Post by Rob Diamond on Jul 21, 2024 22:30:06 GMT
{ 2 and 0 in 2024, baybay! And I’m feeling good! Real good! I’m feeling like the rust has broken free and I’m about to go on a total tear through the IWF roster!
But before I can go on that tear I need to address my opponent for this coming Sacrifice! A man I’d like to think I know pretty well. So let’s go ahead and cut away from this black screen to my beautiful mug. }
”Are you ready?’
{ Dun-dun. }
”Let’s give a round of applause to one of my opponents from last week. Jack, you showed out my dude and I fucking loved the passion dripping off of you. Ram? Fuck off and die.”
{ Harsh but an honest opinion. }
”Can ya’ll feel it? Every week I get a little bit better, faster, tighter, my game is just about back to where it was when I dipped out last year. And I made myself a promise. I’m gonna be better than I’ve ever been before. Ya’ll think I throw around the term GOAT as a cute little catchphrase I can sell on t-shirts?”
{ It is. }
”I mean that shit. I believe it with every ounce of my being. There is NO ONE in this company who has done the things I’ve done. I’ve held every single title this company ever had until 2022. I’ve beaten damn near every single male member of the Hall of Fame and I’ve beaten off to every single one of the female members.”
{ Does anyone else think those terms are antiquated? Why can’t it just be THE Hall of Fame? }
”Find me another person on this roster with the accomplishments I have who isn’t named Eternity? You won’t find them. You’ll find people who come close, like a Dean or an Angel but no one who matches up with everything I’ve done exactly. I’m the best, me and I plan to continue to prove that week after week.”
{ Like a boss. }
”Which is bad news bears for you, Nicholas Hubert Danger.”
{ Someone's parents hate them. }
”There was a time I’d feel a little worried heading into this match. You’re good, a hell of a lot better than people give you credit for but I’m feeling confident. I’m feeling like I could bitch slap God across the face and they’d apologize for making me upset. I feel like I could unleash the Nazi sympathizer in all of us and just say some really off the rails shit!”
{ Scene swipe. }
”Ok, maybe not that last bit but I’m feeling like a goddamn powerhouse!”
{ Like Rocky when he beat Communism. }
”Nick, alot a people around here like to look down on you. They see ya as a warm up match. A punching bag. Someone to smack around. An easy win. I don’t see that. I recognize the fact you’re a former TV Champ. Something I can’t claim. That means you’ve got heart, skill, and determination. It took you a long ass time to hold your first belt here but you fucking earned it, son.”
“No one can take that shit away from you.”
“But they like to try. You wanna know why? Because they’re jealous someone like you can do something they haven’t done. They’re jealous that you haven’t succumbed to the darkside and become a rat bastard to get ahead in this company. You’ve kept your nose to the grindstone. You’ve put in the work. You’ve done everything the right way and you’ve been rewarded.”
“Keep that shit up.”
“Because the people that dunk on you? They ain’t going home to some happy life. They’re just as miserable at home as they are in the ring. The people who feel the need to disrespect you and everything you’ve done here hate to see other people be happy. They hate to see someone else succeed. They’re selfish, egotistical, pieces of shit and trust me when I say, karma will get them eventually if you don’t.”
{ Buuuuuuuuuuuut. }
”That being said. I don’t intend to give you a showcase. As hard as you’ve worked? You’re about to work even harder. I’m not looking to put on a technical masterpiece at Sacrifice. I’m not trying to have a sixty minute six star banger. I’m trying to pin your shoulders to the mat as quickly and decisively as possible to move on to my next opponent. I’ve got gold in my sights and your just an obstacle between me and it.”
{ A sexy obstacle. }
”So while I respect you? I plan on beating your happy go lucky ass in dominating fashion.”
{ But afterward we can grab dinner and make fun of James. }
”I’m not coming at you with threats or lazy racist slurs. I’m making promises. I promise to out work you. I promise to out class you. I promise that I will be the one with his arm raised at the end of the match. And I promise to shake your hand afterward.”
{ Awwwwww. }
”You’re a good kid, Nick. You’re gonna go far in this business. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It ain’t gonna happen overnight. You’re gonna have to work even harder than you’ve been working. You’re gonna have to level up and break your limits. But if you stay on the path you’re on right now?”
“You will be World Champion someday.”
“That’s a promise.”
“People used to treat me the way they treat you. They didn’t like that I was funny, that I was having fun. They didn’t like how damn good I was once that bell was rung. They didn’t like that I’m on the smaller side but absolutely over flowing with talent and sexiness. They didn’t like that I’ve always stayed true to myself. I’ve always been me, love me or hate me. I ain’t never had to pretend, put on a show, wear stupid make up or act like a total clown to get to the top.”
“They hate that I’m just that damn good.”
“But I had to work harder than everyone around me. I had to push myself past the point of exhaustion. I had to dig deep down inside and find the Super Sayian God within to shatter my limits and defeat my enemies before they became my friends to then battle even bigger more powerful enemies.”
{ I’m not sure about the back half of that sentence. }
”That’s what it takes to be truly great in this business. The people, the ones who pay to see us, they’re the ones who immortalize us. They may cheer or boo the painted up freaks and psychopaths but they look to us, you and me, for truly great professional wrestling. We don’t need the flashy bullshit, the edgelord chaos or the whole ultra violence gimmick. We get in that ring and we get the job fucking done.”
“They respect that.”
“They love that.”
“And when the time comes for you and me to hang up our boots they’re gonna be calling someone the next Rob Diamond or the next Nick Danger. They’ll have forgotten about the Angels, Terrellas, Eternitys, etc, blah, blah, blah. Those people make a big impact when they’re on screen but when they’re gone?”
“Ain’t nobody wondering where they are.”
“But not us. Not you and me. Not James Gilmore or Pax or Ulf or Knight. They wonder where we are because they love to see us in that ring. They respect what we do. We are what professional wrestling is supposed to be. That’s why they come to the shows. Yeah, the death metal gimmicks are fun and who doesn’t love a painted up weirdo that talks funny? But the fans tune in week after week, year after year to see guys like you and me do what those freaks can’t.”
“Professional wrestle better than anyone on Earth.”
{ I mean, to be fair, some of them are pretty good. }
”So while I’m feeling confident, while I’m throwing around promises about winning this match. I’ll admit. You do in fact stand a chance, Nick. You’re a hell of a professional wrestler with some real talent. One good move that I don’t see coming and this comeback tour becomes a lot less impressive with a loss in the column.”
{ 2-1 is still a winning record. }
”I just can’t focus on that. As much as I want to build you up and get the best version of you there has ever been. I need to stay laser focused on the goal.”
“Winning.”
“That’s why I’ve been watching your tapes, well, youtube but the concept remains the same. I’ve been scouting you, Nick, looking for weaknesses, injuries, anything I can exploit to make sure you never get the steam to catch me off guard. I need to smother you and your offense before you have a chance to pull off a miracle against me. I feel like my game plan is strong, I feel like I’ve found some chinks in the armor, I feel like you’ve got some stuff going on you’re trying to tough your way through.”
“I feel like I’ve got your Kryptonite.”
{ If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman? }
”I’m a tell you right now, Nick, if this goes my way? Don’t beat yourself up too bad. Not everyone can be the Greatest of all Time. I’ve been doing this atleast three times as long as you, probably longer. I came up at a time when cunts like Cyrus Daniels were a time a dozen and they all wrestled to end your career. I’ve got thick skin. My determination knows no bounds. There is nothing in this world I can’t achieve once I’ve decided I want it.”
“Look at my wife.”
“I wanted to find my dead best friend and marry them, I pulled that shit off. I mean, obviously I’d have preferred him be male and also my original best friend and not one from an alternate universe but beggars can’t be choosers.”
{ I love you Mama! }
”There’s quite a bit of gold floating around here that I’ve never held. Gonna be honest, I’m feeling my inner Thanos coming out. I want them. I want them all. I want to wear and hold every single title this company has to offer until I get back to the top and then? Then I’m gonna take that World Title and hold onto it until the day I die.”
"#ForeverChamp"
“That’s a promise.”
“And for the first time in a long time this company will have a champion it can be proud of. Someone who actually stands for something real, honest and fucking wholesome. I don’t give a shit if the weirdos don’t like it and I don’t care if they make fun of me. I’ll beat their asses and make them look like the fucking chumps that they are.”
{ Except you Dean, XOXO. }
”And if you ain’t down with that then I’ve only got two words for ya.”
{ SUCK IT! }
But before I can go on that tear I need to address my opponent for this coming Sacrifice! A man I’d like to think I know pretty well. So let’s go ahead and cut away from this black screen to my beautiful mug. }
”Are you ready?’
{ Dun-dun. }
”Let’s give a round of applause to one of my opponents from last week. Jack, you showed out my dude and I fucking loved the passion dripping off of you. Ram? Fuck off and die.”
{ Harsh but an honest opinion. }
”Can ya’ll feel it? Every week I get a little bit better, faster, tighter, my game is just about back to where it was when I dipped out last year. And I made myself a promise. I’m gonna be better than I’ve ever been before. Ya’ll think I throw around the term GOAT as a cute little catchphrase I can sell on t-shirts?”
{ It is. }
”I mean that shit. I believe it with every ounce of my being. There is NO ONE in this company who has done the things I’ve done. I’ve held every single title this company ever had until 2022. I’ve beaten damn near every single male member of the Hall of Fame and I’ve beaten off to every single one of the female members.”
{ Does anyone else think those terms are antiquated? Why can’t it just be THE Hall of Fame? }
”Find me another person on this roster with the accomplishments I have who isn’t named Eternity? You won’t find them. You’ll find people who come close, like a Dean or an Angel but no one who matches up with everything I’ve done exactly. I’m the best, me and I plan to continue to prove that week after week.”
{ Like a boss. }
”Which is bad news bears for you, Nicholas Hubert Danger.”
{ Someone's parents hate them. }
”There was a time I’d feel a little worried heading into this match. You’re good, a hell of a lot better than people give you credit for but I’m feeling confident. I’m feeling like I could bitch slap God across the face and they’d apologize for making me upset. I feel like I could unleash the Nazi sympathizer in all of us and just say some really off the rails shit!”
{ Scene swipe. }
{ We cut to me sitting on a steel chair watching the latest Cyrus Daniels release on my iPhone. }
“Don’t say my straight white privilege never did anythin’ for ya redskin queers.”
{ I go ahead and pause that shit right then and there. }
Rob: Oof…
{ I look around to make sure no one else saw or heard that. }
Rob: Could’ve atleast figured out what tribe he comes from, Jesus…
{ I pull up Twitter. }
Rob: @paxstormcrow, on behalf of all white people, I’m sorry and I take responsibility for racism.
{ There, that should fix it. Now back to the promo. }
“Don’t say my straight white privilege never did anythin’ for ya redskin queers.”
{ I go ahead and pause that shit right then and there. }
Rob: Oof…
{ I look around to make sure no one else saw or heard that. }
Rob: Could’ve atleast figured out what tribe he comes from, Jesus…
{ I pull up Twitter. }
Rob: @paxstormcrow, on behalf of all white people, I’m sorry and I take responsibility for racism.
{ There, that should fix it. Now back to the promo. }
”Ok, maybe not that last bit but I’m feeling like a goddamn powerhouse!”
{ Like Rocky when he beat Communism. }
”Nick, alot a people around here like to look down on you. They see ya as a warm up match. A punching bag. Someone to smack around. An easy win. I don’t see that. I recognize the fact you’re a former TV Champ. Something I can’t claim. That means you’ve got heart, skill, and determination. It took you a long ass time to hold your first belt here but you fucking earned it, son.”
“No one can take that shit away from you.”
“But they like to try. You wanna know why? Because they’re jealous someone like you can do something they haven’t done. They’re jealous that you haven’t succumbed to the darkside and become a rat bastard to get ahead in this company. You’ve kept your nose to the grindstone. You’ve put in the work. You’ve done everything the right way and you’ve been rewarded.”
“Keep that shit up.”
“Because the people that dunk on you? They ain’t going home to some happy life. They’re just as miserable at home as they are in the ring. The people who feel the need to disrespect you and everything you’ve done here hate to see other people be happy. They hate to see someone else succeed. They’re selfish, egotistical, pieces of shit and trust me when I say, karma will get them eventually if you don’t.”
{ Buuuuuuuuuuuut. }
”That being said. I don’t intend to give you a showcase. As hard as you’ve worked? You’re about to work even harder. I’m not looking to put on a technical masterpiece at Sacrifice. I’m not trying to have a sixty minute six star banger. I’m trying to pin your shoulders to the mat as quickly and decisively as possible to move on to my next opponent. I’ve got gold in my sights and your just an obstacle between me and it.”
{ A sexy obstacle. }
”So while I respect you? I plan on beating your happy go lucky ass in dominating fashion.”
{ But afterward we can grab dinner and make fun of James. }
”I’m not coming at you with threats or lazy racist slurs. I’m making promises. I promise to out work you. I promise to out class you. I promise that I will be the one with his arm raised at the end of the match. And I promise to shake your hand afterward.”
{ Awwwwww. }
”You’re a good kid, Nick. You’re gonna go far in this business. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It ain’t gonna happen overnight. You’re gonna have to work even harder than you’ve been working. You’re gonna have to level up and break your limits. But if you stay on the path you’re on right now?”
“You will be World Champion someday.”
“That’s a promise.”
“People used to treat me the way they treat you. They didn’t like that I was funny, that I was having fun. They didn’t like how damn good I was once that bell was rung. They didn’t like that I’m on the smaller side but absolutely over flowing with talent and sexiness. They didn’t like that I’ve always stayed true to myself. I’ve always been me, love me or hate me. I ain’t never had to pretend, put on a show, wear stupid make up or act like a total clown to get to the top.”
“They hate that I’m just that damn good.”
“But I had to work harder than everyone around me. I had to push myself past the point of exhaustion. I had to dig deep down inside and find the Super Sayian God within to shatter my limits and defeat my enemies before they became my friends to then battle even bigger more powerful enemies.”
{ I’m not sure about the back half of that sentence. }
”That’s what it takes to be truly great in this business. The people, the ones who pay to see us, they’re the ones who immortalize us. They may cheer or boo the painted up freaks and psychopaths but they look to us, you and me, for truly great professional wrestling. We don’t need the flashy bullshit, the edgelord chaos or the whole ultra violence gimmick. We get in that ring and we get the job fucking done.”
“They respect that.”
“They love that.”
“And when the time comes for you and me to hang up our boots they’re gonna be calling someone the next Rob Diamond or the next Nick Danger. They’ll have forgotten about the Angels, Terrellas, Eternitys, etc, blah, blah, blah. Those people make a big impact when they’re on screen but when they’re gone?”
“Ain’t nobody wondering where they are.”
“But not us. Not you and me. Not James Gilmore or Pax or Ulf or Knight. They wonder where we are because they love to see us in that ring. They respect what we do. We are what professional wrestling is supposed to be. That’s why they come to the shows. Yeah, the death metal gimmicks are fun and who doesn’t love a painted up weirdo that talks funny? But the fans tune in week after week, year after year to see guys like you and me do what those freaks can’t.”
“Professional wrestle better than anyone on Earth.”
{ I mean, to be fair, some of them are pretty good. }
”So while I’m feeling confident, while I’m throwing around promises about winning this match. I’ll admit. You do in fact stand a chance, Nick. You’re a hell of a professional wrestler with some real talent. One good move that I don’t see coming and this comeback tour becomes a lot less impressive with a loss in the column.”
{ 2-1 is still a winning record. }
”I just can’t focus on that. As much as I want to build you up and get the best version of you there has ever been. I need to stay laser focused on the goal.”
“Winning.”
“That’s why I’ve been watching your tapes, well, youtube but the concept remains the same. I’ve been scouting you, Nick, looking for weaknesses, injuries, anything I can exploit to make sure you never get the steam to catch me off guard. I need to smother you and your offense before you have a chance to pull off a miracle against me. I feel like my game plan is strong, I feel like I’ve found some chinks in the armor, I feel like you’ve got some stuff going on you’re trying to tough your way through.”
“I feel like I’ve got your Kryptonite.”
{ If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman? }
”I’m a tell you right now, Nick, if this goes my way? Don’t beat yourself up too bad. Not everyone can be the Greatest of all Time. I’ve been doing this atleast three times as long as you, probably longer. I came up at a time when cunts like Cyrus Daniels were a time a dozen and they all wrestled to end your career. I’ve got thick skin. My determination knows no bounds. There is nothing in this world I can’t achieve once I’ve decided I want it.”
“Look at my wife.”
“I wanted to find my dead best friend and marry them, I pulled that shit off. I mean, obviously I’d have preferred him be male and also my original best friend and not one from an alternate universe but beggars can’t be choosers.”
{ I love you Mama! }
”There’s quite a bit of gold floating around here that I’ve never held. Gonna be honest, I’m feeling my inner Thanos coming out. I want them. I want them all. I want to wear and hold every single title this company has to offer until I get back to the top and then? Then I’m gonna take that World Title and hold onto it until the day I die.”
"#ForeverChamp"
“That’s a promise.”
“And for the first time in a long time this company will have a champion it can be proud of. Someone who actually stands for something real, honest and fucking wholesome. I don’t give a shit if the weirdos don’t like it and I don’t care if they make fun of me. I’ll beat their asses and make them look like the fucking chumps that they are.”
{ Except you Dean, XOXO. }
”And if you ain’t down with that then I’ve only got two words for ya.”
{ SUCK IT! }
Well howdy there pardner.