Being a Diamond: Be you.

[Rob Diamond]

”You know what I find weird?”

“And this is gonna sound weird to people who aren’t in the biz.”

“Almost everyone always has some sort of crazy drama going on in their personal lives that they then ignore when they step in front of the camera to talk some shit.”

“Like, seriously. Sometimes I’m just walking around backstage and there’s a domestic violence situation going on that I’m not supposed to be able to see because everyone lives in these bizarre little bubbles. Or someone is being horribly racist and because the red light isn’t on it didn’t happen. OR!”

“And this is gonna piss some of the boys off.”

“Some people put on an act when the camera is on.”

“I find it all very insulting to our fans. That’s why the camera is always on for me. I record everything and I do mean everything and I live stream that shit 24/7/365 for the world to see. The Kane-Diamond family has no secrets.”

“Scene swipe!”

{ To prove my point I present to you a montage of my life over the course of the previous day.

Here’s me brushing my teeth.

Taking a dump.

Making an unsolicited pass at my wife.

All at the same time.

Now I’m outside playing with my daughter, she’s in superior football and shes fucking good at it.

Little Michael is using a railroad spike to gauge out the eyes of his teddy bear, we will be seeing his therapist later this week.

Now it’s lunch time, I made sandwiches, Hope is a tween and doesn’t like that I still cut her crusts off.

Video game time.

Another dump.

Mama and I got about three minutes of alone time during Michael’s nap and Hope was somewhere else in the house and three minutes is two and half minutes more than I need.

And dinner time.

Family brushing their teeth together.

Put Michael to bed, let Hope stay up in her room with a friend for a sleepover.

Mama and I briefly battle a horde of zombies.

Hope and her friend fell asleep.

Mama and I have all the time in the world now at around midnight. }

Mama: Do we really have to film this?

{ I look the camera dead in the lens. }

Rob: Let them watch.

Mama: Okay.

{ Mama whips out a strap on, the one with the vibrating tip and I just nod my head seductively at the camera. }

{ We come back to me in the place where I cut promos. }

”All of that is to say I am what I am, you get what you get. Rob Diamond is Rob Diamond absolutely all of the time. I will never lie to my fans, I’ll never put on an act and I will never, ever hide my life from the world. I put all the shit out there because I want my opponents to know when they lose to me they just lost to a so called beta male, comic book collecting nerd who’s down for a little/lot of pegging.”

{ I like it more than she does. }

”And that is exactly what I like about Jack Ferriman.”

{ Yes, this was all a very elaborate diatribe to set up the promo portion of this… promo. }

”Jack wears his shit on his sleeve. He doesn’t pretend, he doesn’t put on an act, he doesn’t try to sound like he’s anything other than who he is.”

“One talented bastard.”

“But I feel like maybe he doesn’t quite see what I see. I feel like maybe this Jack kid lacks a little bit of the old confidence. Well you know what, Jack? Confidence comes from experience and experience comes from putting in the work.”

{ Confident nod. }

”Now that isn’t to say you aren’t. I’m not trying to come out here and throw around a bunch of baseless accusations after building you up so much in our previous bout. That would make me a lying hypocrite and I’ve already established that I’m not going to lie.”

“Stretch the truth?”

“Occasionally just make stuff up?”

“Completely lose focus in the middle of a point and move on to a different topic?”

“The point is, Jack, you’ve got the experience. You’ve been around here a lot longer than some of these other idiots claiming to be better than you. You need to pick that head up, son and start acting like the ring veteran, the ring general I fucking know is creeping around inside of you.”

{ I wouldn’t mind creeping around inside of him either. }

”You can’t be listening to these other fucking idiots here. They’re gonna talk you down and talk you down just to make themselves feel better. I mean let’s be honest with each other, most of the boys in the back are insecure little bitches who only know how to hurl insults.”

“So badass of them…”

“That was sarcasm btw. Being a white inbred wannabe lunatic who breaks every hate speech rule we have doesn’t make you cool.”

“It just makes you an asshole.”

“But that’s the business that we’re in. Everyone wants to be the next Spike Kane. The world’s biggest piece of shit who says and does horrible things for their own amusement. Problem is, Spike was mostly entertaining and all these other assholes are just boring and unoriginal.”

{ If that offends you then it was absolutely directed at you. }

”I never wanted to be the next Spike or Steve or Adam or whoever you think was too cool to cancel. I wanted to be the one and only me and that’s what I’ve been for every moment of my career.”

“You be the only you, Jack.”

“Fuck all these other idiots who don’t want to see what I see. Fuck them in their big stupid faces. You could absolutely be a top guy in this company. Singles, tag, whatever. Jack Ferriman could absolutely be the marquee at a Night of the Immortals battling it out in the main event and out classing whoever is on the other side of the ring from him.”

“Ya just gotta believe in yourself, brother.”

“I hear it when you talk. The confidence is in there but you just don’t want to admit it. You don’t wanna come off as another brash asshole and I totally get it. But you wouldn’t be. Look at your boy Pax, he oozes confidence from every single pore on his incredibly tone body.”

{ Mmmmm, Pax. }

”But he’s so goddamn good in the ring that he backs that confidence up with action. He’s not like some of our coworkers, all talk and no walk. That cat will explain to you how he’s about to sever every ligament in your arm while he’s literally doing it and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop him.”

“That’s confidence.”

“That could be you, Jack. I fucking know it. I saw it. I felt it. You stepped into that ring with RAM and I and you put on a fucking show. You had those people eating out of the palm of your hand. There were several moments where I thought you were about to score a so-called upset victory over me and arguably the most worthless man in all of professional wrestling.”

“Only I wouldn’t have called it an upset.”

“You’d have earned that victory and you may just earn one on Odyssey.”

{ Building up the competition actually feels better than just grabbing at the lowest of hanging fruit. }

”I’m well aware you could win this match. I was out for a long time, I’m still shaking off the rust and we all know injuries never really heal, they just hurt less. My focus is gonna have to be exactly what it was last time, just being a little tiny bit better than you.”

“That’s no easy feat, Jack.”

“It means a lot of long hours in the gym, it means studying every single second of you I can find, it means getting in the ring with some of the best up and comers I can find at the gym and upping my game to the next level. It means doing something I’ve made a career doing, putting in that real hard, long, throbbing work.”

{ Always give at least as good as you get, that’s what Mama always says. }

”Will it be enough this time? I don’t know, man because I’m sure you’re doing the exact same thing. I’m sure you’re hopping in there with Pax, one of the best in the world today and making a near perfect game plan to counter me in every way possible.”

“I don’t know if that’s got me hot or wet or both.”

“What I do know is I’m looking forward to tearing it up with you. See, unlike when we shared the ring with RAM, I know there is no way this match ends hard and fast. I’m gonna have to wear you down, wear you out, out work and outperform you. This is gonna be a marathon not a sprint and I know you’re gonna be able to keep up with me.”

{ Any and all sexual innuendos were purposeful, even ones I don’t know I’m making. }

”I don’t see this match as a nice little warm up as I continue to move up the ranks. I see this as my first real test back in the ring. Yeah, I’ve had one or two real solid opponents, guys who are definitely better than they get credit for but you? You’re certified angus beef to their meatloaf.”

{ I love meatloaf, to be clear. }

”I know this, whoever comes out the other side of this with their hand raised? They’re only just getting started. This match is gonna be a catapult for one of us. Either Jack Ferriman gets the so called upset victory of a lifetime and proves to himself he’s as good as I say he is or I pick up a victory in an absolute war against one of the IWF’s hottest prospects.”

{ Take that anyway you want. }

”But let me just say this, Jack. If I do win? And I’m absolutely saying if, do not fucking feel bad. Do not just resign yourself to the bench until called for. Do not just call yourself a tag team guy or do what feels comfortable. Use this match, use the momentum of the spectacle we put on and turn that shit into a bright future. Come out the other side of this bitch with a fire in your belly and the knowledge you took the GOAT to the fucking limit.”

“Be you, Jack, the best fucking you there has ever been.”

“And if you ain’t down with that, I’ve only got two words for ya.”

{ SUCK IT! }