl you knew the night before
But your thoughts will soon be wandering the way they always do
When you're riding sixteen hours and there's nothing much to do
And you don't feel much like riding, you just wish the trip was through
Say, here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, turn the page”
I never asked for nothin’ in return from him.
Yet Jack gave me somethin’ that I never thought I’d have before: hope.
I know this might sound kinda bland...but hoped that I’d do good things in this business, that I’d step outta his shadow and forge my own legacy. Yet two years ago, durin’ the course of this journey, I damn near lost all the hope I had. I got complacent, I got angry, and I made a bunch of stupid mistakes. The biggest of a bunch...was puttin’ my faith in a woman I knew nothin’ about, save for the political talk shows on MSNBC or CNN.
All this while Yulia was out on the road, on the indy circuit.
Yeah...Lindsey hired the gangbanger who tried to do me in. Yeah...I had to defend my own home and my own bodyguard against a potential threat. Yet at the end of the day...I ain’t got no one to blame but yself, ‘cuz I shoulda NEVER, EVER trusted the services of that psychotic slut in the first place.
Truth is, I didn’t HAVE to return to wrestlin’ in 2018. I coulda stayed home, sat on my butt all day, and played video games without a care in the world. I’d have pointed fingers at other people, sayin’ that ya led me into this and all that hot mess, but in the end...I’d have lost all hope for good. I’d have been called a coward, a worthless piece of shit as Spike once called the entire roster, and THAT woulda been an even worse punishment than death itself.
But I WANTED to get back into wrestlin’.
While people snickered and laughed at me, I marched my happy butt into that ring and led myself into makin’ a solemn vow...to have the mindset of a Champion, to just go out there and have fun again, to not worry about the supernatural crap that’s bein’ shoved down our throats every week. The wrestlin’ community raised a brow when I allied myself with one of the most decorated competitors in IWF history, a man who’s won it all...save for the big one. When they doubted us, Bein’ Infamous ROSE ABOVE and pumped new life into a tag-team division that had been considered virtually extinct for years!
Rob Diamond gave me a new sense of hope and purpose, and for that I’m forever grateful.
Yet this time, in 2019...I ain’t gonna let it slip away.
“Well, you walk into a restaurant, strung-out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you as you're shaking off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you but you just want to explode
Most times you can't hear 'em talk, other times you can
All the same old clichés: "Is that a woman or a man?"
And you always seem outnumbered, you don't dare make a stand
Here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, turn the page”
To those who continuously criticize and nitpick me for my work, to those who do nothin’ else except call me “FAKE,” lemme ask ya these simple questions.
Where were YOU when Spike Kane tried to kill me two years ago after his son Xander died?! Where were YOU when a gangbanger barged onto my property--MY OWN HOME--with a gun and started shootin’ at me ‘cuz of my political beliefs?! Where were YOU when Dean Harper kidnapped Yulia, when Rowan lit Fiona on fire for her own sick and twisted pleasure, or when Xavier Cross essentially ended Dev’s career and used a social media platform to publicly wish death upon me, huh!?!
And ya wanna talk to ME about not carin’, huh!?!
The point about this is VERY clear, dudes. I don’t care if your name’s Nate Harris, Warren Kane, Andrew Jacobsen, or Elroy Jetson; no matter WHOEVER stands in my way…the result is always gonna be the same! You can hit me as hard as ya want to, you can bust my chops and throw the book at me for all I care, but I want--nahh, I DEMAND--you to keep in mind...that I can hit ya squarely in the friggin’ mouth just as hard--if not HARDER--than you! If ya think I’m jokin’ around about that, then by all means...try me.
You’re gonna learn the most painful lesson known to man, a lesson I had to learn on my own two years ago.
It ain’t about how hard ya can hit, it’s about how hard ya can GET hit and keep movin’ forward, how hard ya can TAKE the crap and the punishment and the heartache and keep movin’ forward! That, to me, is what bein’ a REAL Champion is all about. That’s how WINNIN’ FOR REAL is done--not by marchin’ out there to that squared circle and thinkin’ you’re better than the other dude, but by learnin’ what it truly means to come up short when ya THINK you’re ridin’ high! If ya think you’re worth a hoot, then get your happy butt out there and GET WHAT YOU’RE WORTH...but ya gotta be willin’ to take the hits and stop pointin’ fingers and sayin’ “oh, Dean Harper interfered, the Clergy caused me to get rolled up and pinned by George Jetson, what-EVER!”
That’s what COWARDS do for a livin’!
Surely...the other twenty-nine of you dudes are a bunch of yellow-bellies, right?!
“Out there in the spotlight you're a million miles away
Every ounce of energy you try to give away
As the sweat pours out your body like the music that you play
Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers ringin' in your head
You smoke the day's last cigarette, remembering what she said”
Nah, you’re not cowards. You’re all better than that.
If ya weren’t, then ya wouldn’t be in wrestlin’--period.
Truth is, it takes balls to compete in the Roulette, to be one of the twenty-nine that could potentially be on the biggest stage of ‘em all. Some of you are comin’ into the company for the very first time, some of you have won the darn thing, others have come so close, and then there’s guys like me...who’ve always dreamed of doin’ somethin’ big yet never could find a way to cash it in. Yet whatever happens in the end, I’m gonna remember somethin’ Jack once taught me when we was in Tokyo, nine years ago.
Wrestlin’ ain’t about a bunch of ‘roided-up jocks out to win at all costs.
It’s about havin’ fun in that ring, even as everyone else wants to kick my butt. It’s about adaptin’ to the climate around ya, about gettin’ to know the people around ya. It’s somethin’ ya FEEL inside of you, somethin’ that will NEVER, EVER leave your soul, and it’s somethin’...that people can be proud of you for doin’ ‘cuz you went out there, against all odds, and told the entire world to go screw themselves ‘cuz ya LIVE AND BREATHE this business, ‘cuz you’re willin’ to spill blood and sweat for somethin’ worth fightin’ for, ‘cuz ya have the DESIRE to ride the waves you build and never let ‘em go!
That’s what this business has meant to me...ever since I wrote my first shoot column all these years ago.
“Ah Here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, turn the page”
That’s what havin’ REAL hope truly represents!
Gentlemen, this Roulette ain’t about tag-teams, it ain’t about alliances. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, survival of the fittest, and only one of you outta thirty is gonna be the last dude standin’. You can either step up and smack me with everything you can muster...or you can find yourselves bein’ thrown head over heels over that top rope!
It’s that simple...it don’t take rocket science to understand that concept.
If I blow this thing, then I’ll have nobody to blame but myself, but who will YOU dudes blame when you start to realize that ya ain’t gonna main event Night of the Immortals and punch your name into IWF’s annals!?!
You will all be tested. You will all be measured. You will be found wantin', and win or lose, I will leave you all…
#Shellshocked!
“Ah, here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, there I go…”
-Log Entry 2 of 3-
To be concluded in “Dreams to Dream”...
JAMES’ PERSONAL LOG
Stardate: 47634.44 (March 7, 2019 - AFTERNOON ENTRY)
This is gonna be a rather unusual entry.
Normally I’d get on camera and say a few words about the Roulette while recordin’ the day’s events in this journal, but on this warm afternoon, as I’m talkin’ to people at a local coffee shop--NOT Starbucks, mind you--in Fredericksburg, I figured...what the heck, I’ll promote the Roulette talk about my feelin’s for this business on paper and not behind some silly prop desk. Right now, I’m sippin’ on some iced-mocha drink while listenin’ to a song by the legendary Bob Seger, a l’il ditty that perfectly sums up the highs and the lows of a colorful career that began in 2010.
A career that started...with a one-in-a-million chance of a lifetime.
I got my start in wrestlin’ as a freelance writer, someone who’d do wrestlin’-related commentaries just for fun--nothin’ more, nothin’ less. Back then, I was gettin’ my history degree but havin’ a helluva time tryin’ to find work in that field. I caught the attention of a wrestler who’s had his own problems, problems with drinkin’ and all that mess, but he cleaned himself up to become a success story in one of the biggest indy promotions in the world, the old Premiere Wrestling Alliance. When nobody else wanted to give me a chance to learn about the wrestlin’ business from them, Jack Gaither GAVE me that opportunity to get a rare, insider’s glimpse of what it truly feels like to be on the road year-round.
I didn’t look back...I shadowed him durin’ a tour of the Far East
‘Cuz at the time...I was goin’ nowhere with my own life.
”On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha
You can listen to the engine moanin' out its one-note song
You can think about the woman, or the girl you knew the night before
But your thoughts will soon be wandering the way they always do
When you're riding sixteen hours and there's nothing much to do
And you don't feel much like riding, you just wish the trip was through
Say, here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, turn the page”
I never asked for nothin’ in return from him.
Yet Jack gave me somethin’ that I never thought I’d have before: hope.
I know this might sound kinda bland...but hoped that I’d do good things in this business, that I’d step outta his shadow and forge my own legacy. Yet two years ago, durin’ the course of this journey, I damn near lost all the hope I had. I got complacent, I got angry, and I made a bunch of stupid mistakes. The biggest of a bunch...was puttin’ my faith in a woman I knew nothin’ about, save for the political talk shows on MSNBC or CNN.
All this while Yulia was out on the road, on the indy circuit.
Yeah...Lindsey hired the gangbanger who tried to do me in. Yeah...I had to defend my own home and my own bodyguard against a potential threat. Yet at the end of the day...I ain’t got no one to blame but yself, ‘cuz I shoulda NEVER, EVER trusted the services of that psychotic slut in the first place.
Truth is, I didn’t HAVE to return to wrestlin’ in 2018. I coulda stayed home, sat on my butt all day, and played video games without a care in the world. I’d have pointed fingers at other people, sayin’ that ya led me into this and all that hot mess, but in the end...I’d have lost all hope for good. I’d have been called a coward, a worthless piece of shit as Spike once called the entire roster, and THAT woulda been an even worse punishment than death itself.
But I WANTED to get back into wrestlin’.
While people snickered and laughed at me, I marched my happy butt into that ring and led myself into makin’ a solemn vow...to have the mindset of a Champion, to just go out there and have fun again, to not worry about the supernatural crap that’s bein’ shoved down our throats every week. The wrestlin’ community raised a brow when I allied myself with one of the most decorated competitors in IWF history, a man who’s won it all...save for the big one. When they doubted us, Bein’ Infamous ROSE ABOVE and pumped new life into a tag-team division that had been considered virtually extinct for years!
Rob Diamond gave me a new sense of hope and purpose, and for that I’m forever grateful.
Yet this time, in 2019...I ain’t gonna let it slip away.
“Well, you walk into a restaurant, strung-out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you as you're shaking off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you but you just want to explode
Most times you can't hear 'em talk, other times you can
All the same old clichés: "Is that a woman or a man?"
And you always seem outnumbered, you don't dare make a stand
Here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, turn the page”
To those who continuously criticize and nitpick me for my work, to those who do nothin’ else except call me “FAKE,” lemme ask ya these simple questions.
Where were YOU when Spike Kane tried to kill me two years ago after his son Xander died?! Where were YOU when a gangbanger barged onto my property--MY OWN HOME--with a gun and started shootin’ at me ‘cuz of my political beliefs?! Where were YOU when Dean Harper kidnapped Yulia, when Rowan lit Fiona on fire for her own sick and twisted pleasure, or when Xavier Cross essentially ended Dev’s career and used a social media platform to publicly wish death upon me, huh!?!
And ya wanna talk to ME about not carin’, huh!?!
The point about this is VERY clear, dudes. I don’t care if your name’s Nate Harris, Warren Kane, Andrew Jacobsen, or Elroy Jetson; no matter WHOEVER stands in my way…the result is always gonna be the same! You can hit me as hard as ya want to, you can bust my chops and throw the book at me for all I care, but I want--nahh, I DEMAND--you to keep in mind...that I can hit ya squarely in the friggin’ mouth just as hard--if not HARDER--than you! If ya think I’m jokin’ around about that, then by all means...try me.
You’re gonna learn the most painful lesson known to man, a lesson I had to learn on my own two years ago.
It ain’t about how hard ya can hit, it’s about how hard ya can GET hit and keep movin’ forward, how hard ya can TAKE the crap and the punishment and the heartache and keep movin’ forward! That, to me, is what bein’ a REAL Champion is all about. That’s how WINNIN’ FOR REAL is done--not by marchin’ out there to that squared circle and thinkin’ you’re better than the other dude, but by learnin’ what it truly means to come up short when ya THINK you’re ridin’ high! If ya think you’re worth a hoot, then get your happy butt out there and GET WHAT YOU’RE WORTH...but ya gotta be willin’ to take the hits and stop pointin’ fingers and sayin’ “oh, Dean Harper interfered, the Clergy caused me to get rolled up and pinned by George Jetson, what-EVER!”
That’s what COWARDS do for a livin’!
Surely...the other twenty-nine of you dudes are a bunch of yellow-bellies, right?!
“Out there in the spotlight you're a million miles away
Every ounce of energy you try to give away
As the sweat pours out your body like the music that you play
Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers ringin' in your head
You smoke the day's last cigarette, remembering what she said”
Nah, you’re not cowards. You’re all better than that.
If ya weren’t, then ya wouldn’t be in wrestlin’--period.
Truth is, it takes balls to compete in the Roulette, to be one of the twenty-nine that could potentially be on the biggest stage of ‘em all. Some of you are comin’ into the company for the very first time, some of you have won the darn thing, others have come so close, and then there’s guys like me...who’ve always dreamed of doin’ somethin’ big yet never could find a way to cash it in. Yet whatever happens in the end, I’m gonna remember somethin’ Jack once taught me when we was in Tokyo, nine years ago.
Wrestlin’ ain’t about a bunch of ‘roided-up jocks out to win at all costs.
It’s about havin’ fun in that ring, even as everyone else wants to kick my butt. It’s about adaptin’ to the climate around ya, about gettin’ to know the people around ya. It’s somethin’ ya FEEL inside of you, somethin’ that will NEVER, EVER leave your soul, and it’s somethin’...that people can be proud of you for doin’ ‘cuz you went out there, against all odds, and told the entire world to go screw themselves ‘cuz ya LIVE AND BREATHE this business, ‘cuz you’re willin’ to spill blood and sweat for somethin’ worth fightin’ for, ‘cuz ya have the DESIRE to ride the waves you build and never let ‘em go!
That’s what this business has meant to me...ever since I wrote my first shoot column all these years ago.
“Ah Here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, turn the page”
That’s what havin’ REAL hope truly represents!
Gentlemen, this Roulette ain’t about tag-teams, it ain’t about alliances. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, survival of the fittest, and only one of you outta thirty is gonna be the last dude standin’. You can either step up and smack me with everything you can muster...or you can find yourselves bein’ thrown head over heels over that top rope!
It’s that simple...it don’t take rocket science to understand that concept.
If I blow this thing, then I’ll have nobody to blame but myself, but who will YOU dudes blame when you start to realize that ya ain’t gonna main event Night of the Immortals and punch your name into IWF’s annals!?!
You will all be tested. You will all be measured. You will be found wantin', and win or lose, I will leave you all…
#Shellshocked!
“Ah, here I am, on a road again
There I am, up on the stage
Here I go, playing the star again
There I go, there I go…”
-Log Entry 2 of 3-
To be concluded in “Dreams to Dream”...
Well howdy there pardner.