Post by Kathleen Conway on Mar 26, 2021 15:45:04 GMT
It had taken her a lifetime, but Kathleen Elizabeth Conway finally felt a sense of clarity. An intimate, unshakeable knowledge of self. Her head was the clearest today than it had been in almost eight years. No more hazy fog, improved memory and recall, thanks to a variety of mental exercises and brain teaser games she often played with the family. The worst had been over for some time, at least in terms of physical symptoms, but the mental journey back to feeling herself - truly and completely had been much more complex.
For the longest time she worried that she’d never get there again. That Spike Kane had taken something from her so fundamentally irreplaceable that once it had been lost, it was lost forever - and for that, she hated the bastard, probably always would. She’d tried to forgive him, especially after his death, but she couldn’t. Even as the man had tried to make amends by being there at the hospital during the birth of her second daughter, Domino - actions motivated by guilt rather than any sort of sincerity or remorse, Kathy had always felt.
For the sake of her husband, and the sense of loyalty Jake felt to the man, she’d publicly downplayed the impact that being dropped on her head for the sake of entertainment had had on her. Whilst it was true that she was nowhere near as physically shaken as she’d spent years portraying on television, by the grace of God, mentally she had a much harder time reconciling how close a call it actually was. The concussion could have been a lot worse, and it is that little ever present seed of what could have happened, she’d spent far too many years wrestling.
It motivated her to focus more on the corporate, behind the scenes stuff. A way to stay connected to and through her husband’s passion for the business without the increased physical risk to herself. She was a mother, she couldn’t be reckless, she couldn’t risk injury and what that might possibly mean for the future of how she raised her kids, but she also didn’t want the days on the road to drive Jake away or worse into the arms of another woman, so it seemed like a great compromise.
A commitment she could make without tipping her hand too far and revealing the real reason she only wrestled sporadically to her husband or anybody else. They all thought it was simply because she valued family more, and whilst that was true enough, it wasn’t the whole story. Or at least it hadn’t been until her father passed last summer.
Nothing refocused life sharper than death.
The death of her hero had shifted her priorities again. The whole thing had been an unnecessary and most painful reminder of just how short and precious and fleeting life was. Always. No exceptions. It didn’t matter who you were or where you were in the world, nothing could be taken for granted.
She sat in the en suite bathroom of the wonderful home she and Jake had built together, and looked over the instructions of the ClearBlue Digital Pregnancy test, one more time. She had two shots at this just in case, but the box promised 99 percent accuracy and proudly proclaimed to do away with the confusing ambiguity of some of the cheaper home tests.
”Results as early as six days before your missed period,” Kathy said to herself in quiet hope.
If things stayed on track, she was due in two or three days, she could have waited for that natural confirmation of her suspicions, but she needed to know sooner. Jake had finally agreed that they had the time and the financial security to grow their family, even without compromising their morals for entertainment one more time by cashing in on Gilmore, Kathy was done with the circus and so she left it now to the clowns and was more than happy to do so.
She removed the first stick from the cardboard sleeve, setting the spare aside. With a slow and deep breath, she uncapped the sensory end, clenched slightly holding herself in as she considered whether she wanted the result faster or whether she could wait almost twice as long. Quickly, she settled on the faster result as she relieved herself directly onto the stick, counting to ten silently in her head, as her heart quickened.
After she was done, the electronic device took a few moments to reassure her with moving black dots that the test had begun and was processing. She looked at her watch. It was going to be some of the longest three minutes of her life. She sighed. At least the result would be clear, unmistakable.
A son, a wonderful baby boy...with Jake’s beautiful brown eyes and her smile...
She relished the thought. The hope. The dream.
Jake was a wonderful father, and a great husband. This time there was no resentment of his selfishness as there had been after her first pregnancy, and there was no doubt of his loyalty to her as there had been after her second pregnancy. The third would be the charm. The most clarity, all thanks to finally being away from the business that complicated so many relationships and destroyed so many more, often for little more than entertainment to the faceless masses.
Those days were behind her, behind them, well and truly...
Pregnant
Her smile widened to a grin, even as her hand shook and tears blurred the vision of the result slightly. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath as she stood, confirmation in hand and one name immediately on her lips, her beloved husband...
”Jake!”
A few moments passed before he knocked on the bathroom door, “You okay, honey?”
”It’s open,” Kathy said, inviting him in.
Jake peered around the door, as she held the stick out to him, her hand a little shaky but she tried to remain composed. Jake quickly entered and took the stick from her, read the clear results for himself. Felt weak at the knees, he was going to be a father again.
He pulled her up and into his embrace, kissed her deeply, expressing himself beyond words, because they almost all seemed so inadequate in the shadow of this one wondrous moment. All except the most important word displayed in absolute unmistakable clarity. The one word which rewarded their mutual faith, hard work and devotion to one another, and changed everything in their lives all over again. Gave them a renewed sense of purpose and priority:
Pregnant.
For the longest time she worried that she’d never get there again. That Spike Kane had taken something from her so fundamentally irreplaceable that once it had been lost, it was lost forever - and for that, she hated the bastard, probably always would. She’d tried to forgive him, especially after his death, but she couldn’t. Even as the man had tried to make amends by being there at the hospital during the birth of her second daughter, Domino - actions motivated by guilt rather than any sort of sincerity or remorse, Kathy had always felt.
For the sake of her husband, and the sense of loyalty Jake felt to the man, she’d publicly downplayed the impact that being dropped on her head for the sake of entertainment had had on her. Whilst it was true that she was nowhere near as physically shaken as she’d spent years portraying on television, by the grace of God, mentally she had a much harder time reconciling how close a call it actually was. The concussion could have been a lot worse, and it is that little ever present seed of what could have happened, she’d spent far too many years wrestling.
It motivated her to focus more on the corporate, behind the scenes stuff. A way to stay connected to and through her husband’s passion for the business without the increased physical risk to herself. She was a mother, she couldn’t be reckless, she couldn’t risk injury and what that might possibly mean for the future of how she raised her kids, but she also didn’t want the days on the road to drive Jake away or worse into the arms of another woman, so it seemed like a great compromise.
A commitment she could make without tipping her hand too far and revealing the real reason she only wrestled sporadically to her husband or anybody else. They all thought it was simply because she valued family more, and whilst that was true enough, it wasn’t the whole story. Or at least it hadn’t been until her father passed last summer.
Nothing refocused life sharper than death.
The death of her hero had shifted her priorities again. The whole thing had been an unnecessary and most painful reminder of just how short and precious and fleeting life was. Always. No exceptions. It didn’t matter who you were or where you were in the world, nothing could be taken for granted.
She sat in the en suite bathroom of the wonderful home she and Jake had built together, and looked over the instructions of the ClearBlue Digital Pregnancy test, one more time. She had two shots at this just in case, but the box promised 99 percent accuracy and proudly proclaimed to do away with the confusing ambiguity of some of the cheaper home tests.
”Results as early as six days before your missed period,” Kathy said to herself in quiet hope.
If things stayed on track, she was due in two or three days, she could have waited for that natural confirmation of her suspicions, but she needed to know sooner. Jake had finally agreed that they had the time and the financial security to grow their family, even without compromising their morals for entertainment one more time by cashing in on Gilmore, Kathy was done with the circus and so she left it now to the clowns and was more than happy to do so.
She removed the first stick from the cardboard sleeve, setting the spare aside. With a slow and deep breath, she uncapped the sensory end, clenched slightly holding herself in as she considered whether she wanted the result faster or whether she could wait almost twice as long. Quickly, she settled on the faster result as she relieved herself directly onto the stick, counting to ten silently in her head, as her heart quickened.
After she was done, the electronic device took a few moments to reassure her with moving black dots that the test had begun and was processing. She looked at her watch. It was going to be some of the longest three minutes of her life. She sighed. At least the result would be clear, unmistakable.
A son, a wonderful baby boy...with Jake’s beautiful brown eyes and her smile...
She relished the thought. The hope. The dream.
Jake was a wonderful father, and a great husband. This time there was no resentment of his selfishness as there had been after her first pregnancy, and there was no doubt of his loyalty to her as there had been after her second pregnancy. The third would be the charm. The most clarity, all thanks to finally being away from the business that complicated so many relationships and destroyed so many more, often for little more than entertainment to the faceless masses.
Those days were behind her, behind them, well and truly...
Pregnant
Her smile widened to a grin, even as her hand shook and tears blurred the vision of the result slightly. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath as she stood, confirmation in hand and one name immediately on her lips, her beloved husband...
”Jake!”
A few moments passed before he knocked on the bathroom door, “You okay, honey?”
”It’s open,” Kathy said, inviting him in.
Jake peered around the door, as she held the stick out to him, her hand a little shaky but she tried to remain composed. Jake quickly entered and took the stick from her, read the clear results for himself. Felt weak at the knees, he was going to be a father again.
He pulled her up and into his embrace, kissed her deeply, expressing himself beyond words, because they almost all seemed so inadequate in the shadow of this one wondrous moment. All except the most important word displayed in absolute unmistakable clarity. The one word which rewarded their mutual faith, hard work and devotion to one another, and changed everything in their lives all over again. Gave them a renewed sense of purpose and priority:
Pregnant.
Well howdy there pardner.