Post by Abigail on Nov 27, 2021 15:05:08 GMT
Livin’ the dream.
It was more than an expression, it was an idea that terrified Abigail.
Always had. She never could quite understand why so many people sought such an existence, yearned for it and even championed it as the ultimate aspiration in their lives.
Even now as she sat in the Serendipity Op Shop in Brisbane, absent-mindedly stirring her black coffee slowly with a spoon, she contemplated that maybe it was because most people only processed dreams in the entirely abstract. Most people had the luxury she could seldom afford, the wonderfully blissful ignorance of being able to divorce themselves from the reality of just how cold, cruel and bleak their prospects really were.
Dreams weren’t something to be chased, they were something to run from. Dreams weren’t meant to be captured, they were meant to be reality checks. Most people didn’t really understand that. Most people didn’t really appreciate the true nature of their dreams.
Dreams were half remembered at best and rapidly fading at worst. Neither of these truths seemed particularly inviting to Abigail, certainly not enough to dedicate her life to. What kind of life was that anyway? Who would want to live in only brief flashes of absolute bliss? Who would be satisfied with knowing that it was all temporary, and that it would all be over as soon as they woke up?
That wasn’t any kind of real life for Abigail.
Dreams were the hotels of life, overpriced, overbooked last resorts and temporary reprieves. Nice to visit occasionally, but she couldn’t live there forever. Eventually reality would set in. It always did, and when it did, she’d start to miss the permanence of a place called home.
There was nothing like home.
There was nothing like the safety of it, the security it provided was a luxury Abigail had learned never to take for granted. Not having a real home for so much of her life made her appreciate any place that felt even remotely like it that much more.
She felt Eternity’s arm around her waist as she stared into the swirling pool of her stirring coffee. She felt pulled. She felt embraced. She felt home so far from home.
The sensation of everlasting permanence was so distracting, so absolutely seductive that she could almost forget where they were on the other side of the world. She could almost believe that the rest of this thrift store around them didn’t exist. Nothing else existed in this wonderful white void of sincerest love and absolute acceptance.
Eternity pulled her closer, Abigail tilted her head to rest on her shoulder. Eternity kissed the top of it and Abigail smiled. She’d never felt so warm, so comfortable. This was better than any World Championship, any Heiress To The Throne, any Iron Maiden.
This was the true meaning of life.
This was what had been missing her whole life, an undeniable sense of belonging with someone who never judged her, never made her feel invalid as a person or emotionally. Pure, unquestioned acceptance for who she was and what she felt.
Abigail lifted her head slightly, looked into Eternity’s beautifully serene green eyes and mouthed the three little words she yearned to hear even more than she yearned to say:
I Love You.
Eternity smiled, put a hand on her thigh, squeezed softly as the sensation forced Abigail to press her thighs together. Eternity didn’t say anything, instead she showed her love. Abigail kissed her slow and deep, taking her time to taste Eternity’s lips. Sweetest ambrosia. Heaven.
It had been such a long time, Abigail had waited such a long time.
Almost too long for this, all of this…
“Hey, ya okay? Ya’ve been swirling that coffee for five minutes, somethin’ wrong with it? Would ya like another,” the store owner smiled.
“Oh I’m sorry, I was miles away then,” Abigail said.
Abigail lifted the cup to her lips as she rejoined the reality of her situation. Eternity was looking over a variety of donated stuffed animals across the store from her. Ethical consumerism is one of the reasons Abigail in particular had wanted to visit here.
They had negotiated a couple more days to stay in Brisbane, even as the rest of IWF continued to tour without them. They weren’t booked to actually compete as they hadn’t been selected this year to feature in the Heiress To The Throne, and as much as Abigail could and maybe should have felt slighted by that, she understood the business and the nature of the tournament itself.
Spots were limited, that alone added to its prestige, and so long as she was being forced to sit this one out, at least she wasn’t alone.
This time last year was a different story, Abigail had the pressure of being a target and the uncomfortable prospect of facing Eternity looming on the horizon. This year, they were both free. Their only IWF commitment here was the two extra days that had been added to their signing schedule here in Brisbane, mostly due to Eternity’s insane popularity, but Abigail had her own loyal fans too.
Fans that told her they were worried about her because she had dropped off of social media completely, and when she explained that it was because she was still on an advised mental health break, they had been more than understanding. They had wished her well and said they understood. Abigail appreciated that, more than they likely knew.
She appreciated understanding wherever she was offered it, because she knew how rare and special real understanding was.
Abigail finally set the spoon aside and lifted the twirling black liquid off its saucer. The rim of the cup had to kiss Abigail’s lips before the kind woman with the heavy Brisbane accent smiled and walked away, leaving her in peace.
Abigail waited for the coffee to settle. She stared into the rapidly slowing abyss of caffeine and sighed, reflecting on how she had survived every professional abyss life had so far dragged her into only to now be on the verge of surrendering to a deeply personal one. A wholly different abyss.
Terrifying yet true, comforting yet consuming.
An abyss called love.
Dare she dream of such a wondrous thing?
She sipped her coffee finally, hoping to find strength for her rapidly beating heart through it. The bitter taste settled on her tongue reminding her it would be hard to take that first step towards eternal happiness.
But she deserved it, didn’t she?
After everything life had taken from her, she deserved to take something back for herself, didn’t she?
She wasn’t a Kane, she was a Spencer.
And as a Spencer, she deserved all the love in the world.
Just like Ma and Pa had always insisted.
So why was it still so damned hard to believe it?
Why the hell did she feel so unworthy of what so many others squandered and ultimately took for granted?
With a longer slower sip, Abigail resolved never to let that happen with her truest love.
She would not waste this precious time they were blessed to spend together and she would never take Eternity for granted.
It was more than an expression, it was an idea that terrified Abigail.
Always had. She never could quite understand why so many people sought such an existence, yearned for it and even championed it as the ultimate aspiration in their lives.
Even now as she sat in the Serendipity Op Shop in Brisbane, absent-mindedly stirring her black coffee slowly with a spoon, she contemplated that maybe it was because most people only processed dreams in the entirely abstract. Most people had the luxury she could seldom afford, the wonderfully blissful ignorance of being able to divorce themselves from the reality of just how cold, cruel and bleak their prospects really were.
Dreams weren’t something to be chased, they were something to run from. Dreams weren’t meant to be captured, they were meant to be reality checks. Most people didn’t really understand that. Most people didn’t really appreciate the true nature of their dreams.
Dreams were half remembered at best and rapidly fading at worst. Neither of these truths seemed particularly inviting to Abigail, certainly not enough to dedicate her life to. What kind of life was that anyway? Who would want to live in only brief flashes of absolute bliss? Who would be satisfied with knowing that it was all temporary, and that it would all be over as soon as they woke up?
That wasn’t any kind of real life for Abigail.
Dreams were the hotels of life, overpriced, overbooked last resorts and temporary reprieves. Nice to visit occasionally, but she couldn’t live there forever. Eventually reality would set in. It always did, and when it did, she’d start to miss the permanence of a place called home.
There was nothing like home.
There was nothing like the safety of it, the security it provided was a luxury Abigail had learned never to take for granted. Not having a real home for so much of her life made her appreciate any place that felt even remotely like it that much more.
She felt Eternity’s arm around her waist as she stared into the swirling pool of her stirring coffee. She felt pulled. She felt embraced. She felt home so far from home.
The sensation of everlasting permanence was so distracting, so absolutely seductive that she could almost forget where they were on the other side of the world. She could almost believe that the rest of this thrift store around them didn’t exist. Nothing else existed in this wonderful white void of sincerest love and absolute acceptance.
Eternity pulled her closer, Abigail tilted her head to rest on her shoulder. Eternity kissed the top of it and Abigail smiled. She’d never felt so warm, so comfortable. This was better than any World Championship, any Heiress To The Throne, any Iron Maiden.
This was the true meaning of life.
This was what had been missing her whole life, an undeniable sense of belonging with someone who never judged her, never made her feel invalid as a person or emotionally. Pure, unquestioned acceptance for who she was and what she felt.
Abigail lifted her head slightly, looked into Eternity’s beautifully serene green eyes and mouthed the three little words she yearned to hear even more than she yearned to say:
I Love You.
Eternity smiled, put a hand on her thigh, squeezed softly as the sensation forced Abigail to press her thighs together. Eternity didn’t say anything, instead she showed her love. Abigail kissed her slow and deep, taking her time to taste Eternity’s lips. Sweetest ambrosia. Heaven.
It had been such a long time, Abigail had waited such a long time.
Almost too long for this, all of this…
“Hey, ya okay? Ya’ve been swirling that coffee for five minutes, somethin’ wrong with it? Would ya like another,” the store owner smiled.
“Oh I’m sorry, I was miles away then,” Abigail said.
Abigail lifted the cup to her lips as she rejoined the reality of her situation. Eternity was looking over a variety of donated stuffed animals across the store from her. Ethical consumerism is one of the reasons Abigail in particular had wanted to visit here.
They had negotiated a couple more days to stay in Brisbane, even as the rest of IWF continued to tour without them. They weren’t booked to actually compete as they hadn’t been selected this year to feature in the Heiress To The Throne, and as much as Abigail could and maybe should have felt slighted by that, she understood the business and the nature of the tournament itself.
Spots were limited, that alone added to its prestige, and so long as she was being forced to sit this one out, at least she wasn’t alone.
This time last year was a different story, Abigail had the pressure of being a target and the uncomfortable prospect of facing Eternity looming on the horizon. This year, they were both free. Their only IWF commitment here was the two extra days that had been added to their signing schedule here in Brisbane, mostly due to Eternity’s insane popularity, but Abigail had her own loyal fans too.
Fans that told her they were worried about her because she had dropped off of social media completely, and when she explained that it was because she was still on an advised mental health break, they had been more than understanding. They had wished her well and said they understood. Abigail appreciated that, more than they likely knew.
She appreciated understanding wherever she was offered it, because she knew how rare and special real understanding was.
Abigail finally set the spoon aside and lifted the twirling black liquid off its saucer. The rim of the cup had to kiss Abigail’s lips before the kind woman with the heavy Brisbane accent smiled and walked away, leaving her in peace.
Abigail waited for the coffee to settle. She stared into the rapidly slowing abyss of caffeine and sighed, reflecting on how she had survived every professional abyss life had so far dragged her into only to now be on the verge of surrendering to a deeply personal one. A wholly different abyss.
Terrifying yet true, comforting yet consuming.
An abyss called love.
Dare she dream of such a wondrous thing?
She sipped her coffee finally, hoping to find strength for her rapidly beating heart through it. The bitter taste settled on her tongue reminding her it would be hard to take that first step towards eternal happiness.
But she deserved it, didn’t she?
After everything life had taken from her, she deserved to take something back for herself, didn’t she?
She wasn’t a Kane, she was a Spencer.
And as a Spencer, she deserved all the love in the world.
Just like Ma and Pa had always insisted.
So why was it still so damned hard to believe it?
Why the hell did she feel so unworthy of what so many others squandered and ultimately took for granted?
With a longer slower sip, Abigail resolved never to let that happen with her truest love.
She would not waste this precious time they were blessed to spend together and she would never take Eternity for granted.