Post by Angel Blake on May 3, 2023 20:01:55 GMT
Generic news anchor music plays as we are shown the opening credits of the IWF Networks brand new hit show, News Talk with Cucker Tarlson! We zoom in on our host who is shuffling some papers as the crowd is ordered to give him a round of applause or suffer the consequences.
“Welcome to the IWF Network’s number 1 brand new hit show! News Talk! With me, your host, the incredibly truthful and unbiased Cucker Tarlson!”
We hear someone boo in the crowd and then the unmistakable sound of a pump action shotgun being loaded followed by more forced applause to drown out the sound of gun fire.
“Thank you! Thank you! I really do deserve it! Now! Let’s TALK NEWS!”
Cucker does one of those dramatic spins on his chair to face a camera that is slightly to the right of the one he was just facing.
“Is Jake Conway on his way back to the IWF!? My sources have reached out to tell me he has been spotted in a public gym in the greater Las Vegas area so all signs point to yes!”
Cucker spins back to camera 1.
“The rumor mill has been spinning ever since Roberto Verona disappeared from television a couple of years ago. Is our great owner a vax denier!? My sources tell me it’s certainly a possibility.”
Cucker spins back to camera 2.
“According to recent Twitter activity we are being told that JC Keeton may have attended a screening of The Flash! But did he enjoy it as much as Tom Cruise!? We are working to find out!”
Cucker goes back to camera 1 now.
“That’s it for our Talk News segment of the show. Now it’s time for something real special, what we have for you next is a real treat. A REAL TREAT!”
The crowd is forced to go “OOOOOO”.
“We have an interview lined up for you! But not just any interview! We have the reigning, defending, IWF World Heavy Weight and Tag Team Champion! The Lord, God himself! ANGEL BLAKE!!!!”
The studio descends into darkness as Gateways begins to play. Everyone in the crowd starts to hoot and holler as “Dos Belts Blake” steps through the curtain. Cucker stands up from his desk, drops to his knees and starts to praise Angel Blake who just stands there, rightly soaking in all the love from everyone in the studio. Cucker eventually pulls out Angel’s chair for him, seating the champion on his side of the table. Cucker re takes his own seat.
“Let me start off by saying that it is an absolute honor, privilege and a lifelong dream come true to have you on my very own show.”
”You’re welcome.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me.”
”Get a hold of yourself, Cucker.”
“I’m sorry, I know, I’m gushing, I’m embarrassing myself but this is truly the greatest moment in my life.”
”I understand. It’s not everyday one gets to interview their creator.”
Cucker slaps his desk with a laugh.
“Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get down to some of the hard hitting questions you pre approved for us to ask?”
”Be my guest.”
“First. How does it feel… Being the SINGLE GREATEST WRESTLER IN WRESTLING HISTORY!?”
Angel takes a moment to really give the question a long, hard think. Finally he sits forward slightly, adjusting both of the belts on his shoulders.
”Well Cucker, it’s a lot easier than you’d think it would be. First of all, I’m preternaturally gifted. I’m God! So right off the jump there isn’t a man alive or dead who can even compare to me. I’d lump women into that statement too but we all know how Tara would feel about that?”
“Women, am I right?”
”Watch your damn mouth!”
“Sorry, Angel.”
”As I was saying. I have an unfair advantage to begin with. And then when you add in just how amazing I am in the ring? Even if I wasn’t the physical embodiment of whichever deity you may worship? I’d still mop the floor with everyone. Sure, every now and then a guy comes along who makes me put in a little effort. But on the whole? Stepping into that ring and wrestling a match is one of the easiest things I’ll do that day.”
“That’s an incredibly insightful and humble answer.”
”Humility is actually my middle name.”
“It shows! But with that label, that legacy, you must feel the weight of carrying all of professional wrestling on your shoulders sometimes?”
”It does get a little heavy from time to time but thankfully I have my wonderful family to lean on when and if needed.”
“Speaking of family… What’s it like balancing your work and home life? Surely as the absolute, unquestioned God of all things Professional Wrestling you must occasionally struggle to keep work and family balanced?”
Angel takes a moment to consider before answering.
”Well, I’m sure it is for the average professional wrestler but I’m not average by any definition of the work.”
“That is the rumor!”
Cucker winks at the camera.
”Truthfully? It all seems to flow pretty naturally. As you know the Blake Family is the one true dynasty of professional wrestling. The Kanes have all but petered out or married up. The Knites haven’t been seen in decades. The Keetons are really just one alcoholic old man and a brat kid. The Blakes stand head and shoulders above the rest. And as the standard bearers we all chip in and help each other out when needed.”
“Truly astonishing. I can only imagine so many struggling wrestlers with pending divorces looking up to you and yours as role models.”
”I do we hope we inspire the little people.”
“You certainly inspire me. Now I think the real question the people want me to ask you is, how does it feel to be performing on Odyssey this week in a Tag Team Title Match?”
”Honestly? I’m a little insulted.”
“Really and why is that?”
”Well Cucker, as you know, I’m God. God! And the IWF wants me to trot out on regular free television and perform in front of a Houston crowd?”
The crowd is being informed to boo Houston.
”I know, I know. It’s insulting! I’ve closed out stadium shows, I’ve main evented all over the world! I’ve held championships in every single company I have ever set foot in! I’m a multimedia icon! And whoever books these shows just expects me to go out in front of a ten or fifteen thousand seat arena, on free TV! And put on a championship caliber match!? I don’t even know if I’ll show up.”
“I completely understand. Someone at your level shouldn’t be working weekly television.”
”You’re telling me, Cucker.”
“But speaking on the match itself, JC Keeton, give us your thoughts.”
”Good kid. Smart. If he works hard, really puts his nose to the grindstone? He’ll make a wonderful Television Champion someday.”
“I believe he held that title.”
”Did he!? Wow, it’s so hard to pay attention to the ants from my lofty throne. But seriously, I’ve got nothing bad to say about the little brat. His father’s a real piece of work, the kind of guy you wouldn’t shed a tear for if you heard he hung himself naked from a clothing rack in his closet.”
“Ouch.”
”I think we can all agree that Jake Keeton is one of the absolute worst human beings on the planet. I’d sooner let Spike Kane raise one of my grandchildren than piss on Jake for the sheer enjoyment of it.”
“I’ve got to admit that I and everyone in this crowd feels the same. But of course we can’t talk about JC without mentioning his partner and your other opponent, Dean Harper.”
”Of course not.”
“So, Angel, can you, in front of this live studio audience give us your thoughts on facing your first born son on Odyssey this coming Friday night?”
”I’ll say everything I need to say in the ring.”
Cucker nods his head.
“Well there you have it! This Friday Night on Odyssey it will be Angel Blake, Wraith, defending the IWF World Tag Team Championships against JC Keeton and Dean Harper! I’d like to say thank you once again, Angel it has been a pleasure.”
”You’re welcome.”
“And thank all of you for tuning into News Talk! Tune in next week when we dig deeper into the cult terrorizing professional wrestling, Fiona McFly’s school! Not to mention the long standing rumor of unionization and will that be the ultimate downfall of pro wrestling! We’ll see you next week!”
The generic music starts playing again as Cucker and Angel have off micr small talk. As the camera pulls back we see all the armed guards forcing the applause as well as two men dragging a body bag down the steps.
“Welcome to the IWF Network’s number 1 brand new hit show! News Talk! With me, your host, the incredibly truthful and unbiased Cucker Tarlson!”
We hear someone boo in the crowd and then the unmistakable sound of a pump action shotgun being loaded followed by more forced applause to drown out the sound of gun fire.
“Thank you! Thank you! I really do deserve it! Now! Let’s TALK NEWS!”
Cucker does one of those dramatic spins on his chair to face a camera that is slightly to the right of the one he was just facing.
“Is Jake Conway on his way back to the IWF!? My sources have reached out to tell me he has been spotted in a public gym in the greater Las Vegas area so all signs point to yes!”
Cucker spins back to camera 1.
“The rumor mill has been spinning ever since Roberto Verona disappeared from television a couple of years ago. Is our great owner a vax denier!? My sources tell me it’s certainly a possibility.”
Cucker spins back to camera 2.
“According to recent Twitter activity we are being told that JC Keeton may have attended a screening of The Flash! But did he enjoy it as much as Tom Cruise!? We are working to find out!”
Cucker goes back to camera 1 now.
“That’s it for our Talk News segment of the show. Now it’s time for something real special, what we have for you next is a real treat. A REAL TREAT!”
The crowd is forced to go “OOOOOO”.
“We have an interview lined up for you! But not just any interview! We have the reigning, defending, IWF World Heavy Weight and Tag Team Champion! The Lord, God himself! ANGEL BLAKE!!!!”
The studio descends into darkness as Gateways begins to play. Everyone in the crowd starts to hoot and holler as “Dos Belts Blake” steps through the curtain. Cucker stands up from his desk, drops to his knees and starts to praise Angel Blake who just stands there, rightly soaking in all the love from everyone in the studio. Cucker eventually pulls out Angel’s chair for him, seating the champion on his side of the table. Cucker re takes his own seat.
“Let me start off by saying that it is an absolute honor, privilege and a lifelong dream come true to have you on my very own show.”
”You’re welcome.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me.”
”Get a hold of yourself, Cucker.”
“I’m sorry, I know, I’m gushing, I’m embarrassing myself but this is truly the greatest moment in my life.”
”I understand. It’s not everyday one gets to interview their creator.”
Cucker slaps his desk with a laugh.
“Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get down to some of the hard hitting questions you pre approved for us to ask?”
”Be my guest.”
“First. How does it feel… Being the SINGLE GREATEST WRESTLER IN WRESTLING HISTORY!?”
Angel takes a moment to really give the question a long, hard think. Finally he sits forward slightly, adjusting both of the belts on his shoulders.
”Well Cucker, it’s a lot easier than you’d think it would be. First of all, I’m preternaturally gifted. I’m God! So right off the jump there isn’t a man alive or dead who can even compare to me. I’d lump women into that statement too but we all know how Tara would feel about that?”
“Women, am I right?”
”Watch your damn mouth!”
“Sorry, Angel.”
”As I was saying. I have an unfair advantage to begin with. And then when you add in just how amazing I am in the ring? Even if I wasn’t the physical embodiment of whichever deity you may worship? I’d still mop the floor with everyone. Sure, every now and then a guy comes along who makes me put in a little effort. But on the whole? Stepping into that ring and wrestling a match is one of the easiest things I’ll do that day.”
“That’s an incredibly insightful and humble answer.”
”Humility is actually my middle name.”
“It shows! But with that label, that legacy, you must feel the weight of carrying all of professional wrestling on your shoulders sometimes?”
”It does get a little heavy from time to time but thankfully I have my wonderful family to lean on when and if needed.”
“Speaking of family… What’s it like balancing your work and home life? Surely as the absolute, unquestioned God of all things Professional Wrestling you must occasionally struggle to keep work and family balanced?”
Angel takes a moment to consider before answering.
”Well, I’m sure it is for the average professional wrestler but I’m not average by any definition of the work.”
“That is the rumor!”
Cucker winks at the camera.
”Truthfully? It all seems to flow pretty naturally. As you know the Blake Family is the one true dynasty of professional wrestling. The Kanes have all but petered out or married up. The Knites haven’t been seen in decades. The Keetons are really just one alcoholic old man and a brat kid. The Blakes stand head and shoulders above the rest. And as the standard bearers we all chip in and help each other out when needed.”
“Truly astonishing. I can only imagine so many struggling wrestlers with pending divorces looking up to you and yours as role models.”
”I do we hope we inspire the little people.”
“You certainly inspire me. Now I think the real question the people want me to ask you is, how does it feel to be performing on Odyssey this week in a Tag Team Title Match?”
”Honestly? I’m a little insulted.”
“Really and why is that?”
”Well Cucker, as you know, I’m God. God! And the IWF wants me to trot out on regular free television and perform in front of a Houston crowd?”
The crowd is being informed to boo Houston.
”I know, I know. It’s insulting! I’ve closed out stadium shows, I’ve main evented all over the world! I’ve held championships in every single company I have ever set foot in! I’m a multimedia icon! And whoever books these shows just expects me to go out in front of a ten or fifteen thousand seat arena, on free TV! And put on a championship caliber match!? I don’t even know if I’ll show up.”
“I completely understand. Someone at your level shouldn’t be working weekly television.”
”You’re telling me, Cucker.”
“But speaking on the match itself, JC Keeton, give us your thoughts.”
”Good kid. Smart. If he works hard, really puts his nose to the grindstone? He’ll make a wonderful Television Champion someday.”
“I believe he held that title.”
”Did he!? Wow, it’s so hard to pay attention to the ants from my lofty throne. But seriously, I’ve got nothing bad to say about the little brat. His father’s a real piece of work, the kind of guy you wouldn’t shed a tear for if you heard he hung himself naked from a clothing rack in his closet.”
“Ouch.”
”I think we can all agree that Jake Keeton is one of the absolute worst human beings on the planet. I’d sooner let Spike Kane raise one of my grandchildren than piss on Jake for the sheer enjoyment of it.”
“I’ve got to admit that I and everyone in this crowd feels the same. But of course we can’t talk about JC without mentioning his partner and your other opponent, Dean Harper.”
”Of course not.”
“So, Angel, can you, in front of this live studio audience give us your thoughts on facing your first born son on Odyssey this coming Friday night?”
”I’ll say everything I need to say in the ring.”
Cucker nods his head.
“Well there you have it! This Friday Night on Odyssey it will be Angel Blake, Wraith, defending the IWF World Tag Team Championships against JC Keeton and Dean Harper! I’d like to say thank you once again, Angel it has been a pleasure.”
”You’re welcome.”
“And thank all of you for tuning into News Talk! Tune in next week when we dig deeper into the cult terrorizing professional wrestling, Fiona McFly’s school! Not to mention the long standing rumor of unionization and will that be the ultimate downfall of pro wrestling! We’ll see you next week!”
The generic music starts playing again as Cucker and Angel have off micr small talk. As the camera pulls back we see all the armed guards forcing the applause as well as two men dragging a body bag down the steps.
Well howdy there pardner.