Post by Hayleigh Blake on Oct 18, 2024 0:31:37 GMT
10/15/24
Mexico City, Mexico
”Now that’s what I’m fucking talking about!”
Mom pressed both her palms against my chest as she pushed me back in some sort of sign of encouragement.
”That’s how you bounce back from a loss!”
She has a real knack for sucking the joy out of anything.
”Of course there is still some work to do. You clearly hesitated to deliver the Divine Justice at the end. Are you sure you want to use one of your dad’s moves to put people away? I feel like-”
Without asking she runs her hands up and down my frame.
”Like you just don’t have the mass to really deliver that effectively. What about some piledriver variation?”
”I’m fine mom. I deliver it fine.”
”Woah, settle down. Who pissed in your energy drink? I’m just offering some suggestions as a hall of fame wrestler in the company you sort of work for. Have you spoken to Verona about that probation period?”
She just never stops.
”No, mom. He said we’d have a 90 day review and I assume that happens after 90 days.”
”There’s no time like the present.”
”It hasn’t been 90 days.”
”He doesn’t need 90 days to see how good you are.”
”MOM!”
She jumps back. I think the volume of my voice caught her off guard.
”Christ. Sorry. Get cleaned up. Dinners on me.”
Her cold demeanor returned in those final moments before she left. Is it so much to ask for her just to be proud of me?
*Ding*
I look at my phone, great, it’s dad. He texted.
”You looked great, bones.”
I… Uhhhh… I don’t even know why he calls me that…
”Thanks.”
Mexico City, Mexico
”Now that’s what I’m fucking talking about!”
Mom pressed both her palms against my chest as she pushed me back in some sort of sign of encouragement.
”That’s how you bounce back from a loss!”
She has a real knack for sucking the joy out of anything.
”Of course there is still some work to do. You clearly hesitated to deliver the Divine Justice at the end. Are you sure you want to use one of your dad’s moves to put people away? I feel like-”
Without asking she runs her hands up and down my frame.
”Like you just don’t have the mass to really deliver that effectively. What about some piledriver variation?”
”I’m fine mom. I deliver it fine.”
”Woah, settle down. Who pissed in your energy drink? I’m just offering some suggestions as a hall of fame wrestler in the company you sort of work for. Have you spoken to Verona about that probation period?”
She just never stops.
”No, mom. He said we’d have a 90 day review and I assume that happens after 90 days.”
”There’s no time like the present.”
”It hasn’t been 90 days.”
”He doesn’t need 90 days to see how good you are.”
”MOM!”
She jumps back. I think the volume of my voice caught her off guard.
”Christ. Sorry. Get cleaned up. Dinners on me.”
Her cold demeanor returned in those final moments before she left. Is it so much to ask for her just to be proud of me?
*Ding*
I look at my phone, great, it’s dad. He texted.
”You looked great, bones.”
I… Uhhhh… I don’t even know why he calls me that…
”Thanks.”
”I guess I’m doing something right.”
I’d love to say it’s a confident grin but it’s definitely a mask for how nervous I feel.
”Four matches in and I’ve got myself a shot at a shot at the Gladiatorix Championship at Survival of the Fittest.”
Gulp much?
”I know I’m supposed to be like really cool about this and act like this is exactly the position I was always supposed to be in because of who my parents are but can I have a moment to freak out?”
No? Not cool in wrestling? Fine.
”Two months ago I was watching people battle for a chance at a title shot in IWF from the comfort of my father’s couch. Now? Now I’m one of those people being watched and the magnitude isn’t lost on me. I feel the weight of the moment bearing down on me. It’s pretty intense.”
Like being a walnut in the jaw of a nutcracker.
”A certain number of the audience expects me to live up to my heritage and just steam roll my way to victory. Another number are waiting for me to fail so they can say my name is the only reason I’m even here. And then there’s another subset who are actually invested in my journey.”
“I didn’t ask to be the daughter of my parents.”
“I was born just like everyone else to the people I was born to. It isn’t my fault. My parents had all the odds of being famous celebrities as they did of being nameless nobodies. I won the literal sperm lottery, I suppose. But I didn’t ask for this weight or this pressure. I didn’t ask for the mountain of expectations on my shoulders.”
“Trust me, I’d prefer to be Mai, Rini or Itami in this match up.”
“They’re lucky, the way I see it.”
“The crowd may or may not have preconceived notions of them based on their past but at least it’s based on something they’ve done. A lot of people make a lot of assumptions about me based on who my parents are. I’m either supposed to be the best pure bred wrestler who has ever lived or I’m the only dud that ever had the disgrace of falling out of my father’s… Balls… Ewww…”
I should have taken a second run at that line. Oh well.
”I wish I could step into this match like my opponents, they’re shoulders unburdened by someone else’s career. But that isn’t the card I’ve been dealt. I am who I am, they are who they are and I just need to make due with it, which is what I’ve been doing.”
To mostly some success.
”So perhaps this is the moment where I get really confident. Maybe this is the moment where I really lean into who my family is. Maybe this is the moment where I shed the skin of the naive rookie and become the herald of my parent’s legacy I guess I’m supposed to be.”
“But that feels boring, doesn’t it?”
“Do we want Shelly or Angel jr? Wouldn’t it be so much cooler to see what the daughter of those two absolute beasts becomes on her own? I feel like it would and I feel like I’m becoming someone interesting, someone the fans can get behind, someone they can understand. Because isn’t every child’s dream to be someone other than their parents?”
It’s certainly my dream.
”It would be easy to play into the legacy. To act like I’m so much better than everyone else. But I’m not. I’m not better than any of the women in this match. They’ve all done more, seen more, wanted more than I can possibly know at this stage of my career. I’ve barely faced any sort of hardship. One loss, that’s it. These women have faced true devastation. They know what it’s like to have their future in their finger tips only for someone else to rip it away,”
“They’ve been here before.”
“This is only my first taste of something greater. I don’t really know what I’m stepping into. How far will they go? What are they willing to do? How much is the weight of gold around their waist really worth? Mom has told me. Dad has told me. Dean, Warren, Sabin, they’ve all told me. But You don’t really know what someone is capable of until you get into that ring. That’s something I’ve learned only by watching.”
“But I’m not watching anymore.”
I feel my confidence begin to swell.
”I’m one of those women now. I’m in that ring. I’m looking at the key to the rest of my career. This could be my moment as much as it could be any of their’s and it leaves me with a single thought.”
“What am I capable of?”
“I haven’t been where they’ve been. I haven’t done what they’ve done. I haven’t faced what they’ve faced. But what do they know about me, where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what I’ve faced? Do they know what I’m capable of? Does anyone? Do I even know exactly what I’m capable of?”"
I’m not even sure.
”No.”
“I haven’t really been tested, pushed, forced to dig down deep into my training or even into myself and find that thing. That thing we all have inside of us, that thing, that monster, that beast. We all have that animalistic side of us. That intangible something that shows itself in life or death situations.”
“You might say this isn’t life or death.”
“I say that depends on who your parents are, how you were raised and what you want out of life.”
“This is my first taste of something greater. I feel like I don’t want to take that lightly. I feel like all of us together are going to find out what I’m capable of. I feel like…”
“This is only the beginning…”
As an adult or almost an adult, there are moments that live in your mind forever. No one really remembers every single moment from their childhood but we all remember moments, things, events that shaped us into the people we are today.
October 15th, 2024 is one of those moments for me.
I had just lost my first match ever. I mean ever. Unlike most of the people in IWF, I never wrestled anywhere else. Yeah, I’ve sparred, I’ve rolled around the ring with legends, but I’d never wrestled and lost a real match before.
October 15th was a moment of redemption.
Some people in my position would crumble from the weight of a loss.
I’m not JUST Angel and Shelly’s kid. I’m Dean and Sabin’s sister. I’m Tara’s step child. I’m Rob and Chris Diamond’s niece. I’m a part of a legacy of success.
I’m the latest product on a conveyor belt of success.
There isn’t a single person in my professional wrestling family who can be considered a failure. So October 15th was a big night for me. I was returning to the ring after my first loss. I could’ve entered that ring rattled, afraid, unfocused. Instead I came in with only one goal on my mind and that was to put my opponent's shoulders on the mat for three seconds.
I did that.
I felt vindicated.
I snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.
But it didn’t feel like I won. Not when I got backstage. Not when I got home. Not in the days following that night.
I will never forget my mom’s immediate response.
It’s burned into my memory like that night she threatened to kill herself when I said I wanted to leave…
Or when I was much smaller and she used me like a human shield against my father.
But I can’t let those moments define me. They happened. They passed. They aren’t who I am or who I want to become. It’s my number one goal in life to be better than either of them was and I don’t mean in the ring. I mean as people.
They are deeply flawed, broken individuals raised by broken and flawed individuals. I don’t have to be that. I don’t have to be their spitting image. I know that. So even as October 15th replays itself in my head over and over and over again I focus on what comes next. I focus on what I want to do, who I want to be, who I’m going to become.
I focus on the future. My future.
”You looked great, bones.”
This is what I choose to remember from October 15th.
”I’m so proud of who you are.””
October 15th, 2024 is one of those moments for me.
I had just lost my first match ever. I mean ever. Unlike most of the people in IWF, I never wrestled anywhere else. Yeah, I’ve sparred, I’ve rolled around the ring with legends, but I’d never wrestled and lost a real match before.
October 15th was a moment of redemption.
Some people in my position would crumble from the weight of a loss.
I’m not JUST Angel and Shelly’s kid. I’m Dean and Sabin’s sister. I’m Tara’s step child. I’m Rob and Chris Diamond’s niece. I’m a part of a legacy of success.
I’m the latest product on a conveyor belt of success.
There isn’t a single person in my professional wrestling family who can be considered a failure. So October 15th was a big night for me. I was returning to the ring after my first loss. I could’ve entered that ring rattled, afraid, unfocused. Instead I came in with only one goal on my mind and that was to put my opponent's shoulders on the mat for three seconds.
I did that.
I felt vindicated.
I snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.
But it didn’t feel like I won. Not when I got backstage. Not when I got home. Not in the days following that night.
I will never forget my mom’s immediate response.
It’s burned into my memory like that night she threatened to kill herself when I said I wanted to leave…
Or when I was much smaller and she used me like a human shield against my father.
But I can’t let those moments define me. They happened. They passed. They aren’t who I am or who I want to become. It’s my number one goal in life to be better than either of them was and I don’t mean in the ring. I mean as people.
They are deeply flawed, broken individuals raised by broken and flawed individuals. I don’t have to be that. I don’t have to be their spitting image. I know that. So even as October 15th replays itself in my head over and over and over again I focus on what comes next. I focus on what I want to do, who I want to be, who I’m going to become.
I focus on the future. My future.
”You looked great, bones.”
This is what I choose to remember from October 15th.
”I’m so proud of who you are.””
Well howdy there pardner.