Post by Abigail on Dec 15, 2021 20:10:59 GMT
It was that time of the year again. Yet another anniversary of the day she cursed more than any other, especially in recent years - the day she was born. Her birthday. A lot changed over the last year. This was inevitable and undeniable.
This time last year, she felt on top of the world. She was in the midst of the greatest run of her relatively short career. She was the Women’s World Champion, looking forward to the biggest match of her whole life, a showdown with the indisputable measuring stick of women’s professional wrestling in IWF - Eternity, and on the grandest stage the women had in the company no less - Diamonds Are Forever.
Abigail’s life had never been perfect, far from it in fact, and her career even less so, but the way the stars had lined up in the latter half of 2020 damn sure felt as damn near perfect a career trajectory as she was ever going to get.
Looking back, it was hard to admit that maybe this was it. Maybe she’d peaked, maybe it would get no better - and honestly she was fine with that so long as it also didn’t get any worse.
People seemed to agree that on some level her blood was cursed, and it was only the nature of the Kane curse that lacked a unanimous consensus. For Abigail personally, it ultimately boiled down to being far too bitter and far too proud to admit to yourself when your time was up.
Bulldozing your way through a career you were no longer enjoying out of little more than a pigheaded stubbornness to admit that maybe, just maybe your time in the spotlight had come and gone.
Abigail needed to be better than that. As a Spencer, she owed herself and her family so much better than to be slowly eroded from within by the poison that ran thicker than blood through her forever damned veins.
She needed to do what she always sought to do to the best of her ability, survive long enough to thrive. She needed to rise above the perpetually choking darkness that so often clouded her thoughts, especially when she was so desperately alone.
And right now she was all alone.
Indeed, it was a most unique loneliness to feel so alone in a crowded convention hall on the other side of the world. It was a feeling few appreciated and even fewer truly understood, even if just to be personable, they said they did.
It really was remarkable the lies people told not only themselves but each other in an effort to not feel hurt anymore. To feel like they belonged and that they were normal.
Abigail wasn’t, and she never would be.
Reality kept slapping her over and over with that fact, yet for the sake of fulfilling her commitments, she buried it all behind bright eyes and an even brighter smile as she went on autopilot greeting, smiling, shaking hands and signing autographs. The only thing she really took in at this Fan Fayre event were the individual names when anybody asked for a personalised item. Names that were forgotten as soon as she put the period on her standard message:
God Bless, Abby.
She had signed so many already just today, that the comma blurred and almost disappeared such that an innocuous sentiment of well wishes became a desperate plea:
God Bless Abby. Please…
She looked over at Shea O’Hara sat next to her by pure coincidence at this event. She seemed so happy, so well put together. They’d never really spoken before, mainly because Abby was so accustomed to keeping herself to herself that she rarely reached out to socialise with anybody outside those she trusted implicitly, and that particular list was especially short.
She had been hurt so much and so frequently that it was a learned behaviour not to open yourself up to anybody because sooner or later you started to anticipate the knife in your back, no matter how much they insisted they weren’t even carrying one.
Eternity was the one beautiful exception to everything. For reasons she still couldn’t explain, she trusted her and only her implicitly and without any doubt or fear. All it had taken for her to believe Eternity was one simple promise to take anything they discussed to the grave.
Abigail believed Eternity, absolutely and unquestionably, without reason and almost to the point of insanity. It really was crazy the kind of connection she felt with her. A wondrous intoxication, equal parts scary and exciting.
Everything she imagined true love to be, and yet she could not bring herself to actually confront the feeling. She always came so close before her anxieties forced her back into hiding where it was safe, where she didn’t have to consider the possibility of what the hell she’d do if she had been misreading Eternity this whole time and it turned out that Eternity really didn’t love her back.
She wasn’t ready to hear that, and she doubted she ever would be.
Maybe it was better to take her stupid feelings to the grave.
It is what Eternity would do, isn’t it?
“Abby…” Shea said softly, preventing her from dwelling on the tragedy of that particular life choice in the quiet moment whilst their respective lines had started to thin out. “Can I ask you a weird question?”
It amused Abigail how much Shea and Vivienne sounded alike sometimes, phrases drawn from a shared pool, such was their long and well established friendship. Asking questions she was worried would come off as weird was such a Vivienne phrase.
“Uh,sure,” Abigail smiled. “As long as it ain’t too personal, ya know?”
“Oh, don’t worry, it ain’t about Eternity or nothin’ like, I promise,” Shea said. “I know that ain’t none of my business.”
“Thanks. So what’s on your mind?”
“Ricky. Your baby brother, he is single like, right?”
“As far as I know, yeah,” Abby grinned. “Why, ya interested?”
“If I were, would you object, like?”
“Oh honey, ya don’t need my permission or approval ta follow your heart. If ya wanna ask him out, go ahead. Worst thing that could happen is he says he ain’t interested. Not the end of the world, right?”
Abigail swallowed hard, pushing down the unique discomfort of knowing that you weren’t strong or mentally resilient enough to follow your own advice. A swig from her bottle of water helped.
“Right,” Shea smiled. “It’s just he’s cute and seems adorably nerdy. We seem to have a few interests in common the few times we’ve spoken, and since all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives, I’m thinking why shouldn’t I, ya know?”
“Absolutely,” Abby smiled, “No reason ya shouldn’t, ya deserve happiness as much as Vivienne does. What’s goin’ on with her an’ Ulf by the way, they seem ta be gettin’ close.”
“I wish I knew, to be honest. We aren’t as close as we used ta be since I disagreed with her on the whole absolutely needing a baby to feel happy and fulfilled thing,” Shea sighed. “I don’t think there’s anything romantic going on, but I’ve been wrong before. Wouldn’t be the first time she’s found herself crushing on a reigning World Champion. She falls so fast, it gives me whiplash sometimes.”
“Well, he’s gotta be better than Xavier Cross, right?”
“God, I hope so. I can’t go through that shit again, I had to honey trap Xavier to get her to see the light last time.”
“Oh, that was you was it? Yeah I heard about it. Figures, y’all bein’ best friends an’ all…”
“Yeah, best friends,” Shea sighed, looking down slightly.
“Wait…ya wanted there ta be more between ya, didn’t ya?”
“At one point, yeah,” Shea admitted with a soft sigh, for the first time to somebody other than herself. “But I know now that even if I wanted it to, it would never work. I’m just not as sure on having babies as she is, you know? So I never brought it up after I knew just how loud the tick of her biological clock was, like.”
“So ya don’t want kids?”
“No. Yeah. I mean I don’t know. I’m not ready yet, I know that. Maybe, if I met the right person and we really clicked, like.”
“Well, Ricky wants kids,” Abigail said. “Kids are kinda a big deal in our family.”
“Big deal as in it being a dealbreaker if I decided I didn’t want any?”
“I think so yeah, sorry.” Abigail said. “I ain’t certain, you’d have to ask Ricky himself what he’s cool with.”
“Figures,” Shea sighed. “Thanks for the heads up anyway. So I take it ya want kids too, like the rest of your family?”
“Maybe, if the right person wanted them with me, I don’t think I’d object.”
“You know you can just ask Eternity, like?”
“I can’t even ask her out on a date,” Abigail chuckled, “Throwin’ the idea of kids at her would really be puttin’ the cart before the horse, ya know?”
“Yeah, you’re right, sorry,” Shea said. “But not bein’ able ta deal with my own feelings for Viv is why I never gave you as much shit as other people have about Eternity. To be honest, I kinda admired you for having the courage to embrace who you are as publicly as you have. I’m not ready. Just something else I’m not prepared for, I guess.”
“Hey, there ain’t never gonna be any judgment from me, okay. Speakin’ from experience, embracin’ yourself for who ya are is a deeply personal journey. Sure, I may be a little further down my own road than ya are right now, but that don’t mean I’m exactly where I wanna be yet,” Abigail said. “It takes a hella lotta time an’ even more courage. Nobody can rush ya through it, not even yourself.”
“Thanks, Abigail. Like, that means a lot, seriously,” Shea said. “You won’t tell anybody else, right?”
“If there’s one thing I know, it’s how ta keep a secret. My lips are sealed, swear ta God,” Abigail said. “Besides, it ain’t my business or my place.”
“Thanks.”
“May I ask ya somethin’?”
“Shoot.”
“How well do ya know The Conways?”
“I know Kathy better than I know Jake, but they consider me a friend of the family I think, why?”
“That’s what I thought,” Abigail said. “Not that I’m tryna play Cupid or nothin’, but…I think Spencer likes Tiffany. He’s just…shy as all hell ta make a move.”
“Runs in the family then,” Shea teased. “If you want I can run it by Tiffany, God knows she could use some happiness too. She hasn’t really dated anybody since that shit show with Caleb a few years ago, and Spencer just seems like a big old teddy bear, the complete opposite of Caleb. I think it could be good for her.”
“Oh, would ya? That’d be great. Yeah I think Spencer needs someone willin’ ta make the first move, or he will never say anythin’ ya know?”
“From where I’m sitting, he isn’t the only one,” Shea grinned.
Before Abby fiercely defended her own relentless procrastination about matters of the heart once more, they are interrupted as a sweet and very familiar voice called out to her.
“Abby?”
“Ma?” Abigail blinked in disbelief at both her parents standing at her autograph table. “What are ya guys doin’ here? Everythin’ alright at home?”
“Since we know ya can’t make it home this year, we accepted an invitation ta come here, all expenses paid, ta spend your birthday and the rest of the holidays with ya, honey. If you’ll have us,” Pa smiled.
“Of…of course,” Abigail beamed. “But who invited ya guys?”
“Jessica Reed if ya can believe it,” Ma replied. “We were stunned, especially when she told us Mr Verona was willin’ ta fund our entire trip ‘cause there is nothin’ more important than family at this time of year.”
“Why would Jess…?”
“She knew ya’d have questions,” Pa smiled, handing Abigail an envelope marked with a black lipstick kiss. “Said this would explain everythin’”.
Abigail opened the envelope carefully, and pulled out a handmade birthday card with a white rabbit sitting among various pills on the front, declaring that her special day would never be forgotten. Her heart skipped a beat at just the sentiment of being remembered. She cracked the card open and barely registered the handwritten message within before she started to cry tears of absolute joy.
Her heart was full, her cheeks flushed red and her emotion burst through raw. This was the most thoughtful birthday gift she’d ever gotten in her life, and it was from the most special and beautiful soul in her world, Eternity.
This time last year, she felt on top of the world. She was in the midst of the greatest run of her relatively short career. She was the Women’s World Champion, looking forward to the biggest match of her whole life, a showdown with the indisputable measuring stick of women’s professional wrestling in IWF - Eternity, and on the grandest stage the women had in the company no less - Diamonds Are Forever.
Abigail’s life had never been perfect, far from it in fact, and her career even less so, but the way the stars had lined up in the latter half of 2020 damn sure felt as damn near perfect a career trajectory as she was ever going to get.
Looking back, it was hard to admit that maybe this was it. Maybe she’d peaked, maybe it would get no better - and honestly she was fine with that so long as it also didn’t get any worse.
People seemed to agree that on some level her blood was cursed, and it was only the nature of the Kane curse that lacked a unanimous consensus. For Abigail personally, it ultimately boiled down to being far too bitter and far too proud to admit to yourself when your time was up.
Bulldozing your way through a career you were no longer enjoying out of little more than a pigheaded stubbornness to admit that maybe, just maybe your time in the spotlight had come and gone.
Abigail needed to be better than that. As a Spencer, she owed herself and her family so much better than to be slowly eroded from within by the poison that ran thicker than blood through her forever damned veins.
She needed to do what she always sought to do to the best of her ability, survive long enough to thrive. She needed to rise above the perpetually choking darkness that so often clouded her thoughts, especially when she was so desperately alone.
And right now she was all alone.
Indeed, it was a most unique loneliness to feel so alone in a crowded convention hall on the other side of the world. It was a feeling few appreciated and even fewer truly understood, even if just to be personable, they said they did.
It really was remarkable the lies people told not only themselves but each other in an effort to not feel hurt anymore. To feel like they belonged and that they were normal.
Abigail wasn’t, and she never would be.
Reality kept slapping her over and over with that fact, yet for the sake of fulfilling her commitments, she buried it all behind bright eyes and an even brighter smile as she went on autopilot greeting, smiling, shaking hands and signing autographs. The only thing she really took in at this Fan Fayre event were the individual names when anybody asked for a personalised item. Names that were forgotten as soon as she put the period on her standard message:
God Bless, Abby.
She had signed so many already just today, that the comma blurred and almost disappeared such that an innocuous sentiment of well wishes became a desperate plea:
God Bless Abby. Please…
She looked over at Shea O’Hara sat next to her by pure coincidence at this event. She seemed so happy, so well put together. They’d never really spoken before, mainly because Abby was so accustomed to keeping herself to herself that she rarely reached out to socialise with anybody outside those she trusted implicitly, and that particular list was especially short.
She had been hurt so much and so frequently that it was a learned behaviour not to open yourself up to anybody because sooner or later you started to anticipate the knife in your back, no matter how much they insisted they weren’t even carrying one.
Eternity was the one beautiful exception to everything. For reasons she still couldn’t explain, she trusted her and only her implicitly and without any doubt or fear. All it had taken for her to believe Eternity was one simple promise to take anything they discussed to the grave.
Abigail believed Eternity, absolutely and unquestionably, without reason and almost to the point of insanity. It really was crazy the kind of connection she felt with her. A wondrous intoxication, equal parts scary and exciting.
Everything she imagined true love to be, and yet she could not bring herself to actually confront the feeling. She always came so close before her anxieties forced her back into hiding where it was safe, where she didn’t have to consider the possibility of what the hell she’d do if she had been misreading Eternity this whole time and it turned out that Eternity really didn’t love her back.
She wasn’t ready to hear that, and she doubted she ever would be.
Maybe it was better to take her stupid feelings to the grave.
It is what Eternity would do, isn’t it?
“Abby…” Shea said softly, preventing her from dwelling on the tragedy of that particular life choice in the quiet moment whilst their respective lines had started to thin out. “Can I ask you a weird question?”
It amused Abigail how much Shea and Vivienne sounded alike sometimes, phrases drawn from a shared pool, such was their long and well established friendship. Asking questions she was worried would come off as weird was such a Vivienne phrase.
“Uh,sure,” Abigail smiled. “As long as it ain’t too personal, ya know?”
“Oh, don’t worry, it ain’t about Eternity or nothin’ like, I promise,” Shea said. “I know that ain’t none of my business.”
“Thanks. So what’s on your mind?”
“Ricky. Your baby brother, he is single like, right?”
“As far as I know, yeah,” Abby grinned. “Why, ya interested?”
“If I were, would you object, like?”
“Oh honey, ya don’t need my permission or approval ta follow your heart. If ya wanna ask him out, go ahead. Worst thing that could happen is he says he ain’t interested. Not the end of the world, right?”
Abigail swallowed hard, pushing down the unique discomfort of knowing that you weren’t strong or mentally resilient enough to follow your own advice. A swig from her bottle of water helped.
“Right,” Shea smiled. “It’s just he’s cute and seems adorably nerdy. We seem to have a few interests in common the few times we’ve spoken, and since all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives, I’m thinking why shouldn’t I, ya know?”
“Absolutely,” Abby smiled, “No reason ya shouldn’t, ya deserve happiness as much as Vivienne does. What’s goin’ on with her an’ Ulf by the way, they seem ta be gettin’ close.”
“I wish I knew, to be honest. We aren’t as close as we used ta be since I disagreed with her on the whole absolutely needing a baby to feel happy and fulfilled thing,” Shea sighed. “I don’t think there’s anything romantic going on, but I’ve been wrong before. Wouldn’t be the first time she’s found herself crushing on a reigning World Champion. She falls so fast, it gives me whiplash sometimes.”
“Well, he’s gotta be better than Xavier Cross, right?”
“God, I hope so. I can’t go through that shit again, I had to honey trap Xavier to get her to see the light last time.”
“Oh, that was you was it? Yeah I heard about it. Figures, y’all bein’ best friends an’ all…”
“Yeah, best friends,” Shea sighed, looking down slightly.
“Wait…ya wanted there ta be more between ya, didn’t ya?”
“At one point, yeah,” Shea admitted with a soft sigh, for the first time to somebody other than herself. “But I know now that even if I wanted it to, it would never work. I’m just not as sure on having babies as she is, you know? So I never brought it up after I knew just how loud the tick of her biological clock was, like.”
“So ya don’t want kids?”
“No. Yeah. I mean I don’t know. I’m not ready yet, I know that. Maybe, if I met the right person and we really clicked, like.”
“Well, Ricky wants kids,” Abigail said. “Kids are kinda a big deal in our family.”
“Big deal as in it being a dealbreaker if I decided I didn’t want any?”
“I think so yeah, sorry.” Abigail said. “I ain’t certain, you’d have to ask Ricky himself what he’s cool with.”
“Figures,” Shea sighed. “Thanks for the heads up anyway. So I take it ya want kids too, like the rest of your family?”
“Maybe, if the right person wanted them with me, I don’t think I’d object.”
“You know you can just ask Eternity, like?”
“I can’t even ask her out on a date,” Abigail chuckled, “Throwin’ the idea of kids at her would really be puttin’ the cart before the horse, ya know?”
“Yeah, you’re right, sorry,” Shea said. “But not bein’ able ta deal with my own feelings for Viv is why I never gave you as much shit as other people have about Eternity. To be honest, I kinda admired you for having the courage to embrace who you are as publicly as you have. I’m not ready. Just something else I’m not prepared for, I guess.”
“Hey, there ain’t never gonna be any judgment from me, okay. Speakin’ from experience, embracin’ yourself for who ya are is a deeply personal journey. Sure, I may be a little further down my own road than ya are right now, but that don’t mean I’m exactly where I wanna be yet,” Abigail said. “It takes a hella lotta time an’ even more courage. Nobody can rush ya through it, not even yourself.”
“Thanks, Abigail. Like, that means a lot, seriously,” Shea said. “You won’t tell anybody else, right?”
“If there’s one thing I know, it’s how ta keep a secret. My lips are sealed, swear ta God,” Abigail said. “Besides, it ain’t my business or my place.”
“Thanks.”
“May I ask ya somethin’?”
“Shoot.”
“How well do ya know The Conways?”
“I know Kathy better than I know Jake, but they consider me a friend of the family I think, why?”
“That’s what I thought,” Abigail said. “Not that I’m tryna play Cupid or nothin’, but…I think Spencer likes Tiffany. He’s just…shy as all hell ta make a move.”
“Runs in the family then,” Shea teased. “If you want I can run it by Tiffany, God knows she could use some happiness too. She hasn’t really dated anybody since that shit show with Caleb a few years ago, and Spencer just seems like a big old teddy bear, the complete opposite of Caleb. I think it could be good for her.”
“Oh, would ya? That’d be great. Yeah I think Spencer needs someone willin’ ta make the first move, or he will never say anythin’ ya know?”
“From where I’m sitting, he isn’t the only one,” Shea grinned.
Before Abby fiercely defended her own relentless procrastination about matters of the heart once more, they are interrupted as a sweet and very familiar voice called out to her.
“Abby?”
“Ma?” Abigail blinked in disbelief at both her parents standing at her autograph table. “What are ya guys doin’ here? Everythin’ alright at home?”
“Since we know ya can’t make it home this year, we accepted an invitation ta come here, all expenses paid, ta spend your birthday and the rest of the holidays with ya, honey. If you’ll have us,” Pa smiled.
“Of…of course,” Abigail beamed. “But who invited ya guys?”
“Jessica Reed if ya can believe it,” Ma replied. “We were stunned, especially when she told us Mr Verona was willin’ ta fund our entire trip ‘cause there is nothin’ more important than family at this time of year.”
“Why would Jess…?”
“She knew ya’d have questions,” Pa smiled, handing Abigail an envelope marked with a black lipstick kiss. “Said this would explain everythin’”.
Abigail opened the envelope carefully, and pulled out a handmade birthday card with a white rabbit sitting among various pills on the front, declaring that her special day would never be forgotten. Her heart skipped a beat at just the sentiment of being remembered. She cracked the card open and barely registered the handwritten message within before she started to cry tears of absolute joy.
Her heart was full, her cheeks flushed red and her emotion burst through raw. This was the most thoughtful birthday gift she’d ever gotten in her life, and it was from the most special and beautiful soul in her world, Eternity.
Happy Birthday, Archangel
Didn’t know what to get you…
So I got you what I wish I still had…
Even for one more special day…
Hope you enjoy yours…
All My Love, E.
xx🖤xx
xx🖤xx