Post by "The Main Man" Chris Diamond on Nov 13, 2023 1:13:38 GMT
Viewer’s Disclaimer:
You’ve been warned.
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IT’S TIME FOR THE MANIAC MINUTE!!!! Featuring me, your host with the most, the voice from absolutely nowhere, the man some call Clarence, here to describe to you that thing you can see with your own eyes and boy am I excited today! The Main Man, the Maniac is coming off a huge thrashing against El Grande Malo and now he’s facing off against someone some would consider an actual opponent!
HIJI! Or is it HIYO? Or do I even care because I’m not going to pretend to pronounce your made up name. Real name’s probably Debra or something trashy like that and she’s too embarrassed to be announced as Debra hailing from some trailer park in the back waters of West Virginia.
What’s that? She’s Japanese? Great, just great. So her weird stupid name is probably her real weird stupid name and now some asshole is going to try and cancel me. Well you know what!? I don’t care anymore! I am so sick and goddamn tired of not saying stuff because some no backbone having piece of shit might find it offensive! #metoo? How about #don’t let your tits hang so far out of your shirt I don’t need to imagine what your nipples look like and every guy at the gym won’t hit on you!
FUCK!
I am so sick and tired of how pussified this world has become. You can’t even make a mildly racist joke anymore without someone somewhere somehow identifying with something in the joke. Think about this. We live in a world where people are attacking comedy legends like Dave Chappelle! DAVE CHAPPELLE! A black man who built himself from the ground up to become a comedy God and people are actually calling for him to be canceled and stripped of everything he’s earned.
That’s a whole hell of a lot of white privilege showing.
But where was I? OH! Hyping up the start of this promo that has me incredibly excited. You see, Chris Diamond isn’t the kind of guy who cares if he somehow offends you. Actually, he actively tries to offend you. Your anger makes him happy. And this week he’s going to go to a whole other level. So without further adieu, I give you the Main Man, the Maniac! The guy who kicked Rob Diamond’s balls into his throat!
CHRIS! DIAMOND! }
”GOD-DAMN! Let me just start by saying this. The only thing, THE ONLY THING better than hitting a woman is getting PAID TO HIT A WOMAN!”
{ You were warned. }
”Ever since Roberto decided to allow intergender wrestling I have been chomping at the bit to go toe to camel toe with one of these dumb fucking idiots who’ve been begging for this.”
{ He’s actually been writing letters requesting this. A lot of them. Like an unnatural amount of them. }
”First. How god-damn stupid do you have to be as a woman to think you can out wrestle a man my size. Second. How god-damn stupid do you have to be as a woman to actively request the opportunity to try and out wrestle a man like me. LOOK AT ME! I’m a god-damn giant compared to the women on this roster. Hell, maybe if one of you used to have a dick you’d stand a chance. But as far as the card carrying members of the period every month club goes? You stand about as good of a chance as any of the women Ted Bundy abducted did.”
{ So he’s just going for it. }
”ONE! One good right hand and I could know the block off any one of you uppity cunts.”
{ Everyone saw the disclaimer right? I am not responsible for this. }
”I don’t even have to pull out a wrestling move to win a match against a woman. Fuck, all I have to do is give you one good one upside the head and you’ll be pissing yourself in a puddle of your own tears. Usually it’s me paying to knock a bitch around but this time? It’s Verona paying me and GOD-DAMN that shit has me harder than concrete! We don’t even need a referee, this shit will be over before the bell is even finished ringing. GOD-DAM I cannot wait to see the looks from the crowd as I club this dumb bitch with my meat hook.”
{ He’s wearing the mask if I forgot to mention that earlier. }
”And what’s this bitches name? Hijou? All capitals? The fuck is that supposed to mean? Is that some sort of Japanese appetizer or something? I’m sure it means something, to god-damn weird of a name to not have some sort of double meaning. A double meaning I’m sure Hijou thinks is really fucking clever. But how clever is that shit going to be when you have two black eyes, laying in a hospital bed trying to figure out how you’ve been victimized by getting exactly what you asked for?”
{ She did sign up for this. }
”I’m sorry, am I supposed to be treating this like a real competition? Why? Because women are just as good as men? Nah, I don’t think so and I’m pretty sure everyone else silently agrees. There’s a reason trans men aren’t getting into the NFL.”
{ Probably don’t want to get snapped in half by a defensive tackle who’s six foot six and weighs nearly four hundred pounds. }
”There’s a fucking reason you only see trans women getting into generally male sports. Because real women just don’t have what it fucking takes to beat a real man. Hell, they don’t even have what it takes to beat a trans woman. Look at all those incredible trans women out there just fucking destroying traditional women at every turn. It’s fucking awe inspiring. I love it. I watch it religiously. I actively cheer that shit on. I’m sick of having to pretend women’s college basketball is actually interesting. Stick a trans woman in there, just dunking on all those other cunts and I’m in. That’s what I want to see. The fucking patriarchy putting these bitches in their fucking place.”
{ I refer you to - Viewer’s Disclaimer:
The following promo does not represent the IWF or its affiliates. If you have ever found yourself offended by anything Chris Diamond has had to say? This is not the promo for you. If you have ever found yourself offended by something you’ve seen on the internet? This is not the promo for you. If you have ever felt the need to tell someone that something they did or said offended you? This is not the promo for you. Do not watch it. Do not listen to it. Just continue on with your day living in a bubble and do not engage this promo.
You’ve been warned. }
”What’s their place, I hear you asking? Well their fucking place isn’t in a ring with the Main Man. It sure as shit isn’t in a ring with any man, even the weaker of the breed like Nick Danger. Their place is against their own kind because the only person a woman can beat straight up is another woman. At least that’s what the bachelor has taught me. But as far as wrestling a man goes? A real man at that, not one of those ones born in the wrong body? Women don’t stand a fucking chance. Your muscles aren’t made to keep up with ours. Your bodies aren’t strong enough. Men evolved to be hunter fucking gatherers and women? You evolved to have beautiful tits and bear children. Sure, you can compete against yourselves, that shit is fair but against me? You don’t stand a fucking chance.”
{ To be clear, the Main Man supports the trans community, he is your ally, do not gather your hordes and come for him. Just keep focusing on Riley Gaines and put that bitch back in her place. }
”Look Hijou, I’m sure you’re a fine athlete. I’m sure you make a mean dinner. I’m sure you’ll make some man’s parents really happy someday but you do not belong in that ring with me. You don’t belong anywhere near that ring with me. Now, anywhere else? Bedroom, bowling alley bathroom, the backseat of my rental car? That’s where you belong and if you aren’t doing anything after this match, black eyes actually turn me on.”
{ Don’t kink shame. }
”But in that ring? Nah. Nope. Nada. You shouldn’t be in there. I’m exactly the reason why Roberto Verona fought against intergender wrestling for so long. Me. Just me. Because he knew someone like me would see intergender wrestling as an opportunity to do to you in the ring what I love to do in the privacy of my own home.”
{ Allegedly. That isn’t an admission. }
”He knew someone like me would take intergender wrestling to its absolutely worst conclusion. He knew someone like me wouldn’t just get into the ring with a woman and wrestle a match, I’d make an example of the dumb cunt dumb enough to sign her name next to mine. He knew I’d get in there and just spousal abuse that bitch all over the ring to the point our sponsors would feel uncomfortable giving him their money. He knew that someone like me wouldn’t just wrestle a match and entertain the crowd, he knew I’d just have my way with whoever the set of tits is standing across from me to the point he’d probably be questioned by the police.”
{ Ok, I’m starting to get a little uncomfortable. }
”So what happens next isn’t on me. It’s on Verona and his absolute lack of a set of balls between his legs when people kept banging his door down for intergender wrestling. You should have fucking manned up, Verona. You should have fucking stood your ground. Because I am going to victimize the shit out of Hijou and you’re going to cut me a big fat check for doing it.”
{ Probably regretting his decision now. }
”As for you, Hijou, is it true what they say about Asian women? Is your shit really sideways? I’m eager to find out.”
{ This promo also doesn’t reflect my own personal opinions, thoughts or feelings… }
”Maybe I’ll beat a little Stockholm syndrome into you and we can get some hibachi after the match? What do you think? I’ve never hooked up with an Asian before and I’d love to break your back after I break your back, if you know what I mean?”
{ I kind of wish I didn’t. }
”Think it over. Or don’t. Either way I’m getting my rocks off Tuesday night. It’s just a question of if I paint a map of Asia on your face in the ring or back at the hotel. Makes no difference to me. I’m painting that fucking map whether you like it or not. And isn’t that what intergender wrestling is all about? Long live the patriarchy.”
{ Fade to fucking black, thankfully. }
Well howdy there pardner.