Post by Warren Harper on Mar 17, 2020 23:11:29 GMT
“The roulette is just a few days away. Just a few days to cram as much as we can into the next couple of days to try and get all the cardio and work out to get to the end of the biggest match on IWF’s calendar.
This is unknown territory for me. I have never won this match. I have come close. Close enough to feel the sting when watch the old videos.
But I’m not that man anymore. I can never really ever be that man again. He’s lost to the ether of yesterday and all that’s left is me. As much as I want to feel like I deserve it. As much work as I put into my in ring career. As hard as I work I know there is a part of everyone who…
Who know I am not that man.
That I am not the Warren Kane to took on six men to win the Strong Style belt. That I am not the man who won the first duel Joker in The Pack. That I am not the man who won two invictus Championships. That even held a title from the fantasy induced mind of Trent Helms.
I am not that man. I am not the Heir to Extreme. I am not the Demon Prince. I am not Spike Kane’s prized student. I am not The Pack’s brother.
I am simply me.
Which is enough for me. I feel like my life was handed to me after a traumatic event and a choice had to be made.
Do I go quietly into the night, forgotten and never to darken another ring again? Do I let the poor choices that I made keep me from chasing a dream I always wanted? Do I abandon all the people who rooted for me? Do I give all of it up?
I thought about doing it.
I thought about putting myself on the shelf. Just sit, collect dust. Become the ‘Remember when…Where are they now’ kind of stories people tell over a pint.
But that seemed unfair. Not just to who I am but who I was.
I want to be a better person. How can I do that if I hide from all my past sins? How do I become a better person if I don’t look my poor choices in the face and take them on?
Who am I if I don’t give everyone in this company their chance to get their pound of flesh for everything I have done?”
This is unknown territory for me. I have never won this match. I have come close. Close enough to feel the sting when watch the old videos.
But I’m not that man anymore. I can never really ever be that man again. He’s lost to the ether of yesterday and all that’s left is me. As much as I want to feel like I deserve it. As much work as I put into my in ring career. As hard as I work I know there is a part of everyone who…
Who know I am not that man.
That I am not the Warren Kane to took on six men to win the Strong Style belt. That I am not the man who won the first duel Joker in The Pack. That I am not the man who won two invictus Championships. That even held a title from the fantasy induced mind of Trent Helms.
I am not that man. I am not the Heir to Extreme. I am not the Demon Prince. I am not Spike Kane’s prized student. I am not The Pack’s brother.
I am simply me.
Which is enough for me. I feel like my life was handed to me after a traumatic event and a choice had to be made.
Do I go quietly into the night, forgotten and never to darken another ring again? Do I let the poor choices that I made keep me from chasing a dream I always wanted? Do I abandon all the people who rooted for me? Do I give all of it up?
I thought about doing it.
I thought about putting myself on the shelf. Just sit, collect dust. Become the ‘Remember when…Where are they now’ kind of stories people tell over a pint.
But that seemed unfair. Not just to who I am but who I was.
I want to be a better person. How can I do that if I hide from all my past sins? How do I become a better person if I don’t look my poor choices in the face and take them on?
Who am I if I don’t give everyone in this company their chance to get their pound of flesh for everything I have done?”
Warren wasn’t surprised by the empty church. It worked better for him in a lot of ways. He hadn’t stepped into one in who knows how long. Felt like forever. Part of him was worried what stepping in would do.
He had been possessed or something, hadn’t he?
He’d been living openly and deciding gay. He had been having a large amount of sin. More sin then was likely allowed to just wonder into a Catholic church in the middle of the night. But no holy water boiled. No cracks in the floor. Just him and an empty building full of candles.
He knew this maybe a waste of time, either God didn’t care, had almost been his father in law or wanted nothing to do with him.
He considered going to the confessional, talking to a priest but he stayed towards the back. This was ‘His’ house after all, he could hear if he wanted to, couldn’t he?
No need for the dramatics.
“I know we’re not meant to pray for selfish things. I know asking for things are not what you’re about. Not that I deserve you to answer this.” Warren stood at the back, looking at the majesty and the iconography of the religion he no longer paid much mind to. “I just want Dean to be okay. I…I know we’re not on speaking terms, you and me. But I’ll try to make an effort. I’ve been trying to live my life better. I’ve been making attempts to be better. I just… I just want him to wake up. You got Spike. Even Mom. Let me keep him. Please?”
Warren swallowed past the pain in his throat.
“I need him. Please? I don’t know if I can… I don’t want to be without him.”
“I ran before.
I ran from the company multiple times. When things got hard. When things got good. When things were quiet.
That’s not who I am anymore.
I’m Warren Kane.
I am the man who is rebuilding himself one match at a time. A man who know he needs forgiveness. Who knows he needs to make up from years of being a right prick to anyone who got in my way.
So the roulette is the next step on my road to redemption. My next step on the journey to putting who I was to bed.
Old Warren Kane haunts me just as much as he haunts anyone else. I know.
I’m sorry.
But I want to be better.
I am better.
I work hard. I don’t skip a day at the gym. I don’t miss a moment to try and make things better.
There are moments I know I fall into patterns he used to. I wanted nothing to do with my old life but sometimes you don’t get a choice, do you?
The Roulette if there was a moment in my past and you pick this moment to get your payback for it? I won’t judge you for that. You deserve to get it.
I want to win. I want to get a chance to get to a place on my own merit by putting myself on the line and fighting with my entire heart and soul. I want to hear my name at the end.
We all do.
I hope all of us the best of luck.
Except you Caleb. You’re not making it to the end.
That I fucking promise you.”
I ran from the company multiple times. When things got hard. When things got good. When things were quiet.
That’s not who I am anymore.
I’m Warren Kane.
I am the man who is rebuilding himself one match at a time. A man who know he needs forgiveness. Who knows he needs to make up from years of being a right prick to anyone who got in my way.
So the roulette is the next step on my road to redemption. My next step on the journey to putting who I was to bed.
Old Warren Kane haunts me just as much as he haunts anyone else. I know.
I’m sorry.
But I want to be better.
I am better.
I work hard. I don’t skip a day at the gym. I don’t miss a moment to try and make things better.
There are moments I know I fall into patterns he used to. I wanted nothing to do with my old life but sometimes you don’t get a choice, do you?
The Roulette if there was a moment in my past and you pick this moment to get your payback for it? I won’t judge you for that. You deserve to get it.
I want to win. I want to get a chance to get to a place on my own merit by putting myself on the line and fighting with my entire heart and soul. I want to hear my name at the end.
We all do.
I hope all of us the best of luck.
Except you Caleb. You’re not making it to the end.
That I fucking promise you.”
Well howdy there pardner.