Post by Dean Harper on Jul 22, 2024 3:50:35 GMT
Dean is sitting on a pair of rocks looking over the ocean as the sun sets.
“I blamed Rowan for a while for what I am. I blamed her for making me a weapon. But that’s giving her perhaps too much credit. I was always like this. She just unlocked the box. And I can’t seem to put myself back in. I have stopped watering myself down to make myself more digestible for people. All of you can choke. I will never again be gentle. I will get showered in blood and I will remain rough, as is my right.”
Dean ran fingers over the rocks, “Accusations of losing my edge aside the amount of disrespect, the dismissal of everything I love, all I knew, as if it were nothing… The amount of shit-talking certainly is unmatched by far—the use of some by the larger personal failings and painful past. There have been many things said about me in this tournament and every time I make them eat their words and leave the loser. And I just want to remind everyone of that.”
“I love you, Sabin. And Warren asked me to ensure you didn’t make it to him. And there was a time I might have hesitated on that. But what am I if not an oathbreaker and a destroyer of dreams?”
“I betrayed many people to get to where I am. April is not special in that respect. I betray everyone sooner or later, don’t I? There is nothing I love more than gold. That’s not really true. I know that’s what people like to think.” Dean laughs, “But I do what I have to do. I love too deeply. I love entirely. But my love language is acts of violence. If I’ve never hurt you, can you say I ever loved you?”
“But I know you're breakable. I know that you can be stopped, even as full of piss and vinegar and a legacy you think you need to uphold for your own ego. You've been felled before. I've seen inside your heart, I've seen your pride steal your victory out from underneath you like a vulture picking a carcass off the road. Because even without sharing the same blood we are brothers. You are my brother. I may fight with you, but I'll always have your back.”
My only one
My smoking gun
My eclipsed sun
This has broken me down
My twisted knife
My sleepless night
My win-less fight
This has frozen my ground
Dean had asked Warren out on a date. Something simple. Something lowkey. Dean didn’t give a shit what people thought of him, he’d kiss Warren in the middle of the goddamn city, but he knew Warren took a lot of the negativity personally. So something lowkey. Sankeien Garden and just walking over bamboo and looking at architecture.
Dean respected Warren’s wishes, just walking close to him, “It’s not bad.”
Stood on the cliffside
Screaming, "Give me a reason"
Your faithless love's the only hoax
I believe in
Don't want no other shade of blue
But you
No other sadness in the world would do
“What isn’t?” Warren being the more cautious of the two kept his hands in his pockets as he walked alongside Dean.
“The garden. It’s all nature and shit.”
“I didn’t think this would be your scene, Warren admitted, Viv would have insisted on coming here, you know if she was still talking to me. If I had known she’d be that devoted to Rowan, we should have recruited her into the pack years ago,” Warren laughed “I probably would have felt more at home then.”
That cut Dean deep but he kept his head down and kept walking forward, “Sorry it never felt like home to you.”
“Given my definition of home is likely fucked up, I don’t suppose it makes that much difference. For me home has always been synonymous with pain, the only difference was what kind. I imagine that’s what it was like for you too. Funny though, that before all this I’d have put money on the person most unlikely to let go of Rowan would be you, not Viv…Just shows I don’t really know her as well as I thought. As if her actually going through with marrying Cyrus wasn’t enough of a clue about that, I suppose”
My best laid plan
Your sleight of hand
My barren land
I am ash from your fire
Dean let the comment, the pain, the bile in his throat pass as a man and women walked past them with only a backward glance, pity from the girl. “Love makes us do lots of shit we didn’t expect.”
“Does that apply to us too?”
Dean shrugged, "I don't know. Does it?"
“I know people think that you’ve been doing everything for me, recently.”
"I don't think I do everything for you."
Stood on the cliffside
Screaming, "Give me a reason"
Your faithless love's the only hoax
I believe in
Don't want no other shade of blue
But you
No other sadness in the world would do
“Yeah but you know how people make up whatever they want, especially in our business.”
"Yeah, That's true." Dean shrugged.
“You’re facing one of the biggest bullshit artists this week after all…”
"I'm sure my little brother will have a lot to say. About me. About you."
“He has been pretty adamant about ending me.”
"Don't worry, I won't let him get to you."
“Thank you”
"I'd do anything for you." Dean smiled, stepping into Warren's personal space.
“I know…” Warren said softly.
You know I left a part of me back in New York
You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for?
You knew it still hurts underneath my scars
From when they pulled me apart
You knew the password, so I let you in the door
You knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score?
You knew it still hurts underneath my scars
From when they pulled me apart
But what you did was just as dark
Dean glanced around to make sure there was no one around before kissing Warren softly and quickly. Warren responded softly. Dean broke the kiss softly so as not to get Warren in an uncomfortable position. Warren looked around, a little nervously. Cautious of their safety, Dean told himself. Once he seemed sure no one saw them, Warren breathed easier
"It's not like the public doesn't know if you are gay, babe."
“There is no point in going looking for trouble, especially as a World Champion, I don’t need a foreign scandal to derail my career.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Darling, this was just as hard
As when they pulled me apart
My only one
My kingdom come undone
My broken drum
You have beaten my heart
Don't want no other shade of blue
But you
No other sadness in the world would do
“I should have died a thousand times. I went into a coma that should have killed me. The amount of my blood soaking a ring is probably calculated somewhere. But I don’t go down. And neither do you. Threats of killing each other is something we do. But we both know that it wont take will it. Thought one of us will not be getting up from that mat I assume I’ll see you in a couple weeks with a rushed medical clearance.”
“I know you see Heir to the Throne as your destiny. I know it’s all you’ve ever wanted. You feel all the other accomplishments don’t mean as much. You’ve held multiple titles but this one thing is all you want. The one thing that makes you feel like you will be whole. I know what it’s like to have something you want and hope they make you whole.” Dean ran his finger over his wedding ring, “What will you do Sabin if it doesn’t give you the feeling you hope it does? What will you do when the one thing that you’ve built up in your head turns to ash in your mouth because it doesn’t go the way you planned?”
“It’s better you don’t find out. I do love you, Sabin, as a brother. I will always do my best to look out for you.” Dean offers a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, “We both know all my love and devotion turns violent sooner or later. Consider this divine violence. I will strip away all that your dreams, your hopes for just one more year. Strip you down to the base. No ego, no safety, no shelter. Just the glorious pain. I do this out of love.”
“Life isn't fair.” Dean leans back, “I have seen those who were so much more than they should have been, snuffed in a moment by the world's callous fucking indifference. Destiny is no shield. Fate is no shield. End of the day, all we have is ourselves. Our dreams must die. Our dreams die, or are forgotten, or are so twisted they might as well not be ours anymore. Let the dream die. Because we...we are nothing but blood. Who we are, Sabin? We don’t get to have dreams. We don’t get to have the things we want. All our life's efforts are trying to put a finger on the rigged scale of oblivion only to get slapped in the face by it.”
“Some would be crushed by that. They'd walk away and retreat into a corner, into a convenient hole. But me? I fight it. I fight it by making every second I wrest bloody from Fate matters. It's spite. It's spite, because every time I've thought I had something joyful, something that made its own meaning, it's been...ripped away by life, stolen by its whims. Tainted. Ruined. Peppered with another doubt and fucking rot that it will never give even a measure of what it used to. And it comes sooner or later. I tried to keep the lie up that it was worth it, that I had happiness, but reality reminded me I wasn't worth it. Wasn't worth her, them, that joy. It was stolen when Max was taken from us, ripped from the world just as she was supposed to have had her greatest joy in her arms. So when I steal this from you, I am saving you from the disappointment achieving what you thought you wanted only disappoints you.”
“I’ve been Heir to the throne. I’ve been world champion. I’ve been Joker in the Pack. I’ve won the roulette. Father, husband, friend. All the big achievements that can happen has happened to me. And I should be happy. I should look back at my career, my life and smile. And yet?”
“If you're anything like me, Sabin, and I know you are, nothing will fill the black sucking hole in your chest. Taking this one achievement from you gives you something to work for. Losing it will just make you want to work for it even more next year. You'll despair for it, scheme for it, do anything to find your hands on this achievement more...because as long as you are working towards it, your head pokes above the smoke clouds and you can see the light, the beautiful joy. I want that for you. I want that back for myself again, and the way I have that joy is keeping Warren happy. I want that sensation of freedom and control and triumph back, and I will not hesitate to break you to pieces in order to take it from you. Because while I'm giving you a gift of perspective, ultimately the one I care about here is keeping my husband happy with me. That is much more important than you right now, and this match? This match and your defeat assures that for me.”
“I blamed Rowan for a while for what I am. I blamed her for making me a weapon. But that’s giving her perhaps too much credit. I was always like this. She just unlocked the box. And I can’t seem to put myself back in. I have stopped watering myself down to make myself more digestible for people. All of you can choke. I will never again be gentle. I will get showered in blood and I will remain rough, as is my right.”
Dean ran fingers over the rocks, “Accusations of losing my edge aside the amount of disrespect, the dismissal of everything I love, all I knew, as if it were nothing… The amount of shit-talking certainly is unmatched by far—the use of some by the larger personal failings and painful past. There have been many things said about me in this tournament and every time I make them eat their words and leave the loser. And I just want to remind everyone of that.”
“I love you, Sabin. And Warren asked me to ensure you didn’t make it to him. And there was a time I might have hesitated on that. But what am I if not an oathbreaker and a destroyer of dreams?”
“I betrayed many people to get to where I am. April is not special in that respect. I betray everyone sooner or later, don’t I? There is nothing I love more than gold. That’s not really true. I know that’s what people like to think.” Dean laughs, “But I do what I have to do. I love too deeply. I love entirely. But my love language is acts of violence. If I’ve never hurt you, can you say I ever loved you?”
“But I know you're breakable. I know that you can be stopped, even as full of piss and vinegar and a legacy you think you need to uphold for your own ego. You've been felled before. I've seen inside your heart, I've seen your pride steal your victory out from underneath you like a vulture picking a carcass off the road. Because even without sharing the same blood we are brothers. You are my brother. I may fight with you, but I'll always have your back.”
My only one
My smoking gun
My eclipsed sun
This has broken me down
My twisted knife
My sleepless night
My win-less fight
This has frozen my ground
Dean had asked Warren out on a date. Something simple. Something lowkey. Dean didn’t give a shit what people thought of him, he’d kiss Warren in the middle of the goddamn city, but he knew Warren took a lot of the negativity personally. So something lowkey. Sankeien Garden and just walking over bamboo and looking at architecture.
Dean respected Warren’s wishes, just walking close to him, “It’s not bad.”
Stood on the cliffside
Screaming, "Give me a reason"
Your faithless love's the only hoax
I believe in
Don't want no other shade of blue
But you
No other sadness in the world would do
“What isn’t?” Warren being the more cautious of the two kept his hands in his pockets as he walked alongside Dean.
“The garden. It’s all nature and shit.”
“I didn’t think this would be your scene, Warren admitted, Viv would have insisted on coming here, you know if she was still talking to me. If I had known she’d be that devoted to Rowan, we should have recruited her into the pack years ago,” Warren laughed “I probably would have felt more at home then.”
That cut Dean deep but he kept his head down and kept walking forward, “Sorry it never felt like home to you.”
“Given my definition of home is likely fucked up, I don’t suppose it makes that much difference. For me home has always been synonymous with pain, the only difference was what kind. I imagine that’s what it was like for you too. Funny though, that before all this I’d have put money on the person most unlikely to let go of Rowan would be you, not Viv…Just shows I don’t really know her as well as I thought. As if her actually going through with marrying Cyrus wasn’t enough of a clue about that, I suppose”
My best laid plan
Your sleight of hand
My barren land
I am ash from your fire
Dean let the comment, the pain, the bile in his throat pass as a man and women walked past them with only a backward glance, pity from the girl. “Love makes us do lots of shit we didn’t expect.”
“Does that apply to us too?”
Dean shrugged, "I don't know. Does it?"
“I know people think that you’ve been doing everything for me, recently.”
"I don't think I do everything for you."
Stood on the cliffside
Screaming, "Give me a reason"
Your faithless love's the only hoax
I believe in
Don't want no other shade of blue
But you
No other sadness in the world would do
“Yeah but you know how people make up whatever they want, especially in our business.”
"Yeah, That's true." Dean shrugged.
“You’re facing one of the biggest bullshit artists this week after all…”
"I'm sure my little brother will have a lot to say. About me. About you."
“He has been pretty adamant about ending me.”
"Don't worry, I won't let him get to you."
“Thank you”
"I'd do anything for you." Dean smiled, stepping into Warren's personal space.
“I know…” Warren said softly.
You know I left a part of me back in New York
You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for?
You knew it still hurts underneath my scars
From when they pulled me apart
You knew the password, so I let you in the door
You knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score?
You knew it still hurts underneath my scars
From when they pulled me apart
But what you did was just as dark
Dean glanced around to make sure there was no one around before kissing Warren softly and quickly. Warren responded softly. Dean broke the kiss softly so as not to get Warren in an uncomfortable position. Warren looked around, a little nervously. Cautious of their safety, Dean told himself. Once he seemed sure no one saw them, Warren breathed easier
"It's not like the public doesn't know if you are gay, babe."
“There is no point in going looking for trouble, especially as a World Champion, I don’t need a foreign scandal to derail my career.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Darling, this was just as hard
As when they pulled me apart
My only one
My kingdom come undone
My broken drum
You have beaten my heart
Don't want no other shade of blue
But you
No other sadness in the world would do
“I should have died a thousand times. I went into a coma that should have killed me. The amount of my blood soaking a ring is probably calculated somewhere. But I don’t go down. And neither do you. Threats of killing each other is something we do. But we both know that it wont take will it. Thought one of us will not be getting up from that mat I assume I’ll see you in a couple weeks with a rushed medical clearance.”
“I know you see Heir to the Throne as your destiny. I know it’s all you’ve ever wanted. You feel all the other accomplishments don’t mean as much. You’ve held multiple titles but this one thing is all you want. The one thing that makes you feel like you will be whole. I know what it’s like to have something you want and hope they make you whole.” Dean ran his finger over his wedding ring, “What will you do Sabin if it doesn’t give you the feeling you hope it does? What will you do when the one thing that you’ve built up in your head turns to ash in your mouth because it doesn’t go the way you planned?”
“It’s better you don’t find out. I do love you, Sabin, as a brother. I will always do my best to look out for you.” Dean offers a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, “We both know all my love and devotion turns violent sooner or later. Consider this divine violence. I will strip away all that your dreams, your hopes for just one more year. Strip you down to the base. No ego, no safety, no shelter. Just the glorious pain. I do this out of love.”
“Life isn't fair.” Dean leans back, “I have seen those who were so much more than they should have been, snuffed in a moment by the world's callous fucking indifference. Destiny is no shield. Fate is no shield. End of the day, all we have is ourselves. Our dreams must die. Our dreams die, or are forgotten, or are so twisted they might as well not be ours anymore. Let the dream die. Because we...we are nothing but blood. Who we are, Sabin? We don’t get to have dreams. We don’t get to have the things we want. All our life's efforts are trying to put a finger on the rigged scale of oblivion only to get slapped in the face by it.”
“Some would be crushed by that. They'd walk away and retreat into a corner, into a convenient hole. But me? I fight it. I fight it by making every second I wrest bloody from Fate matters. It's spite. It's spite, because every time I've thought I had something joyful, something that made its own meaning, it's been...ripped away by life, stolen by its whims. Tainted. Ruined. Peppered with another doubt and fucking rot that it will never give even a measure of what it used to. And it comes sooner or later. I tried to keep the lie up that it was worth it, that I had happiness, but reality reminded me I wasn't worth it. Wasn't worth her, them, that joy. It was stolen when Max was taken from us, ripped from the world just as she was supposed to have had her greatest joy in her arms. So when I steal this from you, I am saving you from the disappointment achieving what you thought you wanted only disappoints you.”
“I’ve been Heir to the throne. I’ve been world champion. I’ve been Joker in the Pack. I’ve won the roulette. Father, husband, friend. All the big achievements that can happen has happened to me. And I should be happy. I should look back at my career, my life and smile. And yet?”
“If you're anything like me, Sabin, and I know you are, nothing will fill the black sucking hole in your chest. Taking this one achievement from you gives you something to work for. Losing it will just make you want to work for it even more next year. You'll despair for it, scheme for it, do anything to find your hands on this achievement more...because as long as you are working towards it, your head pokes above the smoke clouds and you can see the light, the beautiful joy. I want that for you. I want that back for myself again, and the way I have that joy is keeping Warren happy. I want that sensation of freedom and control and triumph back, and I will not hesitate to break you to pieces in order to take it from you. Because while I'm giving you a gift of perspective, ultimately the one I care about here is keeping my husband happy with me. That is much more important than you right now, and this match? This match and your defeat assures that for me.”
Well howdy there pardner.