Tifa's World #1

[Tifa Heafy]

May 23, 2013

My Introduction

Sup err'one.  I am Tifa Heafy.  If you call me by my full name of Tiffany Jessic Heafy I will pull your throat through your asshole.  Yeah, I don't like the name Tiffany so I just go by Tifa.  Its more unusual then Tiffi or Tif.  So don't be all like DERP THAT'S A FINAL FANTASY NAME!  No kidding!  Everyone knows what Final Fantasy VII is.  Even though I was only three when the game came out.  Remember seeing my big sister trying to play it and royally suck at it.

She royally sucks a lot of things, Mia does, but she's my big sister.  She got me my first first when I turned 16.  It was a hunk of junk but it was still an awesome car.  So what else about me?  Uh... I am engaged at 19.  Screw dem haters that be like bitch you too young to get married.  If I said YOLO, I'd be all like that to 'em but YOLO is stoopid.  Only stoopid whores say YOLO.

Its not a wonder why I see Freya say it sometimes.  Ah just kiddin Freyfrey.  I don't need you flipping out on Twitter and deleting it again.  I love my trainer, she's like a sister to me but I'll be damned if she isn't crazier then a bag full of kittens with a ball of yarn.  I'd really like to see a bunch of kittens with a ball of yarn now.

Back to Freya for a second!  She taught me everything I know about wrestling.  I also know if I act like her I'll be out of a job pretty damn quickly!  So I best not act like Freya if I value any sort of job in this sport.  I've been around wrestling since I was eight when my big sis started watching it and I thought it was pretty neat.  All these large dudes throwing each other around and these little dudes flying around the ring.

So four years later she tells mom that she wants to wrestle and trains for someone who has become vital to my life.  Trained under Bradley Allen Kane.  I was 12 when I met him as he makes it a point to meet with the parents of anyone he trains regardless of their age.  This was when he had long hair too so he looked like a greasy drug addict.  Of course my mom wasn't worried cuz big sis loved muff diving then.

Now she's a cockatarin.  She all pregnanty and stuffs now.  Gonna be an aunt again yay!  But back to the story.  So Brad trains her and as I keep watching big sis wrestle I notice that Freya takes my sis under her wing.  She was pretty awesome I remember.  Teamed with Zelda Knite to make the Gamer Girls who only had one match before that promotion closed up.  I was sad cuz that was going to be an awesome team.

I decided that when I turned 18 I didn't want to go off to college.  I wanted to go into professional wrestling.  I asked Freya to train me and it took a couple of months for her to agree to train me.  I also wanted my big sister to help train me too.  So they did.  Brad got involved in it to and before I knew it I had two of the three Kanes training me personally to wrestle.  No one else involved.  Just myself and those two.

How stoked do you think I was?  So I made my debut in October or so last year, wrestled twice and disappeared for six months.  Maybe I'll tell everyone why I was gone for six months sometime.  Now I am back to wrestling.  I love it.  I love wrestling so much because it allows me to let out some of the things I went through as a teenager in a ring against another woman.

But I am forgetting more of the story!  When I turned 18 and started training, Evan Andrews had a student type of his own named Kevin Killjoy to the wrestling world.  Well I thought the guy was cute so I asked him out and here we are engaged and stuffs now.  He is completely awesome and totally different from me.  I'm always so hyper and outgoing while he prefers to relax and chill out.  We're like the ying and yang of couples.  We just match together perfectly.

Also I have the cutest little kitten named Relm.  Yeah take a guess on that one and kiss my ass.  I just listed the Gamer Girls as one of my favorite tag teams so yeah, eat a vagina out!   Though I am teaming with someone this week.  I get to team with BRAD FUCKING KANE!  Sorry for using that word but its Brad Kane!  One of the former Saints of the Strong Style.  Reckless J!  The Strong Style Tripod even though I have yet to see the legendary third leg with my own eyes!

This is a man I've admired for quite some time and I am teaming with him on Monday night.   While he's off dealing with some blonde haired mimbo, thank you Seinfeld, I'll be locking horns with his trainee, Ashley...

Uh...

Give me a moment because I gotta look up how to spell this woman's last name.  Its all confusing and stuffs.  Ashley Mastrangelo!   With a last name like that I wonder if she knows Donny, Leo and Raff too.  Just because I'm 19 doesn't mean I don't know the Turtles.  So anyways Ash, the two of us are going to be wrestling against one another on Monday night.  Sounds pretty exciting doesn't it?  Is this your first match?

This is like my fifth and my first mixed tag ever.  I'll feel a little nervous because, well, before this I've only wrestled for a women's only promotion and this is the first time I've found myself in a company where men rule the roost to to speak.  I see that Alysson Gardner Kane is here and I feel hyped up because of it.  She's awesome.  There are some awesome female wrestlers here, Ash, and in due time we'll be among those names listed.

We are starting our climb together, I think?  Should be pretty awesome.   Though I'm just taking a guess about your experience level right now.  Seeing as how this is billed as a mentor and mentee tag match I'd like to feel that I am correct in assuming this.   So good luck to you when we get into that ring.   I don't have anything nasty to say.  Don't need to call you a bottom ass ratchet ho.  So you got that going for you!

I'm going to ensure I make good use of my first time in a IWF ring on their first show.   So many feels right now.  I JUST CAN'T FRIGGIN' WAIT!  Before Monday though I am on my way to Vegas for a birthday party.  I can't drink alcohol at it though because the guy was like there will be a bar and they will I.D. and stuff.  So that sucks a little bit still...

Going to Vegas and then Chicago!  Woo!  This should be a great time.  I look forward to meeting so many of you on Monday.  So everyone have a great day okay?  I'm going to finish packing and I might troll Freya on Twitter after.  You can follow me @tifaheafyluvsu okay?

Bai everyone!