Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2014 19:43:55 GMT
The following is a transcript of the “I’m With Stupid Show” hosted by Stuart Pidmore. The views and opinions or Mr. Pidmore do not reflect on those of the Imperial Wrestling Federation or its staff. Listener/Reader discretion is advised. You’ve been warned.
[Cheesy porno music begins playing followed by moaning before the sound comes to an abrupt halt.]
Stu: Fuck! Stupid software I just wanted the music… Oh hey we’re live! I’d like to welcome everyone to the first edition, the Metamorphosis edition to be exact, of “I’m With Stupid”. I’m Stuart Pidmore but most people call me Stupid. This is the preshow where I run down the card, give my picks and just talk about random shit pertaining to IWF. I may add some more features in the future but this is just a spur of the moment thing that I threw together with some recording software I stole off The Pirate Bay. Let’s get started.
Stu: Hell yeah, it worked! Ok so we’re going to start with the preshow.
Pre-Show
Tag Team Match
Nero Blake and Tank Armod vs Hugs and Stitches
Stu’s Pick: We got Angel’s minions in Ragnarok taking on a couple of enhancement talent. Nero’s looking impressive and Tan continues to improve so I gotta go with Savior X’s lackeys.
Singles Match
Avery McCullen vs Jenny Williams
Stu’s Pick: I can’t believe I’m saying this so early on but this is my first upset pick as I’m going with the former Jenny Williams, Jennifer Famularo. It’s gonna happen just wait and see!
Triple Threat Match
Sephiroth du Lac vs Mac Bane vs Shozan Okata
Stu’s Pick: It’ll be close but Vampire’s scare the fuck out of me so I’m going out on a limb here and picking Mac Bane.
Voice Over: AND NOW FOR THE MAIN CARD!
Stu: I had planned on giving a very detailed breakdown of every match on the main card but I gotta admit I took some wicked bong hits right before the show started and there’s some Funions upstairs in the cabinet and I can hear them screaming for me to come eat them so I’ll just follow the same format for the PPV as I did for the preshow.
METAMORPHOSIS
Singles Match
Gib vs Todd Williams
Stu’s Pick: Gib is old as dirt but he’s funny as shit. I think he takes this one but expect Todd to put up a fight for sure.
IWF Ruby Championship
Triple Threat Match
Ana Valentine© vs Alexis Caffrey vs Desiree St James
Stu’s Pick: Possibly one of the closest matches on the whole show. It’s such a toss up, and none of these chicks would give a loser like me the time of day so I’m just gonna go with the champ to retain.
Extreme Rules Match
Jackhammer vs Eric Price
Stu’s Pick: I heard Price got a case of the trots and lost 20lbs in two days. Under normal circumstances I’d probably go with him but Jackhammer takes advantage of a shitty situation and picks up the win here.
IWF Heavy Weight Championship
Singles Match
Mason St Croix© vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Stu’s Pick: I said the Ruby Title match was going to be a close one, well this one is even closer. St. Croix has been out injured for a while and KLB has been tearing through everyone. I gotta go with my fellow geek to become the new Heavyweight Champion by the thinnest of margins.
IWF Cruiser Weight Championship
Singles Match
Bob Pooler© vs Gjenrei
Stu’s Pick: I like Bob, but Gjenrei always steps up come Pay Per View time and I think he becomes a two time CW Champ. I don’t think this one is over though and could see these guys trade the strap a few more times.
IWF Man of Steel Championship Match
Killian Creed© vs Mike Laszlo
Stu’s Pick: Laszlo has got the better of Creed inside the ring as of late but outside the ring I think Killian is in Mike’s head, plus Laszlo always chokes when a title is on the line. Creed retains and remains the MoS champion for a long ass time.
Singles Match
Roberto Verona vs Angel
Stu’s Pick: I’ve been marking out for Angel since before I had hair on my nuts, but I don’t think winning matters here and he’s got bigger plans. I see Verona picking up the win but suffering dearly for it.
WF Diamonds Championship
Amber Richards© vs Eternity
Stu’s Pick: I think crazy bitches are so hot but Eternity is a scary kind of crazy. She could pull off what would be an upset in my opinion but Amber Richards is the best female wrestler I’ve ever seen and she stays champ.
Main Event
IWF Imperial Championship
Dragon’s Den Match
Spike Kane© vs Davey Ortega
Stu’s Pick: I want Davey to win SOOOOOO bad but deep down I know he just isn’t going to. I hope I’m wrong but I think Spike continues to dominate for as long as he wants. Man I hate that guy!
[Stu let’s out an extremely loud fart.]
Stu: What? It was my chair, I swear! Fine don’t believe me. I’m gonna wrap things up with my top 5 picks for Star of the Show.
Stu’s Star of the Show Top 5
5. Spike Kane - Even though I’m picking the Imperial Champion to retain, there’s 4 people I see having a better night.
4. Gjenrei - Becoming a two time Cruiserweight Champion is no small accomplishment.
3. Kristoff Liam Bates – My pick to become new Heavyweight Champion continues to roll.
2. Angel - Yes, I picked him to lose his match but it’s about the bigger picture man.
1. IT’S A TIE! Killian Creed & Amber Richards – Yeah I know picking a tie for my first show is taking the easy way out but I’m high as fuck, leave me alone. I think Killian finally puts an end to his rivalry with Mike Laszlo in dominant fashion and if he loses I’ll shave off my eyebrows! Amber on the other hand will have a tougher fight on her hands but the Queen remains atop the Diamonds Division and #1 in my dirty dirty fantasies.
[The old Mortal Combat “Finish Him” sound clip plays.]
Stu: Well, that’s it for the preshow. I’ll be back for the postshow as soon as the PPV ends unless I got better shit to do but I’ll get around to it eventually. For now, thanks for listening and I’m about to go inhale that entire bag of Funions… and some cake, yeah cake. Goodnight!
Stu: Fuck! Stupid software I just wanted the music… Oh hey we’re live! I’d like to welcome everyone to the first edition, the Metamorphosis edition to be exact, of “I’m With Stupid”. I’m Stuart Pidmore but most people call me Stupid. This is the preshow where I run down the card, give my picks and just talk about random shit pertaining to IWF. I may add some more features in the future but this is just a spur of the moment thing that I threw together with some recording software I stole off The Pirate Bay. Let’s get started.
Stu: Hell yeah, it worked! Ok so we’re going to start with the preshow.
Pre-Show
Tag Team Match
Nero Blake and Tank Armod vs Hugs and Stitches
Stu’s Pick: We got Angel’s minions in Ragnarok taking on a couple of enhancement talent. Nero’s looking impressive and Tan continues to improve so I gotta go with Savior X’s lackeys.
Singles Match
Avery McCullen vs Jenny Williams
Stu’s Pick: I can’t believe I’m saying this so early on but this is my first upset pick as I’m going with the former Jenny Williams, Jennifer Famularo. It’s gonna happen just wait and see!
Triple Threat Match
Sephiroth du Lac vs Mac Bane vs Shozan Okata
Stu’s Pick: It’ll be close but Vampire’s scare the fuck out of me so I’m going out on a limb here and picking Mac Bane.
Voice Over: AND NOW FOR THE MAIN CARD!
Stu: I had planned on giving a very detailed breakdown of every match on the main card but I gotta admit I took some wicked bong hits right before the show started and there’s some Funions upstairs in the cabinet and I can hear them screaming for me to come eat them so I’ll just follow the same format for the PPV as I did for the preshow.
METAMORPHOSIS
Singles Match
Gib vs Todd Williams
Stu’s Pick: Gib is old as dirt but he’s funny as shit. I think he takes this one but expect Todd to put up a fight for sure.
IWF Ruby Championship
Triple Threat Match
Ana Valentine© vs Alexis Caffrey vs Desiree St James
Stu’s Pick: Possibly one of the closest matches on the whole show. It’s such a toss up, and none of these chicks would give a loser like me the time of day so I’m just gonna go with the champ to retain.
Extreme Rules Match
Jackhammer vs Eric Price
Stu’s Pick: I heard Price got a case of the trots and lost 20lbs in two days. Under normal circumstances I’d probably go with him but Jackhammer takes advantage of a shitty situation and picks up the win here.
IWF Heavy Weight Championship
Singles Match
Mason St Croix© vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Stu’s Pick: I said the Ruby Title match was going to be a close one, well this one is even closer. St. Croix has been out injured for a while and KLB has been tearing through everyone. I gotta go with my fellow geek to become the new Heavyweight Champion by the thinnest of margins.
IWF Cruiser Weight Championship
Singles Match
Bob Pooler© vs Gjenrei
Stu’s Pick: I like Bob, but Gjenrei always steps up come Pay Per View time and I think he becomes a two time CW Champ. I don’t think this one is over though and could see these guys trade the strap a few more times.
IWF Man of Steel Championship Match
Killian Creed© vs Mike Laszlo
Stu’s Pick: Laszlo has got the better of Creed inside the ring as of late but outside the ring I think Killian is in Mike’s head, plus Laszlo always chokes when a title is on the line. Creed retains and remains the MoS champion for a long ass time.
Singles Match
Roberto Verona vs Angel
Stu’s Pick: I’ve been marking out for Angel since before I had hair on my nuts, but I don’t think winning matters here and he’s got bigger plans. I see Verona picking up the win but suffering dearly for it.
WF Diamonds Championship
Amber Richards© vs Eternity
Stu’s Pick: I think crazy bitches are so hot but Eternity is a scary kind of crazy. She could pull off what would be an upset in my opinion but Amber Richards is the best female wrestler I’ve ever seen and she stays champ.
Main Event
IWF Imperial Championship
Dragon’s Den Match
Spike Kane© vs Davey Ortega
Stu’s Pick: I want Davey to win SOOOOOO bad but deep down I know he just isn’t going to. I hope I’m wrong but I think Spike continues to dominate for as long as he wants. Man I hate that guy!
[Stu let’s out an extremely loud fart.]
Stu: What? It was my chair, I swear! Fine don’t believe me. I’m gonna wrap things up with my top 5 picks for Star of the Show.
Stu’s Star of the Show Top 5
5. Spike Kane - Even though I’m picking the Imperial Champion to retain, there’s 4 people I see having a better night.
4. Gjenrei - Becoming a two time Cruiserweight Champion is no small accomplishment.
3. Kristoff Liam Bates – My pick to become new Heavyweight Champion continues to roll.
2. Angel - Yes, I picked him to lose his match but it’s about the bigger picture man.
1. IT’S A TIE! Killian Creed & Amber Richards – Yeah I know picking a tie for my first show is taking the easy way out but I’m high as fuck, leave me alone. I think Killian finally puts an end to his rivalry with Mike Laszlo in dominant fashion and if he loses I’ll shave off my eyebrows! Amber on the other hand will have a tougher fight on her hands but the Queen remains atop the Diamonds Division and #1 in my dirty dirty fantasies.
[The old Mortal Combat “Finish Him” sound clip plays.]
Stu: Well, that’s it for the preshow. I’ll be back for the postshow as soon as the PPV ends unless I got better shit to do but I’ll get around to it eventually. For now, thanks for listening and I’m about to go inhale that entire bag of Funions… and some cake, yeah cake. Goodnight!
Well howdy there pardner.