Post by Rob Diamond on Jun 3, 2021 23:35:06 GMT
And so it has come to pass. Robert Timothy Diamond gave birth to a son
Indeed. However it wasn’t long after giving birth to a beautiful baby boy that Rob Diamond’s attention turned back to the promotion he missed so much. His first child… Wait… Hope was conceived during the heat death of NCW… SECOND CHILD! IWF.
{ We open on the outside of Bristol Hospital where Rob Diamond has only just given birth hours ago. We slowly fade inside to the room where Mama Kane is currently rocking the newborn infant in her arms while Rob Diamond is attempting to fit back into his wrestling gear. }
Mama Kane: What in Angel’s name are you doing?
{ Rob struggling to pull the pants up over his ass lets out a loud sigh. }
Rob Diamond: What does it look like I’m doing!?
Mama Kane: It looks like you’re trying to stuff ten pounds of shit into a one pound zip lock bag.
Harsh but true
Rob Diamond: Can you stop being so critical and help me!?
{ Mama Kane rolls her eyes so hard they almost get lost in her skull. She gently places little Michael down in the hospital provided crib and walks over to Rob. }
Mama Kane: Rob, you just gave birth, naturally! I don’t even know how you did it! Can you just relax for five minutes and enjoy our son!?
{ Rob looks down at his ill fitting wrestling gear and lets the tights drop. Never fear, he’s wearing boxer briefs. }
Rob Diamond: I’ve never been gone this long before.
{ Back in the hospital room, Mama Kane rubs the back of Rob Diamond. }
Mama Kane: But you were gone for the right reasons.
{ Rob looks up into the eyes of his wife who also happens to be the doppleganger of his dead best friend. }
Mama Kane: You didn’t leave because you lost or you were forced to. You left to bring a new life into this amazing world. And now that you’ve done that?
{ Mama Kane slaps him on the now empty but still rather large tummy. }
Mama Kane: Now you can put the work in again… After you’ve breast fed little Michael.
GAG!
Rob Diamond: And then I can hit the gym?
Mama Kane: Then you can hit the gym if the doctor gives the okay.
{ Rob fists pumps the sky so hard even Locke could feel it. }
Rob Diamond: All right! Bring me that little nipple sucker!
{ Mama Kane just shakes her head. Rob doesn’t quite get how hard breast feeding can be, especially for a new mother… Or father, as it were. }
Mama Kane: So, off topic… But very much on topic. You promised me a try out with the IWF while you were pregnant and instead I found myself working the indies the whole time?
{ Rob feigns a yawn as he lays down on the hospital bed. }
Rob Diamond: Man! Giving birth really takes it out of you! I think I’ll have a nap!
{ And with that Rob is pretending to sleep. Mama Kane rolls her eyes again as she walks over to look at little Michael. }
Mama Kane: This conversation isn’t over. No. It. Isn’t.
{ She says as she pokes the little baby on the nose. }
No. It isn’t. So what will become of this family? Will Rob Diamond be able to shed the pounds? Will Mama Kane ever get her shot in the IWF? Will baby Michael get stuck in a time vortex and emerge just days later as a full grown adult like in season four of the smash hit UPN show Angel, ready to battle with his father against evil? Find out next time on:
Being a Diamond!
Rob Diamond - Proud new father, again
”And I didn’t even do it days before a pay per view when I was about to have a big blow off match against a mortal enemy!”
”And I didn’t even do it days before a pay per view when I was about to have a big blow off match against a mortal enemy!”
Indeed. However it wasn’t long after giving birth to a beautiful baby boy that Rob Diamond’s attention turned back to the promotion he missed so much. His first child… Wait… Hope was conceived during the heat death of NCW… SECOND CHILD! IWF.
{ We open on the outside of Bristol Hospital where Rob Diamond has only just given birth hours ago. We slowly fade inside to the room where Mama Kane is currently rocking the newborn infant in her arms while Rob Diamond is attempting to fit back into his wrestling gear. }
Mama Kane: What in Angel’s name are you doing?
{ Rob struggling to pull the pants up over his ass lets out a loud sigh. }
Rob Diamond: What does it look like I’m doing!?
Mama Kane: It looks like you’re trying to stuff ten pounds of shit into a one pound zip lock bag.
Mama Kane - Proud new mother
”Rob really let himself go during this pregnancy. Like, I’m not saying I don’t still find him attractive. I’m just saying I’m buying him a membership to the crossfit gym down the street for his first Father’s day.”
”Rob really let himself go during this pregnancy. Like, I’m not saying I don’t still find him attractive. I’m just saying I’m buying him a membership to the crossfit gym down the street for his first Father’s day.”
Harsh but true
Rob Diamond: Can you stop being so critical and help me!?
{ Mama Kane rolls her eyes so hard they almost get lost in her skull. She gently places little Michael down in the hospital provided crib and walks over to Rob. }
Mama Kane: Rob, you just gave birth, naturally! I don’t even know how you did it! Can you just relax for five minutes and enjoy our son!?
{ Rob looks down at his ill fitting wrestling gear and lets the tights drop. Never fear, he’s wearing boxer briefs. }
Rob Diamond: I’ve never been gone this long before.
Rob Diamond - Has never been gone this long before
”It’s been nine goddamn months and all I’ve been thinking about this whole time is WHAT THE FUCK!? There was a tag team tournament, new world champions, Eternity came back, tag team titles, TV title, some jackass named Ed started a stable! James won the world title again! Angel died! Abigail turned out to be the girl that broke my heart all those years ago! Dean and Angel! Roberto vanished! New evil cult stable! Chris won a belt! I’ve missed so goddamn much and all I wanna do is get back in that ring and kick some ever loving tush!”
”It’s been nine goddamn months and all I’ve been thinking about this whole time is WHAT THE FUCK!? There was a tag team tournament, new world champions, Eternity came back, tag team titles, TV title, some jackass named Ed started a stable! James won the world title again! Angel died! Abigail turned out to be the girl that broke my heart all those years ago! Dean and Angel! Roberto vanished! New evil cult stable! Chris won a belt! I’ve missed so goddamn much and all I wanna do is get back in that ring and kick some ever loving tush!”
{ Back in the hospital room, Mama Kane rubs the back of Rob Diamond. }
Mama Kane: But you were gone for the right reasons.
{ Rob looks up into the eyes of his wife who also happens to be the doppleganger of his dead best friend. }
Mama Kane: You didn’t leave because you lost or you were forced to. You left to bring a new life into this amazing world. And now that you’ve done that?
{ Mama Kane slaps him on the now empty but still rather large tummy. }
Mama Kane: Now you can put the work in again… After you’ve breast fed little Michael.
GAG!
Rob Diamond - Didn’t think this far ahead
”Breast feed?”
Mama Kane - Did think this far ahead
”Breast feed.”
”Breast feed?”
Mama Kane - Did think this far ahead
”Breast feed.”
Rob Diamond: And then I can hit the gym?
Mama Kane: Then you can hit the gym if the doctor gives the okay.
{ Rob fists pumps the sky so hard even Locke could feel it. }
Rob Diamond: All right! Bring me that little nipple sucker!
{ Mama Kane just shakes her head. Rob doesn’t quite get how hard breast feeding can be, especially for a new mother… Or father, as it were. }
Mama Kane: So, off topic… But very much on topic. You promised me a try out with the IWF while you were pregnant and instead I found myself working the indies the whole time?
Rob Diamond - Forgot about that dangling plot thread
”Fuck.”
Mama Kane - Hasn’t forgotten about that dangling plot thread
”Fuck is right.”
”Fuck.”
Mama Kane - Hasn’t forgotten about that dangling plot thread
”Fuck is right.”
{ Rob feigns a yawn as he lays down on the hospital bed. }
Rob Diamond: Man! Giving birth really takes it out of you! I think I’ll have a nap!
{ And with that Rob is pretending to sleep. Mama Kane rolls her eyes again as she walks over to look at little Michael. }
Mama Kane: This conversation isn’t over. No. It. Isn’t.
{ She says as she pokes the little baby on the nose. }
No. It isn’t. So what will become of this family? Will Rob Diamond be able to shed the pounds? Will Mama Kane ever get her shot in the IWF? Will baby Michael get stuck in a time vortex and emerge just days later as a full grown adult like in season four of the smash hit UPN show Angel, ready to battle with his father against evil? Find out next time on:
Being a Diamond!
Well howdy there pardner.