Post by Dean Harper on Mar 16, 2021 17:13:07 GMT
He couldn’t remember the dream exactly. It had been vague. Maxine’s voice humming a tone. He felt the bitter pang of resentment at being taken from her again. Anything that brought him Max was something he’d hold on to no matter how much time passed. He tried to recall what had woken him up, looking over to the tablet left unattended next to him on the bed and the sound of someone digging through boxers under his bed.
“What’re you doing Damien?” Dean asked rolling over on the bed to see Damien looking in a shoe box.
“Mama.” Damien held up a photo of Maxine with a smile.
Dean smiled fondly taking the photo in his hand, “I said we could cuddle and watch the last dragon not go sneaking into Daddy’s things.”
“See mama.” Damien insisted.
“There’s the picture in your room.” Dean moved the hair out of his son’s face, “Do you want more photos of mama?”
“Yes!” Damien cheered.
Dean sighed, moving to sit next to Damien to go through the box of all that he had left of his time in the pack that wasn’t scarring or memories. “Let’s see…”
“Mama!” Damien held up another photo at Dean.
“Not that one.”
“Mama!” Damien pouted.
“Yes, Mama is in it.” Dean took his son onto his lap, “But there are other people in it that Pepaw might not like displayed in his home.”
“Why?”
Dean tried to figure out the best way to explain this to Damien. A year ago, he would have never thought of explaining anything, stuffing the photo back in the box and never speak of it. But Damien was older, remembered things more.
Sooner or later he would have to explain how Maxine and He came together, how they fell in love, how they made Damien. And who had made it all possible….
Who he had been. What he had done. Why he had done it. There was even a time he had tried to kill the man they both lived with and loved. How he had become a weapon, how he had been trained to care about only one thing. Furthering Rowan’s message. Continue to grow her...their family. To make the world see what she had shown him. That there was a lesson in pain. That being broken made you stronger. That her way was the best way. Years since he had left it… Left the life were she had taken him from nothing and no one to being who he was. Without Rowan he would have never known Max. Never had this life. Never had Warren. Never met his father. He owed her even as he hated her. Even if he blamed her for doing everything she had done to him, that sometimes made it hard to remember what were his thoughts and what were the echoes of her own in his mind.
“Lady?” Damien asked pointing at the women standing, starring almost through the photo at Dean’s soul.
“You know how Pepaw is Daddy’s dad?” Dean asked.
“Yeah?”
“That lady is kinda like… Daddy’s … mom, is a weird way. It’s complicated. She helped Mama and Daddy meet.”
“Gigi?” Damien asked with a head tilt.
“No, not gig- not grandma. Not...not really.” Dean sighed, “It’s complicated. I loved my dad, he’s important to me. He loves us. I would never hurt him. If he knew this was still in my stuff it would hurt him. I just can’t forget where I came from. So it stays in the box.”
The camera comes on to Dean sitting casually on a throne playing with a knife.
“Oh, I know. I have an ego the size of mount fucking Everest, but I’ve always backed it up in that ring. I like to get the other guy either with gay panic or full of so much anger he can’t think. I like to play with my food. I like to get them hot and bothered. I like to have all eyes on me so they can’t think of anything else.”
Dean smirks.
“I’m a horrible fuck, I know. I say mean things and hurt people’s feelings. I discount them and tell them they will never amount to anything. I’m egotistical. The difference is I fucking back it up.”
Dean taps the knife against his bottom lip.
“Unlike something I don’t pretend to be what I’m not. I am the monster. Sure, I’m a good father, a good son, a better than an average boyfriend but I stand by what I do. I never pretend to be anything else. I don’t play it off for laughs. I am what I am.”
Dean winks.
“Always have been. Always will be.”
Dean balances the knife on two fingers.
“So doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Doesn’t matter what anyone else does. Doesn’t matter the sob story. Doesn’t matter the underdog stats or the history. When I enter the ring I am going to put you all down, like dogs. Because it’d fun. Because I want to. But most importantly…”
Dean stabs the knife into the arm of the throne.
“Because you can’t stop me. I want to win this. So I’m going to win this. I don’t give a fuck who stands in my way. I am walking out of High Stakes as the winner this year. No more coming in second. There is no one who can stop me. Not a living soul. So make peace with your failures because this year is mine.”
“What’re you doing Damien?” Dean asked rolling over on the bed to see Damien looking in a shoe box.
“Mama.” Damien held up a photo of Maxine with a smile.
Dean smiled fondly taking the photo in his hand, “I said we could cuddle and watch the last dragon not go sneaking into Daddy’s things.”
“See mama.” Damien insisted.
“There’s the picture in your room.” Dean moved the hair out of his son’s face, “Do you want more photos of mama?”
“Yes!” Damien cheered.
Dean sighed, moving to sit next to Damien to go through the box of all that he had left of his time in the pack that wasn’t scarring or memories. “Let’s see…”
“Mama!” Damien held up another photo at Dean.
“Not that one.”
“Mama!” Damien pouted.
“Yes, Mama is in it.” Dean took his son onto his lap, “But there are other people in it that Pepaw might not like displayed in his home.”
“Why?”
Dean tried to figure out the best way to explain this to Damien. A year ago, he would have never thought of explaining anything, stuffing the photo back in the box and never speak of it. But Damien was older, remembered things more.
Sooner or later he would have to explain how Maxine and He came together, how they fell in love, how they made Damien. And who had made it all possible….
Who he had been. What he had done. Why he had done it. There was even a time he had tried to kill the man they both lived with and loved. How he had become a weapon, how he had been trained to care about only one thing. Furthering Rowan’s message. Continue to grow her...their family. To make the world see what she had shown him. That there was a lesson in pain. That being broken made you stronger. That her way was the best way. Years since he had left it… Left the life were she had taken him from nothing and no one to being who he was. Without Rowan he would have never known Max. Never had this life. Never had Warren. Never met his father. He owed her even as he hated her. Even if he blamed her for doing everything she had done to him, that sometimes made it hard to remember what were his thoughts and what were the echoes of her own in his mind.
“Lady?” Damien asked pointing at the women standing, starring almost through the photo at Dean’s soul.
“You know how Pepaw is Daddy’s dad?” Dean asked.
“Yeah?”
“That lady is kinda like… Daddy’s … mom, is a weird way. It’s complicated. She helped Mama and Daddy meet.”
“Gigi?” Damien asked with a head tilt.
“No, not gig- not grandma. Not...not really.” Dean sighed, “It’s complicated. I loved my dad, he’s important to me. He loves us. I would never hurt him. If he knew this was still in my stuff it would hurt him. I just can’t forget where I came from. So it stays in the box.”
The camera comes on to Dean sitting casually on a throne playing with a knife.
“Oh, I know. I have an ego the size of mount fucking Everest, but I’ve always backed it up in that ring. I like to get the other guy either with gay panic or full of so much anger he can’t think. I like to play with my food. I like to get them hot and bothered. I like to have all eyes on me so they can’t think of anything else.”
Dean smirks.
“I’m a horrible fuck, I know. I say mean things and hurt people’s feelings. I discount them and tell them they will never amount to anything. I’m egotistical. The difference is I fucking back it up.”
Dean taps the knife against his bottom lip.
“Unlike something I don’t pretend to be what I’m not. I am the monster. Sure, I’m a good father, a good son, a better than an average boyfriend but I stand by what I do. I never pretend to be anything else. I don’t play it off for laughs. I am what I am.”
Dean winks.
“Always have been. Always will be.”
Dean balances the knife on two fingers.
“So doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Doesn’t matter what anyone else does. Doesn’t matter the sob story. Doesn’t matter the underdog stats or the history. When I enter the ring I am going to put you all down, like dogs. Because it’d fun. Because I want to. But most importantly…”
Dean stabs the knife into the arm of the throne.
“Because you can’t stop me. I want to win this. So I’m going to win this. I don’t give a fuck who stands in my way. I am walking out of High Stakes as the winner this year. No more coming in second. There is no one who can stop me. Not a living soul. So make peace with your failures because this year is mine.”
Well howdy there pardner.