Post by Allen and Ollie and Raccoon on Oct 14, 2024 4:52:46 GMT
OLLIE MAVERICK
A Heavily Edited Disquisition on Aging Athletes and the Values of both Workrate and Bison Dollars
Beat TJ Alexander.
Beat Logan Sky.
But can I beat both of them at the same time?
Yes.
Yes, I can do that.
Thatās not really the issue.
The issue is that once again we are in line for our meds.
And thatās the story of how I woke up screaming at a booth at Waffle House before breaking down into violent sobs.
They comped my meal.
So, you know.
Net positive day, right?
I like hash browns.
Dunno if thatāll be enough.
Okay, this is a thing now. Definitely in a thing. Head is bad.
Our hero(?) feeling a little better after a visit from a friend, we find ourselves in Ollieās RV. Itās actually really nice in here. Ollie could probably affords a really really nice place and save a lot of money on gas but he values the freedom to go wherever he wants whenever he wants too much.
It makes sense to other people whoāve been in a place they werenāt allowed to leave before.
āHello! Happy birthday if it's your birthday! If it isn't, you have to stop watching.ā Ollie says. Itās impossible to judge the expression on his digitally blurred face.
āIāll know if youāre lying and Iāll find you.ā Ollie says in a very menacing voice. He clears his throat and his usual jolly tone returns.
āTwo and Oh here in the IWF and NOT ONLY has my challenge for a match in my theme park not been accepted because you all are soft-spined weenie people but I find myself facing off against the two people Iāve previously beaten in this company. Itās like a clip show in episode 3! Who does that? I think the Clerks animated series did that and that show got canceled so fast. Undeservedly so, in my opinion. Every once in a while āOh my God, Bear is driving how can that be?ā pops into my head and still gives me a chuckle. Screw it. This promo is now about old cartoons I like. Hey, do you guys remember Freakazoid? Even when the second season became more story-driven I feel li-ā
āSoā¦Hereās the thing Tommy Jommy. Thatās your name now because I beat you, thatās an actual rule. Look it up.ā Ollie says. It isnāt.
āBruv, I do what you think youāre the best at better than you do. Sure I may not be one of those dudes whose blood rushes to his lap whenever he sees a Ribera jacket or care how many kinds of wristlocks there are but I fly higher than you do, I hit harder than you do, and Iām so dang pretty they have to censor my face lest the arena be mobbed by men and women trying to trick me into marriage. Thatās definitely the reason I keep my face censored.ā Ollie says. It isnāt. Again.
āYou see, I know somebody else who has an encyclopedic knowledge of suplexes. My big brother.ā Ollie says, there is a pause. Wonāt go into it too much because I know not a lot of you know much about Johnny and how inseparable he and Ollie USED to be.
āI hate my big brother. I hate that masturbatory āworkrateā mentality you represent that seems to be directly in opposition to this job being any fun. And I know you view that as my weakness? That I seemingly donāt take this as seriously as you do but I feel like itās time to drop a harsh truth on you. You can watch hours and hours of tape on me and it wonāt increase your chances of beating me by a fraction of a percentile. You try to turn this into a formulaā¦ well, I order off-menu. I operate outside of the parameters you seem to carte about so much and thatās why youāre just never gonna beat me. Never. Never ever ever ever. Iām sure me beating you once already has you proper fired up, bruv. Butā¦.hereās the thing about that my guyā¦ā Ollie says. He reaches offscreen and his hand returns holding a hat that sort of looks like itās for a military officer only red and he pops it atop his head.
āIām sure the day that Ollie Maverick stepped into the ring with you has become the most important day of your life but for meā¦ it was Tuesday.ā Ollie says. He only wastes a few moments trying to remember if that day was actually tuesday. Probably not, right? Ollie takes off the hat and tosses it offscreen like a frisbee where we hear it knock over something probably important and expensive.
āAnd then we have Logan Sky. I think that given your track record here itās important to ask yourself a question and I mean no offense by asking this I just want you to maybe genuinely reflect on it. At what point are you doing this not because you think youāre in the middle of having one last big historic run and instead because you think itās really the only thing you have left? I can sit here and crack jokes about how the clicking noises your knees make are morse code for the letters āA.A.R.P.ā but thatās not productive so much as it is funny and also Allen gave me that line earlier and it feels bad using it. Let me boil it down for youā¦you know to soften it because your teeth probably arenāt good for much longer IāM SORRY COULDNāT HELP IT.ā Ollie says, taking a few deep breaths to regain his focus, as little of it as there was.
āI donāt care if youāre 50, 60ā¦ 103 years old. I donāt care if your prostate works right, I just want someone in the ring with me who wonāt explode into powder the moment I land a kick on them. If you can take a beating then you fit right in with my plans and as far as I can tellā¦yeah, youāll do. Maybe after we can talk aboutā¦ Metamucil or your grandkids or any of the various wars you potentially lived through while I try and convince you that āThe Boomer Bombā is a cool name for a finisher. It is. You should use that. Itās free. Take it." Ollie holds out his hand as if he is freely offering something, that something being the name āBoomer Bombā. Reading comprehension is fun.
āThis industry is the only place Iāve ever felt like I belonged. I learned that when my performance review after briefly working at Burger King where I received a āpoorā on my performance review after I allegedly ākicked my manager in the faceā or whatever.ā Ollie says, we can't see it but we can almost tell by his tone that he just rolled his eyes if that makes sense.
āI have to say āallegedlyā because that court date is still pending and it has been for a while. The prosecution is a little lost about how to proceed because that guy died. Not because of the kick, he got his dingus caught in a bear trap and bled out and I KNOW what youāre thinking but I absolutely do not have time to talk about how that happened if I want Rocky to keep in all the stuff I said earlier about cartoons.ā Ollie says. Youāre thinking about it arenāt you? We all are, itās fine.
āSoā¦ I still have an open challenge and to show that I mean serious business between the bells I have to show out again. Thatās fine. My home boy has been off enjoying being a husband which has given me time to properly introduce myself. Do you feel like youāre getting to know me, guys? Teej? Logan? Are you starting to figure out what youāre in for, guys? Maybe you donātā¦ and thatās okay. I already told you guys this once so I guess Iāll have to tell you again. I am the Manic Marvel. Iām the Conductor of the Gravy Train and you two both got tickets. My name is Ollie Maverickā¦ and you should be concerned.ā Ollie says, leaving us with a little chuckle with violent intentions behind it before the scene is overtaken by glitches and SMPTE bars before suddenly blacking out.
Earlierā¦
Allen Chaney was awoken by a phone call from Daniel Fitzsimmons. His manager, a former wrestler. Also the adoptive father of Oliver Linkoln Fitzsimmons.
That bit is important.
More or less it was about how Ollie freaked out in a public place again and wasn't doing too hot. Allen was called in for these situations because Allen was the only person who could bring Ollie back.
Allen never minded it. He just had to get creative with it sometimes. He grabs his phone and portable speaker and heads out for a walk, eventually arriving at the pin Daniel had dropped for him to find Ollie sitting outside of his RV in a Wal-Mart parking lot hugging himself and shaking. Ollie kept repeating āJust tell me it isnāt real.ā Rocky is curled up in his lap like a good service animal.
Allen knew he had to break out the big guns to snap him out of this one.
Allen sets the portable speaker down and takes a few steps away like a soldier planting a claymore explosive so the speaker was between them and they had some distance from each other. āThis side toward best friendā. Allen takes out his phone and presses play. The speaker springs to life and Ollieās shaking slows. Allen puts his phone in his pocket and lets the song play.
Ollie looks at the speaker, and then at Allen. Allen simply nods.
Rocky hops off of Ollieās lap and Ollie slowly stands, dusting his dirty jeans off a little bit.
āI donāt wanna talk about it.ā
āNever said you had to.ā
Ollie nods in appreciation as they both just just kind of awkwardly stand there. That part of the song is approaching.
You know the part.
āIām not gonna do it.ā
āNever said you had to.ā Allen repeats, though he is now at the ready. Bracing himself.
Weāre almost there. Ollie is fighting it.
Heās not really doing a very good job.
āJust donāt drop me, fatass.ā
āKay.ā
Sure enough, Ollie runs toward his best friend right on time and Allen catches him and lifts him up just like in that movie (you know the one don't lie) and Ollie canāt help but finally smile, his arms outstretched.
Beat Logan Sky.
But can I beat both of them at the same time?
Yes.
Yes, I can do that.
Thatās not really the issue.
The issue is that once again we are in line for our meds.
Look down. Slippers. Green medical jammies.
Nope. No no no no no.
Close my eyes. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Too much breathing. Too hard. Hyperventilating now. Crap. No no no. No. This has to be the one that isnāt real.
But does it?
Itās no secret we are mentally unwell. This is where mentally unwell people go, right? This is probably where we belong.
Nah. No.
I shove my way out of the line and try to make a break for it, but Iāve pulled this shit too many times now. Theyāre ready and five beefy motherfuckers are holding me down within a few minutes. Not before I got a few good hits in.
āJust gonna help you calm down, buddy.ā one of them says as they prep a syringe. So it always seems to go.
In a volume that nearly shreds my vocal cords I scream āPLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNāT REALā as the needle enters my flesh and the plunger is pushed down.
And thatās the story of how I woke up screaming at a booth at Waffle House before breaking down into violent sobs.
They comped my meal.
So, you know.
Net positive day, right?
I like hash browns.
Dunno if thatāll be enough.
Okay, this is a thing now. Definitely in a thing. Head is bad.
Our hero(?) feeling a little better after a visit from a friend, we find ourselves in Ollieās RV. Itās actually really nice in here. Ollie could probably affords a really really nice place and save a lot of money on gas but he values the freedom to go wherever he wants whenever he wants too much.
It makes sense to other people whoāve been in a place they werenāt allowed to leave before.
āHello! Happy birthday if it's your birthday! If it isn't, you have to stop watching.ā Ollie says. Itās impossible to judge the expression on his digitally blurred face.
āIāll know if youāre lying and Iāll find you.ā Ollie says in a very menacing voice. He clears his throat and his usual jolly tone returns.
āTwo and Oh here in the IWF and NOT ONLY has my challenge for a match in my theme park not been accepted because you all are soft-spined weenie people but I find myself facing off against the two people Iāve previously beaten in this company. Itās like a clip show in episode 3! Who does that? I think the Clerks animated series did that and that show got canceled so fast. Undeservedly so, in my opinion. Every once in a while āOh my God, Bear is driving how can that be?ā pops into my head and still gives me a chuckle. Screw it. This promo is now about old cartoons I like. Hey, do you guys remember Freakazoid? Even when the second season became more story-driven I feel li-ā
āSoā¦Hereās the thing Tommy Jommy. Thatās your name now because I beat you, thatās an actual rule. Look it up.ā Ollie says. It isnāt.
āBruv, I do what you think youāre the best at better than you do. Sure I may not be one of those dudes whose blood rushes to his lap whenever he sees a Ribera jacket or care how many kinds of wristlocks there are but I fly higher than you do, I hit harder than you do, and Iām so dang pretty they have to censor my face lest the arena be mobbed by men and women trying to trick me into marriage. Thatās definitely the reason I keep my face censored.ā Ollie says. It isnāt. Again.
āYou see, I know somebody else who has an encyclopedic knowledge of suplexes. My big brother.ā Ollie says, there is a pause. Wonāt go into it too much because I know not a lot of you know much about Johnny and how inseparable he and Ollie USED to be.
āI hate my big brother. I hate that masturbatory āworkrateā mentality you represent that seems to be directly in opposition to this job being any fun. And I know you view that as my weakness? That I seemingly donāt take this as seriously as you do but I feel like itās time to drop a harsh truth on you. You can watch hours and hours of tape on me and it wonāt increase your chances of beating me by a fraction of a percentile. You try to turn this into a formulaā¦ well, I order off-menu. I operate outside of the parameters you seem to carte about so much and thatās why youāre just never gonna beat me. Never. Never ever ever ever. Iām sure me beating you once already has you proper fired up, bruv. Butā¦.hereās the thing about that my guyā¦ā Ollie says. He reaches offscreen and his hand returns holding a hat that sort of looks like itās for a military officer only red and he pops it atop his head.
āIām sure the day that Ollie Maverick stepped into the ring with you has become the most important day of your life but for meā¦ it was Tuesday.ā Ollie says. He only wastes a few moments trying to remember if that day was actually tuesday. Probably not, right? Ollie takes off the hat and tosses it offscreen like a frisbee where we hear it knock over something probably important and expensive.
āAnd then we have Logan Sky. I think that given your track record here itās important to ask yourself a question and I mean no offense by asking this I just want you to maybe genuinely reflect on it. At what point are you doing this not because you think youāre in the middle of having one last big historic run and instead because you think itās really the only thing you have left? I can sit here and crack jokes about how the clicking noises your knees make are morse code for the letters āA.A.R.P.ā but thatās not productive so much as it is funny and also Allen gave me that line earlier and it feels bad using it. Let me boil it down for youā¦you know to soften it because your teeth probably arenāt good for much longer IāM SORRY COULDNāT HELP IT.ā Ollie says, taking a few deep breaths to regain his focus, as little of it as there was.
āI donāt care if youāre 50, 60ā¦ 103 years old. I donāt care if your prostate works right, I just want someone in the ring with me who wonāt explode into powder the moment I land a kick on them. If you can take a beating then you fit right in with my plans and as far as I can tellā¦yeah, youāll do. Maybe after we can talk aboutā¦ Metamucil or your grandkids or any of the various wars you potentially lived through while I try and convince you that āThe Boomer Bombā is a cool name for a finisher. It is. You should use that. Itās free. Take it." Ollie holds out his hand as if he is freely offering something, that something being the name āBoomer Bombā. Reading comprehension is fun.
āThis industry is the only place Iāve ever felt like I belonged. I learned that when my performance review after briefly working at Burger King where I received a āpoorā on my performance review after I allegedly ākicked my manager in the faceā or whatever.ā Ollie says, we can't see it but we can almost tell by his tone that he just rolled his eyes if that makes sense.
āI have to say āallegedlyā because that court date is still pending and it has been for a while. The prosecution is a little lost about how to proceed because that guy died. Not because of the kick, he got his dingus caught in a bear trap and bled out and I KNOW what youāre thinking but I absolutely do not have time to talk about how that happened if I want Rocky to keep in all the stuff I said earlier about cartoons.ā Ollie says. Youāre thinking about it arenāt you? We all are, itās fine.
āSoā¦ I still have an open challenge and to show that I mean serious business between the bells I have to show out again. Thatās fine. My home boy has been off enjoying being a husband which has given me time to properly introduce myself. Do you feel like youāre getting to know me, guys? Teej? Logan? Are you starting to figure out what youāre in for, guys? Maybe you donātā¦ and thatās okay. I already told you guys this once so I guess Iāll have to tell you again. I am the Manic Marvel. Iām the Conductor of the Gravy Train and you two both got tickets. My name is Ollie Maverickā¦ and you should be concerned.ā Ollie says, leaving us with a little chuckle with violent intentions behind it before the scene is overtaken by glitches and SMPTE bars before suddenly blacking out.
Earlierā¦
Allen Chaney was awoken by a phone call from Daniel Fitzsimmons. His manager, a former wrestler. Also the adoptive father of Oliver Linkoln Fitzsimmons.
That bit is important.
More or less it was about how Ollie freaked out in a public place again and wasn't doing too hot. Allen was called in for these situations because Allen was the only person who could bring Ollie back.
Allen never minded it. He just had to get creative with it sometimes. He grabs his phone and portable speaker and heads out for a walk, eventually arriving at the pin Daniel had dropped for him to find Ollie sitting outside of his RV in a Wal-Mart parking lot hugging himself and shaking. Ollie kept repeating āJust tell me it isnāt real.ā Rocky is curled up in his lap like a good service animal.
Allen knew he had to break out the big guns to snap him out of this one.
Allen sets the portable speaker down and takes a few steps away like a soldier planting a claymore explosive so the speaker was between them and they had some distance from each other. āThis side toward best friendā. Allen takes out his phone and presses play. The speaker springs to life and Ollieās shaking slows. Allen puts his phone in his pocket and lets the song play.
Ollie looks at the speaker, and then at Allen. Allen simply nods.
Rocky hops off of Ollieās lap and Ollie slowly stands, dusting his dirty jeans off a little bit.
āI donāt wanna talk about it.ā
āNever said you had to.ā
Ollie nods in appreciation as they both just just kind of awkwardly stand there. That part of the song is approaching.
You know the part.
āIām not gonna do it.ā
āNever said you had to.ā Allen repeats, though he is now at the ready. Bracing himself.
Weāre almost there. Ollie is fighting it.
Heās not really doing a very good job.
āJust donāt drop me, fatass.ā
āKay.ā
Sure enough, Ollie runs toward his best friend right on time and Allen catches him and lifts him up just like in that movie (you know the one don't lie) and Ollie canāt help but finally smile, his arms outstretched.
Well howdy there pardner.