Post by Vivienne Daniels on Nov 13, 2023 5:42:32 GMT
Vivienne sat on the edge of the pool looking at her reflection. Tried to see if she really did look that different. She had her natural hair color back. She wasn't trying so hard to look like everything was perfectly fine anymore. She felt different. She felt like a snake shedding its skin or a butterfly coming out of it cocoon.
She didn't speak in a high octave anymore. She didn't pretend to only be interested in soft and sweet things. She was just being herself. She felt better. She felt stronger. She felt good.
"What do I want out of life?" Vivienne repeated the question her therapist had told her to focus on. She used to know the answer to that better than anything. She used to say it was to be married, have kids, the women's championship belt at least once, become a hall of famer.
But she had done all of those things...well, gotten engaged a couple times at least. Maybe her dating tastes were not perfect. Maybe she over committed too soon. Maybe she fell too hard. Maybe she fell for people who couldn't or wouldn't love her as deeply as she loved them.
But what did she want? Why was she back? She wanted to feel like she'd earned her place in history. She wanted to feel like the women's division was more than a second though. Something not shoved to the side. She wanted to be great. She wanted to be remembered as one of the greats.
But that was career. What did she want out of her life? Rowan told her to go after what she wanted. To stop caring about what other people thought. But could she really do that? As much as she had been deprograming herself from the side effects of her childhood and the things her father had done to her... how would se know what she actually wanted?
Other people figured that out. Rowan knew what she wanted. Astrid knew what she wanted. Brooklyn knew what she wanted. Vivienne had to figure that out... somehow.
"I was beginning to think people forgot about me. I mean, not as much as Alexandra seems to forget she's a champion of this company but what do I know? I mean, this is my job after all. And yeah, I get the being over worked part of things. I'm a mother to two toddler boys. I honestly don't know how to handle them and I have a co-parent most days."
"Training. Parenting. Trying to take care of myself. It's a lot of spinning plates. But that's why I only work at one company. Sure, IWF has never been super great at getting the women matches. They get shoved to the side every time the men have something going on. Heir to the throne? That's all we can focus on right now. The Roulette is coming up, sorry we don't have matches for you girls. Over and over again. How many belts do the guys have? How many do we have? Two if we count the intergender one."
"And Alexandra can't bebothered to make it a priority. That's something I've never understood about freelancers. You all want so bad to have yourself in as many companies as possible and grab as many belts as possible but heavens forbid you actually make something a priority. There is no brand loyalty. You just like coming into a place you think will be easy pickings and adding it to your twitter bio before leaving when things get hard. This was a fight Ulf and I had of course. He likes to freelance around himself. I like being loyal"
Vivienne rolls her eyes, "You're honestly pathetic. You are the worst kind of female wrestler. I mean you are skilled. You beat up what's his face. Knox or whatever. But once that was done you just kind of checked out. I want to think it's because you don't know what you want. Like you are looking at all the companies and trying to figure out which one you like best. I've had some soul searching. I've struggled to make choices and stuff. But you have to commit."
And Alexandria? You can't commit to shit. It's honestly embarrassing."
"I have to assume Nick is as annoyed by your lack of commitment as I am. He's got that old school wrestler vibe. I think our dads probably wrestled and had a beer together. I wish I could be excited to face him. Really test my limits and my strength. But I get the feeling it wont be as fun for me when It's just a contest of who gets to kick Alexandra's ass the hardest."
"Sorry if I am calling your shot there Nick. I have to assume. Maybe I'm wrong and it's all friendship is magic and team work dream work over there. But I doubt it. I bet you want to kick her ass too for ducking you."
"Oh...by the way? Who is gonna kick her ass harder? I mean, obviously Astrid. She hits like a tank. Plus she's all tall and war like. Weird Amazon Viking hybrid. But we work well together. We've been tag partners before. I've been on the receiving end of her bullshit. Not a fun time. But I think being in her corner and watching her go godzilla will be pretty fun."
She didn't speak in a high octave anymore. She didn't pretend to only be interested in soft and sweet things. She was just being herself. She felt better. She felt stronger. She felt good.
"What do I want out of life?" Vivienne repeated the question her therapist had told her to focus on. She used to know the answer to that better than anything. She used to say it was to be married, have kids, the women's championship belt at least once, become a hall of famer.
But she had done all of those things...well, gotten engaged a couple times at least. Maybe her dating tastes were not perfect. Maybe she over committed too soon. Maybe she fell too hard. Maybe she fell for people who couldn't or wouldn't love her as deeply as she loved them.
But what did she want? Why was she back? She wanted to feel like she'd earned her place in history. She wanted to feel like the women's division was more than a second though. Something not shoved to the side. She wanted to be great. She wanted to be remembered as one of the greats.
But that was career. What did she want out of her life? Rowan told her to go after what she wanted. To stop caring about what other people thought. But could she really do that? As much as she had been deprograming herself from the side effects of her childhood and the things her father had done to her... how would se know what she actually wanted?
Other people figured that out. Rowan knew what she wanted. Astrid knew what she wanted. Brooklyn knew what she wanted. Vivienne had to figure that out... somehow.
"I was beginning to think people forgot about me. I mean, not as much as Alexandra seems to forget she's a champion of this company but what do I know? I mean, this is my job after all. And yeah, I get the being over worked part of things. I'm a mother to two toddler boys. I honestly don't know how to handle them and I have a co-parent most days."
"Training. Parenting. Trying to take care of myself. It's a lot of spinning plates. But that's why I only work at one company. Sure, IWF has never been super great at getting the women matches. They get shoved to the side every time the men have something going on. Heir to the throne? That's all we can focus on right now. The Roulette is coming up, sorry we don't have matches for you girls. Over and over again. How many belts do the guys have? How many do we have? Two if we count the intergender one."
"And Alexandra can't bebothered to make it a priority. That's something I've never understood about freelancers. You all want so bad to have yourself in as many companies as possible and grab as many belts as possible but heavens forbid you actually make something a priority. There is no brand loyalty. You just like coming into a place you think will be easy pickings and adding it to your twitter bio before leaving when things get hard. This was a fight Ulf and I had of course. He likes to freelance around himself. I like being loyal"
Vivienne rolls her eyes, "You're honestly pathetic. You are the worst kind of female wrestler. I mean you are skilled. You beat up what's his face. Knox or whatever. But once that was done you just kind of checked out. I want to think it's because you don't know what you want. Like you are looking at all the companies and trying to figure out which one you like best. I've had some soul searching. I've struggled to make choices and stuff. But you have to commit."
And Alexandria? You can't commit to shit. It's honestly embarrassing."
"I have to assume Nick is as annoyed by your lack of commitment as I am. He's got that old school wrestler vibe. I think our dads probably wrestled and had a beer together. I wish I could be excited to face him. Really test my limits and my strength. But I get the feeling it wont be as fun for me when It's just a contest of who gets to kick Alexandra's ass the hardest."
"Sorry if I am calling your shot there Nick. I have to assume. Maybe I'm wrong and it's all friendship is magic and team work dream work over there. But I doubt it. I bet you want to kick her ass too for ducking you."
"Oh...by the way? Who is gonna kick her ass harder? I mean, obviously Astrid. She hits like a tank. Plus she's all tall and war like. Weird Amazon Viking hybrid. But we work well together. We've been tag partners before. I've been on the receiving end of her bullshit. Not a fun time. But I think being in her corner and watching her go godzilla will be pretty fun."
Well howdy there pardner.