Post by J-TV on Mar 10, 2024 9:02:19 GMT
The following is a special broadcast of
The views and opinions expressed therein do not represent those of the Imperial Wrestling Federation or its staff.
Sweeping, upbeat music blares as the camera shakily swoops down and around a wide mahogany desk underneath a spotlight in an otherwise poorly fashioned news studio. The neon pink cardboard backdrop behind the desk is scribbled with buzzwords with little to no meaning, such as "News!" "Exciting!" "Breaking!" "Information!" and "Wow!"
At the desk sits a man in a garishly blue suit jacket with long brown hair tied into a haphazard ponytail that hangs off to one side. He clicks the stack of blank papers in his hands on the desk and flashes an award-winning smile at the camera, which zooms in to capture those perfect, pearlescent whites.
"Hello and welcome to tonight's edition of J-TV news! Bringing you all the news, when it's news, if it's news! I'm Jason... Hathaway, coming to you live from that building that used to be a Taco Bell. Not that nice one you liked, the one that was mashed together with a Long John Silver's. Now, for tonight's headlines!"
Jason spins to the left in his chair, and the cameraman quickly strafes along with him to keep him center and facing forward. The IWF logo appears beside Hathaway's head as he leans forward and continues to speak.
"Our top story tonight: Renowned and historic wrestling promotion IWF, which stands for Imperial Wrestling Federation, botched the name of their biggest signing in years this past Tuesday night on their Bi-Weekly "Odyssey" program. The signing, Jason "J-TV" Hathaway, was constantly referred to as 'Jason Hawthorne' both by the matches commentators, and the ring announcer. Rumors speculate that perhaps The IWF doesn't realize the magnitude of talent that they've disrespected."
Jason tilts his head towards the camera, a dire look settling on his face as he brings a hand to the side of his mouth, as if he's sharing a dark secret with his dear, loyal viewers.
"Some people, dear viewers, have gone so far as to demand a civil suit be filed against the IWF for this reprehensible transgression."
The sound of canned gasping plays over the speakers, as Jason opens his mouth to continue. Instead, he pauses. His eyes dart somewhere behind the camera, perhaps to the man behind it. There's an awkward silence hanging in the air as Hathaway leans back in his seat, shaking his head to Robbie behind the camera, a look of restrained anger barely held behind the tightened muscles of his face.
"You know what? No. Let me get real with you all for a second."
Hathaway tosses aside the stack of papers, standing up from the desk as they dramatically rain down around him. He rips the suit jacket from his body and crumples into a ball, dropping it on the floor as the camera zooms out, following him as he walks around the desk to stand in front of it.
"Hawthorne. Jason Hawthorne. That's what Iyo Kenshin called me, that's what Rayne called me. Surprisingly, the only person who's gotten my name right since I got here is this this... 'TJ Alexander' dork. More on him in a second. Now, maybe we all got off on the wrong foot here. Maybe the IWF, maybe the other guys and gals in the back think "This J-TV guy, he's a goof. He's gonna run around in his undies and film funny videos. I don't need to take him seriously." Maybe, you think that you can -disrespect- me."
There is no humor or sarcasm in Jason's face; He sneers at the camera as he speaks, bubbling anger turning his skin a shade of pink as he points behind him to the news set.
"I do this, these skits, because none of you have the balls to not take yourselves so damned seriously. If you're going to make me sit backstage and watch your Real Housewives bullshit segments every week without mercy, then I'm going to spice things up, and do what I can to make these shows worth watching. But I am not a joke. There's no punchline to J-TV. You're going to call me by my goddamned name, or I am going to make the 'punchline' my fist halfway down your throat."
There's a mutter of concern from Robbie the Camera Guy, but Jason holds up a hand and shushes him.
"TJ Alexander. I feel for you, buddy. You're obviously... Not the brightest bulb in the box. I've seen you in the ring, you're pretty sharp! But if you're going to come at me, if you're going to try and out-talk J-TV, you need to do better than that, 'bruv'. It almost sounded like you couldn't decide if you'd rather focus on the very real challenge you have ahead of you, or if you wanted to stamp your feet and whine about how you haven't had your 'shot' yet. How you aren't 'favored.'
Jason makes a rather obscene gesture with a closed fist, rolling his eyes at TJ's bitching and moaning.
Lemme tell you what I think, Teej. I think you're an entitled dweeb who's spent so much time up his own ass he doesn't know which way is out anymore. You wanna talk about how overlooked you are? If you weren't on the damned roster page, nobody would know you exist! You wanna makes waves, you gotta turn the volume up, brother. You gotta make 'em feel the waves the way I make em' feel the waves. End of the day, I have nothing against you, buddy boy, but unfortunately, I have to make an example out of you. At Sacrifice, I am going to display, in graphic detail, what happens when you disrespect Jason Hathaway. When you disrespect..."
"J. T. V."
"Our top story tonight: Renowned and historic wrestling promotion IWF, which stands for Imperial Wrestling Federation, botched the name of their biggest signing in years this past Tuesday night on their Bi-Weekly "Odyssey" program. The signing, Jason "J-TV" Hathaway, was constantly referred to as 'Jason Hawthorne' both by the matches commentators, and the ring announcer. Rumors speculate that perhaps The IWF doesn't realize the magnitude of talent that they've disrespected."
Jason tilts his head towards the camera, a dire look settling on his face as he brings a hand to the side of his mouth, as if he's sharing a dark secret with his dear, loyal viewers.
"Some people, dear viewers, have gone so far as to demand a civil suit be filed against the IWF for this reprehensible transgression."
The sound of canned gasping plays over the speakers, as Jason opens his mouth to continue. Instead, he pauses. His eyes dart somewhere behind the camera, perhaps to the man behind it. There's an awkward silence hanging in the air as Hathaway leans back in his seat, shaking his head to Robbie behind the camera, a look of restrained anger barely held behind the tightened muscles of his face.
"You know what? No. Let me get real with you all for a second."
Hathaway tosses aside the stack of papers, standing up from the desk as they dramatically rain down around him. He rips the suit jacket from his body and crumples into a ball, dropping it on the floor as the camera zooms out, following him as he walks around the desk to stand in front of it.
"Hawthorne. Jason Hawthorne. That's what Iyo Kenshin called me, that's what Rayne called me. Surprisingly, the only person who's gotten my name right since I got here is this this... 'TJ Alexander' dork. More on him in a second. Now, maybe we all got off on the wrong foot here. Maybe the IWF, maybe the other guys and gals in the back think "This J-TV guy, he's a goof. He's gonna run around in his undies and film funny videos. I don't need to take him seriously." Maybe, you think that you can -disrespect- me."
There is no humor or sarcasm in Jason's face; He sneers at the camera as he speaks, bubbling anger turning his skin a shade of pink as he points behind him to the news set.
"I do this, these skits, because none of you have the balls to not take yourselves so damned seriously. If you're going to make me sit backstage and watch your Real Housewives bullshit segments every week without mercy, then I'm going to spice things up, and do what I can to make these shows worth watching. But I am not a joke. There's no punchline to J-TV. You're going to call me by my goddamned name, or I am going to make the 'punchline' my fist halfway down your throat."
There's a mutter of concern from Robbie the Camera Guy, but Jason holds up a hand and shushes him.
"TJ Alexander. I feel for you, buddy. You're obviously... Not the brightest bulb in the box. I've seen you in the ring, you're pretty sharp! But if you're going to come at me, if you're going to try and out-talk J-TV, you need to do better than that, 'bruv'. It almost sounded like you couldn't decide if you'd rather focus on the very real challenge you have ahead of you, or if you wanted to stamp your feet and whine about how you haven't had your 'shot' yet. How you aren't 'favored.'
Jason makes a rather obscene gesture with a closed fist, rolling his eyes at TJ's bitching and moaning.
Lemme tell you what I think, Teej. I think you're an entitled dweeb who's spent so much time up his own ass he doesn't know which way is out anymore. You wanna talk about how overlooked you are? If you weren't on the damned roster page, nobody would know you exist! You wanna makes waves, you gotta turn the volume up, brother. You gotta make 'em feel the waves the way I make em' feel the waves. End of the day, I have nothing against you, buddy boy, but unfortunately, I have to make an example out of you. At Sacrifice, I am going to display, in graphic detail, what happens when you disrespect Jason Hathaway. When you disrespect..."
"J. T. V."
Well howdy there pardner.