Post by Charlotte Shimizu on May 8, 2024 18:43:18 GMT
Schlesischer Busch
Berlin, Germany
7 May 2004
Charlie wished there weren’t railings between her and the various waterways of the city. She wanted to feel the flow of the water, to let it carry away her emotions so she could calm down and think of how to fix things.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“How could I tell you when it was my fault you were there in the first place?”
Rini had leveraged a contract with Neo-Honshu for her, only for it to turn against them both. They’d held Rini back, and turned Charlie into a mockery, a glorified hoop for their young stars to jump through. Rini had tried to do her a favor, only for it to destroy them both in the process.
Charlie could understand why Rini hadn’t said anything about it… But that didn’t mean she liked it. There had seemingly been nothing they didn’t share. Sure, Rini had kept quiet about the problems with her parents, but it had always been an uncomfortable topic for them. Charlie had never wanted to get between Rini and her parents, and had always been uneasy with how casually Rini treated the disagreement.
So they’d left the matter sitting like an elephant in the room… Which had apparently lead --
Charlie cut that thought off with a sharp shake of her head. Rini obviously felt it was her fault that Neo-Honshu had treated Charlie as badly as they did, because it was at her insistence that they’d offered Charlie a contract.
“Hey Char?”
Charlie sighed and didn’t look over her shoulder. Of course it would be Hannah who came after her. “If you’re here to give me a lecture on all the things I should be doing instead, shove it, Hanners. I don’t need it right now.”
She heard Hannah sigh and move. What surprised Charlie was that Hannah leaned on the railing beside her, looking out over the placid canal that fed into the Spree. “Nah… I just figured I’d make a better punching bag than Nat or Rini. I’m used to it. They’re not.”
That made Charlie wince. It was true that she’d never never actually fought with either of them like she had with Hannah growing up. One of the benefits of never growing up together, fighting over space or clothing or whatever latest gadget had entered the household. “Since you’re offering, what the hell’s got you so wound up about me seeing Pax? I know Ma’s told you that you can’t decide who I can date if I wanna.”
“You mean like you did for me in high school?” Hannah retorted quickly. Charlie looked over, and was relieved to see a half-smile on her younger sister’s face. Sure, she’d terrified more than a few boys out of the idea of asking Hannah out during the one year they’d shared in Tahlequah High School, but they’d been assholes all just looking for a notch on their proverbial belts. Most of them had been the younger brothers of the same assholes who’d attempted to get Charlie to conform.
“I didn’t hear any complaints at the time,” Charlie finally said, shrugging and turning her gaze back to the water.
“No… I know you had good reason to tell most of them to get lost…”
Charlie mused on the layers to Hannah’s response before turning slightly to face Hannah, even though Hannah remained in profile to her. “Implying that you have a good reason for being against Pax then?” she prompted.
Hannah’s answer was a long time coming. “He… His last relationship didn’t go well, Char… He was a selfish prick to the poor girl, hauling her along when she was clearly uncomfortable sharing his world.”
Charlie rolled that around in her mind briefly. She could see how that could happen. Most people couldn’t handle being the significant other to someone who lived in a spotlight… But there was a flaw to this argument and Charlie had to wonder if Hannah could see it. “You think I’m not in his world already?”
The way Hannah jerked to look at her almost made Charlie laugh if not for the seriousness of the conversation. “Hanners… For God’s sake, it’s not like he’s trying to haul me to a show I don’t want to go to. I’m not a bystander here. I live under the same microscope he does, so what’s the real problem with him, imōto?”
Hannah sighed and turned back to staring out over the canal. Charlie just waited. She was too emotionally exhausted to pry out whatever reason Hannah had cooked up in her brain. “Why didn’t you tell me? It’s not like I’da made a huge deal out of it like Ma woulda…”
Charlie sighed in response, turning herself to lean against the railing again, facing out to the water. “Would you believe me if I said I really thought it wasn’t anything to talk about to begin with?”
“Fuck no.”
Hannah’s blunt response made Charlie snort in amusement. “Well it’s still true… I really didn’t think he was acting in any special way with me.”
“Bullshit Charlie… I know you know how guys look at you and his face was the same!” Hannah argued.
“Maybe… but you know how many guys also wanted me to be someone else? Wanted me to stop being the way I am and be more like other girls?” Charlie could feel the creaking of the rail as Hannah turned to watch her. “Before I came home, there was one guy… I really liked him… And I think he liked me enough to not want to hurt me. So he made it clear early on that we couldn’t be more than friends. And that’s how it was almost the entire time I was in Japan.”
Charlie could sense her sister stiffening in protective outrage, making her smile slightly. “Why would anyone-” Hannah started, and Charlie sighed, turning to face her sister with a flat expression.
“Look at me Hannah. Really look at me. You know everything Chichi and Dave have said about Japan. You know why I invited you to visit me instead of trying to see Chichi’s family. Do you really think any Japanese parents would be happy if their son brought home a dark-skinned gaijin?” Charlie sighed again, breaking their eye contact and leaning back against the fence. “I just wanted a friend, and that’s what Pax seemed like when we met. I spent a while denying that I wanted more because you know how few real friends I have. I didn’t want to make it weird…”
“Throwing yourself at him and kissing him after the Iron Maiden wasn’t weird?” Hannah asked, her tone as dry as a desert with skepticism and sarcasm.
Charlie managed a weakly amused snort. “Oh that was hella weird,” she huffed. “At that point, I thought I’d managed to ruin a perfectly good friendship with god-damned hormones.”
“And the Art Show?”
“Blame Ma for that.”
“So that’s why she made me stay with Em until closing.”
Charlie felt something snap inside her, and tension oozed away, leaving her almost draped on the railing, sobbing. “Why would she do all that for me?” It all came rushing out with a torrent of tears. “She could have had the career she wanted, her family… I would’ve been happy staying with the Dojo and supporting her from the sidelines.”
Hannah put an arm across Charlie’s shoulders, the position awkward due to the disparity in their heights. “Char… Is what she did so different from what I did? I can do a lot with a Business degree, but I’m basically working for you instead.”
Guilt assailed Charlie from all sides. She tried to remember that she hadn’t asked for Rini to get her the contract with Neo-Honshu, nor for Hannah to laser focus her education, but it was hard to not think of how different, or how much better, their lives could be if they’d chosen differently.
Charlie must’ve said something aloud, because Hannah pulled her over to a bench and handed Charlie her ever-present tablet. It was open to an article in Japanese. Charlie could barely comprehend the title, ‘Why I Quit Neo-Honshu Professional Wrestling’. The words were in Rini’s familiar voice and style, but it was polished in a way Charlie knew Rini couldn’t have managed on her own.
“Did you help her write this?” Charlie asked, finally managing to clear her eyes enough to read the introduction, which was a brief summary of their time together at Sapporo Hachimangū.
“She asked me to, yes,” Hannah acknowledged, then scrolled down to a section that made Charlie’s blood go cold.
‘I did not know about anything that was happening to the wrestlers that were put forward as the stars of Neo-Honshu. I did not know about the abuse they suffered at the hands of Neo-Honshu’s management. I was never forced to work out more, nor forced to forgo meals, nor did I have to submit to the whims of perverts to get favorable matches. I was only working dark shows, and if I was ever shown, it was a match where a more senior wrestler would put me down within ten minutes. All I knew was that the management of NHPW wanted me to abandon my best friend, my soul-sister, and she was suffering. After six years, they wanted me to succeed at Una’s expense.
She was presented as Charlie Clearwater or The Gaijin Priestess, but her name is Shimizu Charlotte Una. She is an accredited Shinto priestess, and a Yonsei Japanese-American. All NHPW cared about was the fact that she is also Cherokee. They wanted to erase everything but that, making her use the name Clearwater instead of her proper family name. They never bothered with more than horrific stereotypes for her, putting her in a costume that did not even represent her true heritage.
I did not leave because of how my first real match went and Natasha Walker is not the villain you believe her to be. I did not leave because some old man wanted my body, or thought I was getting too fat. I left Neo-Honshu to finally achieve the dream I thought I had gotten nearly seven years ago; to be in a major wrestling promotion with my best friend and to be her tag team partner.’
The article then closed with a heartfelt thanks for reading, but Charlie was still stuck on how much Rini had said she hadn’t experienced. It pulled her away from all of her own experiences and placed herself squarely in Rini’s perspective. It was because of her and their friendship that Rini hadn’t experienced those terrible things she alluded to.
“I never knew…”
“Even Rini didn’t… not until her cousin told her.” Hannah consoled her as best she could. “You know the reason she stayed by you was because she felt guilty for getting you into Neo-Honshu, right?”
Charlie nodded. “That doesn’t make me feel any better about it. I felt bad enough with what problems I caused with her parents. This is so much worse…”
“Yeah, it is,” Hannah agreed.
Charlie leaned against her as they sat on the bench, her eyes burning but she had no tears left to shed. Now there was only anger. She at least wasn’t angry at Rini anymore.
Her hatred for Neo-Honshu reached new heights. Charlie knew it was poison, but she could use it… Not yet though. This toxic anger would be put in reserve for when she needed it, and she would need it in the coming weeks.
“Is Rini still back at the hotel?” she asked, straightening up and wiping at her face. Hannah took that as the sign it was meant to be, rising silently.
There was no way in Heaven, Earth or Hell she would face the future without Rini.
Berlin, Germany
7 May 2004
Charlie wished there weren’t railings between her and the various waterways of the city. She wanted to feel the flow of the water, to let it carry away her emotions so she could calm down and think of how to fix things.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“How could I tell you when it was my fault you were there in the first place?”
Rini had leveraged a contract with Neo-Honshu for her, only for it to turn against them both. They’d held Rini back, and turned Charlie into a mockery, a glorified hoop for their young stars to jump through. Rini had tried to do her a favor, only for it to destroy them both in the process.
Charlie could understand why Rini hadn’t said anything about it… But that didn’t mean she liked it. There had seemingly been nothing they didn’t share. Sure, Rini had kept quiet about the problems with her parents, but it had always been an uncomfortable topic for them. Charlie had never wanted to get between Rini and her parents, and had always been uneasy with how casually Rini treated the disagreement.
So they’d left the matter sitting like an elephant in the room… Which had apparently lead --
Charlie cut that thought off with a sharp shake of her head. Rini obviously felt it was her fault that Neo-Honshu had treated Charlie as badly as they did, because it was at her insistence that they’d offered Charlie a contract.
“Hey Char?”
Charlie sighed and didn’t look over her shoulder. Of course it would be Hannah who came after her. “If you’re here to give me a lecture on all the things I should be doing instead, shove it, Hanners. I don’t need it right now.”
She heard Hannah sigh and move. What surprised Charlie was that Hannah leaned on the railing beside her, looking out over the placid canal that fed into the Spree. “Nah… I just figured I’d make a better punching bag than Nat or Rini. I’m used to it. They’re not.”
That made Charlie wince. It was true that she’d never never actually fought with either of them like she had with Hannah growing up. One of the benefits of never growing up together, fighting over space or clothing or whatever latest gadget had entered the household. “Since you’re offering, what the hell’s got you so wound up about me seeing Pax? I know Ma’s told you that you can’t decide who I can date if I wanna.”
“You mean like you did for me in high school?” Hannah retorted quickly. Charlie looked over, and was relieved to see a half-smile on her younger sister’s face. Sure, she’d terrified more than a few boys out of the idea of asking Hannah out during the one year they’d shared in Tahlequah High School, but they’d been assholes all just looking for a notch on their proverbial belts. Most of them had been the younger brothers of the same assholes who’d attempted to get Charlie to conform.
“I didn’t hear any complaints at the time,” Charlie finally said, shrugging and turning her gaze back to the water.
“No… I know you had good reason to tell most of them to get lost…”
Charlie mused on the layers to Hannah’s response before turning slightly to face Hannah, even though Hannah remained in profile to her. “Implying that you have a good reason for being against Pax then?” she prompted.
Hannah’s answer was a long time coming. “He… His last relationship didn’t go well, Char… He was a selfish prick to the poor girl, hauling her along when she was clearly uncomfortable sharing his world.”
Charlie rolled that around in her mind briefly. She could see how that could happen. Most people couldn’t handle being the significant other to someone who lived in a spotlight… But there was a flaw to this argument and Charlie had to wonder if Hannah could see it. “You think I’m not in his world already?”
The way Hannah jerked to look at her almost made Charlie laugh if not for the seriousness of the conversation. “Hanners… For God’s sake, it’s not like he’s trying to haul me to a show I don’t want to go to. I’m not a bystander here. I live under the same microscope he does, so what’s the real problem with him, imōto?”
Hannah sighed and turned back to staring out over the canal. Charlie just waited. She was too emotionally exhausted to pry out whatever reason Hannah had cooked up in her brain. “Why didn’t you tell me? It’s not like I’da made a huge deal out of it like Ma woulda…”
Charlie sighed in response, turning herself to lean against the railing again, facing out to the water. “Would you believe me if I said I really thought it wasn’t anything to talk about to begin with?”
“Fuck no.”
Hannah’s blunt response made Charlie snort in amusement. “Well it’s still true… I really didn’t think he was acting in any special way with me.”
“Bullshit Charlie… I know you know how guys look at you and his face was the same!” Hannah argued.
“Maybe… but you know how many guys also wanted me to be someone else? Wanted me to stop being the way I am and be more like other girls?” Charlie could feel the creaking of the rail as Hannah turned to watch her. “Before I came home, there was one guy… I really liked him… And I think he liked me enough to not want to hurt me. So he made it clear early on that we couldn’t be more than friends. And that’s how it was almost the entire time I was in Japan.”
Charlie could sense her sister stiffening in protective outrage, making her smile slightly. “Why would anyone-” Hannah started, and Charlie sighed, turning to face her sister with a flat expression.
“Look at me Hannah. Really look at me. You know everything Chichi and Dave have said about Japan. You know why I invited you to visit me instead of trying to see Chichi’s family. Do you really think any Japanese parents would be happy if their son brought home a dark-skinned gaijin?” Charlie sighed again, breaking their eye contact and leaning back against the fence. “I just wanted a friend, and that’s what Pax seemed like when we met. I spent a while denying that I wanted more because you know how few real friends I have. I didn’t want to make it weird…”
“Throwing yourself at him and kissing him after the Iron Maiden wasn’t weird?” Hannah asked, her tone as dry as a desert with skepticism and sarcasm.
Charlie managed a weakly amused snort. “Oh that was hella weird,” she huffed. “At that point, I thought I’d managed to ruin a perfectly good friendship with god-damned hormones.”
“And the Art Show?”
“Blame Ma for that.”
“So that’s why she made me stay with Em until closing.”
Charlie felt something snap inside her, and tension oozed away, leaving her almost draped on the railing, sobbing. “Why would she do all that for me?” It all came rushing out with a torrent of tears. “She could have had the career she wanted, her family… I would’ve been happy staying with the Dojo and supporting her from the sidelines.”
Hannah put an arm across Charlie’s shoulders, the position awkward due to the disparity in their heights. “Char… Is what she did so different from what I did? I can do a lot with a Business degree, but I’m basically working for you instead.”
Guilt assailed Charlie from all sides. She tried to remember that she hadn’t asked for Rini to get her the contract with Neo-Honshu, nor for Hannah to laser focus her education, but it was hard to not think of how different, or how much better, their lives could be if they’d chosen differently.
Charlie must’ve said something aloud, because Hannah pulled her over to a bench and handed Charlie her ever-present tablet. It was open to an article in Japanese. Charlie could barely comprehend the title, ‘Why I Quit Neo-Honshu Professional Wrestling’. The words were in Rini’s familiar voice and style, but it was polished in a way Charlie knew Rini couldn’t have managed on her own.
“Did you help her write this?” Charlie asked, finally managing to clear her eyes enough to read the introduction, which was a brief summary of their time together at Sapporo Hachimangū.
“She asked me to, yes,” Hannah acknowledged, then scrolled down to a section that made Charlie’s blood go cold.
‘I did not know about anything that was happening to the wrestlers that were put forward as the stars of Neo-Honshu. I did not know about the abuse they suffered at the hands of Neo-Honshu’s management. I was never forced to work out more, nor forced to forgo meals, nor did I have to submit to the whims of perverts to get favorable matches. I was only working dark shows, and if I was ever shown, it was a match where a more senior wrestler would put me down within ten minutes. All I knew was that the management of NHPW wanted me to abandon my best friend, my soul-sister, and she was suffering. After six years, they wanted me to succeed at Una’s expense.
She was presented as Charlie Clearwater or The Gaijin Priestess, but her name is Shimizu Charlotte Una. She is an accredited Shinto priestess, and a Yonsei Japanese-American. All NHPW cared about was the fact that she is also Cherokee. They wanted to erase everything but that, making her use the name Clearwater instead of her proper family name. They never bothered with more than horrific stereotypes for her, putting her in a costume that did not even represent her true heritage.
I did not leave because of how my first real match went and Natasha Walker is not the villain you believe her to be. I did not leave because some old man wanted my body, or thought I was getting too fat. I left Neo-Honshu to finally achieve the dream I thought I had gotten nearly seven years ago; to be in a major wrestling promotion with my best friend and to be her tag team partner.’
The article then closed with a heartfelt thanks for reading, but Charlie was still stuck on how much Rini had said she hadn’t experienced. It pulled her away from all of her own experiences and placed herself squarely in Rini’s perspective. It was because of her and their friendship that Rini hadn’t experienced those terrible things she alluded to.
“I never knew…”
“Even Rini didn’t… not until her cousin told her.” Hannah consoled her as best she could. “You know the reason she stayed by you was because she felt guilty for getting you into Neo-Honshu, right?”
Charlie nodded. “That doesn’t make me feel any better about it. I felt bad enough with what problems I caused with her parents. This is so much worse…”
“Yeah, it is,” Hannah agreed.
Charlie leaned against her as they sat on the bench, her eyes burning but she had no tears left to shed. Now there was only anger. She at least wasn’t angry at Rini anymore.
Her hatred for Neo-Honshu reached new heights. Charlie knew it was poison, but she could use it… Not yet though. This toxic anger would be put in reserve for when she needed it, and she would need it in the coming weeks.
“Is Rini still back at the hotel?” she asked, straightening up and wiping at her face. Hannah took that as the sign it was meant to be, rising silently.
There was no way in Heaven, Earth or Hell she would face the future without Rini.
Well howdy there pardner.