Post by Eternity on Nov 17, 2013 18:31:50 GMT
Do you believe in life after death?
Now I can appreciate that its not really something you think about on a daily basis - not like me. That's why they say I'm obsessed, and you are not. They say its unhealthy but my BMI is perfectly reasonable. You should know that there are far more unhealthy things in this world, you indulge in them every Friday or Saturday night, sometimes even when you come over to watch me on your television.
You tell yourself you deserve it. That Friday night pizza. That Saturday night curry. That Sunday night Chinese. That Monday night Sacrifice. Would you call yourself obsessed with take out just because you go through the same routine every weekend? You think it over while you're at work, you watch the clock and you tell yourself with every passing minute that you are one minute closer to your weekly reward. My doctors would have told you that that kind of behaviour was obsessive, compulsive. Unhealthy.
I don't, because I understand you, just as you understand me. You are not obsessed with takeaway anymore than I am obsessed with death. That Chicken Korma with Pilau Rice isn't the symptom of an unhealthy obsession, its a reward. It's a little pat on the back for making it through another week without completely breaking down under the stresses and strains of your daily grind.
Why shouldn't you congratulate yourself? You deserve it, and let's face it, if you don't reward yourself occasionally, nobody else is ever going to. Nobody cares about you as much as I do, you have nobody to come home to, but I'm always here and you know that and you are as grateful for that as I am grateful for you.
You are an audience to my woes, you never question or judge, you just listen and sometimes I make you laugh, sometimes I make you cry, and occasionally, very occasionally I freak you out, and that's why people will never understand our relationship. All they understand is their own hollow definitions of what a real relationship is, a relationship shared through social media updates, Facebook status sentiments, photos and Bitstrips.
Turning themselves into loved up digital cartoon strips is all the rage these days, and if that's what they want to do, why do they have to punish you and remind you of just how lonely you get sometimes when I'm not there? They have no consideration for you, not like I do. It's why I don't have a Twitter or a Facebook, nobody wants to hear my daily ramblings about every little thing I do, do they?
That's the difference between us and them baby, one person's obsession is simply another person's routine. We understand our routines where they see only obsessions.We have nobody else, only each other. Perhaps that's all we will ever need. In this life or the next. Will we still be together? I hope so. I want to believe that it really is true that we will all get our rewards in the next life for the trials and tribulations we endure in this life.
It is all I have left to hold on to in this life. This life sucks. Sometimes it feels like such a punishment, good job its finite, only seventy five years of this crap on average. This life isn't a life for me, but the next - that will be my reward. That will be my reunion with my Mommy and Daddy. In this life they call me crazy. In the next they will call me home.
We will go home together. We will meet my parents together. We will love. We will laugh. And we will do it all for an eternity...
Purple smoke gathers on your screen and you were used to it by now. Some weeks you welcomed the distraction more than you feared it, this was one of those weeks. You saw my reflection in a mirror as I finished painting myself up for you. White cheeks, ruby lips, black eye shadow, it was all an art. It was all a creativity you admired more than you feared. Some people saw only a clown when they looked at me, but you knew their mirror was cracked and the reflection was distorted.
It was not that simple. But then true beauty never is.
You see me turn towards you and my green eyes send a not entirely unpleasant shiver down your spine as they shimmer at you and my lips part into a wide grin that told you how important you really were to me.
I'm sorry Mister De Montford sir, I really am. I'm sorry but I've never been that good at your game, I've always found it kind of boring to be honest and I usually love games, but eh, yours kind of blows. Now if you want to play a different game, then I'm all for it. Hopscotch? Tic tac toe? Peanuts? The Knife Game? Thumb wars? Or how about my personal favourite - Kiss Chase? No, not with you sir, you're just too old and wrinkly for me...no offense, but ewww, just ewww!
I know your wife is dead and you have those cold lonely nights sometimes, we all do sir. Your son Bernie on the other hand, he's kind of cute and a proud soldier, I'm sure he could seduce me with tales of horror, blood and gore like a real romantic sweetheart should.
WHAT?
What do you mean Bernie doesn't want to play with me? Nobody ever does!
You see me shrug.
Oh well, his loss I guess. And since I'm being punished this week anyway, I figured what the hell? I'd make the first move, something tells me he likes strong women, and I'd take care of him for you. I'd be an awesome daughter-in-law, my mommy always said that some day some guy would be lucky to have me and if Bernie plays his cards right, it could be his luckiest day. What have I got to lose? I know what you're thinking, I'm only interested in him because he has your family money - and I won't lie, it helps. It helps me look past his rather large schnozz, guess it really is true - there really is no such thing as an ugly rich guy.
He can treat me like a Princess, he can buy me castles in the sky with unicorns and ponies with jet packs. What more could a girl want? But I ain't no gold digger. Grave digger certainly, but we've all got to have our hobbies, don't we? But I'm not a gold digger. Just ask Kanye West, he knows me, he ain't sayin' I'm a gold digger, but I ain't messin' with no broke Snickers, and its a good job too, I turn into a right Diva when I'm hungry. Like I said Mister Dee Dee!
GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!
Man that was an awesome cartoon. They sure don't make 'em like that anymore. Like I was saying Mister Dee Dee, I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but your game absolutely sucks! Simon says touch your nose.
You see me touch my nose.
Simon says pat your head...
You see me pat my head.
Simon says everybody sing...
You see me open my mouth to sing, but then decide against it.
Well I'm not playing anymore sir, I'm sorry, but I refuse! I just can't do it anymore! You can put me in all the "Corporate Punishment"...
You see me do the air quotes with my fingers.
...matches you want. You can team me up with all the newbies against two of the top women who will headline your Extinction Event, I am still on to your game! How is any of this fair? You cunning bastard, everybody thinks the numbers are on my side so they don't see this as a punishment for me. Instead they see it as punishment for Ana and Amber...and they call me insane! ME!
Why am I being teamed with jobbers? Why am I being teamed with the Irish? That's a handicap in itself, but then you add in River and Crystal. How is that fair? A woman called Avery has the cooch to ask me about my name? Really? Really? It's not my fault that you are a bird sanctuary. And that's exactly what you need this week Avery, sanctuary. We all know you are the weak link here as Amber has already beaten you.
If we lose this match, it will be because of you, Simon wants me to protect his newest investments, just like he wants to protect Princess Jessie. But I won't do it, and now here we are. Mister Dee Dee knows that this is my kingdom and I can rule this place with Bernie any time I want if I want so he's keeping me from my crown for as long as he can. So here I am, stuck in this crappy match as punishment, left to babysit the new recruits when I should be leading the army at one of the biggest Pay Per Views of the year.
No wonder Ana thinks I'm a sacrificial lamb. Where's Mary? That's right, you think you're so smart and so pretty don't you Ana? Daddy gave you the world on a string and now Simon is giving you the same, giving you things you don't deserve, certainly not ahead of me! You know I'm not crazy! I know I'm not crazy! We both miss our mommies, there is nothing wrong with that, is there? There is nothing crazy about grief...and that is why I forgive you. We are sisters bound by our sorrows, and that is why you cannot think straight. I have some trouble with that myself at times, I'm not afraid to admit. That is why you cannot decide if I'm the tap dancing monkey, the sacrificial lamb, the fool or the serpent. You've taken a sudden and dark turn down the road of life and it is a road I know all too well. You have declared destruction. You have declared death. You have declared dominion over the worthless Diamonds that stud this Division, all because you are stricken with grief over the death of your mommy. I get it. I lost my mommy too Ana. It is all very depressing actually. It depresses you. It depresses me. We really need to cheer up.
Hey! Do you know what I do to cheer myself up in situations like this. I sing....but NOT because Simon says! Let's sing Ana, let's sing together, I promise you you'll feel better, just like I do!
Mary had a little lamb
Her fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go...
Fear not little one, fear not the army of lions lead by the lamb, fear the army of lambs lead by the lion...and I am the LION Ana, make no mistake about it! I am the lion!
You see me gnash my teeth and raise my hands either side of my head, bending my fingers into claws.
RAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRR! Ana RAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR! Bitch!
HeeheeheeheeheeheeheheheeheeheeheeheeheeeheeeheeHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The look on your face right now, that look of confusion and disbelief, I've seen it many times and I will see it many times more. If I'm really lucky I'll see it again at Sacrifice, and who knows I do have the luck of the Irish on my side this week, I'm sure what she lacks in in ring ability, she more than makes up for in lucky charms. Dismembered rabbits feet, four leaf clovers, a bowl of cereal, the whole deal. That's not all, I also have River on my side and I've got to figure that any woman who comes back for more from someone like Spike Kane really has to be as Xtreme as the loads she routinely takes to the face from him. Every chain has its weak link, you Ana are Amber's, Avery is mine, my only solace is my chain is bigger this week and therefore its so much easier to make a noose around your neck.
Just like my mommy was better than your mommy. I loved my mommy more than you loved yours, a childish sentiment perhaps but what more do you expect from someone you dismiss so casually as a child? A liar. A jester. You have so many labels for me and I know why. It is because you do not understand me, and by extension you do not understand yourself. You want to label me because if you can label me as something, you start to understand. If you can label me as something entirely different to you, then in your mind, I am not the face of grief. I am not the echo of your loss. I am not the mirror you refuse to look into.
LOOK AT ME ANA!
LOOK AT ME!
I am the grief you have painted over, I am the sorrow you have concealed, you do not fear me. I do not ask for your fear, I ask for your embrace. I ask for your love, your compassion, your understanding, truly live up to your name Valentine, show me love even if it is only for one day of the year. But you won't will you? Not whilst you're so distracted by your little quest, not while you're so caught up in this little game. Nobody ever does. So since you're so eager to play Ana, so eager to prove that you belong among your superiors in the division, let's play. Let's play a game.
A game I call Ana Drowns In the Eternal Crystalline Rivers of McCullen, a.k.a. The lion leads the lambs to victory.
Come little lambs, be not afraid, you will not be lead to the slaughter today. Tomorrow, well, that's anybody's guess really...
HuhuhuhuhuhuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The laughter echoes even as the smoke gathers to claim the scene and now it sends chills down your spine, just as it always did.
Now I can appreciate that its not really something you think about on a daily basis - not like me. That's why they say I'm obsessed, and you are not. They say its unhealthy but my BMI is perfectly reasonable. You should know that there are far more unhealthy things in this world, you indulge in them every Friday or Saturday night, sometimes even when you come over to watch me on your television.
You tell yourself you deserve it. That Friday night pizza. That Saturday night curry. That Sunday night Chinese. That Monday night Sacrifice. Would you call yourself obsessed with take out just because you go through the same routine every weekend? You think it over while you're at work, you watch the clock and you tell yourself with every passing minute that you are one minute closer to your weekly reward. My doctors would have told you that that kind of behaviour was obsessive, compulsive. Unhealthy.
I don't, because I understand you, just as you understand me. You are not obsessed with takeaway anymore than I am obsessed with death. That Chicken Korma with Pilau Rice isn't the symptom of an unhealthy obsession, its a reward. It's a little pat on the back for making it through another week without completely breaking down under the stresses and strains of your daily grind.
Why shouldn't you congratulate yourself? You deserve it, and let's face it, if you don't reward yourself occasionally, nobody else is ever going to. Nobody cares about you as much as I do, you have nobody to come home to, but I'm always here and you know that and you are as grateful for that as I am grateful for you.
You are an audience to my woes, you never question or judge, you just listen and sometimes I make you laugh, sometimes I make you cry, and occasionally, very occasionally I freak you out, and that's why people will never understand our relationship. All they understand is their own hollow definitions of what a real relationship is, a relationship shared through social media updates, Facebook status sentiments, photos and Bitstrips.
Turning themselves into loved up digital cartoon strips is all the rage these days, and if that's what they want to do, why do they have to punish you and remind you of just how lonely you get sometimes when I'm not there? They have no consideration for you, not like I do. It's why I don't have a Twitter or a Facebook, nobody wants to hear my daily ramblings about every little thing I do, do they?
That's the difference between us and them baby, one person's obsession is simply another person's routine. We understand our routines where they see only obsessions.We have nobody else, only each other. Perhaps that's all we will ever need. In this life or the next. Will we still be together? I hope so. I want to believe that it really is true that we will all get our rewards in the next life for the trials and tribulations we endure in this life.
It is all I have left to hold on to in this life. This life sucks. Sometimes it feels like such a punishment, good job its finite, only seventy five years of this crap on average. This life isn't a life for me, but the next - that will be my reward. That will be my reunion with my Mommy and Daddy. In this life they call me crazy. In the next they will call me home.
We will go home together. We will meet my parents together. We will love. We will laugh. And we will do it all for an eternity...
Purple smoke gathers on your screen and you were used to it by now. Some weeks you welcomed the distraction more than you feared it, this was one of those weeks. You saw my reflection in a mirror as I finished painting myself up for you. White cheeks, ruby lips, black eye shadow, it was all an art. It was all a creativity you admired more than you feared. Some people saw only a clown when they looked at me, but you knew their mirror was cracked and the reflection was distorted.
It was not that simple. But then true beauty never is.
You see me turn towards you and my green eyes send a not entirely unpleasant shiver down your spine as they shimmer at you and my lips part into a wide grin that told you how important you really were to me.
I'm sorry Mister De Montford sir, I really am. I'm sorry but I've never been that good at your game, I've always found it kind of boring to be honest and I usually love games, but eh, yours kind of blows. Now if you want to play a different game, then I'm all for it. Hopscotch? Tic tac toe? Peanuts? The Knife Game? Thumb wars? Or how about my personal favourite - Kiss Chase? No, not with you sir, you're just too old and wrinkly for me...no offense, but ewww, just ewww!
I know your wife is dead and you have those cold lonely nights sometimes, we all do sir. Your son Bernie on the other hand, he's kind of cute and a proud soldier, I'm sure he could seduce me with tales of horror, blood and gore like a real romantic sweetheart should.
WHAT?
What do you mean Bernie doesn't want to play with me? Nobody ever does!
You see me shrug.
Oh well, his loss I guess. And since I'm being punished this week anyway, I figured what the hell? I'd make the first move, something tells me he likes strong women, and I'd take care of him for you. I'd be an awesome daughter-in-law, my mommy always said that some day some guy would be lucky to have me and if Bernie plays his cards right, it could be his luckiest day. What have I got to lose? I know what you're thinking, I'm only interested in him because he has your family money - and I won't lie, it helps. It helps me look past his rather large schnozz, guess it really is true - there really is no such thing as an ugly rich guy.
He can treat me like a Princess, he can buy me castles in the sky with unicorns and ponies with jet packs. What more could a girl want? But I ain't no gold digger. Grave digger certainly, but we've all got to have our hobbies, don't we? But I'm not a gold digger. Just ask Kanye West, he knows me, he ain't sayin' I'm a gold digger, but I ain't messin' with no broke Snickers, and its a good job too, I turn into a right Diva when I'm hungry. Like I said Mister Dee Dee!
GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!
Man that was an awesome cartoon. They sure don't make 'em like that anymore. Like I was saying Mister Dee Dee, I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but your game absolutely sucks! Simon says touch your nose.
You see me touch my nose.
Simon says pat your head...
You see me pat my head.
Simon says everybody sing...
You see me open my mouth to sing, but then decide against it.
Well I'm not playing anymore sir, I'm sorry, but I refuse! I just can't do it anymore! You can put me in all the "Corporate Punishment"...
You see me do the air quotes with my fingers.
...matches you want. You can team me up with all the newbies against two of the top women who will headline your Extinction Event, I am still on to your game! How is any of this fair? You cunning bastard, everybody thinks the numbers are on my side so they don't see this as a punishment for me. Instead they see it as punishment for Ana and Amber...and they call me insane! ME!
Why am I being teamed with jobbers? Why am I being teamed with the Irish? That's a handicap in itself, but then you add in River and Crystal. How is that fair? A woman called Avery has the cooch to ask me about my name? Really? Really? It's not my fault that you are a bird sanctuary. And that's exactly what you need this week Avery, sanctuary. We all know you are the weak link here as Amber has already beaten you.
If we lose this match, it will be because of you, Simon wants me to protect his newest investments, just like he wants to protect Princess Jessie. But I won't do it, and now here we are. Mister Dee Dee knows that this is my kingdom and I can rule this place with Bernie any time I want if I want so he's keeping me from my crown for as long as he can. So here I am, stuck in this crappy match as punishment, left to babysit the new recruits when I should be leading the army at one of the biggest Pay Per Views of the year.
No wonder Ana thinks I'm a sacrificial lamb. Where's Mary? That's right, you think you're so smart and so pretty don't you Ana? Daddy gave you the world on a string and now Simon is giving you the same, giving you things you don't deserve, certainly not ahead of me! You know I'm not crazy! I know I'm not crazy! We both miss our mommies, there is nothing wrong with that, is there? There is nothing crazy about grief...and that is why I forgive you. We are sisters bound by our sorrows, and that is why you cannot think straight. I have some trouble with that myself at times, I'm not afraid to admit. That is why you cannot decide if I'm the tap dancing monkey, the sacrificial lamb, the fool or the serpent. You've taken a sudden and dark turn down the road of life and it is a road I know all too well. You have declared destruction. You have declared death. You have declared dominion over the worthless Diamonds that stud this Division, all because you are stricken with grief over the death of your mommy. I get it. I lost my mommy too Ana. It is all very depressing actually. It depresses you. It depresses me. We really need to cheer up.
Hey! Do you know what I do to cheer myself up in situations like this. I sing....but NOT because Simon says! Let's sing Ana, let's sing together, I promise you you'll feel better, just like I do!
Mary had a little lamb
Her fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go...
Fear not little one, fear not the army of lions lead by the lamb, fear the army of lambs lead by the lion...and I am the LION Ana, make no mistake about it! I am the lion!
You see me gnash my teeth and raise my hands either side of my head, bending my fingers into claws.
RAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRR! Ana RAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR! Bitch!
HeeheeheeheeheeheeheheheeheeheeheeheeheeeheeeheeHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The look on your face right now, that look of confusion and disbelief, I've seen it many times and I will see it many times more. If I'm really lucky I'll see it again at Sacrifice, and who knows I do have the luck of the Irish on my side this week, I'm sure what she lacks in in ring ability, she more than makes up for in lucky charms. Dismembered rabbits feet, four leaf clovers, a bowl of cereal, the whole deal. That's not all, I also have River on my side and I've got to figure that any woman who comes back for more from someone like Spike Kane really has to be as Xtreme as the loads she routinely takes to the face from him. Every chain has its weak link, you Ana are Amber's, Avery is mine, my only solace is my chain is bigger this week and therefore its so much easier to make a noose around your neck.
Just like my mommy was better than your mommy. I loved my mommy more than you loved yours, a childish sentiment perhaps but what more do you expect from someone you dismiss so casually as a child? A liar. A jester. You have so many labels for me and I know why. It is because you do not understand me, and by extension you do not understand yourself. You want to label me because if you can label me as something, you start to understand. If you can label me as something entirely different to you, then in your mind, I am not the face of grief. I am not the echo of your loss. I am not the mirror you refuse to look into.
LOOK AT ME ANA!
LOOK AT ME!
I am the grief you have painted over, I am the sorrow you have concealed, you do not fear me. I do not ask for your fear, I ask for your embrace. I ask for your love, your compassion, your understanding, truly live up to your name Valentine, show me love even if it is only for one day of the year. But you won't will you? Not whilst you're so distracted by your little quest, not while you're so caught up in this little game. Nobody ever does. So since you're so eager to play Ana, so eager to prove that you belong among your superiors in the division, let's play. Let's play a game.
A game I call Ana Drowns In the Eternal Crystalline Rivers of McCullen, a.k.a. The lion leads the lambs to victory.
Come little lambs, be not afraid, you will not be lead to the slaughter today. Tomorrow, well, that's anybody's guess really...
HuhuhuhuhuhuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The laughter echoes even as the smoke gathers to claim the scene and now it sends chills down your spine, just as it always did.
Well howdy there pardner.