Post by Dean Harper on Mar 13, 2024 3:16:50 GMT
The police had arrived promptly. They had separated Warren and Dean almost immediately. They’d likely gone over every inch of the warehouse for evidence while Dean had sat in the room for questioning. He was sure Warren was somewhere being questioned too. It seemed like Warren had been smart enough to call IWF’s lawyers to help deflect anything from any possible breaking and entering charges. One call to Hannah Reed had ended that particular anxiety.
Privately Dean wished that’s all they had questioned him about. B&E would have been preferable to have to go over who he was, how he knew Uriel Black, and what had happened. They’d made him go over the details over and over again. They asked so many invasive questions all under the excuse of ‘wanting the full story’.
Dean spent hours reliving hell. They even made him identify which one of the videos was him. He threw up a couple of times and they didn’t let up until they were sure they had everything. The lawyer Roberto’s money paid for did her best to keep it brief and just on the current situation, not divert to what his sexual history was.
When he was released with a promise to come back and testify when and if it went to court. He knew he looked like hammered shit. Seeing Warren waiting for him made him push past the decorum of their failing marriage and just hugged Warren fully, needing comfort. Warren embraced him tightly. Dean broke down for the first time in front of another person crying hard against Warren’s chest not caring about needing to be strong or any of it. He just couldn’t hold it in anymore, needing all the hate, anger, depression, and anxiety out of his body as he cried. Warren held him whilst Dean cried, rubbing his back in the way that he remembered always soothed Dean in their more tender moments together. After a while, Dean stood up wiping his eyes, “I got your shirt wet.”
“Compared to everything else we’ve been through the last few days, the state of my shirt is the least of our worries, Sweetheart.”
“They say I can go. Can you go?”
“Yeah,” Warren said. “They just had more questions for me because I accessed the cunt’s computer, you know?”
“They didn’t… make you watch any of it right?”
“Oh God no, thankfully just asked if he had been interested in me like that, I was happy to tell them absolutely fucking not.”
Dean felt too raw to deal with the smug way he felt Warren gave that information, “Thank you… for being here. I know you didn’t have to be with the roulette and all. I appreciate it.”
“This is more important than a match I’ve never won, and might not win again this year.”
“You might win.”
“Sure, but the Roulette has an element of luck around it too, and if these past few days have been any indication, I’m shit out of luck, right now.”
“So make your own luck,” Dean said as they walked towards where the rental car was parked. “I am…sorry that I’ve tried so long to pretend this didn’t affect me that it ate our marriage.”
“I won’t lie, it always bugged me, but after he was fired, I thought we’d never see justice.”
“Yeah, justice.” Dean didn’t believe in the justice system as much as Warren seemed to. In the States, Dean knew how it would turn into a long trial where some lawyer will spend the whole trial convincing the jury he had driven Uriel insane and Dean was a slut who was asking for it. But maybe things were different here. “Maybe I’ll luck out and he’ll take a plea deal so I don’t have to testify and relive it again.”
“He shouldn’t get off that easy, not after everything we found.” Warren said, “Besides if over 20 Seasons of Law and Order SVU has taught me anything, it’s that plea deals are more an American tradition, here, a trial is far more likely.”
“Are the courts in the UK better for victims of this stuff?”
“Honestly, about the same as The States,” Warren said. “Harder for male victims, generally.”
“Awesome, love that for me. So all this trauma and it might not mean dick at all. Well, I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it I guess.”
“Yeah, that’s for later. Maybe they’ll have enough to put him away without us.”
“Hope so.” Dean took another hit off his vape, “Let’s just get to the airport. I miss Damien.”
Warren offered his hand to Dean, but said nothing. His presence was more important than his words right now. Dean knew it didn’t mean anything but did take it as they walked to the car. Warren got in the driver’s seat and Dean looked out the window as they drove. He had no real desire to fill the silence this time like he had before. Talking wasn’t going to make what happened less painful. If he talked he was pretty sure he was only going to make things worse. This was their last time together one on one. Dean hadn’t expected anything to change between them on this trip. Divorce was likely still on the horizon, only now there was the mix of his own resurging codependency and Warren’s likely guilt about Dean being too fragile to leave. “My therapist is going to have a field day on Wednesday.”
“Yeah, no shit.” Warren said. “For the first time in my life, I don’t envy you. I can’t even imagine how you bring up the idea of a murder-rapist being so completely obsessed with you that he made each of his victims become you for his sick and twisted fantasies. I thought that shit only happened in movies, I didn’t ask to fucking live it in real life.”
“Pretty easy with my current therapist. She’ll ask if anything has happened since last week. I’ll say, oh well that match I had against my rapist went well. Afterward, I went with my estranged husband to Scotland and, found his torture sex dungeon, and found out he has been obsessing over me and becoming a serial killer, now I have to prepare myself to be called a slut who asked for it and drove him to do it. How was your weekend?”
Warren laughed, genuinely as he looked over at Dean and for a moment was reminded exactly why he had been so easily seduced by him, it was Dean’s dark sense of humour. His amazing ability to face the most horrific of circumstances and still be able to laugh and joke. Warren wasn’t like that, Warren’s emotions would eat him alive if he dropped his guard for even one second and allowed himself to confront what he really felt.
“Guess it will be harder for you to bring up. Not that you’ve shared alot about the guy you see but I’m sure he’s more of a go over every detail guy.”
“Oh, I was already advised by Hannah not to bring up any of this at work, something about bad publicity for the company, and Dr Griffiths is a IWF mandated therapist for me so I don’t intend to give him a blow by blow of any of this. Especially as it’s not even really my shit to deal with. The worst thing Uriel ever did to me was convince me that you slept with him willingly, and that feels so Goddamn inconsequential now compared to the truth of the matter. You have my word I will not bring it up at work in promos and shit. This is not the kind of shit we ever need to pull to sell a fucking match, no matter how personal we get. Agreed?”
“Agreed. You’re not who I’m worried about bringing it up.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll hit the news cycle eventually, but when it does, if any of our colleagues use it against you, I’ll make them eat the business end of a sledgehammer again, just like I made Uriel at Odyssey. If I had known then what I know now, I’d have murdered him live on TV and then we’d be even on professional wrestling in ring deaths, at least.”
“You don’t have to. You shouldn’t have to keep being dragged into my shit. I know you wanted freedom.” Dean kept looking out the window as they drove.
“Freedom to be myself in our relationship, yes,” Warren said. “This is a little different, though, honey. This is about doing the right thing, morally. This is about standing up to abuse and protecting the vulnerable. If I can’t do that, I’m not human.”
“I appreciate wanting to protect me.” Dean took the comment with grace, tried not to take offense. It was an offer of support, nothing more. “Thank you.”
“You've spent so many years protecting me without even so much as a thank you. I’ve taken you for granted all this time. I need to be better, I need to do better. That starts now. Whatever happens between us personally from here, it won’t change the fact that when it really comes down to it, you’ve always been there for me. Now I get to return the favour, even though I wish it was under far less fucked up circumstances.”
Dean felt the urge to cry again and wiped his eyes reflexively. He was not going to unload all the raw emotions he was feeling at Warren right now. None of it changed or meant anything, “I… At some point I will likely unload some feelings about this. I can’t now but I appreciate you saying that.”
“Well, I mean it,” Warren said. “And I’m not pushing for an emotional conversation right now, but when you’re ready to talk, I will be here to listen. I promise, no more disappearing on you, just because I can’t handle my shit. You deserve better than that.”
“Regardless of how we as a couple end up, I do want you to be in Damien’s life. So I appreciate the willingness to be open to an emotional conversation.” Dean took a deep breath, “I’m just kinda drained right now.”
“Understandable,” Warren said. “It really is a fucked up situation and I’m sorry for everything that cunt put you through.”
“I’m sorry for not processing it and letting it fester and bleed all over the place. I should have gotten serious about therapy years ago.” Dean watched as the pulled into the airport, glancing over at Warren for the first time since they got in the car.
“Yeah well, we are both stubborn in our own ways, I guess.”
“We are. I’m sorry. I know I can’t be back to who I was before he took me, no matter how hard I try. I guess I just assumed if I didn't talk about it then I wouldn’t change. That wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry I keep talking about things you don’t remember. Neither one of us can ever be who we were before…I need to stop assuming if I tried hard enough I’d fix us both. I need to be better at respecting your boundaries.” Dean watched a plane take off over their heads as Warren pulled into a parking spot for the rental car. “You deserved better.”
“Thank you for your honesty,” Warren said, holding Dean’s gaze for a moment, as they just sat in the parked rental. Warren yawned involuntarily, hand to mouth. “Sorry, excuse me. I just wish it hadn’t taken something like this for us both to really open up to each other. If we had these kinds of genuine heart-to-hearts more often, I’d never have asked for a separation, you know?”
“Separation is probably what we needed to figure our shit out.” Dean was the first to break eye contact, “We should get checked in.”
Warren reached across, a thumb under Dean’s chin, lifting him up to hold eye contact so Dean knew this was important. “We can always catch the next flight, I just need to know you’re okay first, Sweetness.”
Looking into Warren’s eyes the urge to kiss him, to push aside all the trauma and pain to chase one last moment of bliss with the love of his life, it wouldn’t be the first time they’d made love in a parked car at an airport. It might even feel like it used to, it might even feel better. But it wouldn’t be real, it wouldn’t mean anything then attempting to place a bandaid over a bullet wound.
“No,” Dean said softly, “But I’ll survive. I always do.”
“Yeah, survive,” Warren sighed softly, “That’s what we do best.”
“If we miss the flight I’ll have a hard time talking myself out of making a bad decision right at this moment.” Dean admitted, “You deserve better than that.”
“Do I?” Warren said, “After the way I’ve treated you these last few months, I’m not sure that’s true. But thank you for saying it anyway. It means a lot.” Warren kissed him on the cheek softly. “You deserve so much better too, even if it isn’t me.”
“I’m not making any major life decisions for at least a week from now.” Dean leaned in, almost tempted to throw his resolve away and do something drastic before pulling away. “We should go.”
“Yeah, let’s.”
Privately Dean wished that’s all they had questioned him about. B&E would have been preferable to have to go over who he was, how he knew Uriel Black, and what had happened. They’d made him go over the details over and over again. They asked so many invasive questions all under the excuse of ‘wanting the full story’.
Dean spent hours reliving hell. They even made him identify which one of the videos was him. He threw up a couple of times and they didn’t let up until they were sure they had everything. The lawyer Roberto’s money paid for did her best to keep it brief and just on the current situation, not divert to what his sexual history was.
When he was released with a promise to come back and testify when and if it went to court. He knew he looked like hammered shit. Seeing Warren waiting for him made him push past the decorum of their failing marriage and just hugged Warren fully, needing comfort. Warren embraced him tightly. Dean broke down for the first time in front of another person crying hard against Warren’s chest not caring about needing to be strong or any of it. He just couldn’t hold it in anymore, needing all the hate, anger, depression, and anxiety out of his body as he cried. Warren held him whilst Dean cried, rubbing his back in the way that he remembered always soothed Dean in their more tender moments together. After a while, Dean stood up wiping his eyes, “I got your shirt wet.”
“Compared to everything else we’ve been through the last few days, the state of my shirt is the least of our worries, Sweetheart.”
“They say I can go. Can you go?”
“Yeah,” Warren said. “They just had more questions for me because I accessed the cunt’s computer, you know?”
“They didn’t… make you watch any of it right?”
“Oh God no, thankfully just asked if he had been interested in me like that, I was happy to tell them absolutely fucking not.”
Dean felt too raw to deal with the smug way he felt Warren gave that information, “Thank you… for being here. I know you didn’t have to be with the roulette and all. I appreciate it.”
“This is more important than a match I’ve never won, and might not win again this year.”
“You might win.”
“Sure, but the Roulette has an element of luck around it too, and if these past few days have been any indication, I’m shit out of luck, right now.”
“So make your own luck,” Dean said as they walked towards where the rental car was parked. “I am…sorry that I’ve tried so long to pretend this didn’t affect me that it ate our marriage.”
“I won’t lie, it always bugged me, but after he was fired, I thought we’d never see justice.”
“Yeah, justice.” Dean didn’t believe in the justice system as much as Warren seemed to. In the States, Dean knew how it would turn into a long trial where some lawyer will spend the whole trial convincing the jury he had driven Uriel insane and Dean was a slut who was asking for it. But maybe things were different here. “Maybe I’ll luck out and he’ll take a plea deal so I don’t have to testify and relive it again.”
“He shouldn’t get off that easy, not after everything we found.” Warren said, “Besides if over 20 Seasons of Law and Order SVU has taught me anything, it’s that plea deals are more an American tradition, here, a trial is far more likely.”
“Are the courts in the UK better for victims of this stuff?”
“Honestly, about the same as The States,” Warren said. “Harder for male victims, generally.”
“Awesome, love that for me. So all this trauma and it might not mean dick at all. Well, I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it I guess.”
“Yeah, that’s for later. Maybe they’ll have enough to put him away without us.”
“Hope so.” Dean took another hit off his vape, “Let’s just get to the airport. I miss Damien.”
Warren offered his hand to Dean, but said nothing. His presence was more important than his words right now. Dean knew it didn’t mean anything but did take it as they walked to the car. Warren got in the driver’s seat and Dean looked out the window as they drove. He had no real desire to fill the silence this time like he had before. Talking wasn’t going to make what happened less painful. If he talked he was pretty sure he was only going to make things worse. This was their last time together one on one. Dean hadn’t expected anything to change between them on this trip. Divorce was likely still on the horizon, only now there was the mix of his own resurging codependency and Warren’s likely guilt about Dean being too fragile to leave. “My therapist is going to have a field day on Wednesday.”
“Yeah, no shit.” Warren said. “For the first time in my life, I don’t envy you. I can’t even imagine how you bring up the idea of a murder-rapist being so completely obsessed with you that he made each of his victims become you for his sick and twisted fantasies. I thought that shit only happened in movies, I didn’t ask to fucking live it in real life.”
“Pretty easy with my current therapist. She’ll ask if anything has happened since last week. I’ll say, oh well that match I had against my rapist went well. Afterward, I went with my estranged husband to Scotland and, found his torture sex dungeon, and found out he has been obsessing over me and becoming a serial killer, now I have to prepare myself to be called a slut who asked for it and drove him to do it. How was your weekend?”
Warren laughed, genuinely as he looked over at Dean and for a moment was reminded exactly why he had been so easily seduced by him, it was Dean’s dark sense of humour. His amazing ability to face the most horrific of circumstances and still be able to laugh and joke. Warren wasn’t like that, Warren’s emotions would eat him alive if he dropped his guard for even one second and allowed himself to confront what he really felt.
“Guess it will be harder for you to bring up. Not that you’ve shared alot about the guy you see but I’m sure he’s more of a go over every detail guy.”
“Oh, I was already advised by Hannah not to bring up any of this at work, something about bad publicity for the company, and Dr Griffiths is a IWF mandated therapist for me so I don’t intend to give him a blow by blow of any of this. Especially as it’s not even really my shit to deal with. The worst thing Uriel ever did to me was convince me that you slept with him willingly, and that feels so Goddamn inconsequential now compared to the truth of the matter. You have my word I will not bring it up at work in promos and shit. This is not the kind of shit we ever need to pull to sell a fucking match, no matter how personal we get. Agreed?”
“Agreed. You’re not who I’m worried about bringing it up.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll hit the news cycle eventually, but when it does, if any of our colleagues use it against you, I’ll make them eat the business end of a sledgehammer again, just like I made Uriel at Odyssey. If I had known then what I know now, I’d have murdered him live on TV and then we’d be even on professional wrestling in ring deaths, at least.”
“You don’t have to. You shouldn’t have to keep being dragged into my shit. I know you wanted freedom.” Dean kept looking out the window as they drove.
“Freedom to be myself in our relationship, yes,” Warren said. “This is a little different, though, honey. This is about doing the right thing, morally. This is about standing up to abuse and protecting the vulnerable. If I can’t do that, I’m not human.”
“I appreciate wanting to protect me.” Dean took the comment with grace, tried not to take offense. It was an offer of support, nothing more. “Thank you.”
“You've spent so many years protecting me without even so much as a thank you. I’ve taken you for granted all this time. I need to be better, I need to do better. That starts now. Whatever happens between us personally from here, it won’t change the fact that when it really comes down to it, you’ve always been there for me. Now I get to return the favour, even though I wish it was under far less fucked up circumstances.”
Dean felt the urge to cry again and wiped his eyes reflexively. He was not going to unload all the raw emotions he was feeling at Warren right now. None of it changed or meant anything, “I… At some point I will likely unload some feelings about this. I can’t now but I appreciate you saying that.”
“Well, I mean it,” Warren said. “And I’m not pushing for an emotional conversation right now, but when you’re ready to talk, I will be here to listen. I promise, no more disappearing on you, just because I can’t handle my shit. You deserve better than that.”
“Regardless of how we as a couple end up, I do want you to be in Damien’s life. So I appreciate the willingness to be open to an emotional conversation.” Dean took a deep breath, “I’m just kinda drained right now.”
“Understandable,” Warren said. “It really is a fucked up situation and I’m sorry for everything that cunt put you through.”
“I’m sorry for not processing it and letting it fester and bleed all over the place. I should have gotten serious about therapy years ago.” Dean watched as the pulled into the airport, glancing over at Warren for the first time since they got in the car.
“Yeah well, we are both stubborn in our own ways, I guess.”
“We are. I’m sorry. I know I can’t be back to who I was before he took me, no matter how hard I try. I guess I just assumed if I didn't talk about it then I wouldn’t change. That wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry I keep talking about things you don’t remember. Neither one of us can ever be who we were before…I need to stop assuming if I tried hard enough I’d fix us both. I need to be better at respecting your boundaries.” Dean watched a plane take off over their heads as Warren pulled into a parking spot for the rental car. “You deserved better.”
“Thank you for your honesty,” Warren said, holding Dean’s gaze for a moment, as they just sat in the parked rental. Warren yawned involuntarily, hand to mouth. “Sorry, excuse me. I just wish it hadn’t taken something like this for us both to really open up to each other. If we had these kinds of genuine heart-to-hearts more often, I’d never have asked for a separation, you know?”
“Separation is probably what we needed to figure our shit out.” Dean was the first to break eye contact, “We should get checked in.”
Warren reached across, a thumb under Dean’s chin, lifting him up to hold eye contact so Dean knew this was important. “We can always catch the next flight, I just need to know you’re okay first, Sweetness.”
Looking into Warren’s eyes the urge to kiss him, to push aside all the trauma and pain to chase one last moment of bliss with the love of his life, it wouldn’t be the first time they’d made love in a parked car at an airport. It might even feel like it used to, it might even feel better. But it wouldn’t be real, it wouldn’t mean anything then attempting to place a bandaid over a bullet wound.
“No,” Dean said softly, “But I’ll survive. I always do.”
“Yeah, survive,” Warren sighed softly, “That’s what we do best.”
“If we miss the flight I’ll have a hard time talking myself out of making a bad decision right at this moment.” Dean admitted, “You deserve better than that.”
“Do I?” Warren said, “After the way I’ve treated you these last few months, I’m not sure that’s true. But thank you for saying it anyway. It means a lot.” Warren kissed him on the cheek softly. “You deserve so much better too, even if it isn’t me.”
“I’m not making any major life decisions for at least a week from now.” Dean leaned in, almost tempted to throw his resolve away and do something drastic before pulling away. “We should go.”
“Yeah, let’s.”
Well howdy there pardner.