Post by Hayleigh Blake on Nov 10, 2024 19:56:44 GMT
”Well I’m officially a loser.”
{ I shrug. }
”3 wins and 4 losses. I’m going to be honest, it feels pretty crappy. I’ve actually been a little depressed about it the last few days but you know what?”
{ Chin up. }
”I’m not going to let it keep getting me down. It would be really easy to just keep sinking into that abyss of sadness and beat myself up. But life isn’t easy, that’s what my parents taught me. Stuff isn’t just going to get handed to you on a silver platter. You need to work to make things better.”
“So I’m going to work.”
“Yeah, I had a couple days to be a dower little ditz but that isn’t who I am, that isn’t what I’m about. I’m going to get back up, get back in that ring and I’m going to do what I love. I’m going to wrestle, I’m going to work, I’m going to keep getting better and better and better until I’m undeniable.”
{ Hands on my hips. }
”Domi, you’re a good worker who no one takes seriously. This company and the fans have pigeon holed you as life time Coliseumer. They see you as someone who will never rise above where you currently are in life. Well, I don’t buy it. I think you’ve got heart, grit and drive. I think you wouldn’t still be here week in and week out if this wasn’t something you were passionate about. I don’t think this company would keep cutting you checks if you didn’t have something to offer.”
“So let’s show them, Domi.”
“Let’s show them who you are, what you’re about, why you’re still here after all these years. Let’s show them why you keep getting back in that ring, why you don’t let all those losses bother you, why you never give up. Let’s show them who we are and why we are here.”
“Let’s show them what we’re capable of.”
“I don’t know you personally but I’d venture to guess you don’t particularly love how people see you. I’m willing to bet you don’t love being an afterthought to most people in this company. I’d guess that you, like me, don’t want to be what they say you are.”
{ I nod. }
”So let’s be something else, something more. Let’s go out there and show them why we’re here, what we’re capable of. Let’s be the professional wrestlers we want to be, not the ones they want us to be. Because we aren’t losers, Domi, regardless of what our records say. Losers don’t keep getting up. Losers don’t keep getting back in that ring. Losers don’t put in the work like we have, are and will continue to do.”
“Losers quit.”
“We will never quit.”
“I will never quit.”
11/7/2024
Blake Estate
We haven’t spoken in a week.
Sorry, I haven’t spoken to her in a week, not since our training session. She has tried to speak to me. Called me. Texted me. I’m surprised she hasn’t sent me a letter in the mail.
But I have nothing to say to her.
Nothing.
I’m sick of the way she pushes me to be more like her. I don’t want to be like her. I want to be my own person, not her little clone but she can’t handle that. She just can’t accept that her little girl is growing into an entirely different person than who she wants me to be.
Well get used to it, Mom because there’s no going back now. I’m not that little kid anymore that just accepts her lies as truth. Yeah, when I was little you could just lead me along and I’d hang onto your every word. But I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m an adult making adult decisions and it would just be nice if you could encourage me instead of whatever parenting tactic you’re currently trying.
Ok.
Maybe I do have something to say to her but I don’t want to say it. Well, I do but she won’t listen. I know she won’t. All she’s going to hear is that I hate her and then she’ll start down guilt trip lane until I apologize for having emotions.
UGH!
This sucks.
This sucks and I hate it and I don’t know what to do besides ignore her. And obviously that isn’t going to make anything better. She’s just going to get madder and madder until I give in and answer the phone and then I’m going to have to deal with all her bullshit anyways.
I should just get it over with now but I don't want to. I don’t want to deal with her right now. She’s already wormed her way into my head and I feel like I’m taking massive steps backwards in my career because of it. I had that match with Sorcha just like I had that match with April but I couldn’t get it done.
Because of her.
She’s got me all turned around and twisted up. I keep thinking about what she would want me to do in the ring instead of trusting my instincts. And I don’t know how to just snap out of it. I’m not this gullible. I shouldn’t just be walking into my opponent's moves. I’m so much better than what I’ve been showing these last couple of weeks!
But I can’t stop thinking about her, what she thinks of what I’m doing, how it’s making her feel. I’m so distracted by my own Mom that I can’t even function in the ring.
”Hayleigh?”
Dad found me in his trophy room lost in my own thoughts while surrounded by his successes.
”Hey Dad.”
”Are you okay?”
Most people see my Dad as a painted up whackjob in black leather but I see him as just my Dad. That’s why such a simple question hit me so hard. He cares. He’s sad that I’m sad. I feel my steely resolve melting as I fall into his waiting arms.
”No.”
”Is there anything I can do?”
”You’re doing it.”
He squeezes a little tighter. This is all I want from her. Just some concern, some care, a little bit of love.
”Does she hate me?”
I feel him laugh a little.
”No.”
”Then why does it feel like it sometimes?”
He takes a long breath, his chest pushing against my own.
”She’s had a hard life, it’s made her a hard person. She doesn’t want you to have to learn what she learned the hard way.”
”Why can’t she say that?”
”I don’t know. I wish she would.”
He pushed me back a little bit so he could look down on me. I’m sure to someone outside the family this would be a weird little scene. My Dad, Angel Blake, all painted up in his glory because he always wears that paint, looking down at his wrestling daughter surrounded by the memories of his career. Some good, some absolutely terrible. He’s a monster to some, God to others but he’s just Dad to me. Dad who always looks like he just went on a shopping spree at Spirit Halloween.
”What?”
”Nothing.”
I hug him again. I needed this. I needed this moment. I feel my resolve returning. Mom has gotten in my head for all the wrong reasons. I can’t keep letting it affect me. I need to focus. I need to remember what she’s taught me, what he’s taught me and trust my own instincts. I need to be me.
Blake Estate
We haven’t spoken in a week.
Sorry, I haven’t spoken to her in a week, not since our training session. She has tried to speak to me. Called me. Texted me. I’m surprised she hasn’t sent me a letter in the mail.
But I have nothing to say to her.
Nothing.
I’m sick of the way she pushes me to be more like her. I don’t want to be like her. I want to be my own person, not her little clone but she can’t handle that. She just can’t accept that her little girl is growing into an entirely different person than who she wants me to be.
Well get used to it, Mom because there’s no going back now. I’m not that little kid anymore that just accepts her lies as truth. Yeah, when I was little you could just lead me along and I’d hang onto your every word. But I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m an adult making adult decisions and it would just be nice if you could encourage me instead of whatever parenting tactic you’re currently trying.
Ok.
Maybe I do have something to say to her but I don’t want to say it. Well, I do but she won’t listen. I know she won’t. All she’s going to hear is that I hate her and then she’ll start down guilt trip lane until I apologize for having emotions.
UGH!
This sucks.
This sucks and I hate it and I don’t know what to do besides ignore her. And obviously that isn’t going to make anything better. She’s just going to get madder and madder until I give in and answer the phone and then I’m going to have to deal with all her bullshit anyways.
I should just get it over with now but I don't want to. I don’t want to deal with her right now. She’s already wormed her way into my head and I feel like I’m taking massive steps backwards in my career because of it. I had that match with Sorcha just like I had that match with April but I couldn’t get it done.
Because of her.
She’s got me all turned around and twisted up. I keep thinking about what she would want me to do in the ring instead of trusting my instincts. And I don’t know how to just snap out of it. I’m not this gullible. I shouldn’t just be walking into my opponent's moves. I’m so much better than what I’ve been showing these last couple of weeks!
But I can’t stop thinking about her, what she thinks of what I’m doing, how it’s making her feel. I’m so distracted by my own Mom that I can’t even function in the ring.
”Hayleigh?”
Dad found me in his trophy room lost in my own thoughts while surrounded by his successes.
”Hey Dad.”
”Are you okay?”
Most people see my Dad as a painted up whackjob in black leather but I see him as just my Dad. That’s why such a simple question hit me so hard. He cares. He’s sad that I’m sad. I feel my steely resolve melting as I fall into his waiting arms.
”No.”
”Is there anything I can do?”
”You’re doing it.”
He squeezes a little tighter. This is all I want from her. Just some concern, some care, a little bit of love.
”Does she hate me?”
I feel him laugh a little.
”No.”
”Then why does it feel like it sometimes?”
He takes a long breath, his chest pushing against my own.
”She’s had a hard life, it’s made her a hard person. She doesn’t want you to have to learn what she learned the hard way.”
”Why can’t she say that?”
”I don’t know. I wish she would.”
He pushed me back a little bit so he could look down on me. I’m sure to someone outside the family this would be a weird little scene. My Dad, Angel Blake, all painted up in his glory because he always wears that paint, looking down at his wrestling daughter surrounded by the memories of his career. Some good, some absolutely terrible. He’s a monster to some, God to others but he’s just Dad to me. Dad who always looks like he just went on a shopping spree at Spirit Halloween.
”What?”
”Nothing.”
I hug him again. I needed this. I needed this moment. I feel my resolve returning. Mom has gotten in my head for all the wrong reasons. I can’t keep letting it affect me. I need to focus. I need to remember what she’s taught me, what he’s taught me and trust my own instincts. I need to be me.
Well howdy there pardner.