Post by Rob Diamond on Aug 11, 2024 23:17:11 GMT
{ I’m skipping the preamble today. We’re somewhere in Tokyo, the kids are back home with grandma, it’s just me and Mama. }
Rob: IT’S HAPPENING!!!!
{ And I’m currently really excited as I run from one side of the hotel room to the other, it’s a very small hotel room so the scene is pretty funny. }
Mama Kane: Can you relax?
Rob: I’M SO HORNY!!!!!!
{ I just got the news, the latest card is in, Mama is not happy about it. }
Mama Kane: ROB!
Rob: I’m not prepared! What do I wear!? Should I get my hair done!? What about my nails!? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!
{ And she smacks me, it doesn’t reduce the size of my boner. }
Mama Kane: Jesus fucking Christ will you calm down!?
Rob: I can’t!!!!
Mama Kane: You get like this everytime you face Dean! I can’t fucking stand it!
{ Am I masturbating? I’m masturbating. }
Mama Kane: Put your fucking cock away before I rip it off!
{ I finished anyway. }
Mama Kane: I’m so sick and tired of this game of gay chicken!
Rob: You know how to end it.
Mama Kane: I’m not letting you fuck Dean Harper. One, you don’t know where he’s been and two, and more importantly, people who have sex with Dean tend to have a string of bad luck afterward.
Rob: Warren fucked his way to the World title.
Mama Kane: Warren is the biggest mistake my male counterpart ever made.
Rob: Ouch. He’s kinda cute.
Mama Kane: FOCUS!
{ I CAN’T! }
Mama Kane: You need to get your head out of Dean’s ass and in the game!
Rob: But he’s sexy.
Mama Kane: Ew. He looks like someone put Angel in a drier and bleached his hair on the otherside.
Rob: I just want to eat him up in all the wrong ways.
Mama Kane: If you don’t stop I’m going to hit you again.
Rob: You know how I like it.
{ She hits me again. }
Mama Kane: Goddamit Rob!
Rob: We’ve never discussed hall passes. Can we discuss hall passes?
Mama Kane: I will never let you have sex with Dean.
Rob: What if I ask really nicely?
Mame Kane: Can you take anything seriously?
Rob: IT’S HAPPENING!!!!
{ And I’m currently really excited as I run from one side of the hotel room to the other, it’s a very small hotel room so the scene is pretty funny. }
Mama Kane: Can you relax?
Rob: I’M SO HORNY!!!!!!
{ I just got the news, the latest card is in, Mama is not happy about it. }
Mama Kane: ROB!
Rob: I’m not prepared! What do I wear!? Should I get my hair done!? What about my nails!? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!
{ And she smacks me, it doesn’t reduce the size of my boner. }
Mama Kane: Jesus fucking Christ will you calm down!?
Rob: I can’t!!!!
Mama Kane: You get like this everytime you face Dean! I can’t fucking stand it!
{ Am I masturbating? I’m masturbating. }
Mama Kane: Put your fucking cock away before I rip it off!
{ I finished anyway. }
Mama Kane: I’m so sick and tired of this game of gay chicken!
Rob: You know how to end it.
Mama Kane: I’m not letting you fuck Dean Harper. One, you don’t know where he’s been and two, and more importantly, people who have sex with Dean tend to have a string of bad luck afterward.
Rob: Warren fucked his way to the World title.
Mama Kane: Warren is the biggest mistake my male counterpart ever made.
Rob: Ouch. He’s kinda cute.
Mama Kane: FOCUS!
{ I CAN’T! }
Mama Kane: You need to get your head out of Dean’s ass and in the game!
Rob: But he’s sexy.
Mama Kane: Ew. He looks like someone put Angel in a drier and bleached his hair on the otherside.
Rob: I just want to eat him up in all the wrong ways.
Mama Kane: If you don’t stop I’m going to hit you again.
Rob: You know how I like it.
{ She hits me again. }
Mama Kane: Goddamit Rob!
Rob: We’ve never discussed hall passes. Can we discuss hall passes?
Mama Kane: I will never let you have sex with Dean.
Rob: What if I ask really nicely?
Mame Kane: Can you take anything seriously?
”No.”
Mama Kane: Can you try to focus?
Rob: The only thing I can focus on is his hot, sweaty body rubbing up against mine in the ring.
Mama Kane: You know how weird you sound, right?
Rob: Don’t kink shame me.
Mama Kane: Pining for a man when you’re happily married isn’t a kink.
Rob: Damaged people are my kink.
{ She hits me for the third time. }
Rob: You’re gonna make me hard again.
Mama Kane: I’m not fucking you when you’re like this.
Rob: You can’t let me wrestle Dean hard.
{ Mama rubs her temples. }
Mama Kane: Fuck me…
Rob: Can I call you Dean while I do?
{ Fourth hit of the promo }
Mama Kane: Rob… I love you… But I could drive a rail road spike through your hand right now.
Rob: I know somewhere you could stick it.
Mama Kane: I can’t deal with this right now.
Rob: It’s not my fault I swing both ways and Dean just makes me feel a certain type of way!
Mama Kane: You’re so fucking lucky I love you.
Rob: I tell myself that everyday.
Mama Kane: A normal person would be super offended by the way you’re acting.
Rob: A normal person wouldn’t have married his not so dead best friend’s doppelganger from another universe.
Mama Kane: You know I hate when you remind me about him.
Rob: It’s ok, I don’t want to have sex with him anymore. Just you. And Dean.
Mama Kane: That was almost sweet. Now how do we get your head in the game?
{ She doesn’t want to know the answer to that question. }
Mama Kane: Yes I do.
{ Since when can she hear me describing the scene? }
Mama Kane: Since you started getting lazy and saying it while in the scene instead of ADR.
Rob: Wow.
{ Wow. }
Mama Kane: Stop that! So what do I need to do to get you to focus!?
{ Exhales. }
Rob: You’re gonna need some grease paint and the biggest strap on money can buy.
Mama Kane: Fuck.
Rob: Exactly.
Rob: The only thing I can focus on is his hot, sweaty body rubbing up against mine in the ring.
Mama Kane: You know how weird you sound, right?
Rob: Don’t kink shame me.
Mama Kane: Pining for a man when you’re happily married isn’t a kink.
Rob: Damaged people are my kink.
{ She hits me for the third time. }
Rob: You’re gonna make me hard again.
Mama Kane: I’m not fucking you when you’re like this.
Rob: You can’t let me wrestle Dean hard.
{ Mama rubs her temples. }
Mama Kane: Fuck me…
Rob: Can I call you Dean while I do?
{ Fourth hit of the promo }
Mama Kane: Rob… I love you… But I could drive a rail road spike through your hand right now.
Rob: I know somewhere you could stick it.
Mama Kane: I can’t deal with this right now.
Rob: It’s not my fault I swing both ways and Dean just makes me feel a certain type of way!
Mama Kane: You’re so fucking lucky I love you.
Rob: I tell myself that everyday.
Mama Kane: A normal person would be super offended by the way you’re acting.
Rob: A normal person wouldn’t have married his not so dead best friend’s doppelganger from another universe.
Mama Kane: You know I hate when you remind me about him.
Rob: It’s ok, I don’t want to have sex with him anymore. Just you. And Dean.
Mama Kane: That was almost sweet. Now how do we get your head in the game?
{ She doesn’t want to know the answer to that question. }
Mama Kane: Yes I do.
{ Since when can she hear me describing the scene? }
Mama Kane: Since you started getting lazy and saying it while in the scene instead of ADR.
Rob: Wow.
{ Wow. }
Mama Kane: Stop that! So what do I need to do to get you to focus!?
{ Exhales. }
Rob: You’re gonna need some grease paint and the biggest strap on money can buy.
Mama Kane: Fuck.
Rob: Exactly.
”Dean Harper.”
{ Mama isn’t letting me cut the promo this week. She says I need to focus on the match but I can’t focus on the match when all I can see everytime I blink is Dean’s glorious brown flower. I bet it tastes as good as it looks. }
”ROB!”
{ I said you could cut the promo, I never said I wouldn’t describe the scene or how viciously hard my cock is. }
”I hate that you’re smart enough to find a work around.”
{ I love you too. }
”Dean, I’m going to be honest, I hate the way you make my husband feel.”
{ I’m literally jacking off to his Insta right now. }
”Jesus… I never thought as a fully grown woman with a child I’d have to worry about some painted up bitch boy stealing my husband. A blond with a huge rack? Sure. That I could deal with. That would be normal. But it’s 2024 and apparently there’s a new normal.”
{ I haven’t jacked off this much since the Notebook came out. }
”I don’t know what is weirder about that sentence.”
{ Rachel McAdams is my other hall pass. }
”You can’t have two hall passes… You don’t even have a hall pass!”
{ We will revisit this conversation. }
”No we won’t. Can I please cut the promo?”
{ Can I please just share a hot tub with Dean while we both masturbate? That isn’t cheating. Just two grown men watching each other rub one out. }
”I’m just going to ignore you.”
{ Impossible. }
”Like I was saying! Dean, I don’t like the way you make Rob feel. I don’t like that you seem so goddamn honest about how he makes you feel. I just straight up don’t like you. I don’t know if you’re both just messing with each other or if you’re going to fuck the second I turn my back on you.”
{ Oh I’m not messing around. I’d plug him up worse than a communal shower drain. }
”I don’t like it. It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s not what professional wrestling is supposed to be about. You’re two men in the prime of your careers! You should be talking about killing each other to win this match! You should be making overly aggressive threats and promising blood and pain and heartache! You should be running each other down and digging up past failures and just really burying the fuck out of each other!”
“Instead?”
“You’re about to have a live porno on Sacrifice.”
{ I don’t see an issue. }
”Do you not want to be world champion again? Do you not want to cave Warren’s head in? Do you not want to go down in history as better than you fuck boy of a father? Because it certainly doesn’t fucking seem like it. First, you’re doing a really bad parody of me, trying to be the most hated man in all of professional wrestling. Second, you’re threatening to bang my husband.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I completely understand you’ve had a truly fucked up life. Worse than most. But most of the time I hear you talk it’s hard to understand you because you’ve got your opponent's dick in your mouth. All the way to the balls.”
{ I wish. }
”And I want to believe the desperate gay thing is just an act but you seem really sincere when you basically threaten to fuck anyone who shares a ring with you. Grindr is a thing, you don’t need to wrestle to find sexual partners. You wrestle to win. You wrestle to be a goddamn champion. You wrestle because it’s what you were born to do.”
“And it seems like you were just born to fuck anything that moves.”
“Including my son who has more personalities than James McAvoy in Split.”
{ Technically not her son and if we’re being honest? I don’t think he’s actually bisexual either. I think he just pretended because it seemed like the cool thing to do. Like back when you were in high school and people pretended to be goth because they didn’t fit into any of the other friend groups. Yeah, that’s right, I’m accusing Warren of sucking dick to be cool. Who would have thought this would be the world we eventually lived in? I love it. }
”Rob? He was born to wrestle. He loves it. And most weeks I wouldn’t be worried about him. He’s talented, skilled and one of the most dangerous people inside and outside of the ring when he needs to be. He puts on a good show but he’s more focused and driven than anyone I have ever known. And then you come along and potentially derail everything he’s been working toward.”
{ Worth it. }
”And for what? So you can add another name to your fuck book? Because god fucking forbid you focus on something that matters like championships. That’s what Rob should be focused on. That’s what he was focused on. That’s why he came back, to prove once and for all that he is absolutely the greatest of all fucking time!”
{ Mama is getting me hype. }
”And I’d sooner die than let him throw it all away over a one night stand with IWF’s resident man whore.”
{ Awww… Mama, you’re so sweet. }
”So I’m going to do whatever I have to do to get his head out of the clouds and back in the game. It’s all cute and flirty right now but come Sacrifice? You’ll be stepping into the ring with a different Rob Diamond. A Rob Diamond who’s more concerned with winning the fucking match then hitting that flat ass of yours!”
{ It’s not flat. }
”I’m going to beat the lust out of him and make good and goddamn sure he’s ready to beat the grease paint right off your fucking face. You get me, Dean? This isn’t going to be two men wrestling the pants off each other. This is going to be my husband, the greatest of all time showing you your place in the pecking order.”
{ Beneath me in more ways than one. }
”All bloody hail!”
{After credits scene. }
”Hey Dean!”
{ Waving excitedly. }
”I know Mama said a lot of stuff that sounds really aggressive but I just wanted to say real quick. I’m totally DTF.”
{ Is it bad that my dicks been rock hard for the last 47 hours? }
”And I’m almost 100% confident if we ask really nice she will let us bone.”
{ Or Dean could just knock her out. }
”But even if she doesn’t we will always have these little moments in the ring together. Just grappling, touching, trying to force the other one to just lay down and let it happen. Almost like when you watch a rape themed porno, it’s ok because you know they’re actors. It’s ok because we both want to be inside each other.”
{ Can’t rape the willing. }
”And if you’re not down with that then please… Please… SUCK IT!”
Well howdy there pardner.