Be Thankful

[Nick Knight]

{Nick Knight sits in his now infamous electric chair on a hotel balcony overlooking the St. Lawrence River below. The lights of boats pass by slowly as ‘The Hollywood Butcher’ taps his fingers on the face of the plague doctor mask sitting on his knees. He looks to be deep in thought as he begins to speak quietly.}

We are just one week away from the Extinction Event and my chance to finally get my hands on Alexandra Callaway. I’m nearly salivating at the idea of driving the little bitch’s skull first into the canvas, snapping her fucking neck, and then walking out of Boston as the brand new IWF Invictus Champion. After that shit she pulled before Halloween Hell I don’t just want her Championship, I want to end her fucking career.

{IWF’s only Decimus Champion snarls.}

She embarrassed me by refusing to defend her belt at Halloween Hell, and making me put some poor local talent in the hospital because he at least had the guts to get inside the cage with me. I mean, a fucking jobber was willing to do something that a so-called champion wasn’t. Even worse than embarrassing me, though, she made IWF look like a fucking joke by taking a booking for some fucking jerk off company instead of doing what she’s being paid to do.

I’ve been chomping at the fucking bit for weeks to wrap my hands around her goddamn throat, but Huntington Powell and his merry band of fuck-ups in the office think they can convince a few more people to buy Survival of the Fittest by booking a bullshit odd couple tag team match. I’ve been a booker before, I get that they’re trying to do their jobs, but is it really worth fucking up your main event.

I mean, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by booking this match, because people don’t give a shit about it. I guaran-fucking-tee that a lot of people will be switching it over to 90 Day Fiancé as soon as this match starts, and the only way that it’s going to sell any pay-per-views is if it turns into a total fucking dumpster fire. Then again, that’s probably what old Hunty is counting us because after all controversy creates cash

They made one great big mistake up in the office because they didn’t need to book this match to create controversy. All they had to do is make sure that Alexandra is in the building and have cameras rolling when I walk up to her and slap the fillings out of her teeth. Trust me, that we get some tongues to waging, and you would have had some time to really build up Brooklyn vs Virginia in the Extinction Event. Unfortunately, they always want to be cute and make shit way too fucking complicated.

{Knight takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.}

This week, I’m going to take the bullet by teaming Alexandra. I will do my best to turn a big ass bowl of chicken shit into some chicken salad, but only because I’m going to be able to scout her from just ten feet away. I will get an up close look at the way that she moves every time she is inside of the ring and find any chinks in her armor that you just can’t see on film. Best of all I’ll get to watch as Vivienne and Astrid work her over and see exactly which body parts that they might have softened up for me. I might think that this match is total bullshit, but you can damn well believe that I am going to use every minute of it to prepare for the Extinction Event, and maybe all make the creative team look like geniuses in the process.

Honestly, though, I couldn’t care less if we win the match because it doesn’t matter. No matter what happens, I’m still walking into the Extinction Event and becoming IWF Invictus Champion. If I’m being completely honest, I’m not even sure Alexandra is going to bother showing up in Montreal. She’s already shown everyone that she doesn’t care about this company or the fans, and she definitely couldn’t give two shits about the Invictus Championship,

Let’s face it, every single person that has help that championship has treated it like nothing more than a pretty accessory to wear to the ring. They have done jack shit to raise the value of the belt one bit, and it’s probably worth more melted down and sold by the pound. What should be the crown jewel of Odyssey is just something that gets dusted off every couple of months, so the so-called champ can defend it on a pay-per-view.

Once the Invictus Championship is around my waist, that is all going to change. Unlike every Invictus Champion before, I care about building up the legacy of that championship. I will defend it anytime and anywhere, without ever giving some bullshit excuse about being booked on some outlaw mud show. I will put it on the line every single episode of Odyssey and I don’t give a fuck if it’s against someone from the men’s division, the women’s division, or one of the goddamn half pit brawlers. The Invictus Championship deserves to be held by someone willing to put it on the map, the exact same way that I did for the World Television Championship.

{Nick smiles at the camera}

I feel like I need to apologize to Vivienne and Astrid for being more concerned about my own partner than them, because they are both fucking fantastic professional wrestlers. I mean, Vivienne is a former Women’s World Champion, and they both held the Open Weight Championship when it was still around. Trust me, I know exactly how dangerous they both are inside the ring, but right now my focus is on the Extinction Event.

When I’m finished with Callaway once and for all I will be happy to give Viv and Astrid the respect that they truly deserve by offering up a shot at the title. The way that I see it, they have both more than earned the right to a spot at the front of the line with everything they’ve already accomplished in their careers. I also think that either one of them would make a hell of a champion and help build the fucking legacy of the Invictus Championship.

{‘The Hollywood Butcher’ puts his hands behind his head and leans back.}

Tuesday night I am going to do my best to give the people a halfway decent match because that’s what they paid their hard-earned money to see. Then I’m going to go grab a smoked meat sandwich and some poutine, to wash it all down with a Molson’s Canadian. Then tomorrow I’m going to fly home to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I hope you go and do the same, Alexandra, because come November 26 you will have absolutely nothing to be thankful for.

{The scene fades to black.}