Hijou: Getting Serious

[HIJOU]

Having spent the last few weeks on an all-out tour of every artery-clogging fast food chain on the market, Hijou has pretty much lived the quintessential American tourist experience. She isn't a tourist, though, and with the very idea of another Maccies or Taco Bell dinner making her feel a tad sick, the little meanie is grateful to spend an evening enjoying some home comforts. 

The interior of Gombei, like much of San Jose's Japantown, provides a welcome contrast to the litany of brightly-coloured, brand-bathed dining areas that the usual fast food establishments offer. There are no LED menus or torturously conceived uniforms, and you can actually look around the place without being immediately met by gharishly iconic logos on every single surface. 

The best part, though, is that the dish of simmered Nimono and grilled salmon in front of her actually somewhat resembles something from home. It's not perfect, obviously, but it's pretty close. The fact the place has Sake only serves as the proverbial alcohol-infused cherry on top of this beautifully nostalgic cake. Hijou takes a sip of the rice wine, swishing it around her mouth as if it were the most silkily luxurious of beverages, savouring every last second of the koji undertones. 

Unfortunately, as if oft the case when indulging in nostalgia, at some point the sweetness of those memories can turn sour before you even realise what's happening. Maybe it's the copious amounts of wine, or maybe it's the fact Hijou has spent bordering on every waking (non-wrestling) moment of her time in the USA completely alone, but before long her thoughts turn to the dojo. 

Her stupid fellow students. That dweeb Emi Ito. Her idiot mentor, Hiroto Fujita, whose name she seems to have totally accidentally pulled up on her phone. Her gaze lingers on it for a moment, though not much longer. Taking another sip of wine, she shakes her head. 

She's doing perfectly fine on her own. 

*****

'Stop being stupid and stand next to me!' Hijou scolds, a harsh frown creasing her expression. 'How am I supposed to hear your dumb-ass questions from all the way over there?' 

To be completely fair to Maria Iniesta, it's quite understandable that she'd prefer to keep her distance, given what happened the last time she had the misforunte of being assigned an interview with the mouthy git beckoning her over right now. Hoping to avoid any unnecessary conflict (a laughably pointless endeavour, in retrospect), she obliges, coughing slightly. 

See, it's not just the fear of being manhandled again that has Iniesta on edge. 

'You- you...' She hesitates. On one hand, every word she speaks provides more opportunity for Hijou to randomly decide to torment her, on the other hand... she has to try, right? 'You really shouldn't be smoking that in here...' 

Hijou laughs, and in predictable fashion, parrots Maria's words back to her. 'YoU REallY ShOULdn't Be SMokiNG thAt in HEre-' She snorts at her own hilarity. 'What're you gonna do, fucking narc on me?' A pause. Her eyes narrow, and all of a sudden, Maria's life now feels genuinely at risk. 'You're not going to narc on me, right?' 

Maria finds herself wondering whether Hijou realises this interview is televised, but thinks better of vocalising such a query, instead opting for the wise decision of keeping her mouth shut and nodding. Hijou smiles. 

'Great!' She takes another drag from her cigarette, snapping her fingers with the other hand. 'C'mon, ask me some questions!' 

'Right, uh...' Maria shuffles beside Hijou, trying her best to ignore the irritable cloud of smoke quickly filling the supply cupboard Hijou selected as her private dressing room a while ago. 'Hijou, first of all, congrats on your debut win-' 

'Ha! Yeah! I did that, didn't I?' She chuckles, a slight twinkle in her eye as she recalls making Brittany Taylor scream. What a great time. 'It was probably the most impressive debut in the history of all professional wrestling, right?' 

Recognising Hijou's absurd claim for what it is, Maria is conscious to avoid falling into the trap that arguing with it would be. As stupidly incorrect as it is. 'Yep.' 

'Glad you agree Maria.' Unfortunately, even when you get the right answer, sometimes you are just destined to suffer. 'Now go ahead, explain to us why it was the most impressive debut in the history of all professional wrestling on planet Earth.' 

Clearly lacking notes for the impromptu piece of homework she's been given, Maria stammers and stutters her way through her first few words. 'Well- uh- you-' She gets there in the end though. 'You just... uh... you know... it was such a... dominant win. The way you choked her out? So... so good.' 

'So true. Honestly, Brittany was lucky she had the option of tapping out, I probably could have legitimately killed her if I wanted to!' 

Unsure how to respond to that particularly weird comment, Maria just nods. '...Yeah.' She clears her throat. 'Anyway, uh... moving onto tonight. You're taking part in the Invictus Proelium Regium, and if you win, you'll earn yourself a shot at the Invictus Championship-' 

'Good job reading the card Maria, I'm proud of you.' She rolls her eyes. 'But yeah. I know I said I'd win the Women's title within a month, but I suppose the Invictus belt'll do.' As if Hijou's pre-match routine could not grow more counterintuitive, she reaches into her bag, retrieving a can of Whiteclaw. Maria doesn't bother questioning it.

'Obviously you're confident, but you will be coming up against a lot of great talent in tonight's match. There's ITAMI-' 

'-Bitch.' She cracks open her can. 

'Chris Diamond-' 

'-Loser.' 

Maria frowns. '...Are you going to do this for every person I name?' 

'I was planning on it.' She takes a sip of her drink. 'Maria, dummy, you're wasting your breath. It doesn't matter who I come across in that ring tonight, they're going to end up like poor Brittany. Face's all mashed up, losing followers on Insta, all of it.' 

'D-don't you think you should take your opponents at least a little seriously?' 

Hijou laughs, though quickly settles herself down as she responds to Maria's question with one of her own. 'I'm sorry Maria, do you want me to take this seriously?' A few seconds of silence follow, though Maria's nod serves as a pretty clear unspoken answer; Hijou places her beverage on the floor, then puts out her cigarette. She turns to stare down the camera. 

'Okay.' She clears her throat before sucking in an exaggerated breath of air. 'Valiente, Emmanuelle, Black, Stepanov, Knight, Cannin, ITAMI, Diamond, Legion-' She turns to Maria. 'That all of them?' Maria nods, serving as a prompt for Hijou to proceed with her direct address. 

'Have you guys ever really thought about the science behind a Triangle Choke? I know it's a pretty weird question, and the likelihood is that you'd all answer no, but I'm just curious. Do you want to know why I picked a Triangle Choke as my preferred hold? It's not because it's effective, which it is, and it's not because catching people with it out of nowhere looks cool,which it does.'

'For me, the Triangle is all about control.' 

'What I want all of you to understand tonight is that if I manage to lock any of you into that hold tonight your life is in my hands. See 'cause when you break down what a Triangle Choke actually does? Sheesh, it's all kinds of messed up!' 

'See first there's the initial restriction of blood flow, and that's just the part where I wrap my lovely legs around your neck. You've all seen it; one on the back of the neck, one applying pressure. What's actually happening here is I'm putting pressure on your carotid arteries, which are right around here-' 

Hijou doesn't ask permission to demonstrate with Maria, grabbing hold of the interviewer's neck and tracing a finger down the side. She smiles. 

'These are major blood vessels, and they're pretty important! They only supply oxygen to the brain, y'know. Along with that, there's the obvious pressure on the trachea, which is what gets fucked with whenever I bring my leg crushing down against the back of your neck. Though the carotid arteries are important, the trachea is probably what everyone notices first, since pressure there kinda kills your ability to breathe.' 

Her hand finds its way to Maria's trachea. The interviewer thanks God that Hijou hasn't desired to demonstrate anything beyond the location of the internal mechanisms of her neck. 

'Once we get to this point most people tap out, and they do it because they realise that the risk is not worth the reward. You're losing blood, you're losing oxygen, and you're losing consciousness. The likelihood of escape is nil, so why bother prolonging the pain, right? Anyone particularly stubborn'll soon start to experience hypoxia, which is just a geek word for oxygen deprivation. Dizziness, blurred vision, loss of muscle power, the works.' 

'And if they really hate themselves, and they really just won't tap out, they'll then lose consciousness. I've had that happen a few times, and it's pretty cool, but do you know what I've never gotten the chance to see before?' 

'What comes afterwards.' 

'Let's pretend we're entering a match where, I don't know, submissions do not apply. A match where there would be no point in which I would be obligated to release you from the Triangle. Let's say, even after you lose consciousness, I keep you locked in there. Any ideas what happens?' 

'Well, obviously, extended periods of hypoxia can lead to some pretty nasty long-term issues. If you're lucky I'll get bored, and you'll get away with permanent neurological symptoms. Maybe the worst you'll have to deal with is some clot formation in your carotids, or some other vascular issue.' 

'After that, though? Well. There's only one more stage we can get to here.' 

Hijou stares down the camera for a moment. She nods. 

'Least you'd go down swinging though, right? Though honestly, if you actually want my advice, just don't bother coming down tonight. A shot at the Invictus title isn't really worth the risk; if I believed any of you incompetent fucks could successfully get me into a hold like the Triangle, there's no way I'd be showing up.'

'But, wrestlers are stupid, and stubborn, so I expect all of you to ignore this warning. That's okay. Just do me a favour, yeah?' 

'Make a note of what I should tell your loved ones.' 

Silence. Hijou's gaze, intense and violent, suddenly snaps back to Maria. In an instant, all of that tension has melted away, and the usual cocksure smile that characterises Hijou's expression has returned. 

'How'd I do, Maria? Was that serious enough?' 

An utterly horrified Maria stares back at Hijou in dumbfounded silence, the interviewer scarcely able to believe what she's heard over the last minute or two. Her body shakes with fear, a happening that pleases Hijou greatly. 

'Awh, c'mon!' She chuckles, locking an arm around Maria, who yelps at the sudden contact. 'It's just promo talk. I'm not actually gonna do anything like that!'

'Promise.'