Post by Mike Machado on Oct 13, 2013 19:38:59 GMT
Mike Machado blows past the front entrance of the Kings Richards Faire. The ticket-taker makes a half-hearted attempt to stop him before he notices that he’s not wearing any pants. He takes a step back as people gawk at the half-streaker. The ticket-taker pauses for a moment, and smiles to himself.
”The Lord of Mustache returns!
Machado bursts through a small and secluded hovel, revealing a medium-sized dressing room that is packed with too many people. The very large Gerald steps up to meet him.
”Mike! Buddy! You’re back!”
”Gerald. I’ve… I’ve been attacked again by the masked men, and their identity has been revealed.”
Gerald frowns, obviously genuinely concerned. Then notices Machado isn’t wearing any pants.
”Did you ..um… forget your pants?”
Machado glances down and realizes he’s half naked. And it’s the important half.
”I… I just ran. I didn’t know where else to go.”
The others in the room suddenly appear very uncomfortable. They hurry out of the dressing room, some of them still holding part of their attire in their hands. Gerald and Mike are alone now. Gerald reaches for a pair of purple tights and tosses them to Mike.
”Put something on, man.”
”I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go, Gerald…”
”You’ve already said that. I know, it’s fine. Just put some goddamn pants on, and we can figure this thing out.”
Machado slides the tights on and sits down on a nearby box. He looks down at his legs, dejected.
”So. Tell me.”
”Well, I’m just about to beat Alex Jones, and suddenly the two masked men appear again, and once again do a pretty good number on me. Alex pins me, and then suddenly they attack him.”
”Well, I’m glad we didn’t cut his head off, then. So who’s the third man?”
”Yeah. I mean he’s still kind of an asshole, but I guess he isn’t as bad as I originally thought. Anyway, later on that night – they show up and interrupt Joe Everyman’s match, and then take their masks off to reveal that it’s Gjenri and Cable Arcane! Honorbound! And they’ve aligned themselves with Spike Kane and Rob Diamond! They’re calling themselves the Empire.”
”The New World Empire?”
”No, I think it’s just ‘The Empire’”
”I find their lack of originality …Disturbing.”
”Well, their plethora of talent disturbs me. This week I’m set to fight Gjenri. Alex Jones is supposed to have my back, and Cable Arcane is supposed to have Gjenri’s back, and I don’t know Gerald… I’m worried that it won’t be enough. What if Rob and Spike come down? Or what if Alex Jones is just an asshole and doesn’t feel like helping me. I feel like I’m outnumbered.”
Gerald takes a long look at Machado, and takes a deep breath, in and out.
”I’ll come back with you.”
”What? Gerald… we can’t execute people in IWF, remember?”
”No, no we can’t; At least, not with a sword.”
”And I thought you had a family and a job to return to after the faire was over?”
”Well, I may have been embellishing just a little. I’m a strongman for a circus when I’m not working here, and my ‘family’ is actually just a poodle.”
”Hm. Well, I guess when you’re nearly seven feet and 400 pounds, your career choices are kind of made for you. So, Gerald – you’ll come back with me to IWF? Stand in my corner? Be my …my partner?”
”Yes, yes I will. On two conditions.”
”If one of them is backrubs then… okay – but we will need to get a step stool or something.”
”No, no back rubs. Condition number one – you don’t ask me to kill anyone.”
”Okay.”
”Condition number two – we still get to talk in olde English like it we’re medieval times. “
”Will you still call me The Lord of Mustache?”
”Of course, m’lord.”
”DONE AND DONE!”
So, Alex Jones – I suppose that I have an apology to make. It appears as though you are not quite the evil nefarious bastard that I had you pegged for. I still would not invite you to my birthday party – but I also will take you off of my list of names that I wish death upon.
Gjenri and Cable – welcome to the list! On this list you are guaranteed to get one ill wish per day and two ill wishes on every Sunday.
Here’s what I don’t understand. How is the likely second best tag team in the IWF going to team up with the tag team champions of the IWF? Aren’t you guy supposed to be all about competition and honor? Where the hell is the honor in teaming up with your closest competition? How is that even an option to you?
You talk as if you’re want to be the best, as if you have the drive to be the best. But you are not Michael Jordan, you’re LeBron James. You gave up your chance at being the best for a chance to be a frontrunner.
Gjenri you talk about my heart, and about how I am a joke – and yet your actions aren’t anywhere in the same atmosphere as the words falling out of your stupid mouth. You aren’t afraid of anything? Is there some reason other than fear that you decided to give up on competing with Infamous and instead be their masked bitch boys?
If you two are that into masks and BDSM – you can just go on Craigslist and find someone else to indulge you. You didn’t need to bend over and take it from Infamous so publicly. It’s no surprise that Amber is upset with you – women generally don’t enjoy watching their partners get screwed by someone else.
The fact is – there aren’t any other reasons. You two are scared of Infamous. You’re scared that you can’t beat them, and frankly I don’t blame you. They’ve beaten you twice already, and once they didn’t even have their full team.
And you know what? That’s fine. IWF doesn’t need you to compete for those titles anymore. Me and Gerald will be there soon – and maybe once Rob and Spike are done using you as sperm-dumpsters, HonorBound can come lose to us a few times.
You have formed “The Empire” – I get that this is some kind of dig at Davey Ortega, but let’s be honest, we’re all thinking of Star Wars here, right?
Gjenri, you aren’t The Emperor, you aren’t Darth Vader, you aren’t Darth Maul, you’re a storm trooper.
Me and Gerald are Chewwy and Han Solo – and we’re moving toward our big showdown with your bosses. So if you could just fall over and die, that’d be great.
”The Lord of Mustache returns!
Machado bursts through a small and secluded hovel, revealing a medium-sized dressing room that is packed with too many people. The very large Gerald steps up to meet him.
”Mike! Buddy! You’re back!”
”Gerald. I’ve… I’ve been attacked again by the masked men, and their identity has been revealed.”
Gerald frowns, obviously genuinely concerned. Then notices Machado isn’t wearing any pants.
”Did you ..um… forget your pants?”
Machado glances down and realizes he’s half naked. And it’s the important half.
”I… I just ran. I didn’t know where else to go.”
The others in the room suddenly appear very uncomfortable. They hurry out of the dressing room, some of them still holding part of their attire in their hands. Gerald and Mike are alone now. Gerald reaches for a pair of purple tights and tosses them to Mike.
”Put something on, man.”
”I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go, Gerald…”
”You’ve already said that. I know, it’s fine. Just put some goddamn pants on, and we can figure this thing out.”
Machado slides the tights on and sits down on a nearby box. He looks down at his legs, dejected.
”So. Tell me.”
”Well, I’m just about to beat Alex Jones, and suddenly the two masked men appear again, and once again do a pretty good number on me. Alex pins me, and then suddenly they attack him.”
”Well, I’m glad we didn’t cut his head off, then. So who’s the third man?”
”Yeah. I mean he’s still kind of an asshole, but I guess he isn’t as bad as I originally thought. Anyway, later on that night – they show up and interrupt Joe Everyman’s match, and then take their masks off to reveal that it’s Gjenri and Cable Arcane! Honorbound! And they’ve aligned themselves with Spike Kane and Rob Diamond! They’re calling themselves the Empire.”
”The New World Empire?”
”No, I think it’s just ‘The Empire’”
”I find their lack of originality …Disturbing.”
”Well, their plethora of talent disturbs me. This week I’m set to fight Gjenri. Alex Jones is supposed to have my back, and Cable Arcane is supposed to have Gjenri’s back, and I don’t know Gerald… I’m worried that it won’t be enough. What if Rob and Spike come down? Or what if Alex Jones is just an asshole and doesn’t feel like helping me. I feel like I’m outnumbered.”
Gerald takes a long look at Machado, and takes a deep breath, in and out.
”I’ll come back with you.”
”What? Gerald… we can’t execute people in IWF, remember?”
”No, no we can’t; At least, not with a sword.”
”And I thought you had a family and a job to return to after the faire was over?”
”Well, I may have been embellishing just a little. I’m a strongman for a circus when I’m not working here, and my ‘family’ is actually just a poodle.”
”Hm. Well, I guess when you’re nearly seven feet and 400 pounds, your career choices are kind of made for you. So, Gerald – you’ll come back with me to IWF? Stand in my corner? Be my …my partner?”
”Yes, yes I will. On two conditions.”
”If one of them is backrubs then… okay – but we will need to get a step stool or something.”
”No, no back rubs. Condition number one – you don’t ask me to kill anyone.”
”Okay.”
”Condition number two – we still get to talk in olde English like it we’re medieval times. “
”Will you still call me The Lord of Mustache?”
”Of course, m’lord.”
”DONE AND DONE!”
So, Alex Jones – I suppose that I have an apology to make. It appears as though you are not quite the evil nefarious bastard that I had you pegged for. I still would not invite you to my birthday party – but I also will take you off of my list of names that I wish death upon.
Gjenri and Cable – welcome to the list! On this list you are guaranteed to get one ill wish per day and two ill wishes on every Sunday.
Here’s what I don’t understand. How is the likely second best tag team in the IWF going to team up with the tag team champions of the IWF? Aren’t you guy supposed to be all about competition and honor? Where the hell is the honor in teaming up with your closest competition? How is that even an option to you?
You talk as if you’re want to be the best, as if you have the drive to be the best. But you are not Michael Jordan, you’re LeBron James. You gave up your chance at being the best for a chance to be a frontrunner.
Gjenri you talk about my heart, and about how I am a joke – and yet your actions aren’t anywhere in the same atmosphere as the words falling out of your stupid mouth. You aren’t afraid of anything? Is there some reason other than fear that you decided to give up on competing with Infamous and instead be their masked bitch boys?
If you two are that into masks and BDSM – you can just go on Craigslist and find someone else to indulge you. You didn’t need to bend over and take it from Infamous so publicly. It’s no surprise that Amber is upset with you – women generally don’t enjoy watching their partners get screwed by someone else.
The fact is – there aren’t any other reasons. You two are scared of Infamous. You’re scared that you can’t beat them, and frankly I don’t blame you. They’ve beaten you twice already, and once they didn’t even have their full team.
And you know what? That’s fine. IWF doesn’t need you to compete for those titles anymore. Me and Gerald will be there soon – and maybe once Rob and Spike are done using you as sperm-dumpsters, HonorBound can come lose to us a few times.
You have formed “The Empire” – I get that this is some kind of dig at Davey Ortega, but let’s be honest, we’re all thinking of Star Wars here, right?
Gjenri, you aren’t The Emperor, you aren’t Darth Vader, you aren’t Darth Maul, you’re a storm trooper.
Me and Gerald are Chewwy and Han Solo – and we’re moving toward our big showdown with your bosses. So if you could just fall over and die, that’d be great.
Well howdy there pardner.