Post by Rob Diamond on Jun 9, 2021 0:36:04 GMT
Week one of child rearing has come and gone. Rob and Mama Kane have barely slept a wink as little baby Michael has made his intentions clear…
He is the New Nipple God.
Thankfully, Hope is an absolute eight year old wonder as she has done more than her fair share of trying to keep her young brother appeased before he crucifies another of his stuffed toys to the blood gods.
Of course being new parents as well as professional wrestlers has caused some hiccups, how else would we continue to generate interest?
{ We open on the estate of Spike Kane which he willed to Rob Diamond and Rob refuses to give back regardless of how many times Spike cheats death in a promotion that is not considered in continuity with IWF. Fade in to Rob Diamond in the gym located in the bowels of the estate. We are talking a top quality gym complete with a staff that Spike had paid to be there year round regardless of how alive or dead he was. Rob is currently jogging on the treadmill, his flabby belly basically smacking him in the jaw. }
Mama Kane: Rob!?
{ Rob lets out a long sigh as he slows his pace from 4.5 miles per hour to a leisurely 1.5 miles per hour. }
Rob Diamond: Yes dear??
{ Mama Kane enters the gym as the various members of the permanent staff start to gather her things for training but she waves them off as she carries their son, Michael. }
Mama Kane: It’s feeding time.
{ Mama Kane brings baby Michael over to Rob who has hopped off the treadmill. A few of the staff quickly dry him off with some towels which seems weird but he’s gotten used to it after all the time he’s been living here. }
Rob Diamond: Can’t we just give him formula??
Mama Kane: Rob!?
{ Rob jumps back and throws his hands up to block afraid that Mama Kane might heel turn and start abusing him. She, of course, just smiles at her husband. }
Mama Kane: He’s a thirsty boy, now stop bitching and whip that tit out.
{ Rob begrudgingly reaches into his tank top with one hand as he grabs Michael with the other. }
Rob Diamond: Can you stop calling them tits?
Mama Kane: Sorry, man breasts.
{ Rob starts nursing his son and that is as much description as we are allowed to give. }
Mama Kane: So… We started to have a conversation about when I could join IWF.
Rob Diamond: I didn’t hear a question?
Mama Kane: Correct.
{ It dawns on Rob what Mama Kane meant. }
Rob Diamond: Look, it’s not like I put in a call to Roberto Verona myself and asked for your try out to be pushed back…
Mama Kane: What!?
Rob Diamond: I just asked that you be given a little more time to be home with me while we navigate this whole new kid thing.
{ Mama Kane grabs Rob with both arms and hugs him and Michael tight. Hope comes in from the side for a rare cameo and joins in. }
Mama Kane: If you wanted me to be home with you then that’s all you needed to say.
Rob Diamond: I’m sorry I sort of lied.
Mama Kane: It’s fine. I have literally all of eternity to get back inside a wrestling ring, I made a deal.
{ Rob turns his head slightly. }
Rob Diamond: Can we talk about that?
Mama Kane: Not this week!
The clock keeps ticking. The minutes between now and when Rob Diamond makes his triumphant return to an IWF ring become fewer all the time. And what of Mama Kane’s desire to wrestle in this universe? Will it come to pass? Is she destined to die and return over and over again like the Master from Doctor Who? Find out next time on:
Being a Diamond!
He is the New Nipple God.
Thankfully, Hope is an absolute eight year old wonder as she has done more than her fair share of trying to keep her young brother appeased before he crucifies another of his stuffed toys to the blood gods.
Rob Diamond - Disappointed someone stole his promo style and didn’t think he’d notice
”I haven’t slept for more than ten minutes since we got home! If I didn’t know better I’d think Spike was resurrected as my son and is trying to kill me again!”
Mama Kane - Disappointed anyone pays attention to the Xtremely Horrendous Fed
”We all know I and every other version of me signed a deal with the devil that says I can never actually die so I don’t know what Rob is so upset about. Baby Michael is just a fussy kid.”
Rob Diamond - First time hearing about this deal
”Wait, she signed what!?”
”I haven’t slept for more than ten minutes since we got home! If I didn’t know better I’d think Spike was resurrected as my son and is trying to kill me again!”
Mama Kane - Disappointed anyone pays attention to the Xtremely Horrendous Fed
”We all know I and every other version of me signed a deal with the devil that says I can never actually die so I don’t know what Rob is so upset about. Baby Michael is just a fussy kid.”
Rob Diamond - First time hearing about this deal
”Wait, she signed what!?”
Of course being new parents as well as professional wrestlers has caused some hiccups, how else would we continue to generate interest?
{ We open on the estate of Spike Kane which he willed to Rob Diamond and Rob refuses to give back regardless of how many times Spike cheats death in a promotion that is not considered in continuity with IWF. Fade in to Rob Diamond in the gym located in the bowels of the estate. We are talking a top quality gym complete with a staff that Spike had paid to be there year round regardless of how alive or dead he was. Rob is currently jogging on the treadmill, his flabby belly basically smacking him in the jaw. }
Mama Kane: Rob!?
{ Rob lets out a long sigh as he slows his pace from 4.5 miles per hour to a leisurely 1.5 miles per hour. }
Rob Diamond: Yes dear??
{ Mama Kane enters the gym as the various members of the permanent staff start to gather her things for training but she waves them off as she carries their son, Michael. }
Mama Kane: It’s feeding time.
Rob Diamond - Is above stealing someone else’s gimmick and running it somewhere else
”This kid is going to suck me dry!! I’ve already fed him like seven times today!”
Mama Kame - Has thankful nipples
”I really hope the swelling in Rob’s tits goes down once the breast feeding stops… It’s really disturbing.”
”This kid is going to suck me dry!! I’ve already fed him like seven times today!”
Mama Kame - Has thankful nipples
”I really hope the swelling in Rob’s tits goes down once the breast feeding stops… It’s really disturbing.”
{ Mama Kane brings baby Michael over to Rob who has hopped off the treadmill. A few of the staff quickly dry him off with some towels which seems weird but he’s gotten used to it after all the time he’s been living here. }
Rob Diamond: Can’t we just give him formula??
Mama Kane: Rob!?
{ Rob jumps back and throws his hands up to block afraid that Mama Kane might heel turn and start abusing him. She, of course, just smiles at her husband. }
Mama Kane: He’s a thirsty boy, now stop bitching and whip that tit out.
{ Rob begrudgingly reaches into his tank top with one hand as he grabs Michael with the other. }
Rob Diamond: Can you stop calling them tits?
Mama Kane: Sorry, man breasts.
Rob Diamond - Is aware these subtitles are a joke for one
”It really hurts my feelings she keeps calling them tits. They’re hardly an A cup! And we’re both pretty sure they will go back to normal if I can just get a couple good work outs in! Doesn’t she know I need to get ready to return to the ring!?”
Mama Kane - Also wants to return to the ring
”I hear Rob. I understand Rob. But he needs to understand we both have wants and desires in this relationship. For instance, I want and desire to join IWF and kick the living shit out of all the women in their women’s division. And if we are lucky? I’ll nail a couple of them to a cross and light it on fire. If we are lucky.”
”It really hurts my feelings she keeps calling them tits. They’re hardly an A cup! And we’re both pretty sure they will go back to normal if I can just get a couple good work outs in! Doesn’t she know I need to get ready to return to the ring!?”
Mama Kane - Also wants to return to the ring
”I hear Rob. I understand Rob. But he needs to understand we both have wants and desires in this relationship. For instance, I want and desire to join IWF and kick the living shit out of all the women in their women’s division. And if we are lucky? I’ll nail a couple of them to a cross and light it on fire. If we are lucky.”
{ Rob starts nursing his son and that is as much description as we are allowed to give. }
Mama Kane: So… We started to have a conversation about when I could join IWF.
Rob Diamond: I didn’t hear a question?
Mama Kane: Correct.
{ It dawns on Rob what Mama Kane meant. }
Rob Diamond: Look, it’s not like I put in a call to Roberto Verona myself and asked for your try out to be pushed back…
Mama Kane: What!?
Rob Diamond: I just asked that you be given a little more time to be home with me while we navigate this whole new kid thing.
Rob Diamond - Never stole anyone else’s gimmick
”Fine! I’m guilty! I asked Roberto to push her try out off until the kid was a little older because I really enjoyed having our little family together!”
Mama Kane - Actually not upset
”That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.”
”Fine! I’m guilty! I asked Roberto to push her try out off until the kid was a little older because I really enjoyed having our little family together!”
Mama Kane - Actually not upset
”That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.”
{ Mama Kane grabs Rob with both arms and hugs him and Michael tight. Hope comes in from the side for a rare cameo and joins in. }
Mama Kane: If you wanted me to be home with you then that’s all you needed to say.
Rob Diamond: I’m sorry I sort of lied.
Mama Kane: It’s fine. I have literally all of eternity to get back inside a wrestling ring, I made a deal.
{ Rob turns his head slightly. }
Rob Diamond: Can we talk about that?
Mama Kane: Not this week!
The clock keeps ticking. The minutes between now and when Rob Diamond makes his triumphant return to an IWF ring become fewer all the time. And what of Mama Kane’s desire to wrestle in this universe? Will it come to pass? Is she destined to die and return over and over again like the Master from Doctor Who? Find out next time on:
Being a Diamond!
Well howdy there pardner.