Post by Abigail on Sept 25, 2021 21:54:36 GMT
“So What’s she really like?”
“Hmm?” Abigail said without looking up. She was working on gaining the trust of some of the newest rescues that had been brought to the shelter this morning.
They weren’t interested in eating from the bowls, so she tried now to feed them directly from her hand. Only one of the three Manchester Terrier puppies that had been found abandoned in a trash bag at a busy roadside trusted her enough to even try sniffing the treats she offered.
“Come on Abs, you know. This girl you’ve been interested in for years. The wrestler, Eternity,” the blonde girl with the opal blue eyes and silver knot pendant around her neck smiled, before trying to gain the trust of the other two.
“She’s…unlike anybody I’ve ever met before, an’ unlike anybody else I’m ever likely ta meet again.” Abigail sighed, although it wasn’t clear if it was the curious but scared puppy who still wouldn’t eat or her own emotional reflection that elicited it. Most likely, it was a little of both.
“Oh, it’s that bad, huh?” The girl giggled. “I always wondered what ya’d be like with your walls down. Now I know. It’s a good look, surprisin’ for sure, but good. I’m glad you’re finally open ta lettin’ someone in.”
“Yeah, well, between ya, my brothers, my therapist an’ Ma an’ Pa all tellin’ me I can’t live my life closed off from the world, I’m tryin’,” Abigail said.
“An’ we’re all glad ya are, believe me.”
“I ain’t sure it’s workin,” Abigail sighed again. “But neither was shuttin’ down completely. I recognise that now.”
“I really am sorry about my part in all that. I was young, dumb. I could have handled your situation better, but I was naive.”
“Hey, no sweat. We both were. It was high school an’ we both know what a popularity contest that can be. It ain’t a coincidence that we only really became friends on the other side of it, free from the social pressures an’ other B.S.”
“Funny how things like that work out huh?”
One of the terriers growled at the blonde. She jumped slightly. Abigail giggled.
“Suit ya self then,” the blonde said, withdrawing her hand. “We’re obviously not at the petting stage. “Speakin’ of which, are you?” A cheeky raised eyebrow punctuated the inquiry to Abigail.
“How’s that any of your business, Dais?”
“That’s a no then,” Daisy grinned. “Ya always did take your damn time about everythin’”
“Excuse me? Who took their time askin’ Chip ta the senior prom? An’ ya wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for me, I’ll remind ya.”
Daisy clutched her pendant with her birthstone in a moment. “I can’t believe we’re still together.”
“I can’t believe ya guys ain’t married yet.”
“Guess we’ll have ta see which happens first. Either Chip proposes ta me or ya propose ta Eternity.”
“Or Hell freezes over before either,” Abigail laughed. The curious puppy finally licked a treat cautiously from Abigail’s hand. “Good girl, well at least I’ve gotten through ta someone today.”
“You’re probably right. Maybe I should propose ta Chip instead?”
“Honestly? What’s stoppin’ ya?”
“The same thing that’s stoppin’ ya too. A cripplin’ fear of misreadin’ our relationship, of bein’ too eager or maybe not eager enough. Ya know how guys can be skittish around commitment, I figure that’s why he ain’t asked.”
“I don’t think Chip is one of those guys, unless things have changed drastically since the last time I saw him, he always seemed cool. A lot cooler than most hets around here would be especially this far South, considerin’.”
“Yeah, not many would be cool datin’ a doe, at least not without tryin’ ta fetishise it or insist we have ta be cool with threesomes by default. He’s kinda special that way, an’ I do get why it’s easier for me ta hide out here ya know,” Daisy said, “Ta pass for normal.”
Daisy wrinkled her nose as she concluded her sentence, and the third terrier negotiated his way into her lap and finally head butted her elbow to ask for pets. Daisy smiled and obliged. “Broke ya down eventually, hey girl, come here.”
“Normal is tragically overrated,” Abigail smiled. “Took me a while ta appreciate that.”
“An’ even longer ta accept it,” Daisy said, “I remember how ya used ta be.”
“Moody. Depressed. Needlessly aggressive. Convinced there was somethin’ wrong with me. Desperate ta deny an bury my feelin’s cause they were against “my” God an’ a first class ticket ta eternal infernal damnation, yeah don’t remind me. I would have given anythin’ ta be ‘normal’ back then. Christ, what an idiot I was,” Abby sighed as the terrier finished the last of her treats, and moved on to wanting pets as she curled up beside her, tail wagging happily.
“Well, at least some things never change. Ya can still be dumb sometimes, just about different things now,” Daisy smiled.
“Hey, cut me a break. I ain’t been in love in a long ass time, never openly anyway, this might aswell be new ta me. I think it is ta her aswell. We’re handlin’ it okay, I think.”
“Are ya though? Or are ya just tryna avoid bein’ hurt if she don’t feel as strongly as you do?”
“Everyone says that shit, like I have it tattooed on my forehead or somethin’, Christ.”
“Hun, it’s all over your face. I’ve never seen ya light up when talkin’ about anybody else, like ever, an’ I have been here for most of the dates ya’ve talked yaself out of over the years.”
“Most of those were with guys an’ always felt wrong, so they’d never have worked anyway. The great tragedy of my tryin’ ta find the right guy ta fix me. Make me straight. Truly dark days. Flinchin’, squirmin’ away every time they tried ta kiss me.”
Abigail shuddered at the half a dozen first date regrets and spectacular failures that coloured her memory. She didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, but as therapy revealed more of just how much of her trauma she’d learned to repress, she was convinced that her revulsion towards any male sexual intimacy was probably just as much a product of her biological father’s abuse as well as her orientation. She’d be lying if she said she understood it any better now, but recontextualisation based on wholly new information brought her brief comfort in a strange way.
“Maybe, but ya didn’t feel comfortable with me either, remember. Didn’t feel a romantic spark.”
“Yeah, that was mutual as I recall,” Abigail said.
“Oh, it was. We work so much better as friends,”Daisy agreed. “I’m just sayin’ it ain’t like ya didn’t have choices.”
“I know. Just none of them clicked, maybe I’m too picky.”
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with knowin’ exactly what ya want, ya just need ta go for it. Though it does explain your super crush on Elvira now,” Daisy teased.
“Oh please, who ain’t have a crush on her, especially back in the day?”
“We all did, true,” Daisy giggled, “I’m just happy we finally worked out your type. The hot goth. It’s easier ta set ya up now if Eternity don’t work out.”
“I ain’t wantin’ nobody else. That’s why I need this ta work. I don’t wanna fuck it up. If I do, I’ll end up hurtin’ us both an’ I can’t deal with that shit.”
“An’ that right there is why I think she don’t deserve ya. I don’t think she appreciates just how much you’re willin’ ta sacrifice for her. It might not even be her fault, but even ya have ta know a relationship with her ain’t gonna come easy. Are ya really ready ta deal with all her baggage on top of your own?”
“I’d like ta think so, all I want is the chance ta find out. She deserves love too. It ain’t gonna be easy sure, but nothin’ worth it ever is.”
“Then tell her how ya feel. If ya really feel that strongly about her, wouldn’t ya know sooner rather than later? As much as she deserves love, ya deserve ta know if this has a chance of workin’, don’t ya?”
“Ya ain’t wrong,” Abigail conceded. “Still I ain’t wantin’ ta rush her. It feels wrong ta demand an answer from her if she ain’t ready.”
“Ya wouldn’t be demandin’, you’d be askin’. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. People do it every day. Most don’t hold onta a crush for four years though,” Daisy reasoned.
“She don’t know that.”
“Maybe she should. Maybe if she knew how strongly ya felt an for how long, it would change things between ya two.”
“It would, no doubt. It’s not knowin’ the how that terrifies me most, honestly.”
“An’ you’ll never know till ya tell her,” Daisy insisted. “Didn’t ya invite her here ta help us today?”
“I did. I aint expectin’ her ta show up though,” Abigail said.
“Then why bother? Seems like a waste of time.”
“Maybe it is, but I like remindin’ her that she doesn’t have ta sit in the dark alone all the time. That there are those of us who want an’ appreciate her out here in the real world. Even if I know she ain’t gonna take me up on it, the invite itself is important.”
“Wow, ya really do care for her, don’t ya? I don’t think most other people would bother. If she turns ya down, she’s a massive idiot who never deserved ya in the first place, ya know that right? If she can’t see how much ya care.”
“Of course, I care. I just wish I could explain the magnetic pull I feel around her. I’ve never felt more safe an’ whole in my whole life. I can’t explain it, but it feels incredible.”
“Twin flames!” Daisy exclaimed, her eyes widened, brimmed with excitement. “That’s what you’re describin’ sounds like. I heard about it, doubted it actually existed.”
“Excuse me?”
“Twin flames. Basically the spiritual belief goes that the natural attraction an’ safety ya feel is ‘cause you’re two halves of the same soul, who have possibly been bonded before in a different life. Maybe across several previous lifetimes. Maybe even in this life before.”
“Sounds like a plot from one of your romance novels, ta be honest.”
“I’m serious. Ya told me ya feel like ya’ve known her your whole life, right?”
“Right.”
“Well? Do ya have a better explanation?”
“No,” Abigail admitted softly as she considered the possibility.
Anything was possible, she reasoned. She’d always been open to ideas of faith and spirituality. She couldn’t dismiss the best explanation she’d had in some time out of hand, so she held onto it. Let it simmer in the back of her mind a while, she needed time to process the implications of adopting such a strong belief. She didn’t want to be burned by a desperately misplaced belief again.
“Google it, I’m tellin’ ya, we might have cracked this.”
“Abby?” A new voice interrupted, as someone entered the room, a senior volunteer. An older guy who led a younger woman dressed in all black with a thin veil tucked under her hat, draped across a pale face, set apart by amazingly piercing sea green eyes, Abigail would recognise anywhere. “Someone here ta see ya, says she’s a friend.”
Abigail’s face lit up involuntarily as she smiled. Eternity did care, enough to be here, with her, now, and that meant the world right now.
“Sorry I’m late,” Eternity said as all three dogs bounded up to the new arrival. Eternity dropped to a knee, petting each of them in turn.
“All that matters is ya made it,” Abigail grinned.
“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away.”
“Hmm?” Abigail said without looking up. She was working on gaining the trust of some of the newest rescues that had been brought to the shelter this morning.
They weren’t interested in eating from the bowls, so she tried now to feed them directly from her hand. Only one of the three Manchester Terrier puppies that had been found abandoned in a trash bag at a busy roadside trusted her enough to even try sniffing the treats she offered.
“Come on Abs, you know. This girl you’ve been interested in for years. The wrestler, Eternity,” the blonde girl with the opal blue eyes and silver knot pendant around her neck smiled, before trying to gain the trust of the other two.
“She’s…unlike anybody I’ve ever met before, an’ unlike anybody else I’m ever likely ta meet again.” Abigail sighed, although it wasn’t clear if it was the curious but scared puppy who still wouldn’t eat or her own emotional reflection that elicited it. Most likely, it was a little of both.
“Oh, it’s that bad, huh?” The girl giggled. “I always wondered what ya’d be like with your walls down. Now I know. It’s a good look, surprisin’ for sure, but good. I’m glad you’re finally open ta lettin’ someone in.”
“Yeah, well, between ya, my brothers, my therapist an’ Ma an’ Pa all tellin’ me I can’t live my life closed off from the world, I’m tryin’,” Abigail said.
“An’ we’re all glad ya are, believe me.”
“I ain’t sure it’s workin,” Abigail sighed again. “But neither was shuttin’ down completely. I recognise that now.”
“I really am sorry about my part in all that. I was young, dumb. I could have handled your situation better, but I was naive.”
“Hey, no sweat. We both were. It was high school an’ we both know what a popularity contest that can be. It ain’t a coincidence that we only really became friends on the other side of it, free from the social pressures an’ other B.S.”
“Funny how things like that work out huh?”
One of the terriers growled at the blonde. She jumped slightly. Abigail giggled.
“Suit ya self then,” the blonde said, withdrawing her hand. “We’re obviously not at the petting stage. “Speakin’ of which, are you?” A cheeky raised eyebrow punctuated the inquiry to Abigail.
“How’s that any of your business, Dais?”
“That’s a no then,” Daisy grinned. “Ya always did take your damn time about everythin’”
“Excuse me? Who took their time askin’ Chip ta the senior prom? An’ ya wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for me, I’ll remind ya.”
Daisy clutched her pendant with her birthstone in a moment. “I can’t believe we’re still together.”
“I can’t believe ya guys ain’t married yet.”
“Guess we’ll have ta see which happens first. Either Chip proposes ta me or ya propose ta Eternity.”
“Or Hell freezes over before either,” Abigail laughed. The curious puppy finally licked a treat cautiously from Abigail’s hand. “Good girl, well at least I’ve gotten through ta someone today.”
“You’re probably right. Maybe I should propose ta Chip instead?”
“Honestly? What’s stoppin’ ya?”
“The same thing that’s stoppin’ ya too. A cripplin’ fear of misreadin’ our relationship, of bein’ too eager or maybe not eager enough. Ya know how guys can be skittish around commitment, I figure that’s why he ain’t asked.”
“I don’t think Chip is one of those guys, unless things have changed drastically since the last time I saw him, he always seemed cool. A lot cooler than most hets around here would be especially this far South, considerin’.”
“Yeah, not many would be cool datin’ a doe, at least not without tryin’ ta fetishise it or insist we have ta be cool with threesomes by default. He’s kinda special that way, an’ I do get why it’s easier for me ta hide out here ya know,” Daisy said, “Ta pass for normal.”
Daisy wrinkled her nose as she concluded her sentence, and the third terrier negotiated his way into her lap and finally head butted her elbow to ask for pets. Daisy smiled and obliged. “Broke ya down eventually, hey girl, come here.”
“Normal is tragically overrated,” Abigail smiled. “Took me a while ta appreciate that.”
“An’ even longer ta accept it,” Daisy said, “I remember how ya used ta be.”
“Moody. Depressed. Needlessly aggressive. Convinced there was somethin’ wrong with me. Desperate ta deny an bury my feelin’s cause they were against “my” God an’ a first class ticket ta eternal infernal damnation, yeah don’t remind me. I would have given anythin’ ta be ‘normal’ back then. Christ, what an idiot I was,” Abby sighed as the terrier finished the last of her treats, and moved on to wanting pets as she curled up beside her, tail wagging happily.
“Well, at least some things never change. Ya can still be dumb sometimes, just about different things now,” Daisy smiled.
“Hey, cut me a break. I ain’t been in love in a long ass time, never openly anyway, this might aswell be new ta me. I think it is ta her aswell. We’re handlin’ it okay, I think.”
“Are ya though? Or are ya just tryna avoid bein’ hurt if she don’t feel as strongly as you do?”
“Everyone says that shit, like I have it tattooed on my forehead or somethin’, Christ.”
“Hun, it’s all over your face. I’ve never seen ya light up when talkin’ about anybody else, like ever, an’ I have been here for most of the dates ya’ve talked yaself out of over the years.”
“Most of those were with guys an’ always felt wrong, so they’d never have worked anyway. The great tragedy of my tryin’ ta find the right guy ta fix me. Make me straight. Truly dark days. Flinchin’, squirmin’ away every time they tried ta kiss me.”
Abigail shuddered at the half a dozen first date regrets and spectacular failures that coloured her memory. She didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, but as therapy revealed more of just how much of her trauma she’d learned to repress, she was convinced that her revulsion towards any male sexual intimacy was probably just as much a product of her biological father’s abuse as well as her orientation. She’d be lying if she said she understood it any better now, but recontextualisation based on wholly new information brought her brief comfort in a strange way.
“Maybe, but ya didn’t feel comfortable with me either, remember. Didn’t feel a romantic spark.”
“Yeah, that was mutual as I recall,” Abigail said.
“Oh, it was. We work so much better as friends,”Daisy agreed. “I’m just sayin’ it ain’t like ya didn’t have choices.”
“I know. Just none of them clicked, maybe I’m too picky.”
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with knowin’ exactly what ya want, ya just need ta go for it. Though it does explain your super crush on Elvira now,” Daisy teased.
“Oh please, who ain’t have a crush on her, especially back in the day?”
“We all did, true,” Daisy giggled, “I’m just happy we finally worked out your type. The hot goth. It’s easier ta set ya up now if Eternity don’t work out.”
“I ain’t wantin’ nobody else. That’s why I need this ta work. I don’t wanna fuck it up. If I do, I’ll end up hurtin’ us both an’ I can’t deal with that shit.”
“An’ that right there is why I think she don’t deserve ya. I don’t think she appreciates just how much you’re willin’ ta sacrifice for her. It might not even be her fault, but even ya have ta know a relationship with her ain’t gonna come easy. Are ya really ready ta deal with all her baggage on top of your own?”
“I’d like ta think so, all I want is the chance ta find out. She deserves love too. It ain’t gonna be easy sure, but nothin’ worth it ever is.”
“Then tell her how ya feel. If ya really feel that strongly about her, wouldn’t ya know sooner rather than later? As much as she deserves love, ya deserve ta know if this has a chance of workin’, don’t ya?”
“Ya ain’t wrong,” Abigail conceded. “Still I ain’t wantin’ ta rush her. It feels wrong ta demand an answer from her if she ain’t ready.”
“Ya wouldn’t be demandin’, you’d be askin’. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. People do it every day. Most don’t hold onta a crush for four years though,” Daisy reasoned.
“She don’t know that.”
“Maybe she should. Maybe if she knew how strongly ya felt an for how long, it would change things between ya two.”
“It would, no doubt. It’s not knowin’ the how that terrifies me most, honestly.”
“An’ you’ll never know till ya tell her,” Daisy insisted. “Didn’t ya invite her here ta help us today?”
“I did. I aint expectin’ her ta show up though,” Abigail said.
“Then why bother? Seems like a waste of time.”
“Maybe it is, but I like remindin’ her that she doesn’t have ta sit in the dark alone all the time. That there are those of us who want an’ appreciate her out here in the real world. Even if I know she ain’t gonna take me up on it, the invite itself is important.”
“Wow, ya really do care for her, don’t ya? I don’t think most other people would bother. If she turns ya down, she’s a massive idiot who never deserved ya in the first place, ya know that right? If she can’t see how much ya care.”
“Of course, I care. I just wish I could explain the magnetic pull I feel around her. I’ve never felt more safe an’ whole in my whole life. I can’t explain it, but it feels incredible.”
“Twin flames!” Daisy exclaimed, her eyes widened, brimmed with excitement. “That’s what you’re describin’ sounds like. I heard about it, doubted it actually existed.”
“Excuse me?”
“Twin flames. Basically the spiritual belief goes that the natural attraction an’ safety ya feel is ‘cause you’re two halves of the same soul, who have possibly been bonded before in a different life. Maybe across several previous lifetimes. Maybe even in this life before.”
“Sounds like a plot from one of your romance novels, ta be honest.”
“I’m serious. Ya told me ya feel like ya’ve known her your whole life, right?”
“Right.”
“Well? Do ya have a better explanation?”
“No,” Abigail admitted softly as she considered the possibility.
Anything was possible, she reasoned. She’d always been open to ideas of faith and spirituality. She couldn’t dismiss the best explanation she’d had in some time out of hand, so she held onto it. Let it simmer in the back of her mind a while, she needed time to process the implications of adopting such a strong belief. She didn’t want to be burned by a desperately misplaced belief again.
“Google it, I’m tellin’ ya, we might have cracked this.”
“Abby?” A new voice interrupted, as someone entered the room, a senior volunteer. An older guy who led a younger woman dressed in all black with a thin veil tucked under her hat, draped across a pale face, set apart by amazingly piercing sea green eyes, Abigail would recognise anywhere. “Someone here ta see ya, says she’s a friend.”
Abigail’s face lit up involuntarily as she smiled. Eternity did care, enough to be here, with her, now, and that meant the world right now.
“Sorry I’m late,” Eternity said as all three dogs bounded up to the new arrival. Eternity dropped to a knee, petting each of them in turn.
“All that matters is ya made it,” Abigail grinned.
“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away.”