Post by Rob Diamond on Nov 10, 2024 19:07:45 GMT
”I’m normally a pretty fun loving guy.”
{ It’s true. I’m the kinda guy that laughs at funerals. Not because it’s funny someone’s dead, I just don’t like being sad. }
”I like to joke around, have a laugh, be entertaining and be entertained. Being all dark and serious and foreboding isn’t really my style. Like, it’s cool to pretend to be Bruce Wayne but who has the patience to be that broody all the time?”
{ Not me. Also, brooding causes forehead wrinkles and we just can’t have that. }
”But some people are just the total opposite of fun. They suck the fun right out of a room. Like Abraxes, for example. There’s a guy who just murders fun for a living.”
“A black void of excitement.”
“I get it, he’s got that creepy mask and watched a Saw movie once and thought, now that guy has some good ideas.”
“Well he doesn’t.”
“John Kramer is a sadistic serial killer and I don’t care how hard you bend logic, he kills that cop in the first movie.”
{ Not Danny Glover, the other one, the guy from Lost. }
”And for whatever reason Abraxes has decided to grind my triumphant return to a very depressing stop. Well big guy, that’s all gonna change in about a weeks time at Survival of the Fittest. But until then?”
“I got me a warm up match.”
{ Heck yeah. }
”Which brings me to El Grande Malo. Now this is a guy I can have some fun with. He looks like he just reeks of a good time. Like you could meet up with this guy for a couple drinks at a 99 and wake up the next morning in a motel room with no memory of what happened and a slightly sore butt.”
“My kind of guy.”
“Unfortunately for Malo, we aren’t just crossing paths at a regular time in my life. See, I’ve got that big match coming up and I need to head into it looking strong. I need to take this thing seriously. I need the world to see that Robert Barthalemo Diamond is heading into Survival of the Fittest with that killer instinct keenly intact.”
{ Like that time I had to kill my brother for money. }
”So I’m just gonna go ahead and apologize to Malo now. Normally I’d want to do a little adventure, poke some fun at your foibles and overall just give the crowd something they can smile at. Normally. BUT! Abraxes being the killer of joy that he is has robbed us of that moment.”
“So I’m sorry, Malo, I’m going to have to kill you.”
“Not literally, of course. I wouldn’t do well in jail. I’m too pretty. I am, however, going to have to kill you in the context of a wrestling match. I’m just going to work you over something awful and send a clear message to Abraxes.”
“You fucked with the wrong guy.”
“Which means I’m going to have to brutalize your poor, lovely face, Malo. I’m gonna have to beat you bloody. I’m gonna have to snap some bones, tear some ligaments and I’m gonna have to do it in less than three minutes because that makes me look really impressive.”
{ Welcome to squash match city, population: Malo. }
”And I don’t want to do it, Malo. I don’t. I really like you. You’re a loveable idiot just like my good buddies Mr. Happy and James Gilmore. You’re the kind of guy I’d love to just hang out with and discuss whatever we have in common. But again, I’m gonna have to kill you, brother.”
{ I shrug. }
”And it really pains me, like, a lot. Because I’m not that kind of guy. Yeah, I can get down and dirty when I need to. Ask my big brother. I beat the living fuck outta him. Our match was brutal and disgusting and like a murder scene and I did that. Me. With my own two hands. I took his barbed wire bat and shredded him worse than my anus when Mama gets a new strap on in the mail.”
{ She can go a little hard. }
”I’ve got that darkness in me. I’ve got that level of depravity. I’ve got that evil. I don’t like to lean into it. I don’t like to think about it. I don’t like to do it. I’m a human, afterall, I understand that I share that ring with people who have families and at the end of the day we all just want to get back to them.”
“But Abraxes won’t let me have fun.”
“He won’t let me just enjoy this run.”
“He won’t let me be who I want to be.”
“So I’ve gotta be who he wants me to be. I gotta be that sadistic little sycophant he’s trying to draw out of me. I’ve got to harness my darkness, steady my hand and prepare myself for the nightmare that’s going to unfold at Survival of the Fittest. Because that isn’t going to be a match. It’s going to be a reenactment of the shower scene from Terrifier 3 and I’m a be Art the Clown.”
“Abraxes is gonna be the dude with a chainsaw up his ass.”
“You get me, Malo?”
“And you’re the guy I have to get ready with before that. You’re the guy I’ve got to heat up against. You’re the guy whos going to help me bring that killer to the surface. AND I’M SO SORRY! Seriously. Because the last thing I want to do is murder your asshole with a chainsaw but I’m gonna have to.”
{ Going cordless this time though, better for the environment and more reliable. }
”I’d offer to make it up to you afterward but let’s be honest with each other. You’re not gonna be happy with what I’m going to do to you. You won’t be able to close your eyes without seeing my sexy fucking face ripping you apart. I’m going to haunt you for the rest of your life after this match.”
“Not because I want to.”
“That’s just how bad I’m going to fuck you up.”
“But I’ll promise you this, Malo. After I’m done with Abraxes. After I’ve murdered him real good and put the monster down forever. I promise it will be the last time I let someone push me that far. After Abraxes it will only be fun loving Rob Diamond from there on out. I promise Malo. And I hope that someday you’ll be able to forgive me for what I’m going to do to you.”
“Suck it.”
{ I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Mama told me not to do this. She said I didn’t need it. She told me to just knuckle up and stop being a bitch.
Well, I didn’t listen. Because I do need this. I need this moment.
Sorry, let me set the scene for you. I’m in my rental car, IDK, some sort of Kia sedan. It’s nice, not too nice, a little fancy for a Kia if you ask me. I’m at a motel out in the middle of nowhere. Looks almost exactly like the Bates Motel but no house up on a hill with a corpse sitting in the window. And I’m trying to build up the courage to go knock on the door of room 2.
I’m trying to convince myself to go talk to my brother.
It’s weird, right? I feel like most people are really close with their families and their siblings specifically. Like, I feel like most people are in constant contact with the people they grew up with.
I’ve never had that with my brother, maybe my sister? Sometimes? Like, we talk when we see each other and sometimes we text. I don’t know, it’s weird. Like, I’m the youngest of the three but I’m not that much younger than them and I’ve just always felt like an only child for some reason.
The three of us were never really all that close. We tried. The Work was about as close as we’ve ever come to being a normal functioning family. Obviously that blew up, Chris went nuts and now we see each other at my kids birthday parties, or Hayleigh’s. But even then, we don’t really talk.
Yeah, Chris has shown up, obviously drunk or trying to be and he keeps his distance and I keep mine. But right now? I kinda need my big brother. I know I’m about to do something awful again, like I did when I wrestled Chris and I don’t know that I’m mentally prepared to go down that road again.
So I’m here at his motel hoping to get some sort of clarity.
Ugh, Mama is probably right, this is a stupid idea.
But I’m full of stupid ideas. That’s why I’m standing at the door and knocking. He doesn’t answer. Maybe he saw me walking up and is ignoring me? Maybe he’s just passed out drunk already at 11AM? I jiggle the door handle, it’s locked. }
Rob: Chris! It’s me. Can we talk?
{ I hear some stuff moving around on the other side of the door. Bottles clanging, papers ruffling and then the dead bolt being unlocked… }
Mama told me not to do this. She said I didn’t need it. She told me to just knuckle up and stop being a bitch.
Well, I didn’t listen. Because I do need this. I need this moment.
Sorry, let me set the scene for you. I’m in my rental car, IDK, some sort of Kia sedan. It’s nice, not too nice, a little fancy for a Kia if you ask me. I’m at a motel out in the middle of nowhere. Looks almost exactly like the Bates Motel but no house up on a hill with a corpse sitting in the window. And I’m trying to build up the courage to go knock on the door of room 2.
I’m trying to convince myself to go talk to my brother.
It’s weird, right? I feel like most people are really close with their families and their siblings specifically. Like, I feel like most people are in constant contact with the people they grew up with.
I’ve never had that with my brother, maybe my sister? Sometimes? Like, we talk when we see each other and sometimes we text. I don’t know, it’s weird. Like, I’m the youngest of the three but I’m not that much younger than them and I’ve just always felt like an only child for some reason.
The three of us were never really all that close. We tried. The Work was about as close as we’ve ever come to being a normal functioning family. Obviously that blew up, Chris went nuts and now we see each other at my kids birthday parties, or Hayleigh’s. But even then, we don’t really talk.
Yeah, Chris has shown up, obviously drunk or trying to be and he keeps his distance and I keep mine. But right now? I kinda need my big brother. I know I’m about to do something awful again, like I did when I wrestled Chris and I don’t know that I’m mentally prepared to go down that road again.
So I’m here at his motel hoping to get some sort of clarity.
Ugh, Mama is probably right, this is a stupid idea.
But I’m full of stupid ideas. That’s why I’m standing at the door and knocking. He doesn’t answer. Maybe he saw me walking up and is ignoring me? Maybe he’s just passed out drunk already at 11AM? I jiggle the door handle, it’s locked. }
Rob: Chris! It’s me. Can we talk?
{ I hear some stuff moving around on the other side of the door. Bottles clanging, papers ruffling and then the dead bolt being unlocked… }
Well howdy there pardner.