Post by Vivienne Rodgers on Jan 8, 2024 5:33:42 GMT
Vivienne closed the last box of holiday décor sitting down on top of it, breathing a sigh of relief. She remembered when she was a child and saw all the movies and tv shows about Christmas she'd cried and begged to have that too. Her father had never been much beyond the bare setup for Hanukah. She loved her faith, she wasn't always exactly what a good Jewish girl should be but she knew she never wanted her boys to feel deprived just because Christmas was everywhere. It was never going to compete with Home Alone or anything like that. But if she'd had to make the house look like a Jewish Hallmark movie threw up in her house from Hanukah until January.... some things were worth the extra work.
"You went all out on this, huh?" Dawn sat next to her on the floor of the attic, "fucking hell. How many blue and White things can a bitch buy?"
"I went overboard, I know."
"Overcompensating."
"It's the first holidays that their wasn't a Dad here. I just...I didn't want them to be sad."
"Is that why you went to Divorced Christmas and The Hall-Freeman-Kane Christmas too despite being Jewish?" Dawn handed Viv a beer as they both caught their breath, "I assume there was something at the Murder house as well? Sacrificing a goat and spinning your heads around?"
"Actually it was pretty low key, but yeah...I just didn't want to disappoint the boys."
"Can i ask the personal question now?" Dawn asked taking a sip of her beer.
"About if Ulf wasn't the father who was?"
"I assume you have an idea."
"I do. Like... yeah I was having a hot girl summer but...the time frame only one person makes sense." Viv took a swig of the beer and made a face.
"Share with the class."
"You...you know that big Australian guy who hangs around the medical offices sometimes?"
"...The one dating the lady doctor with the nice legs? Nicole or something?" Dawn gave Viv a dirty look.
"It's not what you think. I was being a whore bu not a homewrecker. They invited me for a...threesome."
"...You're kidding."
"I'm not."
"You had a...a threesome?"
"Technically my second threesome."
"WHO ELSE DID YOU HAVE A THREESOME WITH?"
"Keep your voice down, oh my god."
"Vivienne. Tell me. Please? Please please please."
"Well...technically Xavier and … Dean Harper..."
"You slut!" Dawn grinned madly, "Oh my god, does Warren know?"
"I don't know. They were broken up. Maxine had just died. It was grief sex and mostly I was only there as an excuse for it not to be gay. We never talked about it after."
"You have to tell me all the details. About both."
I am not going to tell you anything more about my slutty period, you are too hyped up about it."
"I promise I can keep a secret."
"I doubt Cyrus has even thought twice about me since it happened. It was also a...like two ships passing in the night. It was great, don't get me wrong. But it was clearly just an excuse for Nicole to try dominating someone else. A kink for them and I guess kids for me. I don't want to force myself into their relationship just because i got knocked up. Their happy and I'm...figuring out how to give the boys good male influences some other way."
"So you haven't told him?"
"I wasn't sure. I thought Ulf was the father. Cross my heart. And now... I just don't want to be a homewrecker."
"I haven't had shit for luck lately. Two loses back to back. Don't love that for myself. I wonder if its because I'm still holding back too much. If I'm just not pushing myself enough? Am I holding back the rage? Is the rage not enough?"
"Hijou... I watched some of your material. Looks like no one's heard from you in a bit. You had some pretty good victories. Let's see if you can get another one. Now is as good a time as any for you, right? I've lost two. The murder isn't doing what it set out to do. Brooklyn might be dethroned, you could be the one to beat me and maybe that would be enough to get rid of us all. come on. That's got to sound good even to you. You're not obsessed with saving anyone or fighting the bad guys. But it has to sound like a nice brag, doesn't it?"
"Sorry to disappoint. I will not bow down yet. I will fight with every will. Fight every man, women or other even if its my last breath. I will fight alongside my sisters, I will be the first one in the ring, and I sure as hell am going to be the last one leaving with a smile, knowing that I made you regret it." Vivienne presses a hand to her shoulder, "I went through a childhood of hell. I don't care if everyone knows I was never the innocent good girl. I tried. I tried to be that image. But I don't have to pretend to me that to try and erase what my father and grandfather did to me. I can just be myself. And who the fuck I am is a fighter. Beaten but not down. prepare for the beat down of a century, Hijou."
"My father told me i had an ugliness inside me. He told me that I was a slut and a whore. That what he did wasn't his choice but what I deserved. That I can't blame anyone but myself for what happened. Therapists said to not blame myself. Not to hold on to what I feel. That I can't let the anger control me. I need to let go of my hatred and grudges. Or my heart won't be pure. Fuck pure. Fuck healing. Fuck secrets. Fuck protecting a legacy that poison's me. Fuck all of it. no more holding back. No more trying to go back. No more half steps."
"You went all out on this, huh?" Dawn sat next to her on the floor of the attic, "fucking hell. How many blue and White things can a bitch buy?"
"I went overboard, I know."
"Overcompensating."
"It's the first holidays that their wasn't a Dad here. I just...I didn't want them to be sad."
"Is that why you went to Divorced Christmas and The Hall-Freeman-Kane Christmas too despite being Jewish?" Dawn handed Viv a beer as they both caught their breath, "I assume there was something at the Murder house as well? Sacrificing a goat and spinning your heads around?"
"Actually it was pretty low key, but yeah...I just didn't want to disappoint the boys."
"Can i ask the personal question now?" Dawn asked taking a sip of her beer.
"About if Ulf wasn't the father who was?"
"I assume you have an idea."
"I do. Like... yeah I was having a hot girl summer but...the time frame only one person makes sense." Viv took a swig of the beer and made a face.
"Share with the class."
"You...you know that big Australian guy who hangs around the medical offices sometimes?"
"...The one dating the lady doctor with the nice legs? Nicole or something?" Dawn gave Viv a dirty look.
"It's not what you think. I was being a whore bu not a homewrecker. They invited me for a...threesome."
"...You're kidding."
"I'm not."
"You had a...a threesome?"
"Technically my second threesome."
"WHO ELSE DID YOU HAVE A THREESOME WITH?"
"Keep your voice down, oh my god."
"Vivienne. Tell me. Please? Please please please."
"Well...technically Xavier and … Dean Harper..."
"You slut!" Dawn grinned madly, "Oh my god, does Warren know?"
"I don't know. They were broken up. Maxine had just died. It was grief sex and mostly I was only there as an excuse for it not to be gay. We never talked about it after."
"You have to tell me all the details. About both."
I am not going to tell you anything more about my slutty period, you are too hyped up about it."
"I promise I can keep a secret."
"I doubt Cyrus has even thought twice about me since it happened. It was also a...like two ships passing in the night. It was great, don't get me wrong. But it was clearly just an excuse for Nicole to try dominating someone else. A kink for them and I guess kids for me. I don't want to force myself into their relationship just because i got knocked up. Their happy and I'm...figuring out how to give the boys good male influences some other way."
"So you haven't told him?"
"I wasn't sure. I thought Ulf was the father. Cross my heart. And now... I just don't want to be a homewrecker."
"I haven't had shit for luck lately. Two loses back to back. Don't love that for myself. I wonder if its because I'm still holding back too much. If I'm just not pushing myself enough? Am I holding back the rage? Is the rage not enough?"
"Hijou... I watched some of your material. Looks like no one's heard from you in a bit. You had some pretty good victories. Let's see if you can get another one. Now is as good a time as any for you, right? I've lost two. The murder isn't doing what it set out to do. Brooklyn might be dethroned, you could be the one to beat me and maybe that would be enough to get rid of us all. come on. That's got to sound good even to you. You're not obsessed with saving anyone or fighting the bad guys. But it has to sound like a nice brag, doesn't it?"
"Sorry to disappoint. I will not bow down yet. I will fight with every will. Fight every man, women or other even if its my last breath. I will fight alongside my sisters, I will be the first one in the ring, and I sure as hell am going to be the last one leaving with a smile, knowing that I made you regret it." Vivienne presses a hand to her shoulder, "I went through a childhood of hell. I don't care if everyone knows I was never the innocent good girl. I tried. I tried to be that image. But I don't have to pretend to me that to try and erase what my father and grandfather did to me. I can just be myself. And who the fuck I am is a fighter. Beaten but not down. prepare for the beat down of a century, Hijou."
"My father told me i had an ugliness inside me. He told me that I was a slut and a whore. That what he did wasn't his choice but what I deserved. That I can't blame anyone but myself for what happened. Therapists said to not blame myself. Not to hold on to what I feel. That I can't let the anger control me. I need to let go of my hatred and grudges. Or my heart won't be pure. Fuck pure. Fuck healing. Fuck secrets. Fuck protecting a legacy that poison's me. Fuck all of it. no more holding back. No more trying to go back. No more half steps."